Into The Labyrinth

Original Airdate: 26 Nov, 2001

To a god, a wall is but a line on the page.
We are all naked, seen beyond seeing.

Wayfinder Hasturi
a.k.a "The Mad Perseid", 217 AFC

[Observation deck]

(Andromeda is docked at a Drift and is holding a reception for various dignitaries.)
HUNT: And you explained it to them, politely?
BEKA: I even used one syllable words.
HUNT: Ah, condescension.
BEKA: That's four syllables.
HUNT: A mutual defence path among the charter signatories does make sense, but you'll have to be a little patient with the Castalians. They do have the right to a little paranoia.
BEKA: Yeah, yeah. Let one little president get assassinated and you never hear the end of it.
(Harper approaches a young woman.)
HARPER: Is that a data port in your neck, or are you happy to see me?
SATRINA: Data ports, acoustic enhancer, self-contained memory. And that's just for starters. Satrina Leander. Archivist for the FTA Information Directory.
HARPER: EnchantÚ. Harper. Seamus Harper. Super genius.
(He kisses her hand, several times.)
SATRINA: So modest.
HARPER: Yeah, well, nobody's perfect, but I see you've been working on it.
SATRINA: What I've been working on is getting an interview with one of Captain Hunt's crew. Do you have time for a few questions?
ROMMIE: I have a question. Who are you and what are you doing here?
SATRINA: I told your friend. I'm an archivist, and the Commonwealth Public Information Act guarantees me full access to all diplomatic events.
ROMMIE: Well, there are many things I miss about the Commonwealth. The Public Information Act isn't one of them.
HARPER: Ladies, ladies, please don't fight. There's more than enough Harper for everyone. And if we can work something out between the three of us.
ROMMIE: Sometimes there's too much Harper for his own good.
(Rommie walks away.)
HARPER: Rommie, Rommie, wait. Suit yourself. My sister, she's a little er
(Satrina has gone, too.)
HARPER: God hates me.
TRANCE: Don't take it personally.
HARPER: Yeah, yeah.
(He hands his champagne glass to Trance and leaves.)
HUNT: Go easy on that stuff, Trance. It is for the guests.
TRANCE: I was just
HUNT: I was just kidding. Enjoy yourself.
ANDROMEDA [OC]: Dylan, we're being hailed by a Nietzschean transport, Sabra Jaguar Pride. It's requesting permission to dock.
HUNT: Great. Party crashers.

[Corridor]

ROMMIE: May I present Field Marshal Bolivar. Archduke
CHARLEMAGNE: Archduke of the Unified Sabra Jaguar Pride. Regent of the twin moons of Avox and Ivox, Chancellor of Kingu. I have a few others but we are among friends. Call me Charlemagne. And you would be Dylan, yes?
ROMMIE: Captain Hunt.
HUNT: You'll have to forgive Andromeda, she's a stickler for protocol. You see, you weren't on our guest list.
CHARLEMAGNE: My aide de camp's fault, no doubt. I'll make sure he's properly shot. Still, I would hate to let a minor diplomatic faux pas ruin this once in a lifetime opportunity.
HUNT: Which is?
CHARLEMAGNE: This Commonwealth of yours. Sign me up.

[Harper's quarters]

(Harper is scanning himself.)
HARPER: Hello, family. Little Magog eggs. Just the fourteen of us, nice and cosy.
(Door bell.)
HARPER: Go away.
(Door bell.)
HARPER: Pants, pants, pants.
(He grabs his trousers and heads for the door.)
HARPER: Er, Satrina!
SATRINA: I was hoping we could start our interview.
HARPER: Er, now? Okay, what would you like to know?
SATRINA: Question one.
(She kisses him. A lot.)
HARPER: Er, I can't believe I'm doing this, but er, there's something I've got to tell you. I'm infested with Magog larvae.
SATRINA: Oh.
HARPER: Yeah, I'm taking medication to keep them dormant, but who knows how long that'll last. For all I know
SATRINA: That's horrible. I bet you'd do anything to get rid of them.
HARPER: Anything.
SATRINA: I'm so glad you said that.
(Satrina pushes her hand into Harper's chest and pulls out -)
SATRINA: That's one.
(A maggot. She squishes it.)
SATRINA: Let's keep this simple.
HARPER: How did you do that?
(She pushes him onto the bed and straddles him.)
SATRINA: You once had possession of a special library collection from the All Systems University. Give it to me, and I'll take all the eggs out of you.
HARPER: You wouldn't happen to know a big bounty hunter guy named Jeger? Works for this red, glowing eyed, shadowy dude. You know, enemy of life as we know it.
SATRINA: Shush. My interview. Remember? I ask the questions. Now, do you want the eggs out or not?
HARPER: You'd better go.
SATRINA: Just like that you're telling me to leave and let those Magog babies claw out of your belly? Cutting you, eating their way free.
HARPER: Okay, okay, okay. Spare me the visuals. Let me guess, if I don't do an errand for old red eyes, it's die a slow agonising death for me, right? You know, for someone so hot, you're a real charmer.
SATRINA: I'm offering you a happy ending, Seamus. I'd take it if I were you.
(A last kiss and Satrina leaves.)

