To a god, a wall is but a line on the page.
We are all naked, seen beyond seeing.
a.k.a "The Mad Perseid", 217 AFC
(Andromeda is docked at a Drift and is holding a reception for various
HUNT: And you explained it to them, politely?
BEKA: I even used one syllable words.
HUNT: Ah, condescension.
BEKA: That's four syllables.
HUNT: A mutual defence path among the charter signatories does make
sense, but you'll have to be a little patient with the Castalians. They
do have the right to a little paranoia.
BEKA: Yeah, yeah. Let one little president get assassinated and you
never hear the end of it.
(Harper approaches a young woman.)
HARPER: Is that a data port in your neck, or are you happy to see me?
SATRINA: Data ports, acoustic enhancer, self-contained memory. And
that's just for starters. Satrina Leander. Archivist for the FTA
HARPER: Enchanté. Harper. Seamus Harper. Super genius.
(He kisses her hand, several times.)
SATRINA: So modest.
HARPER: Yeah, well, nobody's perfect, but I see you've been working on
SATRINA: What I've been working on is getting an interview with one of
Captain Hunt's crew. Do you have time for a few questions?
ROMMIE: I have a question. Who are you and what are you doing here?
SATRINA: I told your friend. I'm an archivist, and the Commonwealth
Public Information Act guarantees me full access to all diplomatic
ROMMIE: Well, there are many things I miss about the Commonwealth. The
Public Information Act isn't one of them.
HARPER: Ladies, ladies, please don't fight. There's more than enough
Harper for everyone. And if we can work something out between the three
ROMMIE: Sometimes there's too much Harper for his own good.
(Rommie walks away.)
HARPER: Rommie, Rommie, wait. Suit yourself. My sister, she's a little
(Satrina has gone, too.)
HARPER: God hates me.
TRANCE: Don't take it personally.
HARPER: Yeah, yeah.
(He hands his champagne glass to Trance and leaves.)
HUNT: Go easy on that stuff, Trance. It is for the guests.
TRANCE: I was just
HUNT: I was just kidding. Enjoy yourself.
ANDROMEDA [OC]: Dylan, we're being hailed by a Nietzschean transport,
Sabra Jaguar Pride. It's requesting permission to dock.
HUNT: Great. Party crashers.
May I present Field Marshal Bolivar. Archduke
CHARLEMAGNE: Archduke of the Unified Sabra Jaguar Pride. Regent of the
twin moons of Avox and Ivox, Chancellor of Kingu. I have a few others
but we are among friends. Call me Charlemagne. And you would be Dylan,
ROMMIE: Captain Hunt.
HUNT: You'll have to forgive Andromeda, she's a stickler for protocol.
You see, you weren't on our guest list.
CHARLEMAGNE: My aide de camp's fault, no doubt. I'll make sure he's
properly shot. Still, I would hate to let a minor diplomatic faux pas
ruin this once in a lifetime opportunity.
HUNT: Which is?
CHARLEMAGNE: This Commonwealth of yours. Sign me up.
is scanning himself.)
HARPER: Hello, family. Little Magog eggs. Just the fourteen of us, nice
HARPER: Go away.
HARPER: Pants, pants, pants.
(He grabs his trousers and heads for the door.)
HARPER: Er, Satrina!
SATRINA: I was hoping we could start our interview.
HARPER: Er, now? Okay, what would you like to know?
SATRINA: Question one.
(She kisses him. A lot.)
HARPER: Er, I can't believe I'm doing this, but er, there's something
I've got to tell you. I'm infested with Magog larvae.
HARPER: Yeah, I'm taking medication to keep them dormant, but who knows
how long that'll last. For all I know
SATRINA: That's horrible. I bet you'd do anything to get rid of them.
SATRINA: I'm so glad you said that.
(Satrina pushes her hand into Harper's chest and pulls out -)
SATRINA: That's one.
(A maggot. She squishes it.)
SATRINA: Let's keep this simple.
HARPER: How did you do that?
(She pushes him onto the bed and straddles him.)
SATRINA: You once had possession of a special library collection from
the All Systems University. Give it to me, and I'll take all the eggs
out of you.
HARPER: You wouldn't happen to know a big bounty hunter guy named
Jeger? Works for this red, glowing eyed, shadowy dude. You know, enemy
of life as we know it.
SATRINA: Shush. My interview. Remember? I ask the questions. Now, do
you want the eggs out or not?
