[Theatre - backstage]
(The Victorian Music Hall audience have enjoyed
the performance. Cries of bravo! as the curtain falls on the Chinese
magician and his dummy, and assistant. Backstage, he is met by the
owner, an ebullient chap with a large cigar in his hand and a red rose
in his buttonhole.)
JAGO: Mister Chang. Wonderful, wonderful. Words fail me, sir. Words
quite fail me.
CHANG: You are most generous.
JAGO: Have I ever, in my thirty years in the halls, seen such a
dazzling display of lustrous legerdemain? So many feats of superlative,
supernatural skill? The answer must be never, sir. Never.
(Chang displays his ventriloquism.)
SIN: Honourable master is kind to bestow praise on humble Chang's
miserable, unworthy head.
JAGO: Dashed clever, the way you work the little fellow. Wires in the
sleeves, I dare say. But I'll not pry, Mister Chang. The secrets of the
artistes are sacrosanct.
BULLER [OC]: Hey, you!
JAGO: What the deuce?
(The stage doorkeeper is holding back an agitated young man, wearing a
cabbie's licence number 14305.)
BULLER: Where's my Emma? What have you done with her?
JAGO: You've got no right to burst in here.
BULLER: Out of my way! It's him I want.
CHANG: Your Emma?
BULLER: She come in here last night and nobody ain't seen her since.
JAGO: I'll have the fellow ejected.
BULLER: Now I'm asking you, mister, what's happened to her?
JAGO: Call the stage hands, Freddy.
CHANG: It's all right, Mister Jago. Please, come with me.
(Chang leads the young man away.)
JAGO: Courteous coves, these Chinese. I'd have propelled him onto the
pavement with a punt up the posterior.
[Chang's dressing room]
CHANG: Your wife?
BULLER: Emma Buller. And don't deny she was here, cos I saw her with my
CHANG: Many ladies come to theatre. Why should you think
BULLER: Not round the side door, they don't. Now, look. I was passing
in my cab and I saw her plain, and I know it was you she was calling
on. She's been acting queer ever since you put the 'fluence on her last
week, so don't try coming the innocent, Mister. I want to know where
she is or I'm calling the law. Clear?
(Chang's assistant helps him off with his stage robe.)
CHANG: Your wife came on stage?
BULLER: Last week. Levitated her, you did. She's not been the same
since. It's done something to her reason, I shouldn't wonder. And she
was here last night.
CHANG: Not to see me.
BULLER: Don't come the cod. She's disappeared. Nobody's seen her, not
since she come here last night, so what about it, eh?
CHANG: In my country we have saying. Man who goes too quickly may step
in bear trap.
BULLER: Right, I'm getting the Peelers.
(Buller leaves. Chang looks at the dummy, Sin, who nods.
(The Tardis materialises on a pathway by the
Thames down in the East End, probably near the East India Docks. Leela
steps out dressed in a Victorian boy's outfit.)
LEELA: These clothes are ridiculous. Why must I wear them?
DOCTOR [OC]: Because you can't go walking around Victorian London in
skins. You'll frighten the horses.
(The Doctor emerges in deerstalker and Argyll cape.)
DOCTOR: Anyway, we don't want to be conspicuous, do we?
(A foghorn sounds. The Doctor looks at an advertising poster for H'sen
Chang's act of magic and mesmerism.)
LEELA: A swamp creature. That was it's attack cry.
DOCTOR: Oh no, it was a ship on the river. Excellent. It means we can't
be far away.
LEELA: From where?
DOCTOR: From where we're going.
LEELA: Doctor, you make me wear strange clothes, you tell me nothing.
You are trying to annoy me.
DOCTOR: I'm trying to teach you, Leela. Surely you'd like to see how
your ancestors enjoyed themselves? Splendid. That's why I'm taking you
to the theatre. Li H'sen Chang. Hmm, pity. I'd rather hoped we'd catch
Little Tich. Never mind. If we hurry we'll just catch the second house.
[Theatre - backstage]
(Jago speaks to a dance girl walking past.)
JAGO: You'd better get your tail pinned on. Linens up in five minutes.
Casey, have you got the oopizootics coming on?
(An Irishman comes up the ladder from under the stage and staggers
CASEY: Mister Jago, I've seen it. I've seen it again!
JAGO: Be quiet. I told you before.
CASEY: Horrible, horrible it was, Mister Jago. A great skull coming at
me out of the dark.
JAGO: Damme, you don't want to bankrupt me, Casey. Keep your voice
down. Threadbare in Carey Street I'll be if people get the notion
there's anything wrong with this theatre.
CASEY: Chains clanking, nine foot tall.
JAGO: You've been drinking.
CASEY: Not a drop, sir.
JAGO: Well, it's time you started.
(Jago holds out his hip flask. Casey takes a long pull.)
JAGO: Now pull yourself together, man.
CASEY: I ain't never going down that cellar again. There I was, fixing
the trap, when this apparition rose out of the ground in front of me.
Hideous, it was. Hideous.
JAGO: That's enough.
(Jago takes his flask back.)
JAGO: It's your imagination.
JAGO: A cat or something must be trapped down there making noises. Tell
you what I'll do, Casey. I'll come down with you this evening, as soon
as the house is clear, and we'll have a good look round. Now how's
CASEY: It was no cat, Mister Jago. I seen it!
JAGO: Please, Casey, remember, mum's the word.
(In an alleyway behind the theatre, young Buller
is confronted by Mister Sin the ventriloquist's dummy, wielding a
LEELA: This is a big village.
LEELA: What's the name of the tribe here?
(They hear a man scream.)
LEELA: The sound of death!
DOCTOR: You stay here.
(He walks on to see a group men struggling with a one on the ground.)
DOCTOR: Excuse me, can I help you?
(The men attack him. They are Chinese. Leela runs in to help but is no
real match for their karate or whatever. Then a policeman's whistle
sounds. The Chinese run off, carrying the man. The Doctor trips up the
last one and Leela pounces on him.. The Doctor chases the others. There
is the sound of a steam train.)
QUICK [OC]: Hold you there.
(The Doctor runs back to Leela. The police have arrived.)
QUICK: Now then, what's all this?
LEELA: Touch me and I'll break your arm.
QUICK: Now don't be foolish, miss.
DOCTOR: Good evening.
LEELA: Keep back, Doctor. Blue guards!
DOCTOR: Good evening, Constable.
QUICK: Good evening, sir. You know this young female, sir?
DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes. We were attacked by this little man and four other
QUICK: When I got here, sir, he was being strangled with his own
DOCTOR: Really? Girlish enthusiasm, officer?
QUICK: You might call it that, sir. I call it making an affray. I must
ask you to come down the station with me.
(Chang has successfully got a young lady suspended
in mid air between two chairs.)
CHANG: Please to see, ladies and gentlemen, subject now in state of
(Chang picks up Sin.)
SIN: She asleep.
CHANG: She not asleep, Mister Sin.
SIN: She been slugging type of toddy.
CHANG: I will prove young lady not asleep.
(Chang's assistant removes the chair from under the woman's ankles.)
SIN: She's lying on metal bar.
CHANG: Not lying on metal bar.
SIN: I've seen it done before.
CHANG: I will prove young lady not lying on metal bar.
(The assistant carefully removes the chair from under her head. She
hangs in mid air.)
SIN: She's held up by wires.
SIN: You can't fool me.
(Chang puts the dummy down on the chair and gets a samurai sword which
he brandishes round it.)
SIN: Don't touch me! Help! Police! Murder!
(Chang waves the sword around the woman.)
CHANG: You see? No wires, Mister Sin. I will now demonstrate art of
levitation raising most beautiful lady high above own topknot.
(The woman rises in the air, and Chang steps forward underneath her.
From the wings, Jago notices blood trickling down Sin's hand.)
(The Sergeant is taking down particulars.)
KYLE: Name, sir?
DOCTOR: Doctor. Leela.
KYLE: Place of residence, sir?
LEELA: We've only just arrived here.
DOCTOR: We're on our way to the theatre, do you see.
KYLE: Your home address will do for the moment, sir. You do have a
permanent address, sir?
DOCTOR: No, Sergeant. We're travellers.
KYLE: I see. Persons of no fixed abode.
DOCTOR: No, no, no, no. We do have an abode. It's called a Tardis.
KYLE: A Tardis.
DOCTOR: But it's not fixed.
KYLE: I can give you and the young lady a fixed abode, sir. Quite
DOCTOR: Flat footed imbecile.
KYLE: What was that, sir?
DOCTOR: It was nothing complementary. Get on with it, Sergeant.
KYLE: Now look, sir. We've got our hands full here, all these girls
going missing in the manor, so if you'd just oblige us by answering any
questions we'll get on a lot better. And a lot quicker.
DOCTOR: Sergeant, all this is irrelevant. I've come here to lay
KYLE: We'll come to that in good time.
DOCTOR: We'll come to that now, Sergeant. We've just prevented a
kidnapping, a robbery or even a murder. My friend here caught one of
the attackers. Let's come to it now, shall we?
KYLE: We've only your word as to what he did, Doctor.
(The Chinaman is sitting very still at a table nearby.)
DOCTOR: Tell him. Tell him.
LEELA: The man they were carrying was dead. He had been stabbed through
KYLE: Really, Miss. And how can you be sure of that?
LEELA: I am a warrior of the Sevateem. I know the different sounds of
death. Now put our prisoner to the torture!
KYLE: Well, if that don't take the biscuit. Torture, eh? This isn't the
Dark Ages, you know.
LEELA: Make him talk.
KYLE: He's a Chinese, if you hadn't noticed. We get a lot of those in
here, Limehouse being so close. Him jaw-jaw plenty by and by, eh,
Johnny? I've sent for an interpreter.
DOCTOR: That won't be necessary. I speak Mandarin, Cantonese, all the
KYLE: Oh yes?
DOCTOR: Yes. Ne how ma? Ni chi mao cora (and so on)
KYLE: Yeah, very remarkable, I'm sure, Doctor, but since you're a party
to the case, it isn't proper.
(A police whistle blows outside.)
KYLE: Now what? That come from the river.
(A raggedy old lady is pointing to a body floating
face down in the Thames.)
WOMAN: Look, there it is, guv. See? Look.
QUICK: Hurry with that boat hook.
(Another constable comes down the steps with a lantern and the boat
WOMAN: It's a floater, all right. You've got it, guv.
(The two policemen pull the body onto the shingle.)
WOMAN: On my oath, you wouldn't want that served with onions. Never
seen anything like it in all my puff. Oh, make an 'orse sick, that
(Chang enters, dressed in Western gentleman's
KYLE: Good of you to come so prompt, sir.
CHANG: Not at all, Sergeant. I'm always happy to be of service to the
police. What can I do for you this time?
KYLE: A complaint against this man, sir. The lady and gentleman here
swear they saw him, in concert with others not in custody, carrying
what appeared to be a body, sir.
KYLE: A European body as I understand them, sir.
CHANG: What happened to the others?
LEELA: They got away. I caught this one.
CHANG: You caught him? Remarkable.
DOCTOR: Don't I know you?
CHANG: I think not.
DOCTOR: Yes, I've seen you somewhere before.
CHANG: I understand we all look the same.
DOCTOR: Are you Chinese? Yes, that's it. We must have. No, I haven't
been in China for four hundred years.
CHANG: Are you taking this matter seriously, Sergeant?
KYLE: We are, sir. Will you question the man, sir?
CHANG: Very well.
(Chang sits down opposite the prisoner.)
CHANG: Can I have paper and pencil, please, Sergeant?
KYLE: Certainly, sir.
(Chang opens a signet ring on his gloved hand, and a small red pill
rolls out. The Chinaman reaches across and picks it up, then puts it in
his mouth. The Sergeant returns with a writing pad.)
DOCTOR: Got it! Li H'sen Chang.
DOCTOR: The Master of Magic and Mesmerism. Show us a trick.
(The prisoner suddenly gasps, stands, then falls across the table.)
DOCTOR: Very good. Very good.
KYLE: I think he's dead, sir.
DOCTOR: How did you do it?
CHANG: I did nothing. What are you suggesting.
(The Doctor sniffs the prisoner's hand.)
DOCTOR: Scorpion venom.
KYLE: Scorpion venom?
DOCTOR: Highly concentrated scorpion venom. It killed him almost
(The Doctor points to a tattoo on the prisoner's hand.)
DOCTOR: The Tong of the Black Scorpion.
KYLE: Don't know that one, sir.
DOCTOR: One of the most dangerous politico-criminal organisations in
the world. Wouldn't you agree, Li H'sen Chang?
CHANG: You seem remarkably well-informed, Doctor. Alas, I know nothing
of these matters. Most regrettable incident. Goodnight, Sergeant.
KYLE: Thank you, sir.
CHANG: I'm sure we shall meet again.
CHANG: Perhaps under more pleasant circumstances.
KYLE: Well, I don't know what to do about this lot.
DOCTOR: Then I'll tell you what to do, Sergeant. Organise a
post-mortem. I want an analysis of the organs.
KYLE: You want what, sir?
DOCTOR: Well naturally I'm going to help. If the Tong of the Black
Scorpion's here in London, you're going to need all the help you can
get. Now cut along and do as I say. Now!
KYLE: Yes, sir.
(Chang is rattling along the cobbled street.)
CHANG: Faster, man, faster.
