(A man in dull yellow jacket, trousers and cap,
with a brown waistcoat, is hanging about in a corridor. A woman's face
appears at an opening high up in the wall, with an X next to it.)
WOMAN: Citizen Cordo, District Four?
WOMAN: Congratulations, Citizen. Your father ceased at one ten.
CORDO: All was well?
WOMAN: A fine death. Body weight was eighty four kilos at termination.
CORDO: I'm gratified.
WOMAN: Gatherer Hade is waiting for the death taxes.
CORDO: Yes, I have them here.
WOMAN: Pay them at the Gatherer's office.
(A man in a fancy striped cloak, wearing a golden
turban bearing a stylised sun with a face on it, is humming to himself
whilst reading a scroll. Outside, Cordo rings the bell.)
HADE: Let him enter.
(Cordo enters, and walks nervously along a narrow path between two rows
of rib-like arches.)
HADE: Well, Citizen. Death taxes? Not on the desk. It might scar.
CORDO: Oh, it is wood, your honour.
HADE: Mmm, of a kind called ma-ho-gany. I don't suppose you've ever
seen wood before, have you, Citizen?
CORDO: No, never. But we learned about it at preparation centre. There
was even a picture of a tree! A fine thing.
HADE: Simply a primitive way of producing oxygen. Thank the Company we
have no need of trees on Pluto.
CORDO: Praise the Company.
(An underling hands a blue plastic sheet down to Hade.)
HADE: Is this your account, Citizen? I see you selected the golden
death, with four mercy attendants.
CORDO: Yes, your honour. I always pledged that when his death day came
he would not suffer.
HADE: Compassion is a noble thing, Citizen. Also costly. A hundred and
CORDO: One hundred and seven? No, it can't be.
HADE: See the account.
CORDO: But there's a mistake. Eighty, they said. Eighty for the golden
HADE: The Collector recently raised death taxes seventeen percent.
CORDO: I didn't know, your Honour.
HADE: It was bulletined.
CORDO: But I didn't see it.
HADE: It is every citizen's duty to know the tax rates.
CORDO: I've been working double shifts to earn the money.
HADE: Four mercy attendants is now a further eighteen talmars. Disposal
fee ten talmars plus of course an ad valorum tax of ten percent. Total
one hundred and thirty two talmars. It's all here, you see, and said we
put your father's personal contribution of seven talmars. Only seven
talmars, Citizen? Must have been a poor man.
CORDO: He was a municipal servant for forty years, your Honour. He
cleaned the walkways.
HADE: And then there's the recycling allowance on his death weight of
eighty four kilos. That is eight talmars. Leaving a debt of a hundred
CORDO: Please, I have only eighty six. It has taken me years to save
(Hade picks up the pouch by its strap with his long staff of office.)
HADE: How do you propose to settle the thirty one talmars outstanding?
CORDO: Well, I can't. Your Honour, I have nothing.
HADE: Taxes are the primary consideration, Citizen. I see that you are
a D grade worker in the Foundry.
CORDO: Yes, your Honour.
HADE: Fortunately, as the Gatherer, I have certain powers. I will
encourage your supervisor to allow you increased output.
CORDO: But, your Honour, I already work a double shift now! I have only
my three hours sleep time away from the Foundry.
HADE: Twenty one hours a week. You must manage without sleep time until
the debt is paid.
CORDO: It will kill me!
HADE: Take your Q capsule.
CORDO: But your Honour, the high medical tax on Q capsules!
HADE: Citizen Cordo, you complain too much. Thank the Company you're
warm and fed.
CORDO: Praise the Company.
HADE: You may go.
(Hade returns to his scroll.)
CORDO: I am gratified, your Honour.
(The Doctor and Leela are playing chess, with K9
K9: Queen to knight six.
(Leela moves the black Queen.)
(The Doctor takes one of her bishops with one of his.)
DOCTOR: Even simple one-dimensional chess exposes the limitations of
the machine mind.
K9: Bishop to queen six. Mistress!
K9: Affirmative. Check, master.
K9: Machine mind computes mate in six moves.
DOCTOR: Leela, keep still.
LEELA: But Doctor, the
DOCTOR: And shut up. I'm trying to concentrate.
K9: Your move, master.
DOCTOR: I know it's my move. Don't flash your eyes at me.
(The Doctor moves his King.)
K9: Wrong square.
K9: Your king, master. Wrong square.
DOCTOR: Really? Are you sure?
LEELA: Doctor, can I speak now?
DOCTOR: What? All right, if you must. What is it?
LEELA: Well, the column's stopped moving.
LEELA: It is not important?
(The Doctor leaps to the console.)
DOCTOR: We might have gone right through the time spiral! Why didn't
you tell me?
LEELA: I tried to but you wouldn't let me.
DOCTOR: You didn't.
LEELA: I did.
DOCTOR: You didn't.
LEELA: I did!
DOCTOR: You didn't.
LEELA: I did!
DOCTOR: It's that confounded paint. It's always jamming things up. Stay
calm. I'm going to materialise and take a reading.
LEELA: Where are we?
DOCTOR: We're still in the Solar System. Pluto?
DOCTOR: Yes, Pluto.
K9: Ninth planet. Was until the discovery of Cassius believed to be the
outermost body in the system. It has a diameter of three thousand
DOCTOR: Leela, tell your tin friend to shut up.
LEELA: K9, you can tell me later.
K9: Affirmative. It's distance from the Sun is
DOCTOR: Breathable atmosphere. That's wrong.
LEELA: There are buildings.
DOCTOR: Pluto's a lifeless rock. Leela? I think you and I should take a
W A L K.
LEELA: W A L K?
K9: Walk, mistress.
LEELA: I know.
K9: Ready, master.
DOCTOR: No, no, no. You're not coming. You stay here.
K9: Entreat, master.
K9: I'll be good.
DOCTOR: No! Pluto's no place for a
LEELA: I'm sorry, K9. We won't be long.
(The Tardis has parked herself in the middle of an
empty industrial site, with the bare metal bones of units behind them
and gravel underfoot. It is apparently the top of a very tall building,
actually the roof of the WD+HO Wills tobacco factory in Bristol.)
DOCTOR: Quite warm. Around twenty degrees. Very humid.
LEELA: It is like Earth, except that the air is scented.
DOCTOR: It's all wrong. It shouldn't be like Earth. Unless, of course,
the Sun's turned nova.
LEELA: Doctor, look!
(They are actually on the roof of a very tall building.)
(He gets out his telescope.)
DOCTOR: What an engineering achievement, eh?
(Cordo is walking across the flat roof. Leela taps the Doctor's arm.)
DOCTOR: Don't joggle, Leela. Don't joggle. You can look in a minute.
(Cordo climbs over a guard rail a little way away from them.)
DOCTOR: Must have taken them centuries to build a city like that.
(Leela runs towards Cordo.)
LEELA: Come down! Please, come back!
DOCTOR: Don't touch him!
LEELA: Doctor! Please, don't jump.
DOCTOR: Magnificent view, isn't it. How high is this building?
CORDO: A thousand metres.
DOCTOR: A thousand metres? My. Are we interrupting something?
CORDO: What would you say, Citizen?
DOCTOR: Somehow I have the impression you're thinking of killing
CORDO: It's the taxes.
CORDO: It's the taxes. I can't pay the taxes.
DOCTOR: Oh, the taxes. My dear old thing, all you need is a wiley
accountant. Would you care for a jelly baby? Hmm? Try one.
DOCTOR: They're rather good.
(Looks more like liquorice allsorts to me. As Cordo reaches towards the
bag, Leela tips him back over the guard rail.)
DOCTOR: Now, tell us about it. This is Leela, I'm the Doctor.
(A woman in a golden catsuit walks up to Hade's
HADE: What is it, Marn?
MARN: Air space violation, your Honour.
HADE: District Four.
MARN: The data vibes also indicate illegal landing.
MARN: Block Forty.
HADE: Excellent. There's a fine of five hundred talmars on each count.
Order my demon(?) immediately, Marn. We must apprehend the culprit.
CORDO: Then there's the medical tax on Q-capsules,
and work tax on extra hours, so I could never clear the debt. You see,
the Company charges fifty percent compound interest on unpaid taxes.
I'm only a grade D work unit, three talmars a shift. Three talmars.
That's not enough.
LEELA: What is he saying, Doctor? I do not understand.
DOCTOR: He can't make ends meet. Probably too many economists in the
LEELA: These taxes, they are like sacrifices to tribal gods?
DOCTOR: Well, roughly speaking, but paying tax is more painful.
LEELA: Then the people should rise up and slaughter their oppressors!
DOCTOR: Well, if little Cordo's at all typical, they haven't any spirit
left for fighting.
(A wailing noise fills the air.)
CORDO: It's the Gatherer! Quick, run!
(Cordo runs, Leela follows.)
LEELA: Run, Doctor! It's the Gatherer!
(Finally the Doctor runs too. They duck through a small door into a
roof access area.)
CORDO: If we are caught up here, there is a fine
of five talmars or a week in the Correction Centre.
CORDO: It is an offence! Only the executive grade is allowed in the
light of the suns.
(Marn and Hade approach the Tardis.)
MARN: How did it get here?
HADE: Oh, use your intelligence, Marn. We detected an air space
violation. Clearly a sky freighter.
MARN: But what is it, your Honour?
HADE: Obviously a container. See the lock?
(Leela has been keeping watch.)
LEELA: He is trying to open the Tardis.
DOCTOR: Pity K9 can't bark.
(Cordo is climbing down a ladder.)
CORDO: Quick! Quick!
DOCTOR: What is it?
CORDO: We must get away.
DOCTOR: For someone who wanted to commit suicide a few minutes ago, you
seem very anxious not to be caught.