HARPER: You'd better go.
SATRINA: Just like that you're telling me to leave and let those Magog
babies claw out of your belly? Cutting you, eating their way free.
HARPER: Okay, okay, okay. Spare me the visuals. Let me guess, if I
don't do an errand for old red eyes, it's die a slow agonising death
for me, right? You know, for someone so hot, you're a real charmer.
SATRINA: I'm offering you a happy ending, Seamus. I'd take it if I were
(A last kiss and Satrina leaves.)
Looking for someone?
HARPER: Yeah. Yeah I'm er, conducting an informal survey. Any progress
on getting these Magog eggs out of my gut yet?
ROMMIE: I'm sorry, Harper. Trance and I are working on it, but we still
don't have a safe procedure.
HARPER: Yeah, but, I mean, Trance did it to Tyr, right? So, it's not
ROMMIE: That was an extremely fortunate circumstance made possible only
Nietzschean physiology. Rev Bem did call it a miracle.
HARPER: So I'm on my own, right? Right. Just like I figured.
ROMMIE: Harper, where are you going?
HARPER: To explore my options.
You want to access the All Systems University database? Don't you
remember what happened the last time you had that thing?
HARPER: Trance, give me some credit, I'm not going to stick it my brain
again. I just
want to take a little peek at it.
TRANCE: So why do you need my help?
HARPER: Because I can't remember where I put it. I must have made
myself forget somehow, or maybe I hit my head. And you can find
anything when you put your mind to it.
TRANCE: I'm sorry, Harper. I can't.
HARPER: Can't, or won't?
TRANCE: Why don't we review the facts here. A Perseid comes to
Andromeda, downloads a library including information about the evil
mastermind behind the Magog into Harper's brain. Scary bounty hunter
Jeger phases through walls, fires point singularity bombs and injects a
laser probe into Harper's skull. Harper narrowly escapes with his life.
The end. Not a very nice story.
HARPER: I'm still a little murky with the whole can't versus won't
TRANCE: Well, take your pick. Whichever one you like. It still doesn't
explain why you want to take a peek at this library?
HARPER: It's a, er, going away present for someone I'd really like to
TRANCE: Harper, I really don't know what you're up to, but someone has
tried to kill you for this once before. What makes you think they won't
try it again?
HARPER: Oh, don't worry your pretty purple head. I've got everything
under control. Thanks for your help.
All right, think. Think. Where would you have put it? Well, someplace
secure, where no one else would find it, especially not glowing eyes
Magog god and his incredible wall walking henchmen. Wait a minute.
I must admit, Captain, this latest manoeuvre of yours is quite clever.
Interim mutual defence pact, in lieu of an actual Commonwealth. My wife
told me you think like a Nietzschean.
HUNT: Well, Elssbett flatters me. And so do you.
CHARLEMAGNE: In that case I'll skip the usual diplomatic niceties and
get to the point. There are at least three good reasons why you
shouldn't let the Sabra-Jaguar pride join your new Commonwealth. We are
renowned for our treachery, we are at war with the Drago-Kazov Pride,
and we will constantly remind you of your genetic inferiority. Now,
here's the up side. We are renowned for our treachery, we are at war
with the Drago-Kazov Pride, and did I mention we command the third
largest fleet in the known worlds?
HUNT: That is a very persuasive offer. I'm surprised Elssbett didn't
make it herself.
CHARLEMAGNE: She's pregnant with our first child. And before you start
feeling paternal, I checked. It's mine. Well, I'm off to take a
massage. Let me know what you think. I'm in no hurry.
(Charlemagne goes into guest quarters.)
ROMMIE: I checked, it's mine?
Man, how hard can it be to find one little
HUNT [OC]: In case of emergency, the ship can be piloted from the
Emergency? You mean in the event that the Command deck crew is reduced
to a fine red mist and splattered across the walls in a bloody mural.
HUNT: That would qualify, yes.
HOHNE: Fascinating. And do such emergencies happen with a degree of
frequency, or are they a rare occurrence?
HUNT: Not as rare as I would like. Hello, Mister Harper. Anything I
need to know?
HARPER: Not a thing. You're the Captain. All seeing, all knowing. It's
(Harper scrambles up a ladder.)
CHARLEMAGNE: Excitable little fellow, isn't he?
HUNT: Yes, he is. And we are walking. We will be touring the slipstream
comes back down.)