[Command]

ROMMIE: Looking for someone?
HARPER: Yeah. Yeah I'm er, conducting an informal survey. Any progress on getting these Magog eggs out of my gut yet?
ROMMIE: I'm sorry, Harper. Trance and I are working on it, but we still don't have a safe procedure.
HARPER: Yeah, but, I mean, Trance did it to Tyr, right? So, it's not impossible.
ROMMIE: That was an extremely fortunate circumstance made possible only by Tyr's Nietzschean physiology. Rev Bem did call it a miracle.
HARPER: So I'm on my own, right? Right. Just like I figured.
ROMMIE: Harper, where are you going?
HARPER: To explore my options.

[Eureka Maru]

TRANCE: You want to access the All Systems University database? Don't you remember what happened the last time you had that thing?
HARPER: Trance, give me some credit, I'm not going to stick it my brain again. I just want to take a little peek at it.
TRANCE: So why do you need my help?
HARPER: Because I can't remember where I put it. I must have made myself forget somehow, or maybe I hit my head. And you can find anything when you put your mind to it.
TRANCE: I'm sorry, Harper. I can't.
HARPER: Can't, or won't?
TRANCE: Why don't we review the facts here. A Perseid comes to Andromeda, downloads a library including information about the evil mastermind behind the Magog into Harper's brain. Scary bounty hunter Jeger phases through walls, fires point singularity bombs and injects a laser probe into Harper's skull. Harper narrowly escapes with his life. The end. Not a very nice story.
HARPER: I'm still a little murky with the whole can't versus won't dichotomy.
TRANCE: Well, take your pick. Whichever one you like. It still doesn't explain why you want to take a peek at this library?
HARPER: It's a, er, going away present for someone I'd really like to go away.
TRANCE: Harper, I really don't know what you're up to, but someone has tried to kill you for this once before. What makes you think they won't try it again?
HARPER: Oh, don't worry your pretty purple head. I've got everything under control. Thanks for your help.

[Machine shop]

HARPER: All right, think. Think. Where would you have put it? Well, someplace secure, where no one else would find it, especially not glowing eyes Magog god and his incredible wall walking henchmen. Wait a minute. That's it!

[Corridor]

CHARLEMAGNE: I must admit, Captain, this latest manoeuvre of yours is quite clever. Interim mutual defence pact, in lieu of an actual Commonwealth. My wife told me you think like a Nietzschean.
HUNT: Well, Elssbett flatters me. And so do you.
CHARLEMAGNE: In that case I'll skip the usual diplomatic niceties and get to the point. There are at least three good reasons why you shouldn't let the Sabra-Jaguar pride join your new Commonwealth. We are renowned for our treachery, we are at war with the Drago-Kazov Pride, and we will constantly remind you of your genetic inferiority. Now, here's the up side. We are renowned for our treachery, we are at war with the Drago-Kazov Pride, and did I mention we command the third largest fleet in the known worlds?
HUNT: That is a very persuasive offer. I'm surprised Elssbett didn't make it herself.
CHARLEMAGNE: She's pregnant with our first child. And before you start feeling paternal, I checked. It's mine. Well, I'm off to take a massage. Let me know what you think. I'm in no hurry.
(Charlemagne goes into guest quarters.)
ROMMIE: I checked, it's mine?

[Conduit]

HARPER: Man, how hard can it be to find one little
HUNT [OC]: In case of emergency, the ship can be piloted from the gunnery nodes.

