What clings to a wall,
But travels all the world?
Unsolvable Riddle of Ski
Patriarch of Jill. CY1111
Captain is having his physical exam in private.)
ANDROMEDA [on monitor]: The joints in your knees and elbows are showing
some calcium buildup. Lungs at full capacity. Heart is good.
HUNT: Oh gee, thanks, Andromeda.
ANDROMEDA [on monitor]: You should have a check up more often.
HUNT: Is this your subtle way of saying I'm out of shape?
ANDROMEDA [on monitor]: Yes. Your heavy gravity genes don't make your
immune system any less vulnerable.
HUNT: I get the point.
ANDROMEDA [on monitor]: Your eyesight is good, although I have detected
some dryness in the right eye.
(Andromeda is replaced by a static-ridden clip from The
Banks of the
SARAH [on monitor]: You can't change the future by living in the past,
although it certainly would be nice to have you around.
HUNT [on monitor]: I wish that were enough.
SARAH [on monitor]: If it were, you wouldn't be the man I fell in love
SARAH [on monitor]: You came back for me. We had our time together.
HUNT: Andromeda, where did this come from?
SARAH [on monitor]: You came back for me. We had our time together. You
came back for me.
SARAH: We had our time together. We had our time together. We had our
Ah, Harper, there you are.
ROMMIE: Explain something to me.
HARPER: All right. What are we doing now?
(Rommie holds Harper's hand.)
ROMMIE: Lie detection. I'm monitoring your pulse to see if you're
telling the truth.
HARPER: What, me? Would I lie to you about anything? Ow! Okay, okay.
ROMMIE: When you assembled me, did you leave in controls that gave you
access to me?
HARPER: I don't know what you're talking about. Ow!
ROMMIE: Can you do things to me, or with me, that I don't know about?
HARPER: Rommie, how could that ever be possible? I
(Swirly effect just off screen. Harper stares over Rommie's shoulder.)
ROMMIE: Stop it, Harper. No self-hypnosis, or I'll break your hand.
HARPER: No, look.
HARPER: I'm not lying. Look.
(Rommie turns around and sees - )
ROMMIE: That's a cat!
HARPER: Yeah. What the hell?
ROMMIE: That animal's been extinct for thousands of years. This can't
(Rommie drags Harper after the cat, still clutching his hand.)
Lights. (nothing) Sensors. Andromeda's not responding. Sensors must be
out all over the deck.
HARPER: I got hand illumination over here. Can I? Thank you.
(Rommie lets his hand go.)
HARPER: It's totally numb, you know.
(Harper gets one of their three bulb torches. It works briefly then
HARPER: What the? Figures. Well, this really sucks.
(A vortex starts up, sucking him up towards the ceiling. He grabs the
HARPER: Help! Rommie, help! Any time now.
(Rommie jumps up to the catwalk and grabs Harper. She holds him tight
until the vortex disappears.)
HARPER: Maybe you should keep holding me, in case it kicks in again. I
know I'd feel better. So, what the hell was that?
ROMMIE: Well, it wasn't a cat.
fond farewell is repeating on the monitor.)
SARAH [on monitor]: We had our time together. We had our time together.
HUNT: Andromeda, do you copy?
SARAH [on monitor]: We had our time together.
SARAH [on monitor]: We had our time together. We had our time together.
We had our time together.
HUNT: This is weird.
SARAH [on monitor]: We had our time together.
(Then the monitor returns to its usual display. Beka runs in, gun
BEKA: Dylan, what's going on? What? Didn't you call for help?
ANDROMEDA [OC]: Dylan?
HUNT: Shipwide. Harper, Tyr, Trance. Meet me in Command deck, now.
arrives first and sees a repeating series of supernovae on the triple
viewscreen. Hunt and Beka enter.)
BEKA: I don't know, I'm buried in a flexi and suddenly I get a mayday
from your quarters.
TRANCE: Turn it off. Turn it off!