(They pass a poster for the Evening Star newspaper - Missing girls
mystery 8th victim.)
[Theatre - backstage]
JAGO: Twinkle, twinkle, out in front.
JAGO: Gallery lights still burning.
CASEY: I'll just go and see to them now, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Everyone gone?
CASEY: Aye, just locked up, sir.
JAGO: I hope those girls go straight home to their digs.
CASEY: Oh, that they will, sir, with all this in the papers. Nine are
missing now, you know.
JAGO: Nine. There was some fellow in here earlier blaming Chang of all
people for some girl's disappearance.
CASEY: Just vanished off the streets, they have. Mostly in this area,
too. What do you think's happened to them, Mister Jago?
JAGO: Nothing good, Casey, nothing good. That's a stone certainty.
CASEY: Oh, it says in the paper how it could be jolly Jack at work
JAGO: Jolly Jack?
CASEY: The Ripper, Mister Jago.
(Which dates this story after 1888, then.)
JAGO: The horrendous hyperbole of Grub Street, Casey.
JAGO: Newspaper gossip. They're probably just stony and scarpered. Cut
along now. I'll wait for you here.
[Chang's dressing room]
(Jago goes up the stairs and sneaks in. He goes
over to a wicker trunk and opens it to reveal Mister Sin the supposed
ventriloquist's dummy inside. He touches it and it's eye opens then
shuts again. Jago lifts the left arm.)
JAGO: I was right. It was blood. Blood all over the hand and wrist. How
did that get there?
CASEY: Ready, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Oh, Casey. Don't ever do that to me again. If the celestial Chang
caught me trying to pinch his tricks. I had an idea that his dummy was
a midget dressed up, but it's just an ordinary vent's doll.
CASEY: Are we going to look down the cellar, Mister Jago?
JAGO: Of course, Casey. Of course. When I promise to do something.
Determination, character. After you.
DOCTOR: They're what's known as a very dangerous
bunch. Fanatical followers of an ancient Chinese god called
LEELA: The Tong of the Black Scorpion?
DOCTOR: Yes. His followers believe that one day he'll come back and
rule the world.
(There are noises nearby.)
LEELA: So what's he like, this Weng-Chiang?
DOCTOR: Oh, very pleasant company. They say he blew poisonous fumes
from his mouth and that he killed men with a white light that shone
from his eyes.
DOCTOR: Superstitious rubbish. Here we are.
(They go inside the Limehouse mortuary and Coroner's court. A Chinaman
creeps up to the window and looks in.)
QUICK [OC]: They're in there now, sir.
QUICK: Taken from the river not half an hour ago.
Professor Litefoot's conducting his examination now, sir.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, our case is much more urgent.
QUICK: I wouldn't go in there if I was you, sir.
DOCTOR: Don't you worry about it. Don't you worry.
(The Professor has placed a specimen in a jar.)
LITEFOOT: Thank you.
(And hands it to the Doctor, who puts it on a table.)
LITEFOOT: Who the devil are you, sir.
DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor, come to help you.
LITEFOOT: When I need anyone's help in pathology, I'll ask for it.
DOCTOR: The constable suggested a drowning case.
LITEFOOT: Fished from the river, but he wasn't drowned.
DOCTOR: By the look of those marks, an animal.
LITEFOOT: Exactly what I think, but what kind of animal leaves
mutilations like those?
DOCTOR: Chisel-like incisors. A rodent?
LITEFOOT: Yes, but that's impossible. Look at the size of them.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Have you established the cause of death?
LITEFOOT: Yes, that's another curious thing. All this happened after
LITEFOOT: He was killed by a knife blow to the heart.
DOCTOR: Are those his clothes?
QUICK: Yes, sir. I'm just taking them for examination.
DOCTOR: Hold that.
(The Doctor swaps his cane for the clothes.)
LITEFOOT: He was carrying no personal documents, but this indicates he
was a licensed cab driver.)
(Number 14305. Poor Buller.)
LITEFOOT: Easy enough to identify the poor chap by his number.
LEELA: Doctor, those are the clothes the man we saw was wearing.
DOCTOR: What I'd like to know is, what do you think of these?
LITEFOOT: Some sort of hair.
DOCTOR: Yes. I think they're rat hairs.
LITEFOOT: Rat hairs? Do you know what you're saying, man?
DOCTOR: Yes, of course I know what I'm saying.
LITEFOOT: But they're nearly three inches long. Hairs on a rat can't be
more than what, quarter of an inch?
DOCTOR: Interesting, isn't it, because I've just remembered something
else about Weng-Chiang.
DOCTOR: He was the god of abundance. Yes, he made things grow. Can I
(He takes the Constable's lantern.)
DOCTOR: Thank you.
LEELA: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: Stay there, Leela.
(The Doctor leaves, and is followed by a Chinaman with a wicked looking
(The Chinaman throws the axe, which thuds into a
doorframe next to the Doctor's head.)
DOCTOR: Were you trying to attract my attention?
(The Chinaman falls to the ground. Leela walks up, clearing her
DOCTOR: What's this?
LEELA: A Janis thorn.
DOCTOR: Yes. I thought I told you not to carry
LEELA: He was trying to kill you.
DOCTOR: Oh. Oh, well, in that case you'd better come along.
(Further along, they stop at a manhole cover.)
LEELA: What is it?
DOCTOR: The entrance to the sewers.
LEELA: Blood. Is this where they took the body?
(The Doctor takes off his cape, pulls the cover aside and steps down.)
LEELA: Where's it go?
DOCTOR: Into the Thames eventually. All the sewers are connected.
(They splash along the tunnel, with rats squeaking
LEELA: What are those creatures?
LEELA: They don't look very dangerous.
DOCTOR: No, they're not. They're very cunning though. They're probably
more afraid of us
(Something large roars up ahead and a shadow appears on the sewer
walls. The rats run away, and so do the Doctor and Leela.)
(Something massive is clawing at a grille across
the sewer. The Doctor throws a flash-bang at it as they run back to the
DOCTOR: Out! Out!
(The Doctor closes up the manhole again.)
LEELA: We might have been killed!
DOCTOR: It's ten feet from whiskers to tail.
LEELA: We should have taken weapons.
DOCTOR: What kind of weapons? You'd need a harpoon to stop that brute.
LEELA: Shall we tell the blue guards?
DOCTOR: They'd only call a Sanitary Inspector. It's a guard. It's there
to keep people away.
LEELA: What? Now where are we going?
CASEY: Ah, it's black as Newgate's knocker down
here. It's over this way, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Flickering shadows, Casey. Trick of the light.
CASEY: Shadows don't groan, Mister Jago. Shadows don't clank chains and
moan like all the demented souls in hell.
(The area under the stage is used to store props. Jago's lamp lights up
a large painted face on a totem pole.)
JAGO: There's your ghost. Six-gun Sadie and her Wild West troupe left
that behind. All Lombard Street to ninepence, that's what you saw.
CASEY: It weren't that old thing. Anyway, I heard it.
JAGO: Ah, Casey, you're a pixilated leprechaun. The course of the river
Fleet runs right under the foundations of this old theatre.
(Which puts it several miles west of Limehouse, beyond the City and
north of Temple.)
JAGO: What you heard was a clang and the rush of water as they closed
the sluice gates down on the Thames.
CASEY: Ah, it's easy for you to cast aspersions, Mister Jago. You
weren't down here.
JAGO: Somebody else has been down here by the look of things. Have you
got an admirer, Casey?
CASEY: A glove, is it?
JAGO: Yes, a lady's glove, monogrammed EB. Perhaps the ghost dropped
it, eh? Come on, we've had enough of your spook.
DOCTOR: No plan of the sewers?
KYLE: We don't keep plans of sewers here, sir, but as far as I know,
they all connect to the Fleet and then down to the river. But if you've
got any information, sir?
DOCTOR: At the moment, Sergeant, we're looking for information
KYLE: Professor Litefoot left a message for you, sir.
DOCTOR: Did he?
KYLE: It says he'd like to see you at the mortuary straight away.
DOCTOR: It does.
KYLE: He's still there, sir. We found another body outside after you'd
KYLE: Another Chinese, sir, just outside.
DOCTOR: Very convenient.
KYLE: Very mysterious, sir. You wouldn't know anything about it, I
LEELA: Of course we do. I was rescuing the Doctor
DOCTOR: Come on, Leela!
(Casey and Jago come out of Jago's office and go
to the stage door.)
JAGO: Go on home with you, Casey. Straight home. You might get mistaken
for one of those girls.
CASEY: Aren't you coming, Mister Jago?
JAGO: Not yet. Some paperwork commands my presence yet awhile, but I
shall doubtless descry those lugubrious liniments at the crepuscular
JAGO: See you in the morning.
CASEY: You're a card, Mister Jago. A card and a half.
(Casey leaves the theatre. Chang comes up behind Jago, making him
JAGO: Jiminy, you made me jump. I thought you'd gone, Mister Chang.
CHANG: No, Mister Jago, I have come back to see you.
JAGO: See me, Mister Chang? Nothing wrong, I hope?
CHANG: Be so kind as to step up to my dressing room, and I will
[Chang's dressing room]
JAGO: If it's the terms of our contract, we've
been attracting such good houses lately I've already considered drawing
up a fresh agreement. The terms I have in mind as such I venture no
other management in London would offer an artiste. What would you say
to an extra two percent, Mister Chang? Of the gross, naturally. I think
you'll agree that's fair.
(Jago falls silent as he gazes into Chang's mesmeric eyes.)
CHANG: Now hear me, Jago. You remember the cab driver, Buller, who came
to see me tonight?
JAGO: Cab driver. Yes.
CHANG: I want you to forget him, understand? You did not see him.
JAGO: I did not see him.
CHANG: Good. Now you will go from here to your office. When you sit
down at your desk, you will remember only that you have just said
goodnight to Casey. Is that clear?
JAGO: I have just said goodnight to Casey.
CHANG: Excellent. Now, go.
(Chang waves a hand in front of Jago, who harrumphs and leaves. Chang
also leaves, and goes down to the cellar.)
(Chang lights a lamp and makes his way through the
old props and costumes to a clear area of flagstoned floor. There he
taps three times on one stone, which rises on a hinge to reveal a
ladder going down into -)
(Chang kow-tows to a masked figure in a long
WENG: You are late.
CHANG: We should not go tonight, Lord.
WENG: I must, every night until the time cabinet is found.)
(He coughs and wheezes.)
CHANG: You are ill.
WENG: I am dying, Chang. You must bring another linnet to my cage.
CHANG: But only yesterday
WENG: The disease grows worse. Each distillation lasts less than the
CHANG: And with every girl reported missing, panic increases. I fear
one of them will be traced here.
WENG: You must be careful.
CHANG: Careful as I am, Lord, there is always risk of discovery. Even
tonight I acted quickly to keep our secret. A man was on his way to
WENG: Bah. Those dumb-witted oxen. Chang, I have given you mental
powers undreamt of in this century. You are thousands of years ahead of
your time. What can you fear from these primitives?
CHANG: True, Lord, I read their minds with ease, but tonight there was
a stranger, a man whose thoughts were hidden. A man different from all
WENG: Describe him.
CHANG: He is a doctor. Tall with wide pale eyes and hair that curls
like the ram. He ask many questions.
WENG: A time agent would not ask questions. A time agent would know.
CHANG: But I fear danger, Lord, and have sent a man to kill him.
WENG: Your opium-addicted scum are all bunglers, Chang. You should have
seen to it yourself.
CHANG: If he troubles us further, Lord, I will deal with him
WENG: Very well. We're wasting time. Come.
LITEFOOT: I've taken some of the organs for
further tests, but I must confess to being beaten.
LITEFOOT: They were both poisoned, of course. One orally, the other
intravenously. I understand you suggested scorpion venom?
DOCTOR: Yes, in concentrated form.
LITEFOOT: I'd like to hear more about that. You're in this line, I take
DOCTOR: I've dabbled a bit. Dilettante.
LITEFOOT: Surely more than that. I got a zoologist colleague to look at
our last cadaver. It seems he thinks it's the work of a rat, too. What
an amazing night it's been.
LEELA: It is not over yet.
LITEFOOT: It's been jolly interesting, wouldn't you say? Most of the
corpses around here are jolly dull. Now I've got a couple of
inscrutable Chinks and a poor perisher who was chewed by a giant rat,
having been stabbed by a midget.
DOCTOR: A midget?
LITEFOOT: Angle of the wound. Oh, upon my soul. I'm sure we shouldn't
be discussing such things in front of the fair sex. Forgive us, ma'am.
LEELA: What for?
LITEFOOT: For being so indelicate in the presence of a lady of
LEELA: Does he mean me?
DOCTOR: I don't think so.
LEELA: It's very interesting. You say you can tell the height of the
attacker by the way the blade was thrust? But when aiming for the
heart, we were always taught to strike under the breastbone.
LITEFOOT: Upon my soul!
DOCTOR: Savage. Found floating down the Amazon in a hat box.
LITEFOOT: A hat box?
QUICK: Professor, still here? I've traced our cab driver. Name of
Joseph Buller, 14 Fish Lane, this parish.
LITEFOOT: Oh, splendid. You can let the coroner have all the details,
then. Is there someone to identify the clothing?
QUICK: His mother in law, Mrs Nellie Gusset. Same address. Deceased has
lived there since his marriage six month ago.