[Outside the conduit]

CHARLEMAGNE: Emergency? You mean in the event that the Command deck crew is reduced to a fine red mist and splattered across the walls in a bloody mural.
HUNT: That would qualify, yes.
HOHNE: Fascinating. And do such emergencies happen with a degree of frequency, or are they a rare occurrence?
HUNT: Not as rare as I would like. Hello, Mister Harper. Anything I need to know?
HARPER: Not a thing. You're the Captain. All seeing, all knowing. It's fine.
(Harper scrambles up a ladder.)
CHARLEMAGNE: Excitable little fellow, isn't he?
HUNT: Yes, he is. And we are walking. We will be touring the slipstream cores next

[Conduit]

(Harper comes back down.)
HUNT [OC]: So any of you whose physiologies might have problems with anti-proton production might want to drop out now.
HOHNE: Mister Harper?
HARPER: It's fricking Grand Central Space Station around here. Chief Technical Advisor Hohne, fancy meeting you here.
HOHNE: I'm so happy to catch you alone. I just wanted to convey the Sinti governments gratitude for your help with the singularity experiments last year.
HARPER: Yeah, er, thanks for the thumbs up but if you don't mind? I'm kind of in a hurry.
HOHNE: Of course. I've been led to understand you've engaged in many other fascinating scientific endeavours. Perhaps if you could provide us with records of your activities?
HARPER: Records? Records. Of course. Hohne, from one genius to another, you're fricking brilliant.
(Harper runs off along the corridor.)
HOHNE: Well, yes. But I still wanted to. Er, perhaps later.

[Machine shop]

(Harper plugs himself into Andromeda's VR.) 
HARPER: All right, and away we go.

[Virtual Reality]

HARPER: All right. Let's take a look at any records made by Seamus Zelazny Harper, recorded between 9 13 and 9 15 CY10087.
HARPER 2: Hey, Harper, how you doing If you're watching this prerecorded prerecorded prerecorded. I'm just kidding. Devastatingly handsome holographic message, it' a good bet that you're looking for the All Systems University Library. Now, if I know me and I know me pretty well, not a bad guy actually, it probably involves some quest for wealth, power and babes.
HARPER: Try curing a Magog infestation. And only one babe.
HARPER 2: But, while I salute my ingenuity and admire my determination, the bottom line is, I don't trust me any farther than I can throw me. So, adios a monos.

[Machine shop]

(Harper is thrown out of the VR. He removes the sizzling jack.)
HARPER: Ow, that hurts. I've got to get this thing spark proof.
HARPER 2 [on monitor]: And stay out.
HARPER: Now I know why people hate me.
(Satrina walks through the wall and watches him.)

[Corridor]

SATRINA: I can't thank you enough for your tour. I tried to get your AI to give me one but she was uncooperative.
HUNT: It's part of her job to be suspicious of people that ask questions about our business.

[Officer's mess]

SATRINA: Particularly women?
HUNT: Really? You know, I hadn't noticed.
SATRINA: Can I offer you something to drink?
HUNT: Er, I thought I was the one playing host here.
SATRINA: Nothing like turning the tables on a handsome man, I always say.
HUNT: Who are you? And what are you doing on my ship?
SATRINA: Your AI asked me the same thing.
HUNT: Well, we think alike.
SATRINA: I suppose I'd better tell you the truth.
HUNT: Truth is good.
SATRINA: The truth is, I've really just been looking for an excuse to get the Andromeda's captain in compromising position. How's this one?
(Satrina kisses Hunt more gently than she ate Harper's face.)
HUNT: It's one of my top five compromising positions. You know, unfortunately I think it's time that we conclude our little tour. Now, I probably should have my head examined for leaving, but I am going to go, and you can just enjoy the rest of your stay.
(Hunt leaves. Satrina shimmers out of existence and reappears -)

[Command]

SATRINA: Mister Anasazi. I'm so glad I finally got a chance to talk to you in private. I'm a
TYR: Spy?
SATRINA: An archivist for the FTA.
TYR: I don't give interviews.
SATRINA: Not even to prospective employers?
TYR: The Free Trade Alliance wishes to hire my services?
SATRINA: Assuming you're still on the market.
TYR: I don't discuss professional matters with underlings. If your employers wish to enquire after me, they may come here themselves, hmm? Until such time, you'll be so kind as to leave my watch station.
SATRINA: Your loss.
TYR: I'm sure.

[Corridor]

SATRINA: So, Mister Anasazi wants a formal offer. I can arrange that.

[Swarmship]

(Where she addresses four figures.)
SATRINA: It's nearly time. Our ships generators are operating at full capacity. They can feed you all the power you'll need. More than enough, actually. These are your targets.
(She shows them images of Hunt, Charlemagne and Hohne.)
SATRINA: Watch them, study them, and when the time comes? Kill them.