(The display ends. Tyr runs in.)
TYR: I just er, saw my child sleeping. Waiting.
HARPER: All right, I just about got sucked right into space. Lifted
right off my feet by I don't know what. If it hadn't been for Rommie,
I'd have been.
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: Dylan, I've been tracking some alarming
events around our location. Magog attacks on independent drifts, rogue
Nietzschean prides on the planet Huron, and a fifty three percent rise
in criminal activity across the suns' nebulae. Then, all activity
stopped. All predators, Magog and Nietzschean included, went into
HUNT: Any commonwealth ships in the area?
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: No. And finally, this. Three ships have
appeared in the system with crew missing. No sign of foul play. Only
one managed to send an emergency message. On screen.
(A man being shaken about whilst trying to speak.)
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: Captain Trevor Lutanz of the merchant ship
Neptune. His message was garbled and nearly unintelligible.
HUNT: Give me what you can.
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: The only words I could decipher were
nightmare, terror, and invisible.
HUNT: Any similarities in the empty ships?
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: Each ship has had its most sophisticated and
potent power source removed.
HUNT: Where's Rommie?
HARPER: Er, she was right behind me.
HUNT: Andromeda, locate Rommie.
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: There are still five decks missing from my
grid. My avatar is unaccounted for, and there are vacuums of tremendous
energy opening and closing all over the ship.
HUNT: They're after Rommie. Tyr, let's go. Beka, you have Command.
Could it be our invisible friends? I thought we'd taken care them.
If The Wheel Is Fixed.)
HUNT: Well, obviously, they needed better care.
HUNT: Tell you what. I'll take the high road. you take the low road.
(Hunt climbs a ladder and Tyr walks on with something watching him.
Then a vortex opens in front of him. Tyr hangs onto an emergency
TYR: Dylan, help! Help!
(Hunt appears at a junction closer to the vortex.)
HUNT: Hold on, Tyr!
(Hunt shoots the vortex with his forcelance, and it closes.)
HUNT: I have a feeling this is going to be a very long day.
HUNT; You all right?
TYR: I don't know which is worse. Being re-abducted by those things, or
having to ask you for help.
HUNT: You're joking.
TYR: Am I?
HUNT: I didn't help you, Tyr. I saved your ass.
ANDROMEDA [OC]: Dylan, all systems are back online. I've located my
avatar. On screen.
HUNT: Rommie, report to Command.
(Rommie is also walking through a corridor.)
ROMMIE: Dylan, we all know what's going on here. The only question is,
how do we stop it? I'm the answer to that question.
HUNT: Rommie, come back. You're not safe.
ROMMIE: I'm sorry, Dylan. The crew must be kept safe. These are the
same creatures that tortured us. I intend to even the score.
HUNT: I order you back to Command. This is bigger than the Andromeda.
ROMMIE: I'm exploring the concept of revenge.
HUNT: Rommie, you'll die in the process.
ROMMIE: I've located their power source.
HUNT: Damn it, Rommie! why did Harper have to make you so stubborn?
vortex opens near Rommie.)
ROMMIE: Everything's under control, Dylan.
(The vortex fails to suck Rommie in, so it closes and a creature
appears. She zaps it with her forcelance. And repeat)
gets disarmed, and more creatures keep appearing. Finally she is
ROMMIE: Oh, crap.
(Zap. Rommie is carried away through the vortex just as Hunt and Tyr
HUNT: Beka, meet me at the Maru. Tyr, back to Command.
Andromeda, can you track her?
ANDROMEDA [OC]: There is a vague trail.
Good thing I gave her an emergency signal.
HUNT [OC]: Put us on that trail.
So, our mind-bending friends have returned.
HUNT: Sorry, Beka. I know this is rough.
BEKA: Rough, I could live with. It's the gnarled, jagged, soon to be
violent I'm dealing with.
HUNT: We're dealing with more than that. Survival of the universe.