DOCTOR: Anything else?
DOCTOR: Well, you had a few drinks with Mrs Gusset. Did she tell you
anything further about the deceased?
QUICK: A bearer of sad tidings, sir. I shared a glass or two while the
poor thing got over the shock. Yes, well, she did mention the deceased
had been in a queer state all day.
QUICK: Well, it seems his wife, that's Emma Buller, daughter of the
house, didn't come home last night. Deceased refused to take his cab
out today as a consequence. Deceased then had several drinks and went
round the Palace Theatre.
LITEFOOT: The theatre?
QUICK: Oh, not on pleasure bent, sir. It seems he believed that's where
his wife was to be found. Mrs Gusset says he went off making horrible
asseverations as to his intentions.
LITEFOOT: Yes, well, er, put as much in that report as you think will
concern the coroner, officer. It's quite clear the man got stupidly
drunk and picked a fight with a dwarf.
QUICK: Yes, sir.
LITEFOOT: A night's work like that always does wonders for my appetite.
I'd be honoured if you'd share some supper with me.
DOCTOR: I'd be delighted, Professor.
(Leela watches, fascinated, as Litefoot light up
LITEFOOT: Of course, the police will have the Buller case cleared up in
no time, but the Chinese, different kettle of fish, what?
LEELA: Why are you making fire in your mouth?
LITEFOOT: Why am I? Upon my sam. Hasn't the girl seen a pipe before?
DOCTOR: There's no tobacco where Leela comes from.
LITEFOOT: Sounds healthy, but exceedingly dull. Yes, as I was saying,
they're a mysterious lot, the Chinese. Enigmatic. I never got anywhere
near to understanding them, and I was brought up in China.
DOCTOR: Really? What were you doing there?
LITEFOOT: My father was Brigadier General in the punitive expedition of
1860. Afterwards he stayed in Peking as a palace attaché. Died there in
the end, poor old buffer. Fireworks at the funeral. Odd custom. Odd
sort of people.
(The Doctor raps on the hood of the cab.)
LITEFOOT: What's up?
DOCTOR: They use fireworks to frighten off evil spirits.
LITEFOOT: I know that. Where are you going?
(The Doctor gets out of the cab.)
DOCTOR: You stay with Litefoot. I'll join you later. Drive on, cabbie.
LITEFOOT: Where are you going?
DOCTOR: Palace theatre.
LITEFOOT: There'll be nobody there at this hour!
(The cab drives on.)
LITEFOOT: Extraordinary. I say, how can he join us later? I haven't
given him m'card.
LEELA: Four Ranskill Gardens. He heard you tell the driver.
LITEFOOT: Gad, he's as sharp as a trout.
(Someone is knocking at the stage door.)
JAGO: All right. Coming!
(Jago opens the door to the Doctor, who barges straight past him.)
DOCTOR: Terrible weather for the time of the year.
JAGO: The theatre's closed.
JAGO: What do you want?
DOCTOR: Are you the manager?
JAGO: I'm the owner, sir. Henry Gordon Jago at the end of a long day,
so if you'd kindly state your business.
DOCTOR: Henry Gordon Jago, how do you do, sir. I'm the Doctor.
JAGO: Ah, now I've rumbled your game. I admire your brass, but it won't
do. Call back on Saturday.
DOCTOR: Don't move. Hold that.
(Jago takes the Doctor's cane. The Doctor pulls a string of coloured
handkerchiefs from Jago's top pocket.)
JAGO: Auditions commence at ten o'clock sharp. Supporting acts booked
for one week only.
(The Doctor puts a lid over a metal pan and removed it to reveal a
JAGO: Is that all?
DOCTOR: No. Dramatic recitations, singing, tap-dancing. I can play the
Trumpet Voluntary in a bowl of live goldfish.
JAGO: Don't bother coming back on Saturday.
DOCTOR: I'm also a master hypnotist. Now then.
(The Doctor swings Jago's pocket watch in front of his eyes.)
DOCTOR: How long since you were under the influence, sir?
JAGO: I'm a man of character and determination, sir. The Rock of
Gibraltar would be more easily, more easily.
DOCTOR: Just as I thought, and quite recently, too. What was your last
JAGO: To remember nothing since I said goodnight to Casey.
DOCTOR: Henry Gordon Jago, I command you to remember everything you
were ordered to forget. When I count to three, you will remember
everything. One, two, three.
JAGO: More easily influenced than I would. I have a will of iron. What
the Dickens am I talking about?
DOCTOR: Did a cab driver come here tonight?
JAGO: Yes, there was a fellow burst in and accosted Mister Chang
DOCTOR: What did he want?
JAGO: Something about his Emma. Lady friends, no doubt.
DOCTOR: Emma Buller, his wife. She disappeared last night. Does Mister
Chang by any chance do a vanishing lady act?
JAGO: You're not by any chance suggesting that Mister Chang has
anything to do with these missing
DOCTOR: What is it?
JAGO: Emma Buller.
(Jago takes the monogrammed glove from his pocket and gives it to the
DOCTOR: EB. Where did you find this?
JAGO: In the cellar. Are you from the police?
DOCTOR: I'm helping them. I'd like to see this cellar, Mister Jago.
(Weng, Chang and Sin are travelling down a nice
middle-class residential street. Weng holds a fat circular object.)
WENG: You are certain these are different streets?
CHANG: The driver has his orders. Every night we quarter a new sector.
WENG: For how much longer?
CHANG: Patience, Lord. We know the time cabinet is here. The cabinet of
Weng-Chiang in the house of an infidel. We shall recover it.
WENG: I grow weary, Chang.
CHANG: Tomorrow I bring you two donors. Young, plump, high-spirited
girls. The distillation of their life essences will recover your
JAGO: It was over here. Here, this is where it
was, down here.
DOCTOR: What were you doing down here?
JAGO: I was reassuring Casey
JAGO: My factotum. He's taken to seeing ghosts lately. He's a good
fellow, Casey, but about as sharp as the corners of a round table.
Great Jumping Jehosophat! What a spider! That must be the granddaddy of
DOCTOR: It's a money spider.
JAGO: A money spider?
JAGO: Don't kill it.
DOCTOR: Genetic disruption. Where does it come from? What's under here?
JAGO: You mean right where we're standing?
JAGO: Well, they say the course of the River Fleet runs right
JAGO: Yes, the River Fleet runs right under these foundations.
DOCTOR: Excellent. We're getting somewhere.
[Litefoot's dining room]
(Litefoot lights a gas lamp.)
LITEFOOT: Ah, now, let's see what we have here. Mrs Hudson always
leaves me a cold collation.
(The sideboard is covered in dishes.)
LITEFOOT: Ham, roast beef, chicken, tongue. Those look like quail,
unless I'm much mistaken.
(Leela grabs a large joint of ribs and bites into it.)
LITEFOOT: Yes, well, perhaps we shouldn't wait for your friend the
Doctor. Help yourself, my dear. Plates on the end of the table. I'll,
er, I'll just put a log or two on the fire.
LEELA: It's good.
LITEFOOT: Oh, I'm so glad.
LEELA: Is something wrong?
LITEFOOT: No, no. Would you care for a knife or a fork?
(Leela picks up a large carving knife and uses it on the joint.)
LEELA: It's a good knife. Aren't you going to eat?
LITEFOOT: Yes, yes.
(He picks up a plate, decides not to embarrass Leela and picks up a leg
of lamb with his hands.)
LITEFOOT: Just going to eat.
(Weng's device starts glowing.)
WENG: Stop! Stop! Somewhere here. Somewhere! One of these dwellings!)
[Outside Litefoot's house]
(They all get out of the cab, and follow a path
indicated by the glowing, pulsing disc.)
WENG: This is the place, Chang. The time cabinet is in there.
CHANG: Leave the rest to your servants, Lord. Go back to your abode.
WENG: I must have the time (cough) cabinet.
CHANG: Lord, your weakness grows. Go, go back. Rest. I will bring the
cabinet to you.
WENG: Very well, but do not fail me now, Chang.
(The Doctor throws another prop aside.)
DOCTOR: Well, if there is a secret entrance, it's expertly hidden.
(An apparition of something covered in a white sheet appears, clanking
DOCTOR: How very interesting.
DOCTOR: Do you know what this is? Oh, come on, Rock of Gibraltar.
(The Doctor drags Jago away.)
[Litefoot's dining room]
(They are now seated at the table, eating from
plates, although Leela doesn't appear to have used her knife and fork.
She picks up a large bowl of a dessert to drink, then looks to wipe her
hands on the table cloth. That's a step too far.
LEELA: Thank you, Professor.
LITEFOOT: The Doctor's taking a long time. I hope he did note the
(Litefoot returns his sherry glass to the drinks table and looks out
through the curtains of the bay window.)
LITEFOOT: Great Scott!
LEELA: What is it?
LITEFOOT: There's somebody out there watching the house.
LITEFOOT: Someone stepped back into the shrubbery as I looked out.
(Litefoot takes a revolver from a drawer.)
LITEFOOT: Some scoundrel up to no good. Odd thing. I could swear he was
a Chinese. Well, whoever he is, I'll give him more than he expected.
No, you wait here.
[Theatre - backstage]
(Jago wakes up.)
DOCTOR: How are you feeling?
JAGO: The ghost! I saw it. Casey, forgive me.
JAGO: I saw it.
DOCTOR: It was a hologram.
JAGO: I always thought there was something unnatural about that cellar.
DOCTOR: There's nothing unnatural about the holograph technique.
Projection of light by a laser beam.
DOCTOR: Don't worry. It wasn't known in this century.
(The Doctor takes a small flask from his cane.)
DOCTOR: Drink this. Go on, you'll feel better.
JAGO: What's that?
(A light in the main theatre.)
(The Doctor goes to investigate. From the main
stage he sees a light up in the roof, so he starts to climb a backstage
ladder up to the scenery rigs. Something throws a papier mache head
down at him, and he falls back into a costume hamper. He starts to
climb again, and we see that the person he is pursuing ever higher is
Weng. The masked phantom of the music hall takes hold of one of the
ropes and swings across the width of the stage. The Doctor runs to the
middle of a gantry but has lost sight of him. Then he is pushed off
from behind, and only manages to save himself by grabbing onto a
scenery backdrop. Weng slides down a rope to the ground. Jago enters
the stage to investigate the noises and gets hit over the head as Weng
makes for the cellar. Finally the piece of scenery tears, dropping the
Doctor fairly gently to the stage.)
JAGO: Oh, oh Doctor.
DOCTOR: Cheer up, Jago, cheer up.
DOCTOR: He's gone back to his rats. Are you all
JAGO: Yes, I think so. Who the devil was it?
DOCTOR: I've no idea. He didn't introduce himself.
JAGO: Shall I call in the local police?
DOCTOR: Oh, Henry Gordon Jago. Then our reclusive phantom would simply
JAGO: Oh, good heavens, yes.
DOCTOR: We can tackle it together, you and I.
JAGO: What are you going to do?
DOCTOR: Think. I'm going to have some supper.
[Litefoot's dining room]
(Professor Litefoot patrols his gardens, revolver
in hand. A dog barks in the distance. He returns through the front
door. Leela is still keeping watch at the window.)
LITEFOOT [OC]: Nobody out there now. Fellow must have got wind of
LEELA: Professor? Are you there? Professor!
(Leela opens the dining room door to reveal Mister Sin holding a knife.
He grunts as he enters.)
[Outside Litefoot's house]
(Inside, Leela picks up a knife from the dining
table and throws it into Mister Sin's throat. The 'dummy' continues to
totter forward and she backs away. Out in the entrance hall, Chang
takes Litefoot's revolver then hears the Doctor walking up the road
whistling 'Colonel Bogey'. He leaves the house and hides behind a
privet hedge. Inside, Leela gets away from Mister Sin by jumping onto
the table then leaping through the window. Outside, the Doctor hears
the noise and ducks just as Chang fires the revolver at him. He runs
for the house, avoiding the second shot.)
(Sin turns and totters out of the dining room.)
DOCTOR: Where's Litefoot?
LEELA: He went out. He said he'd seen a Chinaman outside the window.
DOCTOR: And you jumped through it.
LEELA: Something like that.
DOCTOR: Stay here.
(Chang carries a limp Sin down the front steps as the Doctor goes round
the back of the house and gets inside by standing on a barrel to get
through a small open window. Leela watches Chang and Sin get into a
hansom cab that pulls up outside, then runs and jumps on the back as it
drives away. The Doctor comes out of the front door.)
DOCTOR: Leela! Leela, no! Don't! Leela.
[Litefoot's dining room]
(The Professor is awake and sitting at the table.
The Doctor shouts to someone outside the room.)
LITEFOOT: The sheer criminal effrontery. Things are coming to a pretty
pass when ruffians will attack a man in his own home.)
(The Doctor puts a bunch of icecubes tied in a napkin on Litefoot's
DOCTOR: Well, they were Chinese ruffians.
LITEFOOT: I wonder what they intended?
LITEFOOT: Well, there are some pretty valuable things here. That
K'ang-hsi vase, for instance. My family brought that back from Peking.
Or that Chinese puzzle box.
(The 'box' is a massive cabinet taller than the Doctor, with a large
circular strongroom style dial on the front.)
LITEFOOT: It doesn't open. Chap spent a week here once looking for a
DOCTOR: Fused molecules.