[Corridor]

(Tyr is running around the ship.)
CHARLEMAGNE: That looks exhausting. I need to rest just from watching you.
TYR: Charlemagne Bolivar, I presume.
CHARLEMAGNE: Kodiak Pride. Did it ever occur to your people that you may have taken this whole physical perfection thing a bit too seriously? Granted, the Kodiaks were strong, healthy, attractive and such imaginative hairstyles. But in the end, what good did it to you?
TYR: Well, since Pride Jaguar refused to stand with us against the Drago-Kazov, none.
CHARLEMAGNE: Exactly. Instead of breeding for such obvious attributes, your people should have concentrated on more important things. Treachery, cunning, proper table manners.
TYR: What would you like, Jaguar?
CHARLEMAGNE: The usual. Hundreds of grandchildren, utter domination of known space, and the pleasure of hearing that all my enemies have died in terrible, highly improbable accidents that cannot be connected to me. And you?
TYR: The usual.
CHARLEMAGNE: I have several sisters, you know. I'm sure at least one of them might measure up to Kodiak standards.
TYR: And in exchange for your generous invitation into your family?
CHARLEMAGNE: Love, gratitude, and the warm feeling that comes with making a new friend.
TYR: I'll bear your offer in mind. Good day.
CHARLEMAGNE: You know, I recently heard the most interesting rumour. The body of Drago Museveni had disappeared from Enga's Redoubt, and the Drago-Kazov have replaced it with a fake. Had you heard anything about that?
TYR: I don't follow gossip.
CHARLEMAGNE: Probably disinformation. Still, it was so unfair how they stole those bones from the Kodiak in the first place. I'm sure they'll get their just rewards in the end. We all do.

[Machine shop]

TRANCE: Harper, what are you doing?
HARPER: Er, nothing. Just working.
TRANCE: It looks like you're trying to find the Library.
HARPER: And what if I am, Trance?
TRANCE: I told you, it's not a good idea.
HARPER: Trance, do me a favour, will you? Either tell me why it's such a bad idea, help me in such a way that will satisfy your mysterious heebie jeebie agenda, or butt out. Take your pick. Anything? That's what I thought.
(Trance leaves. Harper jacks in to the VR again.)

[Virtual Reality]

HARPER 2: Harper! Back so soon.
HARPER: All right, I know you're an interactive programme, so why don't you give me a little hint.
HARPER 2: Ah, you're probably trying to get me to give you a hint. Sorry, no can do. To quote someone we both know and love so much, the Library is closed. It's too dangerous. Er, muy peligroso. That's why I erased all records of it and substituted this handy dandy VR simulacrum of moi. The thing is, if I really, really, really need that information, I have the utmost confidence in my ability to find it anyway. I work well under pressure. HARPER: Bite me, me.
HARPER 2: One more thing. Do not, under any circumstances, tell Trance what you are planning. Er, she's probably not too interested in er, anyone seeing that data again.
HARPER: Now I tell me.

[Eureka Maru]

(Harper is at a monitor when someone enters behind him. He pulls a weapon.)
HOHNE: Oh dear. Please don't shoot me.
HARPER: Hohne.
HOHNE: I see that you've reverse rifled your weapon. Does it give you better muzzle velocity?
HARPER: Tell you what, I'll give you a demonstration, if you don't tell me what you're doing on this ship.
HOHNE: Ah, right. Imagine party A once misplaced item B in location C. Now, strictly speaking, location C is in motion, so we should grav it as a line in a three dimensional array.
HARPER: Imagine bullet D leaving weapon E, and entering the brain through the chin of Perseid F.
HOHNE: Oh.
HARPER: Uh huh, G, for goodbye.
HOHNE: Let me be direct. Do you recognise this symbol?
(Hohne shows Harper a logo on his inner wrist.)
HARPER: You're a Librarian?
HOHNE: Please, not so loud. For three centuries, the All Systems University Special Collections Division has existed in secret, working throughout the known worlds to preserve knowledge, all in preparation for the Commonwealth's restoration.
HARPER: A secret Librarian.
HOHNE: Several months ago, one of our agents discovered a quite exciting, or some would say incendiary, data archive during an archaeological dig. As soon as he contacted me I instructed him to bring it to the nearest safe place. Which just happened to be your ship. He gave you the Archive, yes?
HARPER: What if he did?
HOHNE: It would be quite dangerous to whomever possessed it. I, on the other hand, would gladly take it back to Sinti for safe keeping.
HARPER: Oh, you would, would you?
HOHNE: I don't need an answer now. I'll check with you later.
HARPER: Right.

[Corridor]

HUNT: So you're saying the Castalians won't budge at all on this?
BEKA: I could say that talks with the fish people are floundering, but that would be wrong.
ROMMIE: On the other hand, Scheherazade and Winnipeg Drifts are salivating over the new markets an alliance with Sabra-Jaguar would open up.
BEKA: So what do we do?
HUNT: Well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be pacing through the corridors.