CORDO: Death is easy. Perhaps you've never been in the Correction
(The Doctor follows Cordo down the ladder.)
DOCTOR: Come on, Leela.
(A freight lift arrives.)
HADE: It's an intriguing case, Marn.
MARN: Your Honour, it's inconceivable. To flout so many regulations.
HADE: Exactly. I smell something very big. Perhaps another Kandor
MARN: What was that?
HADE: Oh yes, Kandor.
MARN: I never heard of it.
HADE: Yes, it wasn't made public at the time in case it gave others
ideas. Kandor was an executive grade in Megropolis Four who falsified
computer records for the enrichment of himself and his fellow
conspirators. Altogether he defrauded the Company of millions of
MARN: Praise the Company. What happened to him?
HADE: He survived three years in the Correction Centre.
MARN: Three years? A record.
HADE: He was very strong.
LEELA: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: I don't know. Why did you run?
LEELA: Well, he ran first.
DOCTOR: That's no answer.
LEELA: Why did you run?
DOCTOR: I don't know. Odd, isn't it?
LEELA: Perhaps everyone runs from the tax man.
DOCTOR: He says you're right.
MARN: I can easily trace the delivery and
HADE: Whatever programme the freighter used will self destruct in
MARN: You mean the instruction will not be retained in records? But
that's another illegal
HADE: Does the robber hesitate to break a window? We're not dealing
here, Marn, with some snivelling tax defaulter. This is a carefully
planned criminal enterprise.
MARN: To what end, your Honour?
HADE: To defraud the Company of its rightful revenues by smuggling
contraband goods into the Megropolis. I see the magnitude of the
offence astounds you.
MARN: Well, it's hard to believe such depths of criminality.
HADE: It exists, Marn. It exists. Despite the screening and the
Preparation Centres and the air conditioning, criminal deviants occur
in every generation. Enemies of the Company. On old Earth they had a
saying. There's one rotten acorn in every barrel. We must find this
filth, Marn. Find it and crush it.
MARN: The Company be praised. How should it be done?
HADE: I have a plan.
DOCTOR: What's the hurry?
CORDO: I must leave you here, Citizens.
LEELA: What are you going to do?
CORDO: Perhaps I can join the others.
LEELA: Who are the others?
CORDO: It is said they live in the Undercity. Outlaws, tax criminals,
some who've escaped from the Correction Centre. Perhaps they will help
me, if they exist.
LEELA: If you are not sure they exist, how do you expect to find them?
CORDO: I know the secret way to the Undercity. You see, my father was
an E grade work unit. He cleaned the walkways all his life. He learned
DOCTOR: We'll come with you.
CORDO: I'm gratified, Citizens, but there may be danger.
DOCTOR: No, I'm interested in this Undercity. Always like to get to the
bottom of things.
LEELA: Come on.
(A circular cut tunnel with steps going downwards
- into the Camden Town Deep Tube Shelters built for protection in WW2.)
CORDO: But you don't understand, Citizens. My father looked in once. He
said there is no light, nothing. It is not possible to imagine such a
LEELA: You mean it is dark.
CORDO: What is dark?
LEELA: Well, at night, when the sun has gone.
DOCTOR: He means there's no night on this planet, Leela. That's why the
concept of darkness frightens him.
LEELA: But that is not possible. Every planet must have a night.
DOCTOR: Not if the sidereal and axial rotation periods are the same, or
if there's more than one sun.
CORDO: There are six.
DOCTOR: What, six suns on Pluto?
CORDO: Well, everyone knows that. Each Megropolis was given its own
DOCTOR: In-station fusion satellites. Galileo would have been
(They reach the bottom. It is darker down here.)
DOCTOR: Which way?
CORDO: Somewhere beyond this point there is a little grating in the
DOCTOR: Well, go on.
CORDO: No, I can't. It's hard to see. All the light is fading.
LEELA: Your eyes will soon grow accustomed to the darkness.
CORDO: I didn't think it would be as bad as this. I must turn back.
DOCTOR: Too late.
(A raggedy man and woman are behind them, wielding weapons.)
DOCTOR: Take your hand off that knife, Leela.
(A third man comes down the steps. Everyone say Hi to Michael Keating,
just before Blakes 7.)
DOCTOR: Hello. You must be the others.
(The Tardis door opens and K9 looks out.)
MARN: The tracker system is activated, your
HADE: So soon? Well done, Marn.
(K9 is on the screen.)
MARN: What is it?
HADE: I don't have to tell you, Marn.
GOUDRY: We caught these three snooping around the
DOCTOR: You did not catch us. We allowed you to escort us.
MANDRELL: What are they?
GOUDRY: They claim they're from another planet, Mandrell.
MANDRELL: There's no life on the other planets.
DOCTOR: Really? How many other planets have you been to?
(Mandrell knocks the Doctor down.)
MANDRELL: Show courtesy to my rank, or I'll cut your skin off inch by
DOCTOR: I can see we're going to get on famously.
K9: Descend to level forty two.
(The lift obeys.)
MANDRELL: Where are they from? He looks like an
DOCTOR: Do you think he's insulting me?
LEELA: With a face like his? He would not dare.
LEELA: Let me get him, Doctor. I could cut his heart out.
DOCTOR: Shush. We haven't come here to fight. We haven't come here to
MANDRELL: Why did you come here, then?
DOCTOR: Because my new little chum here seemed unhappy about something.
MANDRELL: The D grade?
DOCTOR: Yes, the D grade.
LEELA: He wishes to join your tribe.
MANDRELL: Get him up.
DOCTOR: I'll get him up. Come on, don't be frightened.
CORDO: Light. Please, Doctor, let me see some light.
MANDRELL: Fool, there's no light down here. Only that which we make
GOUDRY: Come on. Come on! We can make a few candles out of him. It's
all he's good for, Mandrell.
MANDRELL: Shut up. What's your name?
CORDO: Citizen Cordo, District Four.
GOUDRY: Foundry or smelting?
CORDO: I'm a foundry work unit, your honour. Always respectable. All my
life I've met the production quotas, paid my dues and taxes, praise the
MANDRELL: Stuff the Company. Mouth those mindless parties down here,
Citizen Cordo, and you'll get your throat slit. So, you're in trouble
with the Gatherer, eh?
CORDO: Yes. I couldn't meet my father's death taxes. It was more than I
was told, and I
MANDRELL: It's always more than they tell you. I've heard the story a
thousand times. You stay with us, you'll have to earn your keep.
CORDO: Oh, yes, your honour, I'll work. Anything.
MANDRELL: Work? Work, Cordo? Nobody works here. We go into the upper
levels and steal what we need. Aye, and kill for our needs when
(A woman grabs Leela's costume.)
VEET: This skin, it's real skin!
LEELA: You touch me again and I'll fillet you!
MANDRELL: A handy girl. Doctor?
MANDRELL: You two may be of more use to us than I thought.
DOCTOR: Well I'm delighted to. Oh, no, no, we're just tourists. We're
(Mandrell snaps his fingers, and the Doctor and Leela are surrounded by
DOCTOR: On the other hand, it is quite cozy. Don't you think it's quite
(K9 has made it down to the deep shelter, and is
still on the monitor.)
MARN: It's turning into subway CT1.
HADE: How I dislike the lower levels. So very depressing.
MARN: The D grade work units have their dormer somewhere along there.
HADE: He's turned again, Marn. Where is it now?
MARN: It looks like one of the service subways, your Honour.
(K9 arrives at an open grill in the floor and a ladder. A power cable
is also running down into it.)
(Veet puts the finishing touches to a large
ConSumCard in the name of Citizen Doctor.)
VEET: It is finished.
MANDRELL: A thousand talmars?
VEET: It will do.
MANDRELL: It'd better do. A little task for you, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Oh, good.
MANDRELL: Here's a ConSumCard we got of an Ajack. It's made out for a
DOCTOR: A thousand talmars. Stolen?
MANDRELL: What do you think?
MANDRELL: It hasn't been used, so it's not on the computer records.
GOUDRY: None of us could us it. We don't look like Ajacks.
DOCTOR: Hmm. What do these Ajacks look like, if I'm pretending to be
one. I ask merely for information.
GOUDRY: They're all miners. They live in Megropolis Three.
MANDRELL: Do you know how to use a ConSumCard?
DOCTOR: Er, computer microloaded, er, do you feed it into a reader?
MANDRELL: At the ConSum Bank on subway thirty seven.
DOCTOR: Subway thirty seven.
MANDRELL: Cordo? You show the Doctor how to get there.
LEELA: (sotto) Do not go, Doctor.
DOCTOR: What? Suppose I refuse to go?
MANDRELL: You'll die.
DOCTOR: It was just a passing thought.
MANDRELL: Well, here's another one in case you run off with our
talmars. If you're not back by this time, the girl dies.
(Mandrell puts a marker against a thick candle. Probably a few hours.
The Doctor and Cordo leave.)
(The Doctor and Cordo climb the ladder to where K9
CORDO: I couldn't breathe down there.
DOCTOR: It was a bit stuffy, but unscented.
CORDO: What is it?
DOCTOR: Nothing, just an idea. K9.
DOCTOR: Didn't I tell you to stay in the Tardis?
(There is no sound on the monitor. The Doctor
scolds K9 and sends him off somewhere.)
MARN: An Ajack, by the stamp of him.
HADE: The other. The other I've seen somewhere before.
MARN: A D grade?
HADE: D grade. Hmm. Of course! He was here, only hours ago, whining for
time to pay his taxes.
MARN: What would an Ajack want with those riff-raff of the Undercity?
HADE: Quick, put the tracker on the Ajack.