LITEFOOT: No, no, no, no. Lacquered bronze.
DOCTOR: It's extraordinary. It's from this planet.
LITEFOOT: A parting gift from the Emperor.
DOCTOR: Technology this advanced? Ah! Got it! Well, of course, that's
LITEFOOT: What the Dickens are you raving about, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Weng-Chiang. I do hope that girl Leela isn't in danger.
(That girl Leela has followed Chang to the theatre
cellar, where he raps on the flagstone and goes down into Weng's
WENG [OC]: You will explain yourself, Li H'sen.
WENG: I will not tolerate failure!
CHANG: There has been no failure, Lord.
WENG: Then where is the time cabinet?
CHANG: The house is marked. When night returns, my brothers in the band
of death will strike.
WENG: I put no trust in your dockyard riff-raff.
CHANG: Lord, for your glory they would die willingly.
WENG: Opium sodden scum. Strike!
(Chang sounds the brass gong and Weng pulls a rope that lifts a cover
to reveal a six foot across round sewer entrance, with a large grill.)
CHANG: Lord, I promise you will have the great cabinet of Weng-Chiang
before another dawn.
WENG: I had better. I grow weary of this hole in the ground.
(Weng throws a large chunk of meat through the grill.)
CHANG: You are safe here, Lord.
WENG: Safe? It is a trap, and I was seen returning to it.
WENG: Yes, and now he knows where I am, he will be back.
WENG: By your description, the one you have already failed to kill.
CHANG: The Doctor! I knew he was a danger.
WENG: Listen, Li H'sen.
(The giant rat takes the meat.)
WENG: The beasts of darkness. I have made them larger and more savage
than lions! Yes, yes, the Doctor is a danger, and he was brought to my
door by your blundering. You see what it means, Li H'sen?
CHANG: He will die.
WENG: The list of your failures is growing. I must be ready to move
quickly. I need strength.
CHANG: I will bring a girl, Lord.
WENG: One will not be enough this time. I need two fresh young donors,
and I need them at once.
CHANG: It is not easy at this hour, Lord.
WENG: No excuses! Get them!
CHANG: Yes, Lord.
(Leela follows Chang out of the cellar.)
[Litefoot's dining room]
(The Doctor is drawing a map of the Thames on the
tablecloth. Litefoot enters.)
LITEFOOT: Haven't you slept?
DOCTOR: Sleep is for tortoises.
LITEFOOT: Any news of Miss Leela?
DOCTOR: Not yet.
LITEFOOT: Perhaps we should inform the police?
DOCTOR: No, there are already nine missing girls on their list.
LITEFOOT: Oh yes, but surely missing under very different
DOCTOR: No. If my suspicions are correct, then I know what those poor
girls were used for, and I can't imagine a more grisly fate. He's a
LITEFOOT: Who's a blackguard?
DOCTOR: I don't know who's a blackguard. Some slavering gangrenous
vampire comes out of a sewer and stalks this city at night, he's a
blackguard. I've got to find his lair and I haven't got an hour to
loose. Look. You see? I've been trying to trace the line of the sewers.
That's the Thames, this is the line of the Fleet, and that is the
LITEFOOT: I'm beginning to see what you're getting at.
DOCTOR: Good. Good.
LITEFOOT: Yes, well, er, if you've finished with the tablecloth, I
think I'd better dispose of that before my housekeeper arrives.
LITEFOOT: How'd you know the course of the Fleet? It's been covered for
DOCTOR: I caught a salmon there once. Would have hung over the sides of
this table. Shared it with the Venerable Bede. He adored fish.
(Litefoot gathers up the tablecloth and puts it into a wicker hamper in
the entrance hall.)
DOCTOR: Professor, you don't happen to have an elephant gun, do you?
LITEFOOT: Elephants? Why on Earth do you want an elephant gun?
DOCTOR: We're about to embark on a very dangerous mission.
LITEFOOT: Well, I've a Chinese fowling piece if that's any good. Used
for duck, mainly.
(The Doctor looks at the long-barreled weapon.)
DOCTOR: Made in Birmingham. Yes, that's the main requirement. Could you
get me a small boat?
LITEFOOT: I imagine so. May I ask the purpose of these preparations?
DOCTOR: Yes. To find the confluence of the Thames and Fleet, Professor,
then to follow the Fleet.
LITEFOOT: And then?
DOCTOR: Oh, and then we shall see.
(Leela sneaks along behind a wall as a cab pulls
up outside a house and a woman gets out. She pays off the driver.)
TERESA: Ta, ducks.
(The cab drives off. Chang sneaks up behind the working woman.)
CHANG: Pleasant are the dreams of morning.
TERESA: You gave me a turn, dearie.
CHANG: Fresh as dew and bright with promise.
TERESA: Yeah, well, that's how you might see it, Mister Ching-ching,
but as far as I'm concerned all I want is a pair of smoked kippers, a
cup of rosie and put me plates up for a few hours, savvy?
CHANG: Budding lotus of the dawn, despicable Chang has other ideas.
TERESA: Well, I can tell you what to do with your ideas.
(She looks into his mesmeric eyes.)
CHANG: You will come with me.
(Leela watches Chang lead the woman away, then follows.)
[Chang's dressing room]
(Chang sits Teresa in his chair.)
CHANG: Await my return.
(Leela hides as Chang comes down the stairs from his dressing room.
Someone laughs nearby, and Chang goes towards the sound. Two men are
sitting in the theatre, laughing as a young woman sweeps the floor down
in front of the stage. Leela enters the dressing room.
LEELA: The spell of the shaman.
(Something sniggers nearby. Leela opens a wardrobe. Downstairs, Chang
hypnotises the cleaning girl and leads her upstairs. He speaks to the
woman sitting in the chair.)
CHANG: Come. I said come!
(We see that Teresa has been undressed and put into the wardrobe.)
(Chang drags both women by the hand.)
CHANG: Come, you painted drabs. My master must feed.
(A boatman is rowing the Doctor and Litefoot past
a moored ship at St Katherine's Dock, by the Tower of London.)
DOCTOR: There it is, fifty yards ahead.
LITEFOOT: Sit down, Doctor. The man knows these waters.
DOCTOR: I've always enjoyed messing about in boats.
LITEFOOT: I think this entire enterprise is extremely rash and
DOCTOR: My dear Litefoot, I've got a lantern and a pair of waders, and
possibly the most fearsome piece of hand artillery in all England. What
could possibly go wrong?
LITEFOOT: Well, that for a start. It hasn't been fired for fifty years.
If you try to use it, it'll probably explode in your face.
DOCTOR: Explode? Unthinkable. It was made in Birmingham. Tie up over
(The boatman brings them to a grill in the embankment. This is not
really where the Fleet meets the Thames, but never mind, it'll do for
(The cleaning girl is in her underwear. The
'whore' is still fully dressed.)
CHANG: You will hear the commands of my master, Weng-Chiang, and obey.
WENG: Where did you get them?
CHANG: Are they unsuitable, Lord?
WENG: They're not the best, but they'll do. They're young. Their life
essence is still strong. Oh, this one has muscles like a horse!
CHANG: I took what I could find, Lord.
WENG: I have given you knowledge. I have made you a leader among your
fellows. All I have asked for in return is a few contemptible slatterns
who will never be missed.
CHANG: But they are missed, Lord. And because your need is so great,
I've been forced to move unwisely.
CHANG: I took this one from the rooms above. Nobody saw, but it will
bring the police even nearer.
WENG: It is of no consequence. Once I have the time cabinet, I can move
from here. Now put this one in the distillation chamber.
CHANG: Yes, Lord.
WENG: Leave me to my work. (to Leela) I shall not keep you waiting
LITEFOOT [OC]: All right, Doctor?
DOCTOR: All right, Professor.
LITEFOOT [OC]: I'll wait for you for two hours, then.
DOCTOR: Yes, no more. If I'm still in here at high tide.
LITEFOOT [OC]: Yes?
DOCTOR: Don't bother.
LITEFOOT [OC]: Oh. Well, good luck!
(Leela is now down to her ample Victorian
underwear. Weng pulls levers on his contraption and the device the
cleaning girl is standing in starts to hum. The air around her shimmers
then goes opaque. Leela throws a scarf over Weng's head and kicks him
down. She reverses the controls but the girl is dead, her skin darkened
and desiccated. Leela makes for the ladder, and Weng fires a ray gun at
her. He misses as she jumps down and hides behind a bench full of
testtubes and glass retorts. He starts to crawl round it and she runs
for the open grill to the sewers and climbs through before he can
stagger there. Weng sounds the gong.)
WENG: When my beauties find her, she will wish she had died here!
(He closes the cover to the sewers. The giant rats screech as Leela
runs off. The Doctor hears them and keeps walking.
Meanwhile, two coolies run up to Litefoot's house with a handcart
bearing wicker baskets labelled Limehouse Laundry. They carry one into
the house and remove the one that Litefoot put the tablecloth into,
then take it away.
On the river, a peal of Westminster chimes can be heard. Litefoot
checks his watch. The water is still well below the level of grill.)
(The working woman has woken from her hypnosis and
come down the stairs.)
CASEY: Hey, you. What's your business here?
WHORE: Business? Where the devil am I?
CASEY: Oh, you wouldn't be knowing.
WHORE: What happened to me last night? Can't remember a thing.
CASEY: Look, if there's anything missing, I'll remember you sure
enough. Now you come on, get on out of here.
WHORE: Get your hands off of me! I'm a lady.
JAGO: What's the trouble, Casey?
CASEY: No trouble, Mister Jago. I'm just seeing this lady off the
WHORE: Oh, my lord. It was him! It was him!
(She points to a poster of Chang on the wall.)
JAGO: Mister Chang? What are you talking about?
WHORE: Quick, let me out of this place! Let me go!
(She runs out of the stage door.)
JAGO: Another case of the screaming oopizootics. I'll bear that in
JAGO: It might have some relevance to the matter in hand.
CASEY: What matter?
JAGO: The investigation, Casey. These missing females. I've made the
acquaintance of a very high-up gentleman, an amateur investigator who's
been called in personally by the Yard. Scotland Yard. And I am
JAGO: I am. He told me to watch, Casey, and I am watching, everywhere.
(Chang has overheard this conversation.)
(Leela and the Doctor are still trying to avoid
the giant rat in the sewers.)
WENG: You incompetent fool! She was a tigress!
CHANG: She substituted herself for the woman I had found. The police
must be closing in.
WENG: My rats will dispose of her, but you, Li H'sen, have made too
CHANG: That girl. She was with the doctor. It is not the police, it is
he who sent her.
WENG: Vacant excuses. You have failed me! You know that until I have
the time cabinet, I can never be whole again, never escape from this
hideous condition. Yet knowing this, you still failed me.
CHANG: Lord, hear me. I would lay down my life in your service.
WENG: You are dismissed, Li H'sen. I can no longer leave my fate in
your blundering hands.
CHANG: Great one, let me find this doctor. Let me strike him down for
the harm he has done you.
WENG: Do not beg. You have proved unworthy. Go!
CHANG: I await your commands, Lord.
(Chang leaves. Weng turns on his contraption and the shimmering effect
enters his body.)
(Leela is still running from the giant rat. The
Doctor hangs his lantern on a convenient nail and aims the fowling
piece, then sees her appear round the corner. The rat grabs Leela's
ankle and starts dragging her back.)
(The Doctor fires the old fowling piece. There is
lots of smoke, then silence. When the smoke clears, the giant rat lies
dead in the water, partly on top of Leela.)
DOCTOR: Leela? Leela, are you all right?
LEELA: Oh, thank you, Doctor. Yes, I'm all right, just bruised.
DOCTOR: You were lucky.
LEELA: I deserve death. I had the chance to kill our enemy, Doctor, and
DOCTOR: Which enemy?
LEELA: The yellow one calls him lord. He lives in a cave beneath the
theatre. Come, I will show you.
(Another giant rat calls in the darkness.)
DOCTOR: This gun takes about half an hour to load. Let's go this way.
JAGO: Casey, I'm about to repair for half a foot
of port. Mrs Samuelson in yet?
CASEY: I've not seen her, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Well, you tell her I want the girl's frillies smartening up. They
looked like a fit-up company last night. One of them had a Jacob's
ladder as long as my arm. Look at that. You tell her.
(Jago hands the black stocking to Casey.)
CASEY: Yes, Mister Jago.
(Jago opens the stage door to reveal Chang.)
JAGO: Oh, Mister Chang. Back again already? I shall have to start
charging you rent, what?
CHANG: There are many things to prepare before the performance.
JAGO: Of course, Mister Chang. Yes. The art that conceals, eh? Tell me,
CHANG: Last night?
JAGO: I'm working too hard. Too much in the old brain box, that's a
fact, but, er. We talked about a new contract but I've quite forgotten
how we left matters.
CHANG: I'm considering your new offer.
JAGO: Ah, I see. Splendid. Generous offer?
CHANG: Merely reasonable. Tonight, incidentally, I shall be appearing
without Mister Sin.
JAGO: Oh, why is that? Just making a change?
CHANG: Mister Sin is indisposed.
JAGO: Ha, ha, very droll. I shall treasure that exceedingly humorous
jest, Mister Chang. Oh, Mister Chang? I suppose the little fellow's got
a touch of woodworm, what?