HUNT [OC]: So any of you whose physiologies might have problems with
anti-proton production might want to drop out now.
HOHNE: Mister Harper?
HARPER: It's fricking Grand Central Space Station around here. Chief
Technical Advisor Hohne, fancy meeting you here.
HOHNE: I'm so happy to catch you alone. I just wanted to convey the
Sinti governments gratitude for your help with the singularity
experiments last year.
HARPER: Yeah, er, thanks for the thumbs up but if you don't mind? I'm
kind of in a hurry.
HOHNE: Of course. I've been led to understand you've engaged in many
other fascinating scientific endeavours. Perhaps if you could provide
us with records of your activities?
HARPER: Records? Records. Of course. Hohne, from one genius to another,
you're fricking brilliant.
(Harper runs off along the corridor.)
HOHNE: Well, yes. But I still wanted to. Er, perhaps later.
plugs himself into Andromeda's VR.)
HARPER: All right, and away we go.
All right. Let's take a look at any records made by Seamus Zelazny
Harper, recorded between 9 13 and 9 15 CY10087.
HARPER 2: Hey, Harper, how you doing If you're watching this
prerecorded prerecorded prerecorded. I'm just kidding. Devastatingly
handsome holographic message, it' a good bet that you're looking for
the All Systems University Library. Now, if I know me and I know me
pretty well, not a bad guy actually, it probably involves some quest
for wealth, power and babes.
HARPER: Try curing a Magog infestation. And only one babe.
HARPER 2: But, while I salute my ingenuity and admire my determination,
the bottom line is, I don't trust me any farther than I can throw me.
So, adios a monos.
is thrown out of the VR. He removes the sizzling jack.)
HARPER: Ow, that hurts. I've got to get this thing spark proof.
HARPER 2 [on monitor]: And stay out.
HARPER: Now I know why people hate me.
(Satrina walks through the wall and watches him.)
I can't thank you enough for your tour. I tried to get your AI to give
me one but she was uncooperative.
HUNT: It's part of her job to be suspicious of people that ask
questions about our business.
HUNT: Really? You know, I hadn't noticed.
SATRINA: Can I offer you something to drink?
HUNT: Er, I thought I was the one playing host here.
SATRINA: Nothing like turning the tables on a handsome man, I always
HUNT: Who are you? And what are you doing on my ship?
SATRINA: Your AI asked me the same thing.
HUNT: Well, we think alike.
SATRINA: I suppose I'd better tell you the truth.
HUNT: Truth is good.
SATRINA: The truth is, I've really just been looking for an excuse to
get the Andromeda's captain in compromising position. How's this one?
(Satrina kisses Hunt more gently than she ate Harper's face.)
HUNT: It's one of my top five compromising positions. You know,
unfortunately I think it's time that we conclude our little tour. Now,
I probably should have my head examined for leaving, but I am going to
go, and you can just enjoy the rest of your stay.
(Hunt leaves. Satrina shimmers out of existence and reappears -)
Mister Anasazi. I'm so glad I finally got a chance to talk to you in
private. I'm a
SATRINA: An archivist for the FTA.
TYR: I don't give interviews.
SATRINA: Not even to prospective employers?
TYR: The Free Trade Alliance wishes to hire my services?
SATRINA: Assuming you're still on the market.
TYR: I don't discuss professional matters with underlings. If your
employers wish to enquire after me, they may come here themselves, hmm?
Until such time, you'll be so kind as to leave my watch station.
SATRINA: Your loss.
TYR: I'm sure.
So, Mister Anasazi wants a formal offer. I can arrange that.
she addresses four figures.)
SATRINA: It's nearly time. Our ships generators are operating at full
capacity. They can feed you all the power you'll need. More than
enough, actually. These are your targets.
(She shows them images of Hunt, Charlemagne and Hohne.)
SATRINA: Watch them, study them, and when the time comes? Kill them.
running around the ship.)
CHARLEMAGNE: That looks exhausting. I need to rest just from watching
TYR: Charlemagne Bolivar, I presume.
CHARLEMAGNE: Kodiak Pride. Did it ever occur to your people that you
may have taken this whole physical perfection thing a bit too
seriously? Granted, the Kodiaks were strong, healthy, attractive and
such imaginative hairstyles. But in the end, what good did it to you?