MARN: Your Honour, it's not possible. The tracker system is keyed to
follow that machine.
HADE: You mean you've lost him.
MARN: We know the subways he's traversing. We can make physical
HADE: No, too soon for that. I want to know more about this Ajack. By
my ledger, I've got it, Marn!
MARN: Your Honour?
HADE: I know what they're smuggling. Arms.
HADE: Mmm. They were always an arrogant, unsettled lot, the Ajacks. The
air conditioning isn't effective in the mines. It's long been
recognised that if there's ever a rebellion against the Company, it
will start among the Ajacks. Don't you see?
MARN: You mean he's smuggling arms to the Undercity?
HADE: Exactly. And if it's happening here, it's a talmar to a toffee
it's happening in every Megropolis on Pluto.
MARN: What shall we do?
HADE: I must go to the Company palace and warn the Collector. We need
the Inner Retinue to deal with this.
(The Doctor and Cordo are hiding round a white
shiny corner from a transparent cubicle.)
CORDO: There it is, Doctor.
(The Doctor walks over to the cubicle, has a frantic search for the
card then steps inside. He places the card on a panel and keys in his
DOCTOR: Tens, please.
(He waves to Cordo, then a door slams down, locking the Doctor inside
the cubicle, and an alarm sounds.
(The cubicle fills with green gas.)
(Cordo runs and hides as four men arrive with a
gurney. They vent the gas from the cubicle, open it, help the Doctor
out and wheel him away.)
MANDRELL: Your friend the Doctor, he'd better
(The flame is almost level with the marker.)
VEET: Mandrell, when you kill her don't damage her too much.
MANDRELL: Oh, what a tender heart, Veet.
VEET: I want those skins.
MANDRELL: See how she begs for a gently death for you? So full of love
LEELA: Before I die, I'll see this rat hole ankle deep in blood. That
is a promised thing.
GOUDRY: By the Company, if Mandrell orders her killed, I won't be the
first man on his feet.
(An extremely short-sighted bald man is scanning a
printout barely a millimetre from his nose. He hits a red lever and
presses buttons on his desk without taking his eyes off the figures.
HADE: Your Highest, a thousand apologies for this intrusion.
COLLECTOR: (without looking up) ?? Hade. Time is money.
HADE: Ah, what a great truth, your Sublimity. A pearl of wisdom.
COLLECTOR: Get to the point.
HADE: I've grounds for believing, your Eminence, that there is a
conspiracy among dissident Ajacks to foment armed rebellion against the
Company, glory be to the Company.
(Now the little man looks up.)
COLLECTOR: Interesting. What exactly do you know, Hade?
[Correction Centre Induction]
(The Doctor wakes to the sound of someone who
whistles through their teeth when they sleep. They are wearing
BISHAM: Don't try to speak yet, my friend. Valerium gas affects the
BISHAM: Where are you? You're in the Correction Centre. This is the
Induction Therapy Section. That means they sensitise areas of the brain
and clear the neural pathways so that when we arrive in Physical, we
feel the full benefit. It intensifies pain a thousand times.
(The Doctor manages to sit up.)
DOCTOR: How long have I been here?
BISHAM: They brought you in just as the trumpets were sounding second
workshift. About an hour ago.
DOCTOR: An hour.
(The Doctor falls back.)
DOCTOR: Thank you.
BISHAM: It's a pleasure.
MANDRELL: Your time's up, girl.
(He snuffs out the candle.)
MANDRELL: Seize her.
(One man tries, and gets thrown across the room.)
LEELA: The next one dies.
MANDRELL: Take her, you cowardly scabs! Must I do it myself?
LEELA: Oh, try, Mandrell. Prove you have a heart as big as your mouth.
VEET: Mandrell! Wait a minute. Give the Doctor some more time.
GOUDRY: It's possible that D grade Cordo took the wrong subway. He's
not too smart.
MANDRELL: You craven gutten factory fodder. Are you frightened of a
GOUDRY: Take care, Mandrell.
VEET: Watch it.
(Leela dodges Mandrell's blows with his whip handle easily. Then Cordo
CORDO: The Doctor!
CORDO: They've got him!
LEELA: What do you mean?
VEET: How did they get him?
CORDO: At the ConSum Bank. Something went wrong. I don't know, maybe it
was the card.
VEET: The card was perfect.
CORDO: Well, the alarm blew as soon as he got in there. He didn't stand
a chance. I had to run.
VEET: It must have been the Doctor's fault. The card had never been
LEELA: Where's the Doctor now, Cordo?
CORDO: Security picked him up there right away. They must have been
cruising that section.
LEELA: What will they do to him?
GOUDRY: He'll be in the Correction Centre by now.
GOUDRY: They don't waste time.
VEET: Not when he's defrauding the ConSum Bank.
MANDRELL: That's high crime.
VEET: He'll get maximum.
LEELA: Maximum what?
VEET: Correction, of course. That's what the Centre's for, correcting
people. He won't live long after that.
[Correction Centre Induction]
(The Doctor stands up.)
BISHAM: What are you doing?
DOCTOR: Going for a little hop. Good for the circulation. What did they
get you for?
DOCTOR: That's a crime here?
BISHAM: Yes. I was an executive grade at the chemical plant in charge
of PCM production. I got curious about some of the other products.
DOCTOR: Go on.
BISHAM: Well, there were some tablets labelled For Official Use only,
for the Gatherers and the other Company staff. I wondered what they
were, so I took some.
(The Doctor examines a wall panel with three coloured levers, and
starts messing around with the parts of the equipment underneath them,
pulling them out with his teeth.)
BISHAM: I felt completely different, as though I'd never really been
alive until then.
DOCTOR: So you carried on taking them?
BISHAM: Of course I did. I suppose they noticed the difference in me
and kept watch. The MegroGuards came for me during my last sleep time.
DOCTOR: What does PCM stand for?
BISHAM: You know something about chemistry?
DOCTOR: Enough to recognise an anxiety inducing agent when I smell one.
BISHAM: No, no, it eliminates airborne infections.
DOCTOR: That's what they tell you. It also eliminates freedom.
COLLECTOR: These cellar dwellers should be erased.
HADE: Indubitably, your Elevation. It's a question of manpower. I
simply haven't got sufficient staff.
COLLECTOR: It is against Company policy to give supportive aid to the
civil administration. We run a purely fiscal operation.
HADE: Your Pinnacle, a five percent increase in protection tax would
repay the Company, its name be praised.
COLLECTOR: Good thinking, Hade. You tempt me.
HADE: There is also the consideration that any sustained unrest amongst
the work units could damage profitability.
COLLECTOR: Productivity-wise, I agree. An ongoing insurrectionary
situation would not be acceptable to my management. This fiscal period
we're aiming for a seven percent increase in the gross planetary
HADE: An achievable target, your Colossus, only if there is no
dissention. With increased manpower I could locate and destroy these
anti-Company agents before any harm is done.
COLLECTOR: Half a division of my Inner Retinue. That's all I can spare.
HADE: I am gratified.
COLLECTOR: Also increase the daily PCM dosage three percent by volume
as of now.
COLLECTOR: This interview is terminated.
HADE: Have the honour to remain, sir
COLLECTOR: Seventeen. Twenty.
HADE: Your humble and obedient servant. Yours etc etc.
COLLECTOR: Twenty two. Nineteen. Fourteen and twenty five.
LEELA: What kind of men are you?
MANDRELL: The kind that want to live.
LEELA: If only six of you come with me to this Correction Centre, we
can get the Doctor out.
MANDRELL: Why should we risk our necks for him?
LEELA: You sent him to the ConSum Bank and now he's in trouble you will
not even help him.
GOUDRY: There's nothing we can do.
LEELA: How do you know when you will not even try?
MANDRELL: Listen, fool, the Correction Centre is under the Palace
LEELA: What Palace?
MANDRELL: What Palace? There's only one Palace.
VEET: It's where the Collector lives. They say he likes to hear the
screams. That's why the Centre's there.
MANDRELL: And that's why we won't raid it. Because it's guarded by him
Inner Retinue and they've got things called guns. And what have we got?
LEELA: You? You have nothing, Mandrell. No pride, no courage, no
manhood. Even animals protect their own. You say to me you want to
live. Well I'll say this to you. If you lie skulking in this black pit
while the Doctor dies, then you will live, but without honour!
MANDRELL: Someone silence the termagin. She's crazy.
LEELA: I want just six of you to come with me. Now, who amongst you is
a true man? You, Goudry.
GOUDRY: Like Mandrell says, the guards are armed.
LEELA: You? Will you come?
(The rest of the Others turn away or stay quiet.)
LEELA: I see. Not one of you. Then I shall go alone.
CORDO: I'll come, Leela.
LEELA: You, Cordo?
CORDO: I know I'm not much help. I'm not brave and I can't fight, but,
well, at least I can show you the way.
LEELA: Cordo, you are the bravest man here. Come.
[Correction Centre Induction]
DOCTOR: Tell me, Bisham, how do they spread the
PCM through the atmosphere?
BISHAM: It's a high pressure system, Doctor. The PCM is volatilized
through the vapour towers and the air conditioning system.
(A guard enters.)
DOCTOR: I should think so too. Do you know how long we've been sitting
here without any attention at all? Do you know that?
(The guard picks up a piece of helmet style equipment and puts it over
DOCTOR: I said, do you know how long we've been sitting here without
any attention? Are you deaf or something? Is he deaf or something?
BISHAM: We don't count anymore. We're just material for processing.
DOCTOR: Ah. Right. I'm glad he isn't deaf.
(The guard pushes the Doctor back down onto the table and puts a helmet
on him, too.)