[Machine shop]

SATRINA: You know, I'm beginning to think your heart isn't in this.
HARPER: Technically, my heart is in my chest, and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much.
SATRINA: You decided to take me up on my offer. My employer will be thrilled. I told him he should have sent me the first time.
HARPER: So, you and Jeger do work for the same team.
SATRINA: There are several teams. You could say Jeger's group is the stick.
HARPER: Uh, which makes you the
SATRINA: The carrot.
(More kissing.)
SATRINA: Trot faster, little horsey.
(Satrina vanishes.)
HARPER: Phew. Okay, back to work, Harper. All right, Satrina. What is your little secret?
(He plugs the data he just gathered into a console.)
HARPER: Transmitter. Power receiver. Field generator. Man, she's got nice toys. But how do they work?

[Corridor]

ROMMIE: Phase density shifting? Why do you want to know about that?
HARPER: It's just for a, ahem, project I'm working on with Hohne and the other chinhead, Perseids. You remember that bounty hunter Jeger guy? We're trying to figure out how he walked through walls.
ROMMIE: Well, I suppose he could have altered his density. No, his molecules would have lost cohesion. More likely he employed tesseracts.
HARPER: Tesseracts?
ROMMIE: Mmm hmm.
HARPER: Right. Refresh my memory, oh benevolent mistress of knowledge.
ROMMIE: Tesseract. An area of space warped across multiple dimensions. A person who could create and navigate tesseracts would be like a three dimensional being interacting with the second dimension. Now they'd still have to worry about gravity, but they could move through solid matter, transit vast distances, even turn space inside out. The power requirements would be staggering but the poss
HARPER: All right, all right, tesseracts. Thanks for loaning me your quantum gigachips. Er, ambassador? Have fun diplomacising.
ROMMIE: Oh joy.

[Another corridor]

HARPER: But how to record a signature is
TRANCE: Harper, you're still looking for that you know what, aren't you, even after I told you not to.
HARPER: Trance, you want to be my friend? Stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours.
TRANCE: Fine. But you're making a big mistake.
(Trance walks away, and he notices the tattoo on her left shoulder. It triggers memories.)
HARPER: A sun. I hid it in a sun? How the hell did I do that?

[Eureka Maru]

(Harper flies Beka's ship out of the Andromeda.)
HARPER: Anyway, I'll be back before you miss me. Of course, who knows how long that would be? Besides, I got to rustle up a load of parts and with me gone, there's a much lower risk of a major diplomatic incident. Harper out. Transmit message.
TRANCE: Harper, what are you doing?
HARPER: If people don't stop creeping up on me. I'm turning around and bringing you back to the Andromeda.
TRANCE: Oh, that's a great idea, because then I can talk to Dylan about all the strange things I've been seeing you do.
HARPER: I told myself to watch out for you. I wish I'd listened.
TRANCE: You know, since we've got a little bit of time here, we might as well find a good way to spend it. I know. I've got this really great game. It's called Harper tells Trance everything so she can save his miserable life. Would you like to play?
HARPER: I hate you.
TRANCE: You're just saying that.

[Command]

ROMMIE: I've been having difficulty tracking Satrina's movements. I can follow her for a little while then she just drops off the radar. Shall I ask her to leave?
HUNT: Er, no, not yet. Just keep her under observation as best you can. What's happening on the Harper Trance front?
ROMMIE: Still not back from their little excursion, though they're definitely up to something. Harper's tinkering is on overtime, and he asked me some odd questions about walking through walls. That can't be coincidence.
HUNT: Rev keeps asking me when I'm going to start signing on extra crew. It's hard enough keeping track of the people we've already got, and they're not nearly as tricky as our potential allies.
ROMMIE: Charlemagne Bolivar?
HUNT: Suddenly I'm reminded of my ancient history classes at the academy. The Second World War, Earth, Churchill's alliance with Stalin?
ROMMIE: Even though Stalin had butchered millions of his own people, the British allied themselves with him to defeat a greater threat.
HUNT: Yeah. But the really unfortunate thing is, it worked.