BEKA; Oh yeah. That.
All right, working from your horizon, I'm picking something up. Some
kind of force.
[OC]: An energy wave, twenty degrees off your starboard.
BEKA: I don't see anything. Not that I'm surprised.
(Something lights up and rocks the Maru.)
HUNT: Tyr, what have you got?
TRANCE: Dylan, looking for them is futile.
HUNT [on viewscreen]: Shoot at whatever Harper is picking up.
TRANCE: Well, my guess has been the best one so far.
HARPER: So, shoot!
vessel appears and fires at the Maru, then vanishes again.)
BEKA: Dylan, we're coming apart. You know, I think it's cheating to be
(A vortex opens up in the Maru)
BEKA: Oh, this sucks. Literally.
HUNT: Beka, get us out of here!
(They return to the hangar bay and the vortex dissipates.)
BEKA: Well, that was different.
HUNT: Not really.
[on viewscreen]: My passive sensors have located a planet with massive
electromagnetic pulses. No modulation in the pulses. One intermittent
My avatar's trail leads there.
HARPER: All right, let's go get her.
BEKA: We can't. They'll see the Andromeda, and the Maru's in no shape
to make it.
HUNT: I'm going to get my crew member. Tell me about the planet.
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: The planet is essentially a complex of
tunnels. The surface is inhospitable due to a rapidly decreasing
temperature. Not quite a class M planet.
HUNT: Defence systems?
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: There are none.
TYR: Do you believe that?
BEKA: And now they have Rommie.
TRANCE: Even cut off from the Andromeda, Rommie's gifts are
HARPER: Yeah, she and her systems can be very, very adaptable.
TYR: All right, well, I believe this is the place where I say we should
forget about Rommie and move on. Harper can always build another
HARPER: What? Are you saying we should just forget about Rommie and
move on, and Harper can always build another android?
HARPER: Forget it, Tyr. No way. Rommie's the greatest thing I've ever
done, even if she almost broke my hand. She's alive, Tyr. Come on,
she's got a life. She's got as much right to live that life as you do.
TYR: All right. On the other hand, I would embrace the opportunity to
HUNT: To what, Tyr?
TYR: Well, I'd like to crush these creatures into cosmic dust. I'd like
to utterly and unequivocally slaughter them. I would like to kill them
all. I'm done.
HUNT: So let's go get her.
HARPER: Er, how do we know the rest of these creatures are off the
HUNT: We don't. Beka, I need you here. You can fight and you can pilot
the ship. Trance, you're on weapons. Tyr, to the slipfighters.
HARPER: Oh, er. Okay. All right. I'll think of something to do.
Hunt are in their respective slipfighters.)
HUNT: I'm not picking up a thing. Yet.
TYR: They had to know we'd be coming.
HUNT: Maybe they don't care.
BEKA [OC]: I'm taking you straight towards the power source in the
centre of the planet.
There should no obstructions in the way of your route, and if you buy
that, I've got a Drift to sell you in the Yuker system, where jade
grows like weeds.
the planet's atmosphere.)
HUNT: Hey, Tyr. why don't you go first? Age before beauty.
TYR: Thank you so much.
HUNT: Don't mention it.
Andromeda, anything new?
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: The planet is still surging power.
BEKA: Trance, any idea who these creatures might be?
TRANCE: Well, perhaps the ship is caught in a traumatic energy
phenomena, pieces of which enter each of our minds, causing us to see
and to believe that which is deadly and contrary.
HARPER: Oh, really?
TRANCE: Or, they're a pea-wit angry gang for hire who like to appear
and disappear at will. Or none of the above. Or the opposite of
everything you can imagine.
(Harper is being targeted by the observers.)
Beka, we're entering their atmosphere.
BEKA [OC]: Remember, today's theme is invisibility.
HUNT: I like themes.
Everything looks clear up here.
(A creature hisses in Harper's ear.)