TYR: Well, since Pride Jaguar refused to stand with us against the
CHARLEMAGNE: Exactly. Instead of breeding for such obvious attributes,
your people should have concentrated on more important things.
Treachery, cunning, proper table manners.
TYR: What would you like, Jaguar?
CHARLEMAGNE: The usual. Hundreds of grandchildren, utter domination of
known space, and the pleasure of hearing that all my enemies have died
in terrible, highly improbable accidents that cannot be connected to
me. And you?
TYR: The usual.
CHARLEMAGNE: I have several sisters, you know. I'm sure at least one of
them might measure up to Kodiak standards.
TYR: And in exchange for your generous invitation into your family?
CHARLEMAGNE: Love, gratitude, and the warm feeling that comes with
making a new friend.
TYR: I'll bear your offer in mind. Good day.
CHARLEMAGNE: You know, I recently heard the most interesting rumour.
The body of Drago Museveni had disappeared from Enga's Redoubt, and the
Drago-Kazov have replaced it with a fake. Had you heard anything about
TYR: I don't follow gossip.
CHARLEMAGNE: Probably disinformation. Still, it was so unfair how they
stole those bones from the Kodiak in the first place. I'm sure they'll
get their just rewards in the end. We all do.
Harper, what are you doing?
HARPER: Er, nothing. Just working.
TRANCE: It looks like you're trying to find the Library.
HARPER: And what if I am, Trance?
TRANCE: I told you, it's not a good idea.
HARPER: Trance, do me a favour, will you? Either tell me why it's such
a bad idea, help me in such a way that will satisfy your mysterious
heebie jeebie agenda, or butt out. Take your pick. Anything? That's
what I thought.
(Trance leaves. Harper jacks in to the VR again.)
2: Harper! Back so soon.
HARPER: All right, I know you're an interactive programme, so why don't
you give me a little hint.
HARPER 2: Ah, you're probably trying to get me to give you a hint.
Sorry, no can do. To quote someone we both know and love so much, the
Library is closed. It's too dangerous. Er, muy peligroso. That's why I
erased all records of it and substituted this handy dandy VR simulacrum
of moi. The thing is, if I really, really, really need that
information, I have the utmost confidence in my ability to find it
anyway. I work well under pressure.
HARPER: Bite me, me.
HARPER 2: One more thing. Do not, under any circumstances, tell Trance
what you are planning. Er, she's probably not too interested in er,
anyone seeing that data again.
HARPER: Now I tell me.
is at a monitor when someone enters behind him. He pulls a weapon.)
HOHNE: Oh dear. Please don't shoot me.
HOHNE: I see that you've reverse rifled your weapon. Does it give you
better muzzle velocity?
HARPER: Tell you what, I'll give you a demonstration, if you don't tell
me what you're doing on this ship.
HOHNE: Ah, right. Imagine party A once misplaced item B in location C.
Now, strictly speaking, location C is in motion, so we should grav it
as a line in a three dimensional array.
HARPER: Imagine bullet D leaving weapon E, and entering the brain
through the chin of Perseid F.
HARPER: Uh huh, G, for goodbye.
HOHNE: Let me be direct. Do you recognise this symbol?
(Hohne shows Harper a logo on his inner wrist.)
HARPER: You're a Librarian?
HOHNE: Please, not so loud. For three centuries, the All Systems
University Special Collections Division has existed in secret, working
throughout the known worlds to preserve knowledge, all in preparation
for the Commonwealth's restoration.
HARPER: A secret Librarian.
HOHNE: Several months ago, one of our agents discovered a quite
exciting, or some would say incendiary, data archive during an
archaeological dig. As soon as he contacted me I instructed him to
bring it to the nearest safe place. Which just happened to be your
ship. He gave you the Archive, yes?
HARPER: What if he did?
HOHNE: It would be quite dangerous to whomever possessed it. I, on the
other hand, would gladly take it back to Sinti for safe keeping.
HARPER: Oh, you would, would you?
HOHNE: I don't need an answer now. I'll check with you later.
you're saying the Castalians won't budge at all on this?
BEKA: I could say that talks with the fish people are floundering, but
that would be wrong.
ROMMIE: On the other hand, Scheherazade and Winnipeg Drifts are
salivating over the new markets an alliance with Sabra-Jaguar would
BEKA: So what do we do?
HUNT: Well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be pacing through the corridors.
You know, I'm beginning to think your heart isn't in this.