[Litefoot's dining room]
DOCTOR: Say that again?
DOCTOR: Say that again.
LEELA: She was dead. Her skin was dry like old leaves. It was something
the machine did to her.
DOCTOR: Like old leaves. Sounds like an organic distillation. Drained
out the life essence.
LEELA: That's what he called it.
DOCTOR: Did he?
LEELA: Well, he seemed to know what he was talking about.
DOCTOR: Well, he doesn't. He's a madman.
(Litefoot enters with parcels.)
LITEFOOT: Here we are. Your outfit, my dear.
LEELA: Oh, thank you, Professor.
(Leela takes off the blanket and puts down the cup of hot whatever and
goes to open them.)
LITEFOOT: No, no, not here. Mrs Hudson's waiting upstairs. She'll help
you change. Hope it's suitable.
(Leela picks up the parcels and leaves.)
LITEFOOT: Dashed embarrassing business, eh? Never done it before.
(The Doctor is examining the Chinese cabinet.)
LITEFOOT: Chosen togs for a girl.
LITEFOOT: Quite apart from the rum things they wear, you have to be
jolly careful it's in the right fashion. Clothes matter to women.
DOCTOR: They do?
LITEFOOT: Still trying to open it, are you?
DOCTOR: Yes. I'm trying to place the period. It can only be opened by a
key of the correct molecular combination.
LITEFOOT: Is that a fact?
LITEFOOT: What were you saying when I came in? Something about a
DOCTOR: Yes, he's probably got the key.
DOCTOR: Well, presumably he's calling himself Weng-Chiang.
LITEFOOT: Weng-Chiang was one of the ancient Chinese gods.
DOCTOR: I know that, Professor, I know. And he probably arrived in this
LITEFOOT: It was a gift to Mama from his highness, T'ung-Chi. We came
home in seventy three, so it's been in the family quite some years now.
DOCTOR: Then you're very lucky, Professor, that he hasn't traced it
(Leela enters, in a green chevroned dress with mutton-chop sleeves and
her hair done up. She looks delighted with herself.)
LEELA: Do you like it?
DOCTOR: Yes, it's charming. Isn't it charming, Professor?
LITEFOOT: Quite delightful.
DOCTOR: I'll be proud to take to take you to the theatre looking like
LEELA: We're going to the theatre?
DOCTOR: I have an appointment at the Palace Theatre tonight, and if
you're very good, I'll buy you an orange.
(We look down on the two men walking along the
stage behind the curtains.)
CASEY: Told her.
CASEY: Mrs Samuelson. I told her what you said.
CASEY: She didn't like it.
JAGO: I don't need to hear that, Casey. I'm not concerned with what Mrs
(They walk past racks of costumes lining a corridor.)
CASEY: She mentioned money matters. She wants a word with you.
JAGO: The woman's a bloodsucker. She's trying to ruin me.
CASEY: Well she said
JAGO: Don't tell me, Casey. I'm an artiste. Every night at this time, I
feel like an old warhorse scenting the smoke of the battlefield. As the
house fills, the blood starts tingling through my veins. My public is
out there waiting for me. I can't talk about money at a time like this.
CASEY: But you don't do anything, Mister Jago.
JAGO: I, I announce the acts, I count the tickets, I smile at people.
You've no idea of the strain it puts on a fellow. Furthermore, she
spend seventeen and threepence on the wardrobe last week. Any sign of
the Doctor yet?
JAGO: My collaborator and fellow sleuth. Oh well, he'll be here tonight
keeping observation, Casey.
[Outside Chang's dressing room]
JAGO [OC]: I'll lay a guinea to a gooseberry on
(Chang enters his dressing room, having overheard Jago. He goes to his
dressing table, takes a revolver out of a drawer, and loads it.)
[Litefoot's dining room]
(The Doctor and Leela are playing draughts. She is
sitting cross-legged on the table and wearing a hat.)
LITEFOOT: Your cab's here.
LITEFOOT: You'll need your coats. It's getting thick again.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Did you pass word to the police?
LITEFOOT: Oh, yes, yes. They've posted a man outside.
(The Doctor takes Leela's three remaining draughts.)
DOCTOR: Good. Lock and bolt the door after us and keep your gun handy.
LITEFOOT: What, you really think those scoundrels will come back?
DOCTOR: They might. They might. They'll do anything to get their hands
on that cabinet.
(Where the Chinese laundry hamper sits hidden in
LITEFOOT: Don't you worry, Doctor. By shots, I'll be ready for them.
They won't catch George Litefoot napping a second time.
[Outside Litefoot's house]
DOCTOR: Palace Theatre, cabbie. Make it snappy.
CABBIE: Go on, get up.
(The cab drives off past the policeman on guard at the gate.)
(Weng is packing pieces of equipment into a large
carpet bag when there is a knocking on the trap door. He pulls the
chain to open it then calls up the ladder.)
WENG: What is it?
CHANG: Your servant, master.
WENG [OC]: Go away. I have work to attend to.
CHANG: Lord, I have heard that the strange infidel, the Doctor, will be
here soon. Is it still your wish that I should kill him?
WENG: I think it more likely that he will kill
CHANG: No, Lord. I have plan. I will kill him as
sacrifice to appease the wrath of my god Weng-Chiang, to prove that I
above all others am your true servant.
WENG: You no longer serve me, Li H'sen. I shall
take my own measures. You do what you will. Now go!
[Theatre - backstage]
(The orchestra is tuning up.)
JAGO: You owe me a gooseberry, Casey. There he is, in the box. See?
CASEY: He don't look like a detective to me.
JAGO: Well, he's not going to wear a brown derby and boots, is he,
secret investigator like him, a man of a thousand faces.
CASEY: Who's the girl?
JAGO: Window dressing. Part of his disguise. Tell you what, I think
I'll just pop up and tell him we're all on the q v down here. Have you
set the star trap yet?
CASEY: Not yet, Mister Jago.
JAGO: You'd better get on with it, hadn't you, unless you want to ruin
Mister Chang's act for him.
CASEY: It's that cellar, Mister Jago.
(Leela is looking at the brightly coloured
programme when Jago creeps in behind them. She turns, but the Doctor
DOCTOR: Good evening, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Pleasure to welcome you, sir, and your charming companion.
DOCTOR: Thank you. Are you quite comfortable down there?
JAGO: Oh, I know the value of discretion in matters like this, Doctor.
May I ask if you've come to any further deductions?
DOCTOR: Oh, quite a few, quite a few.
JAGO: Ah. I thought as much when I saw you here. I take it you're on
the point of solving the mystery of the missing girls.
DOCTOR: I'm expecting further developments very soon, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Ah. Well, if you need any help, Doctor, I hope I know where my
DOCTOR: I knew I could rely on you.
JAGO: Oh, to the limit, though I suppose you've got your own men
scattered throughout the audience.
JAGO: No? You mean nobody?
DOCTOR: Nobody. When the moment comes, Mister Jago, you and I can face
our destiny shoulder to shoulder.
JAGO: Oh, corks.
(Back at the house, Litefoot is reading Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine
no 1916, with an advert for Lee and Perrins Worcestershire sauce on the
back, by the light of the fire. He puts it down and looks out of the
window to see the policeman patrolling in the garden then returns to
Meanwhile, Lettie Randall is singing on stage.)
LETTIE: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy all for
the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage. I can't afford a
carriage. But you'll look sweet on the seat of a bicycle build for two.
ALL: Daisy, Daisy.
LEELA: Do we need to give the responses?
DOCTOR: There's no obligation.
ALL: I'm half crazy
LEELA: When shall we go and look for the cave creature?
DOCTOR: Perhaps it'll come looking for us.
(Under the stage, Weng climbs the ladder out of
his laboratory as Casey prepares the trap door as instructed. Then he
turns and sees the masked horror.)
CASEY: No. No!
(Jago does his Master of Ceremonies piece after
JAGO: The Sheffield song thrush. Last time she was here, there were
eggs all over the stage. Now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my great
privilege to introduce to you, in his extended season here at the
Palace, the first of two appearances this evening, someone whose
legendary legerdemain has entranced and entertained all the crowned
heads of Europe. Here to baffle and bewilder in his eclectic
extravaganza of efflorescent ectoplasm, that master magician from the
Orient, Li H'sen Chang!
(Drum roll, flash-bang, and Chang appears from the trap door,
presumably. His assistant runs on with a covered table.)
CHANG: First trick very simple.
(He throws his cape to the side of the stage, where there is another
flash-bang and shower of glitter.)
CHANG: Next trick very simple.
(His assistant hands him a deck of cards.)
CHANG: Will someone pick cards, please? You sir. Catchee.
(Chang throws the pack he has just shuffled up to the Doctor.)
CHANG: Now, sir, please to assist humble Chang by selecting any card.
Ace of diamonds. Please to hold card in air so everyone see. Now, sir,
please to return card to pack, any place. Honourable gentleman please
to hold pack of playing cards between finger and thumb. Chang will now
shoot magic bullet through ace of diamonds without hitting other cards.
Please to keep very still.
(Chang aims the revolver.)
(The Doctor slowly brings the pack of cards towards his face. The
CHANG: Please to keep very quiet. Chang shoot fifteen peasants learning
(Chang fires. There is no apparent bullet hole anywhere.)
CHANG: Now, sir, please look for ace of diamonds.
(The Doctor holds up a card with a hole where the single diamond should
DOCTOR: Oh, very good, very good! Wasn't that good? Anything else?
CHANG: Honourable gentleman please to bring cards to stage. I have
further demonstration requiring nerves of steel.
(The Doctor goes down to the stage as a man-sized cabinet is wheeled
Back at Litefoot's house, two Chinese men creep up behind the policeman
and throw an axe into his back. Inside, the lid of the laundry basket
rises to reveal Mister Sin. Litefoot has fallen asleep in his chair.)
CHANG: I will now ask my eager volunteer kindly to step into the
Cabinet of Death.
(The Doctor has to bend his knees to fit. Chang shuts the doors, turns
the cabinet, and the Doctor walks out and off the stage in full view of
the audience, who laugh. Chang has not noticed, and turns the cabinet
back to the front of the stage then opens it.)
CHANG: The bird has flown. One of us is yellow.
(Chang's assistant gets into the cabinet.)
CHANG: If you will now pay close attention, ladies and gentlemen.
(Chang takes a sword, hits the cabinet with it then thrusts it through
the middle. Then a second one.)
(The assistant climbs down a ladder from a stage
trap door and is confronted by Weng. He cowers on the floor.)
WENG: So, the great magician.
(Chang prepares to put the ninth sword through the
CHANG: In my country, this is known as the death of a thousand cuts.
(The Doctor hands Chang the tenth sword with a large grin. The cabinet
is turned right round and the swords quickly pulled out.)
CHANG: I will now ask my new volunteer kindly to assist in opening
(Casey falls out, dead.)
JAGO: The curtain! Quick, drop the curtain! What happened?
DOCTOR: He's dead. He died of a fright.
JAGO: Poor Casey. He's worked here for years.
(Chang sneaks away as Leela and the stagehands gather round.)
LEELA: Doctor, what happened? Did Chang kill him?
DOCTOR: No, Chang was as surprised as anyone. Where's he gone?
CHANG: Are you here, Master? This is your servant,
(Chang lights a lamp and looks around.)
CHANG: Answer me, Lord. If you're here, answer me. He has gone.
Weng-Chiang, lord of greatness, has deserted me.
DOCTOR: You've been left to carry the can, Chang.
(Chang fiddles with his ring, but the Doctor knocks the pill from his
DOCTOR: No poison tonight. There are questions to answer.
CHANG: I will say nothing. It is time for me to join my forefathers.
DOCTOR: Well, as an accomplice to murder, the police shouldn't hold you
up long. Tell me about Weng-Chiang. Where did he go?
CHANG: Perhaps back to his great palace in the sky. I failed him. He
was displeased with me.
LEELA: His mind is broken.
DOCTOR: Li H'sen, you know he's not a god, don't you.
CHANG: He came like a god. He appeared in a blazing cabinet of fire. I
saw him and helped him. He was tired from his journey.
DOCTOR: Go on.
CHANG: He was ill for many months. I was but a humble peasant, but I
gave him sanctuary while the soldiers searched. I nursed him.
DOCTOR: The cabinet. What happened to the cabinet?
CHANG: Soldiers of T'ung-Chi took it. Ever since, we have searched for
the great cabinet of Weng-Chiang. The god will not be made whole until
it is recovered.
JAGO: Doctor, are you down here? Well, cover me in creosote. I never
knew this was here.
(Chang has sneaked over to the big grill into the sewers. He goes
through and the cover comes down.)
DOCTOR: Not this time, Leela.
LEELA: But he's escaping!
DOCTOR: There's no escape that way. He's gone to join his ancestors.
JAGO: You mean to say the celestial Chang was involved in all these
DOCTOR: Yes, up to his epicanthic eyebrows.
JAGO: Well, I'll go to Australia.
(Screams from the sewers.)
JAGO: What in the name of heaven's that?
DOCTOR: You'll have to book yourself a new act tomorrow. Cyanide gas
might do for the brutes, though you'd have to shut the sewers off for a
day or two.
LEELA: Look at this, Doctor. This is all that's left of them.
(A small wardrobe of women's clothes.)
JAGO: Of the missing girls? So it was Chang.