DOCTOR: I would have felt guilty. Don't leave it in too long, it goes
BISHAM: I'm sorry our acquaintance was so brief, Doctor. It has been a
pleasure meeting you.
(The guard pulls down two of the three levers on the wall.)
DOCTOR: Oh, that's all right, Bisham. We'll have another opportunity to
talk. There's a lot you can tell me.
BISHAM: I'm afraid after this nobody remembers much.
DOCTOR: I wouldn't touch that, if I were you.
(The guard reaches for the middle, red, lever.)
DOCTOR: I said, I wouldn't touch that if I were you.
(The guard gets electrocuted and the equipment goes bang. Flames leap
up inside the wall.)
DOCTOR: Are you sure he wasn't deaf?
HADE: Detained? When was this? By whose order?
MARN: He was caught while frauding with a stolen ConSumCard. The
MegroGuards have taken him to Correction.
HADE: Too soon, Marn. Too soon. Oh, we might squeeze the names of his
accomplices out of him, but if they hear he's been arrested they'll
take fright. Many of them must be Executive grades. They'll move to
other Megropolises. We could be years tracking them down.
MARN: He's our only lead, your Honour.
HADE: Hmm. Have him released from Correction immediately.
MARN: What reason shall I give?
HADE: Tell them that Gatherer Hade orders the charge to be quashed.
MARN: And bring him here.
HADE: Exactly. We must lull any suspicions he may have.
(Leela comes up the ladder.)
LEELA: K9, what are you doing here?
K9: Waiting, mistress.
LEELA: Waiting for what?
K9: The Doctor master ordered me to stay.
LEELA: In the Tardis. You should not be here at all.
LEELA: Oh, K9, this is Cordo. Cordo, K9.
CORDO: Yes, I've seen it before. What is it?
LEELA: Well, he's a sort of friend.
K9: Affirmative. Friend.
LEELA: K9, are your batteries fully charged?
K9: All my systems are at maximum function, mistress.
LEELA: Then you had better come with us. I think we might be needing
[Correction Centre Induction]
(Technicians are repairing the equipment.)
BISHAM: I wonder how long it'll take them to fix that?
DOCTOR: Not long, I'm afraid. There's no need to hurry on our account.
Take a break or something. Have a cup of tea. Have some jelly babies.
There are some in my coat pocket. No? All right.
(Marn enters with a guard.)
MARN: This is the one. Untie him.
DOCTOR: Ah, thank you. I don't like this jacket. Not very comfortable.
I like a jacket with a lot of pockets, don't you? What's the next treat
going to be, hmm? What's your name?
MARN: Gatherer Hade wishes to see you.
DOCTOR: Gatherer Hade?
MARN: He ordered your release.
DOCTOR: What about my chum?
MARN: Just you.
(The guard helps the Doctor on with his coat, and the Doctor leaves
with Marn after putting his bag of jelly babies next to Bisham's head.)
CORDO: It's the next turn. About fifty yards.
There's a guard on the gate.
LEELA: Just one?
CORDO: I have seen two, but normally there's just one.
LEELA: Strange. I feel fear. Why should I be frightened?
K9: There is a chemical inhibitor in the air, mistress. I have analysed
LEELA: What does that mean, K9?
K9: It means you feel fear because it affects the human nervous system
and debilitates the will.
LEELA: You mean there's nothing to be afraid of, just something in the
LEELA: Right. Come on.
(Marn leads the Doctor in. Hade greets him
HADE: Ah, Citizen Doc-Tor. Welcome. Come in, sit down.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
HADE: No, no, no. Please, please.
(The Doctor takes Hade's tall backed chair.)
HADE: Citizen Doc-Tor. An unusual name.
DOCTOR: Yes, especially for an Ajack.
HADE: Indeed. There are so many Wurgs and Keeks in Megropolis Three I
sometimes wonder how my distinguished colleague, Gatherer Pile, manages
to keep track of you all.
DOCTOR: Indeed. But how very clever of you to know my name.
HADE: Well, it's here, on your ConSumCard.
HADE: The cause of your unfortunate experience, of which I trust there
are no ill effects?
DOCTOR: Oh, not at all, not at all. Your guards were entirely charming,
and so attentive.
HADE: I am gratified. I brought you here, Citizen Doc-Tor, first of all
to give you the thousand talmars you requested.
(Marn hands over a pouch of money.)
HADE: And also to apologise for any inconvenience. To err is computer.
DOCTOR: To forgive is fine?
[Outside the Correction Centre]
(A guard with a massive weapon is patrolling.)
LEELA: All right, K9. Bite.
LEELA: Stun him.
(K9 trundles forward. Cordo wants to watch, but Leela mouths at him to
wait. The guard kindly kneels to get a better look at K9, then raises a
communicator to his mouth. K9 zaps him before he can say anything.
Leela runs up and pats K9, and takes the weapon. They enter the
(Marn is handing round refreshments from a box.)
MARN: Would you care for a leaf?
DOCTOR: Oh, thank you, thank you. Thank you.
(The Doctor takes one and tries it. He finds it delicious.)
DOCTOR: Rubus idaeus?
HADE: No, raspberry leaves. I have them specially imported. They
contain natural chlorophyll. Very healthy.
DOCTOR: Have you ever tasted raspberry leaf tea? Awfully good for
aliments of the throat.
HADE: Is that so?
HADE: Of course, in primitive times on Old Earth, they ate prodigious
quantities of vegetable matter without any apparent harm to their
HADE: Mmm. I'm quite a student of antiquity. Many people alive are not
even aware that our species originated on Old Earth.
DOCTOR: I can hardly credit it.
HADE: It's true. They learn nothing in the Preparation Centres.
DOCTOR: Mind you, I've often wondered why we left Old Earth.
HADE: Ah, well, of course there is a religious view, though I've always
inclined to the expansionist theory. Natural progression. Tell me,
Citizen Doc-Tor, are you planning to stay long in Megropolis One?
DOCTOR: Not long, no.
HADE: Well, while you're here, you must get about a bit. After all, it
is the first and oldest city on Pluto. There's much of interest to see.
DOCTOR: Well, I shall certainly try. In fact, I shall start right now.
HADE: Oh, don't let me detain you any longer. I know you visiting
Executives have a very busy schedule. An agreeable meeting.
(The Doctor holds out a paper bag. Where does he get them from?)
HADE: Oh, I am gratified.
(And eats a jelly baby. The Doctor leaves, and Marn enters.)
MARN: The tracker system is keyed to him, your Honour.
HADE: Excellent. I think he swallowed my story of mechanical error
without any suspicion.
MARN: He couldn't believe his luck when we gave him the thousand
talmars. That was a stroke of genius, your Honour.
HADE: I think it added a touch of verisimilitude. Of course, he needed
the money for a reason. Possibly to buy the services of that work-shy
scum in the Undercity.
(Marn switches on the monitor to follow the Doctor.)
HADE: Let's see where he's heading.
LEELA: This door, K9?
LEELA: Here, K9?
K9: Affirmative. The master passed through this entrance.
[Correction Centre Induction]
(Bisham has the headset on again, and a guard is
adjusting the levers as Leela, K9 and Cordo enter. Leela shoots the
LEELA: It is not him! Guard the door, K9. Help me free this one, Cordo.
BISHAM: Gratified, Citizens.
LEELA: Listen. Listen, we're looking for the Doctor.
BISHAM: You are his friends?
CORDO: Jelly babies!
LEELA: You have seen him! Where is he?
BISHAM: Yes, he was here, but they set him free.
LEELA: Who did? Where is he now?
BISHAM: I don't know. He went out with one of the Gatherer's officials.
CORDO: Leela, we should go. The longer we're here
LEELA: Yes. Check the corridor, K9.
LEELA: Are you fit enough to move?
BISHAM: Yes, yes, I think so. The treatment had only just started when
you came in.
K9: Corridor clear, mistress.
LEELA: You'd better come with us. Come on.
(Marn and Hade watch the Doctor go along a tunnel,
regularly looking behind him.)
MARN: He's returning to the Undercity, your Honour. The tracker system
doesn't function there.
HADE: No matter if we lose him for an hour or two underground. We can
always locate him whenever he moves in the city.
MARN: But it is in the Undercity, your Honour, that the rebellion is
HADE: The Collector has allocated me half a division of his Inner
Retinue, Marn. They'll soon deal with that leaderless rabble. I shall
send one squad in through the heating conduits to force them into the
open. The other section will pick them off as they emerge.
MARN: Your Honour is a tactical genius.
HADE: I formed the plan on my way back from the Palace. I call it
Morton's Fork, in honour of one of my illustrious predecessors.
MARN: Shall I alert the guards?
HADE: Not yet. Morton's Fork will stab, Marn, only when I am sure we
have identified all the conspirators.
[Outside the Correction Centre]
(The stunned guard wakes and uses his
GUARD: Emergency. Emergency. Calling all Districts.
MANDRELL: This tastes like swill. Where'd you get this garbage?
VEET: Don't you like it, Mandrell? I'll have yours.
(The Doctor enters.)
DOCTOR: Suppertime? Save me some.
GOUDRY: We heard you'd been taken.
DOCTOR: Well, I was, I was, but it was all a misunderstanding. Gatherer
apologised profusely. Shush.
(The Doctor tips out the metal tokens onto the table.)
DOCTOR: A thousand talmars.
MANDRELL: What trick's this?
DOCTOR: No trick. Gave me a raspberry leaf as well. Where's Leela?
MANDRELL: She's gone.
MANDRELL: She's gone.
GOUDRY: We heard you were in the Correction Centre. She went off with
some crazy idea of getting you out.
DOCTOR: Mandrell, you made a certain threat before I left. If
anything's happened to that girl.