HARPER: Technically, my heart is in my chest, and I'd like to keep it
that way, thank you very much.
SATRINA: You decided to take me up on my offer. My employer will be
thrilled. I told him he should have sent me the first time.
HARPER: So, you and Jeger do work for the same team.
SATRINA: There are several teams. You could say Jeger's group is the
HARPER: Uh, which makes you the
SATRINA: The carrot.
SATRINA: Trot faster, little horsey.
HARPER: Phew. Okay, back to work, Harper. All right, Satrina. What is
your little secret?
(He plugs the data he just gathered into a console.)
HARPER: Transmitter. Power receiver. Field generator. Man, she's got
nice toys. But how do they work?
Phase density shifting? Why do you want to know about that?
HARPER: It's just for a, ahem, project I'm working on with Hohne and
the other chinhead, Perseids. You remember that bounty hunter Jeger
guy? We're trying to figure out how he walked through walls.
ROMMIE: Well, I suppose he could have altered his density. No, his
molecules would have lost cohesion. More likely he employed tesseracts.
ROMMIE: Mmm hmm.
HARPER: Right. Refresh my memory, oh benevolent mistress of knowledge.
ROMMIE: Tesseract. An area of space warped across multiple dimensions.
A person who could create and navigate tesseracts would be like a three
dimensional being interacting with the second dimension. Now they'd
still have to worry about gravity, but they could move through solid
matter, transit vast distances, even turn space inside out. The power
requirements would be staggering but the poss
HARPER: All right, all right, tesseracts. Thanks for loaning me your
quantum gigachips. Er, ambassador? Have fun diplomacising.
ROMMIE: Oh joy.
But how to record a signature is
TRANCE: Harper, you're still looking for that you know what, aren't
you, even after I told you not to.
HARPER: Trance, you want to be my friend? Stay out of my business and
I'll stay out of yours.
TRANCE: Fine. But you're making a big mistake.
(Trance walks away, and he notices the tattoo on her left shoulder. It
HARPER: A sun. I hid it in a sun? How the hell did I do that?
flies Beka's ship out of the Andromeda.)
HARPER: Anyway, I'll be back before you miss me. Of course, who knows
how long that would be? Besides, I got to rustle up a load of parts and
with me gone, there's a much lower risk of a major diplomatic incident.
Harper out. Transmit message.
TRANCE: Harper, what are you doing?
HARPER: If people don't stop creeping up on me. I'm turning around and
bringing you back to the Andromeda.
TRANCE: Oh, that's a great idea, because then I can talk to Dylan about
all the strange things I've been seeing you do.
HARPER: I told myself to watch out for you. I wish I'd listened.
TRANCE: You know, since we've got a little bit of time here, we might
as well find a good way to spend it. I know. I've got this really great
game. It's called Harper tells Trance everything so she can save his
miserable life. Would you like to play?
HARPER: I hate you.
TRANCE: You're just saying that.
I've been having difficulty tracking Satrina's movements. I can follow
her for a little while then she just drops off the radar. Shall I ask
her to leave?
HUNT: Er, no, not yet. Just keep her under observation as best you can.
What's happening on the Harper Trance front?
ROMMIE: Still not back from their little excursion, though they're
to something. Harper's tinkering is on overtime, and he asked me some
odd questions about walking through walls. That can't be coincidence.
HUNT: Rev keeps asking me when I'm going to start signing on extra
crew. It's hard enough keeping track of the people we've already got,
and they're not nearly as tricky as our potential allies.
ROMMIE: Charlemagne Bolivar?
HUNT: Suddenly I'm reminded of my ancient history classes at the
academy. The Second World War, Earth, Churchill's alliance with Stalin?
ROMMIE: Even though Stalin had butchered millions of his own people,
the British allied themselves with him to defeat a greater threat.
HUNT: Yeah. But the really unfortunate thing is, it worked.
You got to admit, encoding the data in the standing wave of a sun was
freaking brilliant of me. A stroke of genius, one might say.
TRANCE: You may not remember, but there was a reason why you hid it
there in the first place. To keep it from people like this Satrina.
HARPER: Trance, you don't really think I'm going to give her what she
wants, do you? Come on. Mamma Harper's baby boy does not roll over for
anybody. Well, maybe I would roll over for her, but I'm not going to
give her what she wants.
TRANCE: She is not going to extract those Magog eggs out of the
kindness of her own heart.