HARPER: Er, boss, I think we've got a problem.
HARPER: Shoot, shoot, shoot!
TRANCE: On three. One.
BEKA: I couldn't wait.
(Their combined shots floor the creature.)
(The creature vanishes. Trance helps Harper up.)
Beka, report. Beka, what's the problem?
BEKA [OC]: No problem. Harper was, er, entertaining a friend in
(They arrive at the planet surface.)
HUNT: For those of you keeping score at home, we are looking at a lot
TYR: They all look so inviting.
HUNT: Ah, take your pick. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.
I've got you on screen. You're charted as close as I can get you to the
planet's power source, and let's hope, Rommie.
You're breaking up, Beka. We'll resume communications when we land on
(Tyr, carrying his honking big gun across his shoulders, stops on a
small stone bridge.)
TYR: Go on. And fear not. I will protect you.
HUNT: I think you have that turned around.
TYR: Well, we'll see.
HUNT: Do you have a better idea?
TYR: I imagine we could (pause) No.
(They walk on through the tunnel with artificial lighting.)
[on viewscreen]: I'm picking up an energy source on deck fifty seven.
BEKA: Do you think you guys could get that? I'm a little busy here.
(Trance and Harper leave.)
Tyr, the last time we fought these creatures, you didn't remember a
TYR: Yes, they er, they get into your mind.
HUNT: Well, they went after you again, but you seem fine.
TYR: I am fine.
(Tyr feints an attack on Hunt.)
HUNT: Ha, ha. You're a strange man, Tyr.
and Harper have split up to search. They back into each other.)
HARPER: Sorry, Trance, you scared the crap
(A creature appears. Trance shoots it and it vanishes.)
HARPER: Well, that was way too easy. What the hell is with these
TRANCE: If I have seen these creatures before, why don't they look
HARPER: Is that a rhetorical question?
TRANCE: You shouldn't be afraid to ask any question.
looks up to see Tyr and herself kissing passionately on the viewscreen.
Another shot from Wheel.)
BEKA; Nice try, creeps.
stumbles and jars his hip.)
TYR: Are we just a bit out of shape?
HUNT: I am not out of shape.
TYR: Perhaps a physical is in order.
HUNT: I was just in the middle of one, and it was going great.
TYR: Are you hearing that?
HUNT: Yes, I am.
TYR: We must be close.
HUNT: Close to what?
(Two creatures appear and disappear in the tunnel ahead of them.)
HUNT: Close to that. They er, they're disappearing and reappearing.
TYR: Power shortage, perhaps?
HUNT: I'm thinking it might be our good friend Rommie, but why aren't
they attacking us?
TYR: I'm thinking they're thinking we can't see them.
HUNT: Really? Let's find out. Hmm. This is too easy. On a count of
TYR: Let's just shoot them.
(So they do, and the bodies vanish.)
HUNT: That was too easy.
little further on, lava runs through the bottom of the gorge.)
HUNT: It's a bridge.
(Wide enough for just one person.)
TYR: It's a bridge.
HUNT: It's a long way down.
TYR: It is a long way down.
HUNT: From all the readings I'm getting, it says that the power source
is on the other side.
TYR: Isn't it always?
HUNT: Looks like we have to cross the bridge.
TYR: It would seem so. Well, after you, Captain.
HUNT: Now I'm the captain.
(On the other side is a metal door in the cliff face. Creatures appear
and step onto the bridge in front of them.)
TYR: I'd say this time they know we can see them.
(They shoot the creatures, who fall off the bridge.)
TYR: Mine hit first.
HUNT: Yours was fatter. Well, it's definitely through this door.
(Tyr shoots a hole in the door, nearly deafening Hunt.)
HUNT: Thanks for the warning, Tyr. I probably could have just opened
is laced into a set of controls reminiscent of Varn, then Draal, and
the Great Machine on Epsilon III in Babylon 5.)
HUNT: Hi, Rommie.