[Eureka Maru]

HARPER: You got to admit, encoding the data in the standing wave of a sun was freaking brilliant of me. A stroke of genius, one might say.
TRANCE: You may not remember, but there was a reason why you hid it there in the first place. To keep it from people like this Satrina.
HARPER: Trance, you don't really think I'm going to give her what she wants, do you? Come on. Mamma Harper's baby boy does not roll over for anybody. Well, maybe I would roll over for her, but I'm not going to give her what she wants.
TRANCE: She is not going to extract those Magog eggs out of the kindness of her own heart.
HARPER: Please, please. Magog eggs. Heart. Don't say those two words in the same sentence. So, anyway, along with the Library, I'm going to give Satrina the gift that keeps on giving. A Trojan Horse. A computer virus. It'll record the files that she's accessing and beam that back to me so we can find out what she's really looking for. That is, just before it opens up and unloads little soldier programmes that'll erase all the data and crash her entire system completely.
TRANCE: Won't that make her really angry?
HARPER: I freaking hope so. She is hot when she's mad.

[Guest quarters]

(Beka is eating fruit when Charlemagne enters from the bedroom.)
CHARLEMAGNE: Help yourself to anything you like.
BEKA: I never thought I'd say this but I like your style, Charlemagne Bolivar.
CHARLEMAGNE: Oh good. We have that in common.
BEKA: You know what I like most about you? How you waltzed into these negotiations knowing that your hand was so strong you could just play all of your cards face up. CHARLEMAGNE: I find it avoids misunderstanding. I show you mine, you show me yours.
BEKA: That's a good strategy, but you're forgetting one thing. Not everyone on this ship is as good natured as Dylan. If you were to double cross us, Dylan might not take it personally, but others would. And that could be very bad for you. Very bad.
CHARLEMAGNE: Beka Valentine, I like your style.
BEKA: Good. We have that in common.

[Machine shop]

(Another maggot extraction has taken place.)
SATRINA: They're cute when they're little.
HARPER: Wait a minute, that's only six of them.
SATRINA: You can count. I like that in a man. Now, the data.
HARPER: Aren't you going to take out the last six?
SATRINA: Data first.
HARPER: That wasn't our deal.
SATRINA: No. It wasn't.
(Harper hands over a data disc, which she puts down her cleavage.)
HARPER: Now take out the rest of them.
SATRINA: Sorry, I have to go. Maybe another time.
HARPER: I knew you would stab me in the back.
SATRINA: No, Harper, I pretty much stabbed you right in the front.
(Satrina blows a kiss as she vanishes.)
HARPER: Come back here! Or not. Yes! Seven down, only six more to go. Hook, line and sinker, baby.

[Swarmship]

(The cloaked ship shimmers into view.)
SATRINA: Hook, line and sinker.

[Machine shop]

(Harper is watching a file on Magog.)
TRANCE: Massacre recordings? Data from the Library. You did it. You really did it. You gave her the Library.
HARPER: Relax, Trance. My Trojan Horse, codename Seabiscuit, is on the job. The data's being sent back to us on a closed loop. Nobody but us can see it. Meanwhile, the full archive is right here, quantum encrypted. Nice, huh?
TRANCE: Harper? How much do you remember from the last time that stuff was in your brain?
HARPER: This isn't about Satrina, is it? You want to know if there are things in that Library about mysterious purple babes with pointy tails?
TRANCE: I don't have a tail.
HARPER: Not anymore.
TRANCE: Harper, please. If there is anything in that Library about me, I have to know it.
HARPER: I'll tell you what I remember. I remember this temple with gold etchings, statues, silk wall hangings, even. And all of this on a backwater world that I don't think even exists anymore. Or, maybe the world does exist, but I don't think the civilization exists anymore. Anyway, the point is, there were all these people worshipping a naked purple goddess, and you might say they were a little entranced.
TRANCE: That could mean anything. Maybe they like purple. Or, maybe, your memory is even hazier than you thought.
HARPER: Yeah, but that doesn't explain why you reacted the way you did when I sang one of their hymns. Remember this little ditty?
TRANCE: Shush. Harper, you are my best friend. And because you are my friend I really need you to listen to me. Do not look at the Archive.
HARPER: You know Trance, I liked it better when I thought you were harmless.
TRANCE: Yeah. Me too.
HARPER: Oh crap. Seabiscuit has just turned into horsemeat. Trance, can you
(Trance is not there.)
HARPER: Man, that is so irritating.
(The semi-translucent swarmship is clamped onto Andromeda without her knowing it.)
HARPER: Three, two, one. Hello, Satrina, or should I say Succubus Babe. You want a beer?
SATRINA: You lied to me. The Archive erased itself.
HARPER: Well, you know not only am I the President of the Liars Club for Men, I'm also a member. But you would know that, because you're the Chair of the Ladies Auxiliary. And I use the term lady loosely.
SATRINA: Go ahead, joke. But it's not going to be fun for very long.
HARPER: Oh, and a tummy infested with Magog is so much fun. Now listen to me. You're are going to take out those flesh eating monsters out of my gut, and then I'll give you a clean copy of the archive. And if you don't like it, you can stick it up your data port.
SATRINA: If it were up to me I would have taken those out of you a long time ago. The truth is, this was all a test. My employer's taken an interest in you.
HARPER: Your employer? Mister Tall Dark and Scary, the living lava lamp?
SATRINA: He was impressed with how you handled the Library the first time, and he's even more impressed with how you managed to get it back and protect yourself from me. He wants you to meet him, personally.
HARPER: Oh yeah? Well, do I want to meet him?
SATRINA: If you do, all the larvae will be removed like they were a bad dream. Take the offer, Harper. Think about it if you have to, but don't think too long.
(She tries to vanish, but cannot. It hurts.)
SATRINA: What's happening to me?
HARPER: You know, it is amazing the stuff you find in libraries these days. Theoretical papers on dimensional rotation, phase shifting, a truly fantastic beer recipe. You see, you may think you can just pop in and out of here like the Cheshire Cat, but I don't think you understand the gravity of my situation. In fact, you don't understand the gravity of your situation. You see, I wondered what would happen if I set up an interference pattern in the gravity generators, underneath your feet? Looks painful. Tell you what, why don't you let Doctor Harper make it all better.
(Harper removes the device from her dataport. Satrina collapses.)
HARPER: Portable tesseract generator. One size fits all.