HARPER: Please, please. Magog eggs. Heart. Don't say those two words in
the same sentence. So, anyway, along with the Library, I'm going to
give Satrina the gift that keeps on giving. A Trojan Horse. A computer
virus. It'll record the files that she's accessing and beam that back
to me so we can find out what she's really looking for. That is, just
before it opens up and unloads little soldier programmes that'll erase
all the data and crash her entire system completely.
TRANCE: Won't that make her really angry?
HARPER: I freaking hope so. She is hot when she's mad.
eating fruit when Charlemagne enters from the bedroom.)
CHARLEMAGNE: Help yourself to anything you like.
BEKA: I never thought I'd say this but I like your style, Charlemagne
CHARLEMAGNE: Oh good. We have that in common.
BEKA: You know what I like most about you? How you waltzed into these
negotiations knowing that your hand was so strong you could just play
all of your cards face up. CHARLEMAGNE: I find it avoids
misunderstanding. I show you mine, you show me yours.
BEKA: That's a good strategy, but you're forgetting one thing. Not
everyone on this ship is as good natured as Dylan. If you were to
double cross us, Dylan might not take it personally, but others would.
And that could be very bad for you. Very bad.
CHARLEMAGNE: Beka Valentine, I like your style.
BEKA: Good. We have that in common.
maggot extraction has taken place.)
SATRINA: They're cute when they're little.
HARPER: Wait a minute, that's only six of them.
SATRINA: You can count. I like that in a man. Now, the data.
HARPER: Aren't you going to take out the last six?
SATRINA: Data first.
HARPER: That wasn't our deal.
SATRINA: No. It wasn't.
(Harper hands over a data disc, which she puts down her cleavage.)
HARPER: Now take out the rest of them.
SATRINA: Sorry, I have to go. Maybe another time.
HARPER: I knew you would stab me in the back.
SATRINA: No, Harper, I pretty much stabbed you right in the front.
(Satrina blows a kiss as she vanishes.)
HARPER: Come back here! Or not. Yes! Seven down, only six more to go.
Hook, line and sinker, baby.
cloaked ship shimmers into view.)
SATRINA: Hook, line and sinker.
is watching a file on Magog.)
TRANCE: Massacre recordings? Data from the Library. You did it. You
really did it. You gave her the Library.
HARPER: Relax, Trance. My Trojan Horse, codename Seabiscuit, is on the
job. The data's being sent back to us on a closed loop. Nobody but us
can see it. Meanwhile, the full archive is right here, quantum
encrypted. Nice, huh?
TRANCE: Harper? How much do you remember from the last time that stuff
was in your brain?
HARPER: This isn't about Satrina, is it? You want to know if there are
things in that Library about mysterious purple babes with pointy tails?
TRANCE: I don't have a tail.
HARPER: Not anymore.
TRANCE: Harper, please. If there is anything in that Library about me,
I have to know it.
HARPER: I'll tell you what I remember. I remember this temple with gold
etchings, statues, silk wall hangings, even. And all of this on a
backwater world that I don't think even exists anymore. Or, maybe the
world does exist, but I don't think the civilization exists anymore.
Anyway, the point is, there were all these people worshipping a naked
purple goddess, and you might say they were a little entranced.
TRANCE: That could mean anything. Maybe they like purple. Or, maybe,
your memory is even hazier than you thought.
HARPER: Yeah, but that doesn't explain why you reacted the way you did
when I sang one of their hymns. Remember this little ditty?
TRANCE: Shush. Harper, you are my best friend. And because you are my
friend I really need you to listen to me. Do not look at the Archive.
HARPER: You know Trance, I liked it better when I thought you were
TRANCE: Yeah. Me too.
HARPER: Oh crap. Seabiscuit has just turned into horsemeat. Trance, can
(Trance is not there.)
HARPER: Man, that is so irritating.
(The semi-translucent swarmship is clamped onto Andromeda without her
HARPER: Three, two, one. Hello, Satrina, or should I say Succubus Babe.
You want a beer?
SATRINA: You lied to me. The Archive erased itself.
HARPER: Well, you know not only am I the President of the Liars Club
for Men, I'm also a member. But you would know that, because you're the
Chair of the Ladies Auxiliary. And I use the term lady loosely.
SATRINA: Go ahead, joke. But it's not going to be fun for very long.