ROMMIE: Hi, Dylan.
TYR: How are you?
ROMMIE: Oh, I'm hanging in there.
HUNT: That's not funny.
ROMMIE: I'm just trying to break the tension, Dylan.
HUNT: I'm not tense.
ROMMIE: Well, you look it.
TYR: What are they doing here?
ROMMIE: They're trying to use me to focus their power source. Their
generator's not online yet. Ahem. I'd like to get down now.
HUNT: We're working on it.
(Energy courses through Rommie.)
HUNT: Did you press something?
HUNT: Okay, I get it.
(The shooting starts, then stops when the last body vanishes again.)
alien ship appears on the viewscreen.)
BEKA: What the hell? Where did these guys come from?
ROMMIE: The generator captures energy from the plasma below it, but not
fast enough or efficient enough. That's what they were going to use me
for. Now, Dylan, it isn't just these creatures. something's coming,
something big, and it's in an awful hurry.
HUNT: So are we. Beka, what's going on up there?
BEKA [OC]: I've got a number of alien ships in the neighbourhood.
HUNT: Tell me there's not a tunnel opening.
BEKA [OC]: Good guess, there's a tunnel opening.
Whatever you're doing, I'd recommend doing it quickly.
(Lots of ships are coming out of the tunnel. Sigh, the Dominion
invasion of the Federation, anyone?)
BEKA; I do not like this.
Rommie, what can you build out of all of this?
(Their forcelances and other stuff.)
ROMMIE: Whatever you want. Egg cooker, nuclear fusion device.
HUNT: Egg cooker?
ROMMIE: Mmm hmm.
HUNT: No, I want something to take out this generator.
ROMMIE: So you want a bomb?
HUNT: I want a bomb.
ROMMIE: Right, and they say androids can't improvise. You know, Dylan,
it's only a matter of time before these creatures find another way to
focus the energy in the generator.
HUNT: Exactly. That's why we're going to blow this thing up.
TYR: We get to go home first, right?
ROMMIE: So you want a timer?
HUNT: I want a timer.
ROMMIE: Could you pass me that, please?
HUNT: After what you've told me and what Beka's going through, these
guys are planning a massive attack.
Trance, Harper, get your butts back here.
(Trance and Harper run in.)
BEKA: Manoeuvring away. Let them have it, Trance.
TRANCE: Firing. Blasting to smithereens.
HUNT: Arm it.
HUNT: We should probably leave.
ROMMIE: That would be a good idea.
leads the way with his gun as they encounter creatures on the bridge.
Hunt has yet another forcelance with him.)
(More creatures behind them. Rommie kicks one off the bridge. Another
disarms Tyr, and his gun goes sailing down to the lava river.)
TYR: That was a very good gun.
(He punches the creatures lights out. Hunt ends up hanging onto the
bridge by his fingertips.)
HUNT: Er, anytime, guys.
(Tyr throws Hunt's attacker off the bridge and pulls him to safety.)
TYR: Who saved who's ass?
HUNT: It's good to have her back.
(The countdown is at 16:27:45 and counting as they run through the
I have another squadron rapidly approaching.
BEKA: Thanks for the good news.
TRANCE: That was a necessary negative assessment.
BEKA: Well, let's try to accentuate the positive, shall we?
TRANCE: They will soon destroy the Andromeda?
BEKA: Okay, thanks for trying.
away from the planet.)
HUNT: Harper, we're going to need that invention of yours, the jaws of
HARPER [OC]: What?
I built that to help us find these creatures.
[OC]: We already know where they are.
HUNT: Mister Harper, just get it!
Just get it.
HUNT: Beka, we could use a hand here.
BEKA [OC]: On my way.
ROMMIE: We can't outrun them, Dylan.
TYR: All right, Captain, you can save us any time now, if you'd like.
HUNT: Now he asks.
ROMMIE: I think he was being sarcastic.
Got your back, Dylan.