[Eureka Maru]

HARPER: Okay, here goes.
(He plugs the generator into his own dataport.)
HARPER: Right. So far so good. Okay, my little Magog buddies, all good things must come to an end, and unfortunately for the bad things it's pretty much the same deal.
(He tries to put his hand inside himself, but he can't.)
HARPER: Son of a bitch!
(His hand goes through a railing.)
HARPER: Okay, don't panic. The tesseracter works. I just need a little practice, that's all.

[Machine shop]

(Satrina is strapped to a bed. She breaks her bonds easily.)
SATRINA: Idiot. You should have taken the deal. This is Satrina. It's time. Knock them off balance. Then, find your targets.
(One of the assassins opens fire in the Observation deck. The others are in different parts of the ship.)

[Corridor]

ANDROMEDA [OC]: Intruder alert.
(Tyr fires at one of them, who gets away.)
ANDROMEDA [OC]: Intruder alert. Code Red. Intruder alert.
(Another intruder kills a diplomat. A short time later, Hunt arrives.)
ROMMIE: Ambassador Tazik.
HUNT: Rommie, report.
ROMMIE: Dylan, his heart is missing. As if whoever killed him took it for a trophy.
HUNT: Or to send us a message. What are we up against?
ROMMIE: Four intruders. I opened fire but my effectors passed straight through their bodies then they disappeared.
HUNT: It's Jeger all over again. Rommie, warn the delegates. Beka, let's locate our uninvited guests. Make them disappear for good.

[Another corridor]

HOHNE: I must tell you how impressed I am with the manner in which you shifted all of the particles of your body through the fourth dimension and passed through that bulkhead. A most intriguing application of Alice string rotation. Though even I have to admit my scepticism that anyone would ever be able to reproduce the effect on such a small scale with such a fine degree of control.
(The assassin draws a long sword and starts twirling it. Charlemagne shoots at him.)
CHARLEMAGNE: A sword. A trifle passÚ, don't you think.
(His blasts pass into the assassin's body, which then closes up.)
CHARLEMAGNE: Nice trick, although I can't imagine you can keep that up forever. Of course, neither can I. Sooner or later one of us is going to run out of power. Let's see who's first.

[Machine shop]

SATRINA: Seamus. Back already?
HARPER: I see you made yourself comfortable.
SATRINA: Hmm, let me guess. You tried to get the eggs out yourself and couldn't. It won't work, Harper. You have to shift your whole body, not just part of it. Besides, you've got more immediate problems.
HARPER: Such as?
SATRINA: Such as your friends being under attack by an army of beings who can phase through solid matter.
HARPER: Your, er, four technicolour yahoo's with the bad attitude?
SATRINA: You've seen them.
HARPER: Yeah, I've seen them, but they haven't seen me. And they're not going to. I may not have figured out how to take the eggs out, yet, but I have thought of all kinds of interesting things I can do with this rig. I'll give you a demonstration. Er, I'll kick your four pals off the ship. No, no. Even better, I'll kick them out of the universe.
SATRINA: Feels good, doesn't it, knowing you can make a difference. That you can set things right. Don't you see, Harper? That's what we do. We set things right.
(While she kisses Harper, he can hear vague voices.)
SATRINA: Come with me. I'll call off the four, and you'll have everything you want. Health, power, even love.
HARPER: What is that sound?
SATRINA: You can hear him, can't you, whispering in the darkness. He's speaking to you. And all you have to do is answer him.
HARPER: I can hear him. It's like music. I have to go.
(Harper tesseracts while Hunt goes hand to hand in the Observation deck.)