DOCTOR: Not Chang. His master, the crazed maniac who organised all
LEELA: Doctor! The machine's gone.
DOCTOR: That means he's going to start up all over again somewhere
LEELA: He could be anywhere. We'll have to look for him.
DOCTOR: With his DNA helixes split open, the more cells he absorbs into
himself, the more deformed he becomes.
LEELA: You mean he is like a waterbag with a hole in the bottom, and
the hole is getting bigger?
LEELA: What happened to make him like that?
DOCTOR: Perhaps because he used the cabinet. A dangerous experiment in
time travel. Now he'll be struggling to keep his metabolism in balance.
LEELA: And the rats?
DOCTOR: Just an experiment. He had to gauge the strength of the psionic
amplification field. The rats were handy. After that, they were useful
as sewer guards.
(The Doctor and Leela leave.)
JAGO: I've got it! See the lair of the phantom. Conducted tours, bob a
nob. I'm on to a fortune here. Hey, Doctor, you're not going, are you?
DOCTOR: I must. Things to do. (sotto) We've got to
get back to that time cabinet. Come on.
(A screech from a giant rat in the sewer drives Jago up the ladder.
(Litefoot is out cold on his own carpet and there
is a big gap where the cabinet used to stand. It is now strapped to the
back of the cab which is galloping away down the road. Weng laughs and
[Outside Litefoot's house]
(The Doctor and Leela find the policeman's body.)
(The Doctor pulls the axe from the body.)
DOCTOR: Litefoot's got visitors.
[Litefoot's dining room]
(The Doctor notices the open laundry hamper in the
hallway. Litefoot has just wakened when he burst in.)
DOCTOR: Mi how ma! What happened?
LITEFOOT: Chinese. Dozens of them.
LITEFOOT: Oh, the devils.
DOCTOR: Well, they got what they came for.
DOCTOR: The time cabinet.
LITEFOOT: Damn scoundrels.
DOCTOR: Get him a drink.
(Leela sniffs the contents of the decanter.)
DOCTOR: In a glass. In a glass. Professor, how did they get in?
LITEFOOT: I've, I've no idea. I locked and bolted all the doors as soon
as you left. Thank you, my dear.
(The Doctor goes into the hallway and tears a label off a rack.)
DOCTOR: Were they all Chinese?
LITEFOOT: Tong-wallahs. Criminals. The gutter scrapings of Shanghai.
DOCTOR: And one midget.
LITEFOOT: Yes. My dear Doctor, how on Earth did you deduce that one of
my attackers was a midget?
DOCTOR: Elementary, my dear Litefoot. He came in the laundry basket and
let the others in.
LEELA: The same creature that attacked me!
DOCTOR: The Peking Homunculus.
DOCTOR: Yes, the time of manufacture, its disappearance, it all fits.
LEELA: Doctor, what is the Peking
DOCTOR: It was made in Peking for the Commissioner of the Icelandic
Alliance. It was in the Ice Age, about the year five thousand.
LEELA: Shush. Go on, Doctor.
DOCTOR: The Peking Homunculus was a toy, a plaything for the
Commissioner's children. It contained a series of magnetic fields
operating on a printed circuit and a small computer. It had one organic
component. The cerebral cortex of a pig. Anyway, something went wrong.
It almost caused World War Six.
DOCTOR: Yes, somehow the pig part took over. So Weng-Chiang has brought
the Peking Homunculus back through time. He could have done. It
disappeared completely. It was never found.
LITEFOOT: I say, I may have had a bang on the head but this is a dashed
queer story. Time travel?
DOCTOR: Unsuccessful time travel, Professor. Findicker's discovery of
the double nexus particle sent human science up a technological
LITEFOOT: Are you following this?
LEELA: Not a word.
DOCTOR: This pig thing is still alive. It needs an operator, of course,
but the mental feedback is so intense that somehow the swinish instinct
has become dominant. It hates humanity and it revels in carnage.
[House of the Dragon]
(The coolies wheel in the cabinet, then kow-tow to
Weng and Sin, who are in front of a large golden dragon.)
WENG: Liberation, Mister Sin! Freedom! I can become whole again. Whole
and alive! Oh, how I have dreamt of this moment. To be free of this
putrefying carcass, to fashion myself anew in some distant time and
place. And I can do it now, now that at last I have the time cabinet. I
promise you, Mister Sin, we shall not remain long among these filthy
barbarians. But where is the bag? Answer me, you fools! Where is the
HO: It was. We did not.
WENG: The bag, you cowering oaf!
HO: It was left behind, great lord.
WENG: What? What! Lee! Lee, I told you to take it out to the carriage!
I ordered you! You know the penalty for failing me.
(Weng takes a pill box out and opens it, then holds it out to Cheng's
WENG: Take the sting of the scorpion.
(The terrified man obeys, and dies in agony while Weng and Sin laugh.)
[Litefoot's dining room]
(The Doctor reads the Limehouse laundry label.)
DOCTOR: Rundall Buildings.
(The Causeway, Limehouse.)
DOCTOR: Your laundry. Do you know the place?
LITEFOOT: I've heard of it. Everyone has. It's the centre of one of the
most noxious and evil rookeries in the East End.
DOCTOR: And where exactly is this disreputable quarter?
LITEFOOT: It lies somewhere between Whitechapel and St Georges in the
East. Place of appalling vice and squalor. Overdue for clearance in my
DOCTOR: Yes, it might be cleared very quickly.
LITEFOOT: What do you mean?
DOCTOR: Weng-Chiang is a scientific ignoramus. He doesn't understand
the nature of zigma energy.
LITEFOOT: Zigma energy?
DOCTOR: Yes. The power source of the time cabinet is a zigma beam. At
the moment it's like a piece of elastic fully stretched, but when
Chiang tampers with it
LEELA: Then he must be stopped. Do you think he's gone to this laundry?
DOCTOR: Well, there's only one way to find out. Litefoot, I want you to
stay here. Come on.
LITEFOOT: Doctor, you can't take a young woman into that foulness. At
this hour of night she'll witness the vilest scenes of depravity and
DOCTOR: Nothing as vile as Weng-Chiang himself, Professor.
JAGO: Think large, Henry Jago, think large.
Shilling a head? I must be crazy. A guinea a head! Conducted tours
round the lair of the phantom. I'll lead them myself and modestly
mention the part I played in the affair. The ladies will swoon in my
arms. Oh, it's a winner. It's a beauty. I'll go bail. I'll clear out
all this old junk, call in the electric lighting company.
(He finds Weng's carpet bag.)
JAGO: What in the name of heavens is?
(A hand reaches out from the trapdoor to the laboratory and Jago
[Limehouse Laundry attic]
(The Doctor opens a skylight and Leela jumps into
the hamper room.)
DOCTOR: Not a sound. Now quiet. Shush.
(The Doctor knocks over a pile of wicker hampers.)
(Litefoot is sweeping up the shards of a broken
vase when there is a hammering at the front door. He goes to answer it
still holding the dustpan and brush.)
JAGO: Thank you. Kindly tell your employer that Mister Jago wishes to
see him urgently.
JAGO: Your employer, Professor Litefoot. Come along, man. Hurry.
LITEFOOT: May I ask, sir, who you are?
JAGO: Confound your insolence, sir. Just announce me.
LITEFOOT: Consider yourself announced, sir. I'm Litefoot.
JAGO: Why, dash me optics. I should have realised. That brow, those
hands. England's peerless premier professor of pathology. Henry Gordon
Jago, sir, at your service.
LITEFOOT: Mister Jago, just tell me what all this is about.
JAGO: The Doctor.
JAGO: This bag.
JAGO: Shall we go inside?
[Litefoot's dining room]
(Litefoot picks up a stout walking stick and
follows Jago in.)
JAGO: Found this in my cellar. Thought the Doctor might be interested.
It could have something to do with those Chineses.
JAGO: Yes. I had thought of communicating directly with Scotland Yard,
where as you know he's held in the highest esteem.
LITEFOOT: The Doctor is?
JAGO: Oh yes, of course. It's my opinion he solves half their cases and
then lets them take the credit for it, don't you agree?
LITEFOOT: I have no idea.
JAGO: Oh, why, it stands to reason. I mean, they're policemen. We all
know they're solid, sterling, fellows, but their buttons are the
brightest thing about them, don't you agree? Now, the Doctor's a real
LITEFOOT: Yes, he's certainly very active. How did you learn of my
connection with him, Mister Jago?
JAGO: Well, I enquired at the local station and they told me you'd been
seen together. The most formidable combination in the annals of
criminology. It's a great honour and privilege for me to be working
with you on this devilish affair.
LITEFOOT: Oh, well, thank you. Yes, well, I'm sure the Doctor will be
very interested in these things. Unfortunately, he isn't here at
JAGO: I know, the sleuth that never rests, eh?
LITEFOOT: Well, he did remark that sleep is for tortoises. You know,
Mister Jago, I can't for the life of me discern what purposes these
articles might serve.
JAGO: It's a queer lot of paraphernalia. I thought so meself.
LITEFOOT: And you think they were set aside by Weng-Chiang, this
murderous lunatic the Doctor is now hunting?
JAGO: Well, they're nothing to do with the theatre, I'm sure of that. I
found the bag amongst a pile of our old junk.
LITEFOOT: In that case, Mister Jago, is it not possible that someone
plans to return for it?
JAGO: Yes, yes, good point. We must tell the Doctor.
LITEFOOT: Or take a hand ourselves.
LITEFOOT: Well, the Doctor isn't here. If you and I keep a discreet
watch on the theatre, we might get a chance to nab this fellow, should
JAGO: You're suggesting a pernoctation, Professor, but alas,
unfortunately the nocturnal vapours are very bad for my chest.
LITEFOOT: Oh, come on, man, you can wrap up. I'll lend you some extra
JAGO: Very kind, I'm sure.
LITEFOOT: Now, you write a note to the Doctor, you'll find pen and
paper in that drawer, and I'll look you out a cape. We might be lucky,
Mister Jago. And if we are, I've a few lumps to repay.
(The Doctor slides a piece of paper under the
attic door then pushes the key out of the lock onto it and brings it
back into the room. He unlocks the door and they go through into a room
with several small beds in it.)
LEELA: That smell. It's like decaying fruit.
DOCTOR: Papaver somniferum.
DOCTOR: Pipe of poppy. It's opium, a narcotic drug.
(He goes through a curtain, then another.)
DOCTOR: Ah, we've found another warren. Weng-Chiang will show his hand
LEELA: More girls?
DOCTOR: Yes. He'll try to build his body levels before he has to use
the zigma beam. He'll kill again tonight, but where?
(Through yet another curtain, a familiar figure is lying on a bed
smoking opium to deaden the pain.)
CHANG: At the House of the Dragon, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Good evening, Mister Chang. We thought you'd gone to join your
CHANG: Not yet. Not quite.
LEELA: Your leg!
(There is only the one, and a bloody stump next to it.)
CHANG: A singular sight, I fear. It is too late, Doctor, and I feel no
pain. The opium.
LEELA: How did you get away?
CHANG: When the rat took my leg, I regained consciousness in a charnel
house, putrefying human remains.
DOCTOR: Yes, rats don't keep a very hygienic larder.
CHANG: I lay there, Doctor, and cursed Weng-Chiang, my benefactor, who
had brought me to this fate. Hatred of him gave me the strength to drag
myself away. The rats had gone. I came here to destroy the false god.
The last act of the Great Chang.
LEELA: You should have done that before.
CHANG: I believed in him. For many years I believed in him.
DOCTOR: It was a good act, Chang.
CHANG: Until he shamed me. I lost face. The whole theatre saw my
DOCTOR: Tell me about the House of the Dragon.
CHANG: Next month, the Great Chang would have performed before the
Queen Empress at Buckingham Palace. I, the son of a peasant.
DOCTOR: The House of the Dragon, where is it?
CHANG: It is his fortress, prepared over many months by the Tong.
Beware the eye of the dragon, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Li H'sen, come on. Come on.
CHANG: Soon I shall join my ancestors. Already I can see them. They
walk to greet me from the Palace of Jade. They are smiling and carry
gifts of food and flowers. Now I cross the golden bridge of the gods.
DOCTOR: Li H'sen! Come on, man, the house.
CHANG: B, B
DOCTOR: What? What?
(Chang reaches down and touches the Doctor's boot, then dies.)
DOCTOR: Boot? Shoe? Spat?
DOCTOR: He's left us a Chinese puzzle.
[House of the Dragon]
(Four coolies enter and kneel.)
WENG: Well? Where is it?
HO: Bag not there, lord. It's gone.
HO: We look all places. Bag not there.
WENG: You incompetent lice! You crawling, mindless dogs! That bag
contained the key to the time cabinet. I must have it, do you
understand, if I have to tear this accursed city apart stone by stone!
Ho! Were you followed?
(Weng looks out of a window down on two gentlemen in top hats standing
across the road. One wears a red silk lined cape.)
HO: Followed? What?
WENG: Those two. They must have been watching the theatre. That means
they have the bag! Bring them to me.
(Ho issues orders in Chinese.)
[Outside the House of the Dragon]
LITEFOOT: This is their hideaway, no doubt about
JAGO: It's unfortunate there were too many of them for us to tackle,
eh, Professor? I was itching for a scrap.
LITEFOOT: The question is, Mister Jago, what now?