HARPER: Oh, and a tummy infested with Magog is so much fun. Now listen
to me. You're are
going to take out those flesh eating monsters out of my gut, and then
I'll give you a clean copy of the archive. And if you don't like it,
you can stick it up your data port.
SATRINA: If it were up to me I would have taken those out of you a long
time ago. The truth is, this was all a test. My employer's taken an
interest in you.
HARPER: Your employer? Mister Tall Dark and Scary, the living lava
SATRINA: He was impressed with how you handled the Library the first
time, and he's even more impressed with how you managed to get it back
and protect yourself from me. He wants you to meet him, personally.
HARPER: Oh yeah? Well, do I want to meet him?
SATRINA: If you do, all the larvae will be removed like they were a bad
dream. Take the offer, Harper. Think about it if you have to, but don't
think too long.
(She tries to vanish, but cannot. It hurts.)
SATRINA: What's happening to me?
HARPER: You know, it is amazing the stuff you find in libraries these
days. Theoretical papers on dimensional rotation, phase shifting, a
truly fantastic beer recipe. You see, you may think you can just pop in
and out of here like the Cheshire Cat, but I don't think you understand
the gravity of my situation. In fact, you don't understand the gravity
of your situation. You see, I wondered what would happen if I set up an
interference pattern in the gravity generators, underneath your feet?
Looks painful. Tell you what, why don't you let Doctor Harper make it
(Harper removes the device from her dataport. Satrina collapses.)
HARPER: Portable tesseract generator. One size fits all.
Okay, here goes.
(He plugs the generator into his own dataport.)
HARPER: Right. So far so good. Okay, my little Magog buddies, all good
things must come to an end, and unfortunately for the bad things it's
pretty much the same deal.
(He tries to put his hand inside himself, but he can't.)
HARPER: Son of a bitch!
(His hand goes through a railing.)
HARPER: Okay, don't panic. The tesseracter works. I just need a little
practice, that's all.
is strapped to a bed. She breaks her bonds easily.)
SATRINA: Idiot. You should have taken the deal. This is Satrina. It's
time. Knock them off balance. Then, find your targets.
(One of the assassins opens fire in the Observation deck. The others
are in different parts of the ship.)
[OC]: Intruder alert.
(Tyr fires at one of them, who gets away.)
ANDROMEDA [OC]: Intruder alert. Code Red. Intruder alert.
(Another intruder kills a diplomat. A short time later, Hunt arrives.)
ROMMIE: Ambassador Tazik.
HUNT: Rommie, report.
ROMMIE: Dylan, his heart is missing. As if whoever killed him took it
for a trophy.
HUNT: Or to send us a message. What are we up against?
ROMMIE: Four intruders. I opened fire but my effectors passed straight
through their bodies then they disappeared.
HUNT: It's Jeger all over again. Rommie, warn the delegates. Beka,
let's locate our uninvited guests. Make them disappear for good.
must tell you how impressed I am with the manner in which you shifted
all of the particles of your body through the fourth dimension and
passed through that bulkhead. A most intriguing application of Alice
string rotation. Though even I have to admit my scepticism that anyone
would ever be able to reproduce the effect on such a small scale with
such a fine degree of control.
(The assassin draws a long sword and starts twirling it. Charlemagne
shoots at him.)
CHARLEMAGNE: A sword. A trifle passé, don't you think.
(His blasts pass into the assassin's body, which then closes up.)
CHARLEMAGNE: Nice trick, although I can't imagine you can keep that up
forever. Of course, neither can I. Sooner or later one of us is going
to run out of power. Let's see who's first.
Seamus. Back already?
HARPER: I see you made yourself comfortable.
SATRINA: Hmm, let me guess. You tried to get the eggs out yourself and
couldn't. It won't work, Harper. You have to shift your whole body, not
just part of it. Besides, you've got more immediate problems.
HARPER: Such as?
SATRINA: Such as your friends being under attack by an army of beings
who can phase through solid matter.
HARPER: Your, er, four technicolour yahoo's with the bad attitude?
SATRINA: You've seen them.
HARPER: Yeah, I've seen them, but they haven't seen me. And they're not
going to. I may not have figured out how to take the eggs out, yet, but
I have thought of all kinds of interesting things I can do with this
rig. I'll give you a demonstration. Er, I'll kick your four pals off
the ship. No, no. Even better, I'll kick them out of the universe.
SATRINA: Feels good, doesn't it, knowing you can make a difference.