MANDRELL: Don't threaten me, Doctor. The Gatherer doesn't give anyone
money. He takes but he doesn't give, so you'd better have a good story.
DOCTOR: Once upon a time there were three sisters.
MANDRELL: I think you're a spy. A spy for the Gatherer.
[Outside the Correction Centre]
CORDO: The guard, he's gone!
LEELA: We should have killed him. He will have raised the alarm.
BISHAM: Well, there's no turning back.
CORDO: If we're caught in this corridor, we'll have no chance, Leela.
LEELA: What do you suggest?
CORDO: We must be daring. If we take the P45 return route they'll never
expect to find us there.
BISHAM: I hope you're right, Cordo.
LEELA: Come on, lead the way.
(Guards have set up a 'road block' ahead. Leela
peers round the corner.)
LEELA: There are guards. They have blocked the subway.
CORDO: There is a level interchange back there.
(They run back, but a vehicle comes round another corner carrying two
CORDO: It's no good, they've seen us.
LEELA: Hide. We must keep still. Make them think we will not fight.
BISHAM: You have a gun, Leela. Why don't you kill us?
BISHAM: I'd rather die here than let them take us.
(The vehicle stops a few metres away and a guard gets out.)
GUARD 2: Drop your arms.
(Leela walks to the side and puts the weapon down.)
LEELA: Get them, K9.
(K9 shoots the first guard, and the second gets out of the vehicle
cautiously. K9 moves forward and shoots him, too.)
K9: Satisfactory, mistress?
LEELA: Get their guns.
K9: Satisfactory, mistress?
LEELA: Yes, K9. What do you want, a biscuit? We will take this machine
and crash through their barrier. Put K9 on the back.
(Around the corner, the guards at the barricade are curious.)
GUARD 3: The shooting's stopped. Our lads must have got them. Not our
LEELA: Ready? Forward.
(She puts her foot on the pedal and it goes backwards.)
LEELA: Great Xoanan! I said forward!
BISHAM: Perhaps I'd better take over, Leela.
LEELA: All right. I will have the gun.
(She sits behind the vehicle mounted weapon and Bisham drives off,
forward. Round the corner, the guards are dismantling the barricade.)
GUARD 3: Bring them against this wall. That's right.
(Leela fires at them.)
GUARD 3: Look out!
(Firing again and again, they drive through the gap made by the
LEELA: We've done it!
(The two sides swap weapons fire, then - )
CORDO: Stop! Leela's been hit!
(Leela is lying on the ground some way behind them now. The guards keep
BISHAM: We can't help her.
(He drives on with Cordo and K9.)
MANDRELL: Now you're going to answer my questions,
MANDRELL: Why did the Gatherer give you this money?
DOCTOR: Maybe he liked my face.
MANDRELL: You know what I think?
DOCTOR: Ah, that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't
MANDRELL: Now listen, Doctor. We can either do this the easy way
(Mandrell raises his whip.)
DOCTOR: Or we can do it the hard way. I've heard that one, too.
MANDRELL: Get him.
(One of the outlaws punches the Doctor in the stomach, knocking him
MANDRELL: The Gatherer gave you a thousand talmars to bring to us?
DOCTOR: Well, even Gatherers have their bad days.
MANDRELL: Now this is going to be your bad day, Doctor, if you don't
DOCTOR: About what?
MANDRELL: The deal. You and the Gatherer made a deal.
DOCTOR: I only made one deal, Mandrell, and that was with you under
duress, and you haven't kept your part of it.
MANDRELL: Now the irons. Another minute. Doctor, you've got one more
(Mandrell turns the Doctor to see the red hot poker ready for him.)
DOCTOR: Yes, that sort of subtle approach is always more effective than
VEET: Oh, he's very cool.
GOUDRY: Parts of him won't be so cool soon.
MANDRELL: This is your last chance.
DOCTOR: You're a fool, Mandrell. I don't know why yet, but I was
released from the Correction Centre. The Gatherer gave me a cock and
bull story about machine error, and he gave me a thousand talmars to
make it sound convincing. That's all I know.
MANDRELL: You'll have to do better than that, Doctor.
(The red hot poker, with the shape of the Megropolis logo on it, is
held in front of the Doctor's face.)
DOCTOR: You're not very good at it, Mandrell.
MANDRELL: Talk, Doctor.
DOCTOR: It's the eyes. No conviction.
MANDRELL: I'm going to count to ten, Doctor. One
DOCTOR: Oh, put it aside, Mandrell. You look a fool.
(The Doctor makes a grab for the poker as - )
CORDO: Hold it, Mandrell!
(Bisham and Cordo have arrived, and Bisham has a weapon pointed at
DOCTOR: Thank you, gentlemen.
(The Doctor takes the poker and puts it back by the fire.)
DOCTOR: Nice to see you both. Where's Leela? Well, where is she?
[Correction Centre Induction]
(Leela is lying unconscious on a slab, being
checked over. The Collector is there in his electric wheelchair.)
COMMANDER: She's not numbered, Excellency.
COLLECTOR: What? All our work units are numbered at birth.
COMMANDER: Some criminals have the number removed by surgery, but
there's always a scar.
COLLECTOR: No number. A mystery to solve. Maximise her medicare. Bring
her to me the moment she's on her feet.
COMMANDER: Yes, Excellency.
(The Collector and his guards leave.)
GOUDRY: He's asking us to help him!
CORDO: No, no, he's not.
DOCTOR: No, no, I'm not. I'm not, Goudry. I'm asking you to help
yourselves. Nothing will change round here unless you change it.
CORDO: We have the two guns, and there's K9 upstairs.
VEET: Two guns? What will we do with two guns against all those guards?
DOCTOR: You can't do anything, but there are fifty million people in
this city. Think how the guards will react to that number.
GOUDRY: It's crazy talk. Rebellion? No one would support you.
DOCTOR: Given the chance to breathe clean air for a few hours, they
might. Have you thought of that?
BISHAM: I've thought of that, Doctor. The PCM is the source of the
Company's power, but without explosives there's no way of stopping it
entering the vapour chambers.
DOCTOR: There's always a way. Come here.
(The Doctor and Bisham move aside.)
DOCTOR: Listen, that drug is volatilized into the atmosphere. What's
its critical temperature?
BISHAM: Two hundred and five centigrade.
DOCTOR: Two hundred and five centigrade. So if we lower the temperature
in the chamber
BISHAM: There are eight of them, all round the city.
MANDRELL: But all controlled from one point.
DOCTOR: How do you know that?
MANDRELL: I was a B grade in Main Control. The Doctor's right. It could
GOUDRY: Are you out of your mind, Mandrell?
DOCTOR: You mean take over Main Control?
MANDRELL: Yes. There are only two work units on duty up there. You're
right, Doctor. It could be done.
GOUDRY: It sounded to me like you were saying we should help!
MANDRELL: That's what I was thinking, Goudry.
GOUDRY: But why? It's a crazy idea.
MANDRELL: But I think it could work. And what have we got to lose?
DOCTOR: Only your claims.
BISHAM: Well put, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Oh, it was nothing. I have a gift for the apt phrase.
CORDO: Anything's worth trying. If only we could win. Just think, if we
could beat the Company!
DOCTOR: There's no if about it, Cordo. We will.
BISHAM: What's your plan, Doctor?
DOCTOR: First of all we've got to blind the scanner system. At the
moment it's sensitised on me, so I can't move from this spot.
MANDRELL: What scanner system?
DOCTOR: Well, every few metres along the subway there are tubes in the
GOUDRY: You mean the sun feeds.
DOCTOR: No, I mean the oculoid electronic monitors. They're connected
to concealed cables. Cordo, I want two of them brought here.
CORDO: Right, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Take care. I mean, unplug them carefully.
BISHAM: I don't think she was badly wounded.
LEELA: Get this thing off me!
(Leela is hauled, bandaged round her head and in a strait-jacket, into
COMMANDER: The terrorist, Excellency.
LEELA: Let me go!
COMMANDER: Answer his Excellency.
LEELA: I will split you.
COMMANDER: Your name!
COLLECTOR: Place of birth.
LEELA: I don't have to answer.
COLLECTOR: Place of birth.
LEELA: I don't know. I'm a member of the Sevateem.
COLLECTOR: The Sevateem?
LEELA: My tribe. Tell this gorilla to take his paws off me.
(The Collector speaks into a microphone.)
COLLECTOR: Zero zero five on Sevateem.
COMPUTER: Zero zero five. Sevateem. Negative report. Semantic analysis
suggests linguistic corruption. Inferences degenerate unsupported
COLLECTOR: How did you get to Pluto?
LEELA: By accident, as usual.
COMMANDER: Answer respectfully!
LEELA: The Doctor brought me in a machine called a Tardis, if that
leaves you any the wiser.
COLLECTOR: What is the Doctor?
LEELA: He is a Time Lord.
(The Collector beckons Leela over.)
COLLECTOR: You were in that criminal attack on the Company Correction
LEELA: Well, I heard the Doctor was in trouble, so I came to rescue
him, but when I got here he'd been set free, so we
COLLECTOR: This interview is terminated. Remove her.
COMMANDER: Erased, Excellency?
COLLECTOR: Not as of now. Place her under pending.
COMMANDER: Immediately, Excellency.
(He puts Leela over his shoulder and carries her out.)
LEELA: Put me down!
COLLECTOR: I'll issue an invoice for erasure by close of business
today. Zero zero five. The Time Lords. Specifically one known as the
COMPUTER: Zero zero five. Time Lords. Oligarchic rulers of the planet
Gallifrey. The planet was classified grade three in the last market
survey, its potential for market development being correspondingly low.
(The Doctor is working on the monitors that Cordo
has got for him.)