JAGO: Well, we could adjourn for liquid refreshment. Decorate the
mahogany. I know a little spot not far from here.
LITEFOOT: I think one of us should stay here on watch while the other
returns for the Doctor.
JAGO: Good idea. I'll be as quick as I can.
LITEFOOT: Too late, old man.
(Four coolies are approaching, bearing weapons.)
JAGO: Oh, corks.
LITEFOOT: Backs to the wall.
JAGO: Keep off, you lot. I'm a tiger when my dander's up.
[House of the Dragon]
(Jago and Litefoot are hustled in.)
WENG: So, you choose to pry on the House of the Dragon. Unwise. Very
unwise. You will suffer for it.
LITEFOOT: You're mistaken. You'll be the sufferer when the police get
WENG: The police? Did you hear that, Mister Sin? They take me for a
JAGO: Oh, they'll be here, don't you worry. They can't be far behind.
WENG: You told them where you were coming?
LITEFOOT: Of course. We're not completely without sense.
WENG: Lies. Stupid lies!
(Weng slaps Litefoot.)
WENG: You didn't know where you were coming. You followed my men here
from the theatre.
LITEFOOT: If that's what you choose to believe.
WENG: Why were you waiting at the theatre? Answer me. Why?
(Weng grabs Jago round the throat.)
JAGO: Why were we waiting at the theatre, Litefoot?
LITEFOOT: I refuse to answer.
JAGO: There you are, you see. He refuses to answer.
LITEFOOT: You can do with us as you wish.
JAGO: I say, steady on.
WENG: Very well, I will tell you why.
JAGO: I say, have a care.
WENG: You were waiting to see
JAGO: You don't know your own strength.
WENG: Who came to collect the bag.
JAGO: You're choking me.
WENG: Exactly. Now, where is the bag now. What have you done with it?
LITEFOOT: Let him go.
WENG: The bag. Tell me!
LITEFOOT: It's at my house. Now for pity's sake, release him!
(Weng lets Jago go.)
WENG: You will die later, slowly. It will give pleasure to my wolves.
LITEFOOT: You filthy bounder.
WENG: In the meantime, put them with the other prisoners.
[Litefoot's dining room]
DOCTOR: Litefoot? Litefoot!
(He sees the carpet bag and the note.)
DOCTOR: (reads) My dear Doctor, contained in this capacious carpet bag,
which I discovered inadvertently in the cellar, is a collection of
sundry items of baffling meaning. The Professor and I are keeping
observation on the theatre and shortly hope to report to you the
whereabouts of the mysterious Weng-Chiang. Your fellow detective H G J.
LEELA: What does that mean?
(The Doctor rummages through the bag and pulls out the disc.)
DOCTOR: Ah! Eureka! Do you know what that is?
LEELA: You ask me so that you can tell me.
DOCTOR: That's right. It's a trionic lattice, an integral part of a
time cabinet. It's impossible to open it without it.
LEELA: You mean it's a key.
DOCTOR: Yes. He's not only a scientific fool, he's an absent-minded
LEELA: Perhaps he has another eureka.
DOCTOR: No, eureka's Greek for this bath is too hot. There can never be
another one of this combination.
LEELA: That means he's gone to the theatre. Come on.
DOCTOR: Hold it.
LEELA: But Doctor, Professor Litefoot and Mister Jago are our friends!
We must help them. You know what will happen if Weng-Chiang finds them.
DOCTOR: I do.
DOCTOR: Look. Litefoot likes a good fire. He's been out of the house a
long time. We can't go just rushing all over London looking for him.
It's much better to wait for Weng-Chiang to come here.
LEELA: Look, we know he already has the cabinet.
DOCTOR: Yes, but he doesn't have the key. Always stay one step ahead of
your enemies, my girl.
LEELA: You mean, when he finds the key is missing, and that Professor
Litefoot and Mister Jago are keeping watch, he will force them to tell
him where it is.
DOCTOR: You're learning to think. That's excellent.
LEELA: And you thought of that all at once, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Well, almost.
LEELA: Then I am sorry.
DOCTOR: What for?
LEELA: For thinking that perhaps you were afraid.
DOCTOR: That's all right.
LEELA: Where shall we lay our ambush?
LEELA: Ambush! It's time we did battle with this underground crab,
(Leela sharpens a carving knife on a steel.)
[House of the Dragon - kitchen]
(An empty china cabinet, small windows at head
height and a dumb waiter. This is an old kitchen in the basement of the
building. Two women are lying on a cot.)
JAGO: Are they dead?
LITEFOOT: Drugged, I think. You know why they're here.
JAGO: Poor creatures. They can't be a day over sixteen.
LITEFOOT: He must send his fiends to kidnap them off the streets.
JAGO: This is a nightmare. What can we do for them?
LITEFOOT: No more than we can do for ourselves. At least they'll die
JAGO: He must be the devil incarnate.
LITEFOOT: What unspeakable horror lies behind that mask, do you
JAGO: Well, he's not exactly a dobbin masher with it, is he?
LITEFOOT: Dammit, Jago, I don't see any way out of this. I think we're
JAGO: You're forgetting the Doctor, Professor.
LITEFOOT: There's no hope of him finding this place. How can he?
JAGO: Oh, the trained mind. A fleck of mud here, a speck of paint
there. Clues that speak volumes to a trained investigator like him.
I'll wager he's on our tracks this very minute.
LITEFOOT: I say, Jago, look at this.
JAGO: What of it?
LITEFOOT: Don't you see what it is? It's a dumb waiter!
JAGO: Yes, of course I know that, but frankly I'm not very peckish at
the moment. I'm surprised you should think of food at a time like this.
LITEFOOT: My dear man, I'm not thinking of food. I'm thinking that if
we take that shelf out and squeeze ourselves in, we can make a
surreptitious exit from this establishment via the dining room.
JAGO: By jiminy, you're right! We'll teach those blighters a lesson
yet. They picked the wrong man when they decided to cross swords with
LITEFOOT: After you, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Oh, those ropes don't look too sound, do they.
LITEFOOT: He that is down need fear no fall.
LITEFOOT: A quotation. Bunyan.
JAGO: Ah, very comforting.
(The two men squeeze into the compartment and shut the doors.)
JAGO [OC]: Mind your elbow, Professor.
LITEFOOT [OC]: Sorry.
(And start to pull the ropes to raise themselves up the chute.)
BOTH [OC]: Heave!
[House of the Dragon]
(They emerge in a room behind the now darkened
temple, and come out through a curtain behind the dragon itself then
walk down the steps.)
JAGO: This isn't the dining room.
LITEFOOT: This isn't the way out, either.
(They are recaptured.)
(Leela and the Doctor have been gathering
LEELA: We must trap them in the crossfire, Doctor. Somewhere in the
cover where they cannot find cover.
[Litefoot's dining room]
DOCTOR: What sort of crossfire? Hazelnuts? Bread
LEELA: In a house this size there must be protection. The professor
will have weapons in fixed positions to guard the approaches.
DOCTOR: I brought you to the wrong time, my girl. You'd have loved
(He examines their collection of 'weapons' - a set of cricket stumps, a
parasol, then leaves. Leela picks up the cricket bat and takes a
practice swing with it. Then she picks up a golf club and backs over to
the window to try and throw it like a javelin. Weng reaches through and
clamps a cloth over her mouth. As Leela struggles, she turns around in
his grasp and unfastens his mask to reveal a half-melted face.)
[Litefoot's dining room]
(Weng releases Leela and covers his face with his
hands. Ho enters and picks up Leela, who seems to have fainted. Weng
sits in a chair and replaces his mask. The Doctor enters, his nose in
an A to Z.)
DOCTOR: There's a Boot Court near the river, less than a mile from
(The Doctor sits, then notices who is sitting next to him.)
DOCTOR: Oh, you let yourself in. That's good. We were expecting you.
WENG: No, Doctor, it was we who were expecting you.
(Sin and other coolies enter.)
DOCTOR: Life's full of little surprises. What have you done to her?
WENG: Nothing, yet.
DOCTOR: Take my advice. Don't.
WENG: Your advice? Oh, Doctor, you are an unusual man, but in opposing
me you have gone far out of your depth. You have taken something from
me. I want it back.
DOCTOR: Now I wonder what that could be? I'm always borrowing things
from people and then forgetting where I've put them.
(The Doctor goes to the far end of the table and starts emptying his
pockets. A yo-yo, a dead mouse, other sundries.)
DOCTOR: It's a terrible habit.
WENG: I have never appreciated frivolity. It was in that bag. It is not
there now. Give it to me!
(The Doctor is eating a jelly baby.)
DOCTOR: What, one of these?
WENG: The time key, Doctor!
DOCTOR: Oh, the time key. Now heavens to Betsy, where did I last see
WENG: I'll give you three seconds, Doctor, and then Mister Sin will
kill the girl. One, two, three, kill her!
(The Doctor holds up the time key.)
DOCTOR: Is this what you want? The trionic lattice?
(The Doctor tosses it in the air and catches it. Weng rushes forward.)
WENG: Give it to me!
DOCTOR: Careful, careful. I might have dropped it.
WENG: I'll kill you!
DOCTOR: Crystalline. Probably break into a thousand pieces.
WENG: You arrogant jackanapes!
DOCTOR: When I'm crowded I get nervous. Call your dogs off.
WENG: Back, back.
DOCTOR: That's better.
WENG: Give me that key and I will spare her life.
DOCTOR: Never trust a man with dirty fingernails.
WENG: You can trust me to kill her if you do not immediately put it
down! Now obey me at once!
DOCTOR: I tell you what, I'll make a bargain with you. You can have the
trionic lattice when we get to the House of the Dragon.
WENG: What trickery is this?
DOCTOR: No trickery. You're holding two others of my friends.
WENG: What of them?
DOCTOR: I want them released.
WENG: Two blundering dolts? Why?
DOCTOR: I doubt if you could understand that, but that's the condition.
WENG: Very well. They're nothing to me.
DOCTOR: Good. Right. Then you and your chaps can lead the way and I'll
WENG: Bring the girl.
DOCTOR: No! The girl stays.
WENG: You would be wise not to press me too far.
DOCTOR: Just lead on.
(Ho drops Leela, and the Doctor ushers everyone out. Sin is the last to
leave with the Doctor. Leela gets up, feeling sick from chloroform,
picks up the carving knife and follows.)
[House of the Dragon - kitchen]
JAGO: What's the matter?
LITEFOOT: I heard something.
JAGO: What sort of thing?
LITEFOOT: People. Quite a group just went by.
JAGO: More Wongs for the Tong, I suppose. Do you realise we've been
here over an hour?
LITEFOOT: It'll be dawn soon.
JAGO: What does that signify?
LITEFOOT: I'm not aware that it signifies anything. It's just a remark.
JAGO: I thought perhaps they might do things at dawn.
LITEFOOT: Do things? What sort of things?
JAGO: Well, you know, sacrifice their victims.
LITEFOOT: You're thinking of the Druids, aren't you? I'm not aware the
Chinese make a ceremony of it.
JAGO: Oh, good. I don't think I could stomach that. It's been worrying
LITEFOOT: Best not to think about it.
JAGO: I can't help it. Beastly heathens. That's my trouble, Litefoot.
JAGO: Well, I'm not awfully. Well, I'm not so bally brave when it comes
to it. I try to be but I'm not.
LITEFOOT: When it comes to it, I don't suppose anybody is.
JAGO: Well, I thought I ought to tell you anyway, in case I let the
LITEFOOT: You won't, Henry. I know you won't.
[House of the Dragon]
WENG: Fetch the prisoners here.
(Weng sets Sin down by the foot of the Dragon as the coolies run out.
Ho stays to keep an eye on the Doctor and the time key.)
DOCTOR: Very impressive. I'll have the Bird's Nest Soup.
DOCTOR: Well, isn't this where you do the cooking?
(Sin climbs up into the belly of the Dragon.)
WENG: How can you understand the functions of a catalytic extraction
chamber, Doctor? Part of a technology far beyond your time.
DOCTOR: Simple old-fashioned cannibalism. That machine just saves you
having to chew the grisly bits.
WENG: Much more than that. The secret of life.
DOCTOR: Bunkum. Your so-called technology is the twisted lunacy of a
scientific dark age.
WENG: What do you know of my time?
DOCTOR: Everything. Where is it?
DOCTOR: Your pig-faced, pig-brained Peking Homunculus.
(It's seating itself at the controls of a weapon
inside the Dragon's head.)
WENG [OC]: You know of that? How?
[House of the Dragon]
(The Dragon's eyes start flashing and moving. The
Doctor moves a piece on Weng's chess board.)
DOCTOR: I was with the Filipino army at the final advance on Reykjavik.
WENG: How can you in the nineteenth century know anything of the fifty
first? You lie!
DOCTOR: Listen. What's your name? What were you called before you
became a Chinese god?
WENG: I am Magnus Greel!
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, the infamous Minister of Justice. The Butcher of
(The Doctor moves a cockerel on the board.)
WENG: It is impossible for you to know these things!
DOCTOR: I know you're a wanted criminal and that a hundred thousand
deaths can be laid at your door.
WENG: Enemies of the state! They were used in the advancements of
DOCTOR: They were slaughtered in your filthy machine.
WENG: So, you are from the future, and I, for all my achievements, are
only remembered as a war criminal. Of course, it is the winning side
that writes history, Doctor. Remember, you would not be here if it were
not for my work.