That you can set things right. Don't you see, Harper? That's what we
do. We set things right.
(While she kisses Harper, he can hear vague voices.)
SATRINA: Come with me. I'll call off the four, and you'll have
everything you want. Health, power, even love.
HARPER: What is that sound?
SATRINA: You can hear him, can't you, whispering in the darkness. He's
speaking to you. And all you have to do is answer him.
HARPER: I can hear him. It's like music. I have to go.
(Harper tesseracts while Hunt goes hand to hand in the Observation
It's so beautiful.
(He sees images of the fighting, and of the Enigma.)
HARPER: All that power. The power to change things. The power to set
things right. The power to kill. No. No. No, I won't let you. I won't
let you do this to me! Because I have the power! The power to kill your
power! I can do that. I can. I can. I can find the ship. I can kill the
Your ship, the one beaming power to your toys, it's attached to the
Andromeda, isn't it. Shifted so we can't detect it.
SATRINA: You're the one eyed man in the land of the blind. You tell me.
HARPER: All right, come on. I got a feeling your ship's going to insist
I be chaperoned.
SATRINA: What? You can't take me with you. That's impossible.
HARPER: Let's see.
Your weapon is empty.
CHARLEMAGNE: Damn. You win. Well, time to collect your prize.
(Charlemagne hits the assassin, who falls back onto Tyr's knife. He
pulls out the tesseractor.)
CHARLEMAGNE: Your timing is improbable.
TYR: You're welcome.
(A second assassin appears, ululating. The shooting recommences.)
You really tricked this baby out, huh? Well, guess what. I got a few
tricks of my own, and you're not
going to like them.
SATRINA: Harper it's not too late. Give him what he wants or run. You
can't fight him.
HARPER: Huh? And I thought we shared this connection, this unspoken
SATRINA: Harper, listen to me.
HARPER: Forget it. I'm done listening to you. Did you really think I'd
play your stupid little games, huh? Tempt me, scare me, kiss me, snare
me? Give me a few convenient targets to try a little god-like power on
and boom! All of a sudden I'm Seamus Harper, foot soldier of the
Apocalypse. Well, not me, honey. I'm nobody's pawn. I don't even like
HARPER: That would be Trojan Horse two point oh, the son of Seabiscuit,
setting your power supply to overload. You'd better hang on. The
feedback's going to be a bitch.
(They tesseract back to the machine shop. Harper pulls out the
tesseracter, the swarmship detaches and goes KaBOOM!)
assassins have energy running over their bodies.)
TRANCE: Something's disrupting them. They can't phase in or out!
(Hunt kills them.)
It figures. I finally meet a girl who says she wants me, and she's a
dimension shifting hell spawn from the outer darkness.
SATRINA: It's not your biggest problem really, but, you made your
HARPER: Yeah, I guess I did. The question is, what do I do with you?
SATRINA: That's an excellent question.
(Satrina tesseracts away with a little wave.)
HARPER: No, wait. You can't. I took. She's gone.
dead assassins vanish.)
HUNT: I thought you said they can't phase in or out?
TRANCE: They cheated.
gives Trance a data disc.)
HARPER: For you.
TRANCE: The Library?
HARPER: Keep it, destroy it, give it to Hohne for all I care. Just get
it away from me.
TRANCE: You okay?
HARPER: I was tempted, Trance. I was tempted by Satrina. She offered to
introduce me to old red eyes. They gave me power. He was going to take
out my larvae. I wanted it so bad, I was willing to do anything. Almost
anything. I almost even betrayed you guys, my friends.
TRANCE: But you didn't, though. In the end you stayed loyal.
HARPER: Yeah, but not by much. I've been waiting for someone to come
along and solve my problems. Rommie, Rev, Satrina, you. It's time I
started helping myself. One way or another, I am going to figure out
how to get these eggs out.
TRANCE: Sounds complicated. When do we start?
Bolivar signs the Commonwealth Charter.)
CHARLEMAGNE: That's a lovely death warrant. For both of us.
HUNT: Maybe. But it might be our only life preserver in a sea of
troubles. The Magog, the Drago-Kazov, and whoever the hell just tried
to kill us.
CHARLEMAGNE: And so we take arms against them, is that it? And by
HUNT: We end them.
CHARLEMAGNE: And after we're done, then what? Complete dominion of the
HUNT: Well, then. then we'll talk.