CORDO: It's true. If we all act together, there's nothing the Company
VEET: If we all act together.
GOUDRY: Yes, let's fight the Company.
VEET: Fight, yes.
DOCTOR: What is this Company? Can anyone tell me that?
MANDRELL: Well, it's just the Company.
GOUDRY: It gave us the suns.
DOCTOR: Shush. I mean, who runs it? What's it for?
BISHAM: It makes a profit, that's what it's for. And the, er, Collector
is a sort of high official. There's nobody else.
DOCTOR: A profit?
DOCTOR: But who gets the profit? Where does it go?
VEET: Not to us.
BISHAM: They're not questions we've ever thought about. I mean there's
DOCTOR: Wouldn't it be interesting to find the answer?
BISHAM: Well, yes, of course
DOCTOR: Cordo, take these. They're ready.
CORDO: Right, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Now listen. Bisham and Mandrell, stay with me. Now the rest of
you, I want you to scatter through the city and tell the people what's
happening. Remind them that they're human beings, and tell them that
human beings always have to fight for their freedom. All right?
DOCTOR: You all know what to do?
DOCTOR: Let's go.
HADE: Your Hugeness sent for me?
COLLECTOR: You ordered a prisoner to be released from Correction today.
HADE: I can explain, your Amplification. He is the Ajack conspirator
sent here to foment rebellion. It is my intention to follow him through
the tracker system and identify his contacts.
COLLECTOR: There is no rebellion, Hade, and your so-called Ajack is an
alien who landed on this planet by mistake. He is a Time Lord known as
HADE: But how? Your Vastness is certain?
COLLECTOR: I simply checked Company records. This Doctor could be a
HADE: In what way, your Voluminousness?
COLLECTOR: He has a long history of violence and of economic
subversion. He will not be sympathetic to my Company's business
HADE: If there's anything I can do to help the Company? Long life the
(The Collector hits a big red button and there is a screech.)
COLLECTOR: Issue hourly bulletins. Five thousand talmars reward for
information leading his capture, dead or alive.
COLLECTOR: The money to be paid from your private purse.
COLLECTOR: You spoke?
HADE: Merely a cry of gladness at being so honoured.
COLLECTOR: Also, bulletin information that the Doctor's companion is to
be publically executed for her crimes against the Company.
HADE: Praise the Company for ever and ever. Er, where will the
execution be held?
COLLECTOR: In the Exchange Hall. Admission by ticket only, five
talmars. Proceeds to the Company Benevolent Fund.
HADE: Enormity will attend?
COLLECTOR: Naturally. The execution will take place during the first
work shift. Announce a two hour public holiday without pay.
HADE: The work units will cry with delight. Such generosity is
COLLECTOR: I compute a point oh four seven percent drop in production,
which is within acceptable limits. Also, station extra security units
in all the subways around the Exchange.
HADE: Extra units, your Globosity?
COLLECTOR: The computer character analysis indicates that the Doctor
will try to prevent the execution. With luck, we'll roll two of them
into the steamer.
(Cordo finishes putting the monitor units back on
CORDO: Ready, Doctor.
(The Doctor walks back and forth between the two.)
DOCTOR: One more time, just for luck.
K9: Duplication quite unnecessary.
(But he does it anyway.)
DOCTOR: Right, well that should do it.
MANDRELL: What did you do, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Well, I fixed a static loop, what else. Mandrell, you lead the
way. Cordo second, Bisham third. K9, fifth.
[Correction Centre Induction]
(Leela is hanging from the wall at about forty
five degrees, apparently unsupported, with a guard on watch. A man
enters and chuckles.)
LEELA: Do I look it?
COMMANDER: Shan't keep you pending long. His Excellency has invoiced
LEELA: Good. That means I won't have to look at your ugly face any
COMMANDER: Be a bit of a treat for us, too. We haven't had a public
steaming for months.
LEELA: A public what?
COMMANDER: You don't know about the steamer?
(He leaves, laughing.)
K9: Visual scan clear, master.
MANDRELL: One more level after this.
MARN: We've picked them up, your Honour.
HADE: Excellent. What's the location?
MARN: Service subway twenty seven, district four. I've already alerted
HADE: What? Stop them, stop them at once.
MARN: They're on live.
HADE: I must arrest him myself.
MARN: Arrest him? I thought we were to keep him under observation
HADE: All the plans have changed, Marn. The Collector wants him taken
dead of alive.
(Hade loads a hand weapon.)
HADE: You'd better come with me as a witness. Oh, the idiot. Look at
him, look at him, walking up and down where everyone could see him.
MARN: A witness?
HADE: He could cost me five thousand talmars! Hurry, woman!
COMPUTER: Attention, Citizens. Attention all
Citizens. Stand by for an important public bulletin. Have you seen this
man? (The Doctor.) He is an anti-Company agent wanted for acts of
terrorism. Gatherer Hade will pay a reward of five thousand talmars for
information leading to the capture of the gangster, dead or alive.
SYNGE: Hey, five thousand.
DOCTOR: Peanuts. It's an insult. The Droges of Gabrielides offered a
whole star system for my head once.
BISHAM: K-keep your hands wh-where we can see them.
CORDO: Put your hands on your head.
MANDRELL: Stand still. This is a rising, Citizens. Either you join us
or you die.
SYNGE: I remember you. Mandrell.
MANDRELL: That's right, Synge. What's your answer, B grade? Right.
SYNGE: You stay where you are. You can't do that!
(Mandrell goes to the control wall and pulls a lever down.)
CORDO: It's done.
SYNGE: But the vapour towers.
CORDO: We're shutting them down.
DOCTOR: Yes, nasty horrid smelly things. Carry on, Cordo.
CORDO: This is the nerve centre of the City, eh?
BISHAM: Yes, in one way it is. All the power is controlled from here.
CORDO: All right, Citizens. Are you with the revolution or not?
SYNGE: We're with you, brothers, eh, Hackett?
(Hade and Marn sneak up on the corner.)
(But the Doctor is not pacing up and down where they saw him.)
HADE: He's not there.
MARN: I don't understand.
(She checks the monitors with a hand device.)
MARN: These scanners are still registering.
HADE: I don't care what the scanners say. I do care what the scanners
say. Check again, Marn. There must be some malfunction.
MARN: Your Honour, the scanner information shows that the Doctor is
walking up and down exactly here.
(Now Leela's picture is being shown.)
COMPUTER: This is the gangster terrorist soon to be executed in the
BISHAM: It's Leela!
COMPUTER: Tickets for the spectacle are still available.
BISHAM: Fetch the Doctor, quickly.
COMPUTER: Price five talmars.
COMPUTER: At the Company offices. As a special privilege, during the
hours of the public holiday, the steaming will also be shown live on
all bulletin screens.
MANDRELL: The temperature in the heat exchange is down to seventy
centigrade. Shall we keep it at that level, Doctor?
MANDRELL: At seventy.
DOCTOR: What do they mean, a steaming?
BISHAM: Well, they put her into a condensation chamber.
CORDO: It's directly underneath here.
BISHAM: The heat exchange is regulated by water pumps. It turns into
high pressure steam, of course, and then goes into the condensation
SYNGE: It's a terrible death. You can hear the
DOCTOR: Come here, Bisham. Listen, I. Mandrell! Mandrell, what would
happen if we cut the water supply to the pumps?
MANDRELL: The heat exchanger would blow up, take half the city with it.
DOCTOR: No, no, no, just for a few minutes. Just long enough to get her
SYNGE: You'd have to crawl through that vent in the wall to get to the
MANDRELL: Doctor, take a look.
SYNGE: No, it couldn't be done. You can see what the atmospheric
pressure in there is. It would flatten you.
DOCTOR: So we let that pressure out.
MANDRELL: You couldn't do it.
DOCTOR: Why not?
MANDRELL: It's a safety system.
BISHAM: The only way would be to open the valve from the inside.
MANDRELL: And inside, you're dead. It's impossible.
K9: Suggestion, master.
DOCTOR: What? What is it?
K9: As my construction offers more resistance to pressure than the
DOCTOR: Yes, yes.
K9: It may be that I could function inside the vent?
DOCTOR: Yes, but could you open a valve?
K9: I could attempt to blast it, master.
DOCTOR: Attempt to blast. We'll try it. Get that vent open.
DOCTOR: K9, I don't know how to say this, K9.
K9: Master, your concern is noted. Please do not embarrass me.
DOCTOR: Good dog.
CORDO: Look, it's starting.
(On the screen, Leela is struggling against her bonds)
COLLECTOR: Are we ready?
HADE: Almost, your Mightiness. We won't be long.
(A cage is placed over Leela.)
COLLECTOR: A poor turnout, Hade.
HADE: Five talmars for only one execution. If we could have offered
more victims, made a bigger show of it. Of course, when they can see it
all for nothing on the bulletin screens
COLLECTOR: Not the same thing at all. No sense of a shared experience.
I fear the Doctor is going to disappoint us. Your scanners haven't
HADE: Er, not exactly.
COLLECTOR: What does that mean? Either they have or they haven't.
HADE: Well, er, the truth of the matter is, there's a fault in the
system. A false image. But I can assure your Sublimity it'll soon be
(Hade wilts under the Collector's Look.)
(An indicator plummets to zero.)
CORDO: K9's done it. Look!
DOCTOR: Get the vent open.
DOCTOR: Mandrell, reverse the pumps.
MANDRELL: Pumps in reverse.
(K9 comes out of the vent.)
MANDRELL: We'll give you two minutes, Doctor. We can't give you any
DOCTOR: I know, I know. Well done, K9.
K9: It was nothing, master.
MANDRELL: Take this, Doctor. It's a two way communicator. If anything
goes wrong, you can let us know.