DOCTOR: Your work?
(Sin has the Doctor firmly in the weapon's sights.)
DOCTOR: Your work?
WENG: Yes! I made this possible. I found the resources, the scientists
DOCTOR: The zigma experiments came to nothing. They were a failure.
Nothing came of them.
WENG: No! No, they were a success! Why, I used them to escape from my
enemies. The first man to travel through time.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Look what it did to you.
WENG: A temporal distortion of my metabolism. It can be readjusted.
(The prisoners are brought in.)
DOCTOR: Good morning, gentlemen.
JAGO: By jingo, what did I tell you? The game's up, my friend. We have
the place surrounded.
DOCTOR: No, Jago, Jago, Jago. We don't have the place surrounded. We
just have an understanding.
WENG: I have kept my word, Doctor. Now give me the key.
DOCTOR: Only when they're well clear of this place. Off you go now.
LITEFOOT: Doctor, there are two others here. Two wretched girls.
DOCTOR: Then take them with you.
WENG: Your demands are becoming too great!
(Weng points at the Dragon, and an energy beam pulses from its eyes.
The Doctor staggers and Weng grabs the time key.)
WENG: Enough! I want him alive.
(Litefoot and Jago cradle the Doctor.)
DOCTOR: Beware the Eye of the Dragon.
LITEFOOT: Doctor, are you hurt?
WENG: Take them out. Get these stinking heaps of rubbish out of here!
(The coolies drag the Doctor out by his feet, and hustle Litefoot and
Jago away too. Out in a corridor, Leela disposes of one behind a
curtain. Back in the main room, Sin watches Weng put the key into the
time cabinet. It lights up.)
WENG: Perfect. Perfect. After all these years the function is
(He opens the cabinet. The equipment is blinking and flashing.)
WENG: Everything exactly as it was. The parallax synchrons fully
charged, the strata tube set at maximum. He was wrong! Wrong! The zigma
experiment was a success!
[House of the Dragon - kitchen]
(The Doctor is out cold. Litefoot takes his pulse
then listens for a heart beat.)
LITEFOOT: Curious. Double heartbeat. Otherwise everything seems in
JAGO: If only we knew what that fiendish device was that struck him
down. From behind, mark you.
LITEFOOT: Shush. I think he's trying to say something.
(Litefoot lifts the Doctor up in his arms.)
DOCTOR: There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Katmandu.
There's a little marble cross below the town.
(He may have performed it, Doctor, but he didn't write it. The Doctor
suddenly jumps up.)
LITEFOOT: Doctor, are you all right?
DOCTOR: Greel's got the key!
DOCTOR: How long have I been unconscious?
LITEFOOT: Only a few minutes.
(They go over to the women.)
DOCTOR: The broth of oblivion.
JAGO: What's that?
DOCTOR: Chinese soup. He'll be coming for them soon.
LITEFOOT: Well, surely there must be something we can do for them?
DOCTOR: There's always something we can do. Get them over there against
the wall. Come on.
(They carry the women to the other side of the room, underneath a
JAGO: They're armed to the teeth, those Wong fellows. Knives, guns,
LITEFOOT: Jago's right. Empty handed we can do nothing.
(The Doctor takes apart the thin mattress.)
DOCTOR: Excellent. This is good strong linen. It should do fine. Well,
don't just stand there wasting time. Get me a bucket of water and break
off that gas pipe.
[House of the Dragon]
WENG: Almost ready. Yes, time to prepare my two
partridges. Why don't you come down from there? Sulking because I
wouldn't let you kill the Doctor, is that it?
(Sin continues to track Weng in his sights.)
WENG: Oh, you can kill him soon enough, Sin, but first I must drain
every scintilla of his knowledge about the zigma experiment. You can
kill him then, and as many more as you wish before we leave. All I need
is to re-establish my protenoid balance.
(Leela enters, knife at the ready, and moves forward behind
WENG: Then I can enter the zigma beam for the second time. Only this
time, there must be no mistake in the programme DNA levels. Now for my
(Weng strikes a gong, and Leela leaps onto a table next to him.)
LEELA: Die, bent face!
(They struggle on the floor.)
WENG: No, spare me, please!
LEELA: Spawn of evil. Now I destroy you!
(The coolies drag Leela off Weng, who picks up her knife.)
WENG: The second time! The second attempt on my life by this she-devil!
Hold her still! No. No, I have a better fate for you. She will be the
first morsel to feed my regeneration.
LEELA: Kill me any way you wish. Unlike you, I am not afraid to die.
WENG: We shall see. Bring the tigress here.
(Leela is strapped into the extraction chamber.)
WENG: At my camps, the extraction process was considered the most
painful of all. They pleaded for anything but this.
LEELA: I shall not plead, but I promise you this. When we are both in
the great hereafter, I shall hunt you down, Bent Face, and put you
through my agony a thousand times!
WENG: Silence the spitfire!
(Ho gags Leela.)
WENG: Now bring the other two hags here.
[House of the Dragon - kitchen]
(The Doctor is filling the mattress cover with
town gas over by the door.)
JAGO: It's leaking. I can smell it.
LITEFOOT: There's bound to be some escape.
DOCTOR: Not enough to worry about.
JAGO: I'm not worried, Doctor. I haven't been worried since you turned
up. It's just that I'd hate to be gassed before seeing if this stunt
DOCTOR: Well, Greel won't keep us waiting long. He needs his
LITEFOOT: His what?
DOCTOR: He's dying, you see. He's desperate. His body's fading away
fast. He's trying to cheat death by substituting certain materials. Do
(The girls are now awake.)
LITEFOOT: I think so. The principle, anyway.
DOCTOR: The principle's false, anyhow. All he achieves is a
postponement of the inevitable.
DOCTOR: Lucifers, Professor. Quick, get over there. Now listen, if we
do manage to get out of here, don't stop running till you're a mile
from this place.
(The Doctor puts a match to a piece of paper that leads to the mattress
cover, then retreats to where the others are hiding behind an upturned
JAGO: Up troops and at 'em, eh, Professor?
(The doorknob rattles, then Boom!)
[House of the Dragon - outside the
(Coolies are lying on the floor, groaning. The
Doctor picks up an axe.)
DOCTOR: Come on, come on.
(The girls run for it.)
DOCTOR: This way.
[House of the Dragon]
(Leela is struggling against her bonds.)
WENG: Whatever it was, there can be no escape for you. Let the talons
of Weng-Chiang shred your flesh!
(Weng pulls the lever and the life-essence starts to be sucked out of
(The Doctor throws an axe into the device. It goes Bang! Weng runs for
the Dragon as the Doctor unties Leela.)
WENG: Kill, Sin! Kill them!
DOCTOR: Come on, quick. Get down! Get down!
(Litefoot, Jago, Leela and the Doctor dive behind an altar with a
multi-armed idol on it. Sin fires the energy weapon again and again.
Weng hides behind the Dragon.)
LEELA: I owe you my life, Doctor. Thank you.
JAGO: Time to thank him when we're out of this.
WENG: Doctor, I offer you a proposition.
DOCTOR: Not now, Greel, we're busy.
WENG: I will spare your lives, you and your friends, if you leave now.
DOCTOR: Well, that's very magnanimous of you, Magnus.
WENG: Then get up and leave.
DOCTOR: What, with your trigger-happy little friend out there? No
WENG: I am offering you your lives, you fools!
DOCTOR: (sotto) We'd be cut down before we reached the door.
LEELA: (sotto) I think so, too. He has no truth in him.
DOCTOR: (sotto) Let's see.
(The Doctor pops his head up above the altar, and Sin fires.)
DOCTOR: Ah. We're staying put, Magnus.
WENG: Then you'll die here, all of you.
DOCTOR: Well, you might die first, Magnus. You don't sound too well,
and your food supply's half way to Blackheath by now.
WENG: Sin, crack that bench away.
LITEFOOT: If I only had a gun, Doctor.
JAGO: Or a catapult. I was a dab hand with a catapult when I was a
LITEFOOT: What is that weapon?
DOCTOR: It's a laser beam.
JAGO: It's a death ray.
(The little table some way in front of the altar falls to pieces.)
LEELA: (sotto) Doctor, they're diminishing our cover.
DOCTOR: (sotto) Push it over.
(As they tip over the altar so the top is towards the Dragon, the
Doctor makes a break to the side where the extraction cabinet is.)
WENG: Hurry, Sin! There is little time left to me.
(Ho and other coolies enter behind the Doctor's companions. Sin laughs
as he kills them all.)
WENG: No, Sin! You fool, stop! Stop! Obey me, Sin. Obey Greel, your
master, I command you.
JAGO: Jiminy, I felt the heat of that one.
(Leela points at a handgun dropped by one of the coolies.)
JAGO: No chance, my dear.
LEELA: He cannot fire at two objects at once.
JAGO: You mean one of us creates a distraction while you go for the
LEELA: That's right. Me because I'm quicker.
(The laser blasts a hole in the altar.)
LITEFOOT: Another minute or so and we're done.
(The Doctor throws an axe at the Dragon. It sticks between it's 'eyes'.
Jago leaps up.)
JAGO: I say, I say, I say!
(Sin fires and Jago falls. Leela gets the gun and hides behind a side
JAGO: A funny thing happened to me. Has she got the gun?
LITEFOOT: Hey! Who are you shooting at?
LEELA: Well, I've never fired one of these before.
(Sin shifts his aim to the side table.)
LITEFOOT: Got them rattled, anyway.
(Greel staggers down the steps from the Dragon.)
DOCTOR: It's no good, Greel. You're finished.
WENG: I can escape you, Doctor, as I escaped my enemies before.
DOCTOR: Greel, listen. If you activate the zigma beam, it'll be certain
death for all of us.
WENG: Lies, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Listen, Greel! Greel, listen! The zigma beam is at full
stretch. If you trigger it again, it'll mean certain collapse. You know
what that means?
WENG: You can't fool me.
DOCTOR: There'll be a huge implosion, Greel, and you'll be at the
centre of it. The zigma experiments were a disaster!
WENG: No, no, the zigma experiment was a success! A brilliant, total
(The Dragon's eyes swivel over to the time cabinet and Weng.)
WENG: Sin, Sin, what are you doing?
(Sin fires the lasers. Weng cowers behind the cabinet.)
WENG: I order you to. No, no, not me. This is mutiny, Sin.
(Leela runs forward and shoots at the Dragon. The laser stops. The
Doctor tackles Weng and pushes him into the extraction cabinet, which
is still switched on, apparently. When the effect fades, the quilted
cloak still stands there.)
LEELA: Is Bent Face dead?
LITEFOOT: Why do you call him Bent Face?
LEELA: Because it is. No, don't.
LITEFOOT: Why not?
(Litefoot touches the cloak, and it sinks to the floor with a crackle.)
DOCTOR: Cellular collapse.
LITEFOOT: In all my years as a pathologist, I've never seen anything
DOCTOR: Well, let's hope you never see anything like it again,
JAGO: But where was he from? Where did he go?
DOCTOR: He was a foe from the future, Henry. Look out, Leela!
(Sin jumps down from the Dragon onto Leela's back. The Doctor pulls it
off, holds it above his head then throws it onto the floor, hard. Then
he reaches into its back and pulls something out.)
JAGO: What's that?
DOCTOR: It's his fuse, Henry.
(The Doctor breaks it and throws it away, then takes the key out of the
LEELA: What are you doing, Doctor?
DOCTOR: I'm bringing the zigma experiment to an end.
(He puts the key on the floor and stamps on it. It shatters into tiny
CRIER [OC]: Muffins! Get your hot muffins!
CRIER [OC]: Hot muffins!
DOCTOR: It's the muffin man. Come on, I'll buy you some muffins.
[Outside the Tardis]
(Eating the muffins as they walk along a slightly
foggy street. Litefoot's arm is in a sling.)
LITEFOOT: And then, for example, I would say 'one lump or two, Miss
Leela'. To which you would reply, 'one will suffice, thank you'. Now,
do you follow?
LEELA: Supposing I want two?
LITEFOOT: Oh, no, no, no, no. One lump for ladies.
LEELA: Then why do you ask me?
DOCTOR: Come along, Leela.
(They join the Doctor and Jago next to the Tardis. Jago's head has been
LEELA: Professor Litefoot has been explaining to me about tea.
LEELA: It's very complicated.
DOCTOR: No, it's not complicated at all. All you. Look, I haven't got
time to stand here discussing tea. Goodbye, Litefoot.
LITEFOOT: Goodbye, Doctor.
DOCTOR: It's been such fun. Henry.
(Handshakes all round, then the Doctor and Leela enter the Tardis.)
DOCTOR [OC]: Yes, the important thing is just warming the pot.
LEELA [OC]: What pot?
DOCTOR [OC]: The tea pot.
LITEFOOT: What exactly is that contraption?
JAGO: Well, it's his personal transport. Look, Police.
(The Tardis time rotor starts up.)
JAGO: No doubt Scotland Yard provided it for him.
(The Tardis dematerialises.)
LITEFOOT: I don't believe it!
JAGO: I've said it before and I'll say it again. Our policemen are
LITEFOOT: But it's impossible, Henry. Quite impossible.
JAGO: Good trick, eh? I venture the great Li H'sen Chang himself would
have appreciated that.