I have to scrap my second most favourite machine, scratch up her
microsystem, reverse the digital reverse, working until my fingers go
numb here, and still I have no idea why I'm doing this.
ANDROMEDA [on screen]: What do you have an idea of?
HARPER: What do I have an idea of? I have an idea that sometimes I envy
you and your artificial intelligence for your low frustration level.
You could help, you know.
ANDROMEDA [on screen]: No, I can't.
[on viewscreen]: Another squadron of ships is emerging from the tunnel.
Beyond the dimensional tunnel, there appears to be a massive staging
(Hunt, Tyr and Rommie run in.)
BEKA: The first ones on our ship weren't left behind, they were an
advance group for another invasion.
HUNT: Round three.
HARPER: All set.
ROMMIE; All weapons programmed and ready, and awaiting your command.
HUNT: Here we go.
BEKA: I don't mean to be negative, but there are an awful lot of them.
TYR: Consider this. It's either the end of it all, or you'll have a
magnificent tale to tell your children.
BEKA: I've got plenty of stories, thanks. Speaking of kids, we should
talk about that.
HARPER: All right, the jaws are ready. But Dylan, if I turn this on,
it's going to draw their fire.
HUNT: Mister Harper, take a guess.
HARPER: Turn it on?
HUNT: That's right.
ANDROMEDA [OC]: They're firing.
HUNT: They're zeroing in on us.
HARPER: And this is a good thing?
HUNT: Trance, hold fire.
BEKA: Dylan, we're not doing so well.
HUNT: Now! Start firing!
ROMMIE: Emptying missile tubes one through two hundred.
TRANCE: All on target. Well done.
HUNT: Beka, reverse full.
BEKA: Running away, I can live with that.
HARPER: In fact, I can't live without that.
HUNT: The force of the tunnel closing will shoot us into safety.
TYR: It might very well crush us.
HARPER: And the tunnel will close because?
TYR: Hopefully they'll soon be losing their power source.
HUNT: We'll know soon enough.
(OO:58:45. The creatures are running into the chamber to find out what
is going on. 2, 1, KaBOOM! The fireball rips through the tunnels. The
generator is disconnected, falls into a lava flow and explodes. Then
the planet does likewise.)
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: The enemy fleet has lost all power. They're
falling back into the tunnel, and so are we.
(A vortex opens up behind Trance and Harper.)
HUNT: Harper! Shut it off!
HARPER: Closing the big, bad jaws of life!
HUNT: Andromeda, emergency power. Get us out of here.
(The vortex closes.)
ANDROMEDA [on viewscreen]: The dimensional tunnel has collapsed. The
fleet is gone.
HUNT: Good work, people. Good work.
BEKA: And so we bid adieu to our beloved visitors from the other side.
HARPER: The other side, huh? Now, there's a question. What is on the
other side of that tunnel?
TRANCE: Vedrans, the Abyss. There are bubbles in time and in the
universe, but if they burst, can we survive it?
HARPER: I don't even want to guess. That's your job.
TRANCE: I know that was a test.
HARPER: It's good to have you back.
ROMMIE: Harper? Would you like to give me a hug, just this once, with
(Harper carefully hugs Rommie.)
HARPER: I never did anything to you, Rommie.
ROMMIE: You're lying.
(She gives him a bear hug.)
ROMMIE: You're not lying.
BEKA: You okay?
HUNT: Yeah. Why?
BEKA: I don't know. You just look like you're getting a little er
HUNT: A little what?
BEKA: Maybe you should have Andromeda make sure you're okay.
HUNT: Did I miss a memo or something? Beka, I'm fine.
(A creature appears.)
BEKA: Dylan, behind you.
(Everyone draws weapons. The creature holds up its hand, then steps
forward and kneels in front of Hunt, holding out a dagger hilt first.)
(Hunt takes the dagger. The creature collapses and vanishes.)
HUNT: Looks like we passed the test.