[Corridor]

HARPER: It's so beautiful.
(He sees images of the fighting, and of the Enigma.)
HARPER: All that power. The power to change things. The power to set things right. The power to kill. No. No. No, I won't let you. I won't let you do this to me! Because I have the power! The power to kill your power! I can do that. I can. I can. I can find the ship. I can kill the power.

[Machine shop]

HARPER: Your ship, the one beaming power to your toys, it's attached to the Andromeda, isn't it. Shifted so we can't detect it.
SATRINA: You're the one eyed man in the land of the blind. You tell me.
HARPER: All right, come on. I got a feeling your ship's going to insist I be chaperoned.
SATRINA: What? You can't take me with you. That's impossible.
HARPER: Let's see.

[Corridor]

GUN: Your weapon is empty.
CHARLEMAGNE: Damn. You win. Well, time to collect your prize.
(Charlemagne hits the assassin, who falls back onto Tyr's knife. He pulls out the tesseractor.)
CHARLEMAGNE: Your timing is improbable.
TYR: You're welcome.
(A second assassin appears, ululating. The shooting recommences.)

[Swarmship]

HARPER: You really tricked this baby out, huh? Well, guess what. I got a few tricks of my own, and you're not going to like them.
SATRINA: Harper it's not too late. Give him what he wants or run. You can't fight him.
HARPER: Huh? And I thought we shared this connection, this unspoken thing.
SATRINA: Harper, listen to me.
HARPER: Forget it. I'm done listening to you. Did you really think I'd play your stupid little games, huh? Tempt me, scare me, kiss me, snare me? Give me a few convenient targets to try a little god-like power on and boom! All of a sudden I'm Seamus Harper, foot soldier of the Apocalypse. Well, not me, honey. I'm nobody's pawn. I don't even like chess.
(Alarms.)
HARPER: That would be Trojan Horse two point oh, the son of Seabiscuit, setting your power supply to overload. You'd better hang on. The feedback's going to be a bitch.
(They tesseract back to the machine shop. Harper pulls out the tesseracter, the swarmship detaches and goes KaBOOM!)

[Observation deck]

(The assassins have energy running over their bodies.)
TRANCE: Something's disrupting them. They can't phase in or out!
HUNT: Good.
(Hunt kills them.)

[Machine shop]

HARPER: It figures. I finally meet a girl who says she wants me, and she's a dimension shifting hell spawn from the outer darkness.
SATRINA: It's not your biggest problem really, but, you made your choice.
HARPER: Yeah, I guess I did. The question is, what do I do with you?
SATRINA: That's an excellent question.
(Satrina tesseracts away with a little wave.)
HARPER: No, wait. You can't. I took. She's gone.

[Observation deck]

(The two dead assassins vanish.)
HUNT: I thought you said they can't phase in or out?
TRANCE: They cheated.

[Machine shop]

(Harper gives Trance a data disc.)
HARPER: For you.
TRANCE: The Library?
HARPER: Keep it, destroy it, give it to Hohne for all I care. Just get it away from me.
TRANCE: You okay?
HARPER: I was tempted, Trance. I was tempted by Satrina. She offered to introduce me to old red eyes. They gave me power. He was going to take out my larvae. I wanted it so bad, I was willing to do anything. Almost anything. I almost even betrayed you guys, my friends.
TRANCE: But you didn't, though. In the end you stayed loyal.
HARPER: Yeah, but not by much. I've been waiting for someone to come along and solve my problems. Rommie, Rev, Satrina, you. It's time I started helping myself. One way or another, I am going to figure out how to get these eggs out.
TRANCE: Sounds complicated. When do we start?

[Observation deck]

(Charlemagne Bolivar signs the Commonwealth Charter.)
CHARLEMAGNE: That's a lovely death warrant. For both of us.
HUNT: Maybe. But it might be our only life preserver in a sea of troubles. The Magog, the Drago-Kazov, and whoever the hell just tried to kill us.
CHARLEMAGNE: And so we take arms against them, is that it? And by opposing
HUNT: We end them.
CHARLEMAGNE: And after we're done, then what? Complete dominion of the known worlds?
HUNT: Well, then. then we'll talk. 

<Back to the episode listing

Andromeda and related marks are trademarks of Tribune Company. Copyright © 2000 - 2005. The web pages on this site are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.