DOCTOR: All right. Now, don't call me. You understand? I'll call you.
MANDRELL: Right. And Doctor? Two minutes!
BISHAM: Good luck, Doctor.
CORDO: Good luck, Doctor!
K9: Good luck, master.
(The Doctor vanishes into the vent.)
SYNGE: Temperature in the Exchange room is rising fast, Mandrell. I
don't think we can hold it for two minutes.
MANDRELL: We must. I told him two minutes.
BISHAM: The execution! She's going into the steamer.
(Leela's cage is sent running down a set of
COLLECTOR: This is the moment I get a real feeling of job satisfaction.
Are the microphones wired in?
HADE: All round the condenser, most Merciful. We're looking forward to
excellent duodecaphonic sound.
COLLECTOR: Then we shall hear within a few seconds.
SYNGE: I can't hold it, Mandrell.
MANDRELL: Another twenty seconds.
SYNGE: It's going. Listen!
BISHAM: The Doctor must be in the Condensation chamber by now.
MANDRELL: If we release that heat blast, he'll be vapourised.
SYNGE: If you don't, we'll all die!
CORDO: Look at the dial!
MANDRELL: Ten more seconds.
COLLECTOR: That noise, Hade. Can't something be
done about it? We shan't hear her.
HADE: It's vibration in the exchanger, your Magnificence.
COLLECTOR: I know what it is. I don't want my pleasure ruined by it.
MARN: Her cries will be clearly audible, your Honour.
COLLECTOR: What's that? The subtleties will be lost. The deeper notes
of despair, the final dying cadences. The whole point of a good
steaming is the range it affords.
HADE: Marn. Er, no. I'll see if the discriminator can be adjusted, your
(The Doctor enters the Condensation chamber and
goes over to Leela, who is lying rather still. He opens the cage,
covers her mouth to keep her quiet, and starts unfastening her.)
MANDRELL: Doctor, can you hear me?
MANDRELL [OC]: I can't give you any longer.
MANDRELL: The exchanger's going to blow any
MANDRELL [OC]: Get out, Doctor. Get out of there!
(The Doctor finishes unfastening Leela and they go into the vent. Hade
reenters the Hall.)
COLLECTOR: What was it?
HADE: I thought I heard someone say Doc-Tor, your Sagacity. It wasn't
the girl. There hasn't been a peep out of her.
COLLECTOR: Precisely, Hade. Something has gone wrong. Order the guards
HADE: Immediately, your Omniscience. Come along, Marn!
SYNGE: Flow valves open.
MANDRELL: Main pumps in.
SYNGE: Sixty atmospheres, still rising.
MANDRELL: Plug auxiliaries in. Quick!
SYNGE: Auxiliaries in. She's cooling, look.
MANDRELL: We've made it. Unless the air plates have buckled, Synge.
SYNGE: Let's hope they haven't.
CORDO: Do you think the Doctor got out in time?
BISHAM: If he didn't, he wouldn't have known much about it.
MANDRELL: We gave him his two minutes. More than his two minutes.
CORDO: Listen. In the vent! He's made it!
(They run to the hatch and open it.)
DOCTOR: Who was making all that noise?
MANDRELL: I was, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I told you not to use that radio link.
BISHAM: We had to tell you that your time was up, Doctor.
DOCTOR: You told the Collector, too! That fish-blooded sadist had
Leela's casket wired for sound.
LEELA: What's happening? What's he doing here?
CORDO: We've sired a revolution, Leela. Down with the Company, eh,
DOCTOR: Ah, ah, Cordo. We've got a great deal to do yet.
BISHAM: It's going well, though, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Is it?
BISHAM: The PCM is clearing from the air faster than I expected. It's
down ten points already.
MANDRELL: All my men are out putting some fight into the work units. If
just one District joins the resistance the word'll spread through the
(On the screen, the guard Commander is whispering in the Collector's
DOCTOR: Shush. Where's the public video system controlled from?
MANDRELL: The Collector's Palace.
BISHAM: Yes, he runs everything from the Computer room. Why, Doctor?
DOCTOR: If the public video system announced there'd been a successful
rebellion, think of the effect.
LEELA: Everyone would believe it.
BISHAM: Yes, but the Palace is guarded by his Inner Retinue.
DOCTOR: He's guarded by his Inner Retinue, and most of them are down
there with him. Come on, Leela, let's go.
LEELA: MegroGuards! MegroGuards coming this way!
DOCTOR: Everybody keep calm, keep calm. Keep quiet. You two back there.
You three over there. Leela, behind the door.
(Two blue uniformed guards enter.)
SYNGE: What do you want here?
CORDO: All right, drop your guns.
(The Doctor finds handcuffs in a pocket.)
DOCTOR: All right, tie them up.
(Mandrell and Leela takes the guards away.)
DOCTOR: Pretty soon the whole place will be under siege here. K9? (to
Bisham) I want you to hold out as long as possible.
BISHAM: Yes, Doctor.
CORDO: We'll do it, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Of course you will.
CORDO: Now we have more weapons, we can hold the corridor.
DOCTOR: Good man. K9?
DOCTOR: K9, where are you?
DOCTOR: Ah, there you are. Now, listen. I want you to give my friends
all the help they need. You understand?
K9: I am at full offensive capability, master.
DOCTOR: You're a good dog. Come on, Leela. Gentlemen, good luck.
BISHAM: Thank you, Doctor.
MANDRELL: Right, Doctor.
COLLECTOR: An unprofitable operation, Hade.
HADE: Your Supernal Eminence, I simply can't understand it. No one has
ever endured a steaming without vocalising in the most gratifying
COLLECTOR: A complete waste of time. And we've lost point oh four seven
percent in production. Unpaid overtime to be introduced immediately for
all work grades. See to it!
HADE: Without fail, Monstrosity, without fail.
(A guard enters.)
COLLECTOR: What is it?
COMMANDER: Your Excellence, sir. Some minor disturbances. It may not be
wise to travel in the subways until the trouble has been suppressed.
COLLECTOR: What trouble?
COMMANDER: It appears that some of the work units are refusing to leave
their dormers, Excellency.
HADE: Refusing to leave? I've never heard of such a thing.
COLLECTOR: This situation must be normalised. Any sustained unrest
among the workforce will adversely affect Company profitability.
HADE: Sing adoration to our Company!
COMMANDER: I have dispatched a division of the retinue, Excellency. The
account will be swiftly settled.
COLLECTOR: With interest, Commander. They must be made to pay.
HADE: I will introduce a swingeing output linked penalty tax in my next
monthly budget, your Corpulence.
COLLECTOR: The Doctor must be behind it. I sense the vicious doctrine
of egalitarianism, Hade.
(He starts going round in small circles.)
HADE: Everyone knows your senses are infallible, your Promontory.
COLLECTOR: Have the guards reported from Main Control yet?
HADE: No, your Omnipresence. My underling Marn is investigating.
COLLECTOR: Not good enough, Hade. Not good enough. I am noting your
HADE: I will instigate action myself, your Aggrandizement. Instantly.
CORDO: You'll never believe this, Bisham, but I'm
really beginning to enjoy myself.
BISHAM: The air's better without PCM, isn't it.
SYNGE: Yes, we'll never pay breathing tax to the Company again.
MANDRELL: Oh, we'll pay no more taxes, brother. The Gatherer's got his
last talmar off of us.
CORDO: I feel so good, like a new man!
MANDRELL: Keep an eye on the corridor, Cordo, or you'll be a dead new
CORDO: All right, Mandrell. I know. K9's got it covered.
SYNGE: I wonder what's happening in the subways and dormers?
BISHAM: Theoretically, the dispersion rate of the PCM should be slower
down there, but there should be something happening by now.
MANDRELL: If the work units turn, the guard'll really have their hands
GUARD: Come on, move yourselves. Report for work
at once. Work! Work!
(The work units make rebellious noises.)
GUARD: Collector's orders.
GOUDRY [OC]: Strike, brother. Join us, or get out.
GUARD: Who said that? Who was it?
GOUDRY: Me. Nobody works today.
VEET: Nobody works today.
GUARD: That's mutiny against the Company. You've just earned yourself
an early death day, Citizen.
(Goudry and Veet laugh as the work units easily overpower and disarm
(A guard goes rolling tip over point into the
room, and Leela follows with her knife raised.)
DOCTOR: No, no, no.
LEELA: Why not?
DOCTOR: No, don't kill him. He hasn't done you any harm.
LEELA: Then I shall kill him before he does.
DOCTOR: No. Get up. Come on, get up.
LEELA: Doctor, the last one I spared got away and warned his comrades.
That is why I was captured.
DOCTOR: Then we'll make sure this one doesn't get away. Here, look at
me. Look at me! Now listen. It's your sleep time. Sleep time. You're
feeling very sleepy. Very sleepy. It's your sleep time. You will go to
sleep and stay asleep until I tell you to wake up. Until I tell you to
(The Doctor successfully hypnotises the guard, and Leela.)
DOCTOR: Come on. Come on.
(He realises, and covers the guards ears.)
DOCTOR: Wake up.
LEELA: How did you do that?
DOCTOR: What, that? Poof, it's just a knack. You've either got it or
DOCTOR: What is it?
LEELA: This is where the grey one, the Collector, sat.
DOCTOR: What, like a spider in the middle of a web?
LEELA: Yes, yes.
DOCTOR: I understand all this. He has a computer feeding and analysing
the daily returns from each Megropolis. Suppose. Suppose he wants to
broadcast some pleasing bit of news, hmm? Like the imposition of a
double vision tax on people with more than one eye. Well, then, he
feeds it into there.
LEELA: He fed it into here.
DOCTOR: He did?
(Hade runs in.)
HADE: I fear the situation is worsening, your Grossness.
COLLECTOR: Laxity, Hade, laxity and weakness. You have shown them too
much kindness. A grave error of judgment. Grinding oppression of the
masses is the only policy that pays dividends.
HADE: Your Oratundity, my MegroGuards are outnumbered by the rabble. If
I could have two divisions of the Inner Retinue?
COLLECTOR: The sole task of the Inner Retinue is to protect my person.
You've mishandled the situation, Hade. As for your ambition to become
Tax Master General. After this, forget it!
MARN: Your Honour.
HADE: What is it, Marn?
MARN: I've just heard that some of the work units have gone to the roof
of Block Forty to look at our sun.
HADE: Outrageous! Sacrilege! The work units are absolutely forbidden to
see the light of the sun. It's far too good for them. I'll soon deal
COLLECTOR: A combat situation is escalating. Those idiots have let it
get out of hand. It is imperative that I return to the Palace to
implement my contingency plans.
COMMANDER: But Excellency, there's fighting in the
COLLECTOR: Quiet! The Inner Retinue will march around me in close
order. Their bodies will shield me. Now hurry.
(The Doctor has been examining the workings
underneath the Collector's desk, and followed a lead to the big red
LEELA: Doctor, come here.
DOCTOR: That should do it.
LEELA: Doctor! What is this?
(A big wall with a large dial on it.)
DOCTOR: What, that? It's a safe. Company vault.
LEELA: Doctor, is there
(He listens to the door as he turns the dial.)
LEELA: Is there something behind the door?
DOCTOR: What was that?
LEELA: I heard nothing.
DOCTOR: Neither did I.
LEELA: Then why are we whispering?
DOCTOR: I always whisper when I'm opening safes. What is it?
LEELA: What are you doing?
DOCTOR: I don't know. It always looks so easy.
(The Doctor stands back and aims his sonic screwdriver at it. The
mechanism clicks away to itself, then the big handle turns. The Doctor
pulls the metre-thick D shaped door open. They look inside.)
LEELA: Why was it locked?
DOCTOR: I don't know.
(Leela and the Doctor try to go in at the same
time, but the doorway is too narrow. They walk away, then Leela turns
to run in. An energy field catches her and she falls to the floor. The
Doctor looks for, finds and presses a small button before stepping
DOCTOR: Why won't you listen to me? Why don't you girls listen to me?
BISHAM: The PCM in the atmosphere has fallen to
three parts in a thousand.
COMPUTER: Attention all Citizens. Attention all Citizens. Stand by for
an important public bulletin. Megropolis One is now under the
management of the Citizen's Revolution. The Director, the Tax Gatherer
and all other Company officials are to be arrested on sight.
MANDRELL: It's happened.
(Marn is listening to the announcement.)
COMPUTER: All guards are ordered to lay down their arms and join their
fellow Citizens in peaceful cooperation.
CORDO: There! Stop or we fire. Get her!
(Marn draws her gun, then with a smile, offers it to them.)
MARN: Citizens, I'd like to join the Revolution.
COMPUTER: The rule of the Company is ended. All
work places will remain closed until further notice. Long live the
(And fires at the ceiling. Mandrell and Bisham hit the floor.)
CORDO: It's over!
CORDO: We've won!
BISHAM: We haven't.
BISHAM: That bulletin was fixed. It was the Doctor trying to push
things on a bit.
MANDRELL: That'll bring the whole city onto our side. I don't know why
CORDO: Yes! We've got the guns, we should get out and help them.
MANDRELL: What do you think, Bisham?
BISHAM: Cordo's right. The fight has moved on from here.
MANDRELL: Synge. You can run things down here.
SYNGE: I suppose so, but leave K9 guarding the corridor, just in case,
BISHAM: Yes, of course.
(Various people are lounging about round the
HADE: You there! What are you scum doing up here? This is an abominable
crime. An outrage! Leave at once, do you hear me?
VEET: It's the Gatherer. It's the Gatherer!
HADE: I order you to leave. You'll pay dearly. Keep back! Don't you
dare! I'm an official of the Company!
(The people lift up the Gatherer, run him to the edge and throw him
over without ceremony, cheering him all the way down.)
VEET: And we'll do the same for the Collector when we find him, won't
(The Collector trundles in, pausing briefly at the
sleeping guard before going to his desk. In the strongroom, the Doctor
hears him and puts back a small block he was examining from the array
of blocks around the wall and walks out.)
COLLECTOR: Kindly make less noise.
DOCTOR: Oh, I was just checking the books.
COLLECTOR: Your appearance is not unexpected.
DOCTOR: I'm not the Auditor, I'm the Doctor.
COLLECTOR: I know.
(The Collector reaches for his red button. The Doctor is holding up a
COLLECTOR: If you intend to kill me, as you see, I'm unarmed.
DOCTOR: No, I won't kill you. Just close you down.
(The Doctor puts the chair down and sits on it.)
COLLECTOR: An idle boast. Other competitors have tried. Would you care
to see our prospectus?
DOCTOR: Oh, delighted, delighted.
(The Collector hands over a folder.)
DOCTOR: Hmm. Company solidly based. You've a widely diversified
operational field. Yes.
COLLECTOR: You're a fool, Doctor. I shall have you steamed for your
(The Collector hits his red button. It bounces out and the Doctor
DOCTOR: Yes, I cut the answering service not to interrupt our little
COLLECTOR: Very well. I see I underestimated you. What are your terms?
DOCTOR: Tell me about the Company.
COLLECTOR: Ah, you're interested.
COLLECTOR: Oh, an excellent outfit to work for, Doctor. Progress from
medium to senior management level can be remarkably rapid for the
DOCTOR: Yes, cut the sales talk. Where's the Head Office?
DOCTOR: Ah. I might have guessed from your squiddy little eyes. Hmm.
COLLECTOR: You are acquainted with our species?
DOCTOR: Oh yes, oh yes. The Usurians are listed in Professor
Thripsted's Flora and Fauna of the Universe under poisonous fungi.
COLLECTOR: I don't entirely like your attitude. If you want to get on
in the Company you have to what? What? Are you mad?
(The Doctor rips off the printout and reads it.)
DOCTOR: Quite mad. Mad as a hatter.
(He screws up the paper and throws it away.)
DOCTOR: Tell me, how did you get control of humanity?
COLLECTOR: A normal business operation. The Company was looking for
property in this sector, Earth was running down, it's people dying. We
made a deal.
DOCTOR: Go on.
COLLECTOR: Yes. We moved them all to Mars.
(Leela starts to wake.)
COLLECTOR [OC]: After our engineers had made that planet habitable for
DOCTOR: And then taxed the life out of them. I
mean, to recover your capital costs.
COLLECTOR: Quite so, quite so. Then, when the resources of Mars were
exhausted in their turn, we created a new environment for them here on
DOCTOR: Phew. What about the four intervening planets?
COLLECTOR: They weren't considered viable by our engineers.
DOCTOR: So then you really put the screws on. I mean, the running costs
must be very high.
COLLECTOR: Six suns to be fueled and serviced.
DOCTOR: Six suns. Six! My, my. And so when this planet's exhausted you
can move your slave labour force elsewhere?
COLLECTOR: Alas, no. There is nowhere else that is economic. This
branch will close.
DOCTOR: Leaving the humans to die.
COLLECTOR: When the suns have run down, yes. A matter of a few years
without fuel. They're not a good workforce in any case. Many of our
other operations produce a much higher return with less labour.
DOCTOR: You blood-sucking leech! You won't stop until you own the
entire galaxy, will you. Don't you think commercial imperialism is as
bad as military conquest?
COLLECTOR: We have tried war, but the use of economic power is far more
(The sounds of weapons fire come close.)
DOCTOR: Ah. The revolution's getting nearer. What's the Company policy
COLLECTOR: It will be quelled. Business will continue as usual.
DOCTOR: Oh, wake up. Wake up. Look at the facts.
(The guard wakes up as instructed.)
COLLECTOR: I know the facts.
DOCTOR: You and a handful of bureaucrats won't put the people back in
COLLECTOR: Then they will die.
(The guard puts his hand weapon to the back of the Doctor's neck.)
DOCTOR: Oh, it's you again. What did I say?
COLLECTOR: Our conference has gone on too long, Doctor. It is time to
implement contingency plan A.
(The Collector goes to a computer panel, opens it and reaches for a
lever. The Doctor laughs.)
COLLECTOR: This switch controls the sprinkler valves throughout the
DOCTOR: Rain stops play. I don't think that'll damp down this
COLLECTOR: The sprinklers will release dianene, a deadly poison. Within
ten seconds, everyone in the City will be dead.
DOCTOR: Except you.
COLLECTOR: Exactly. I do not breathe air.
DOCTOR: No, but this chap at my shoulder, he breathes air.
COLLECTOR: Kill him!
DOCTOR: Don't be a fool.
COLLECTOR: Guard, kill him!
(The guard puts his gun to the Doctor's head and Leela throws her
knife, getting him in the right shoulder.)
DOCTOR: Good throw! Good throw.
(Leela runs round and slams the panel door hard against the Collector's
DOCTOR: What's contingency plan B?
COLLECTOR: Nobody understands business is business.
LEELA: What do we do now, Doctor, kill him?
DOCTOR: You'll like this bit. You'll like it.
(The Collector speaks into his intercom.)
COLLECTOR: Nine zero nine! A mistake in the Megropolis Six analysis.
(The Collector's skin is turning green.)
COMPUTER: Nine zero nine. Recheck. Megropolis Six analysis confirmed
(Guards run in as the Doctor laughs.)
COLLECTOR: Commander! Arrest these idiots. I have a problem. Nine zero
nine. Megropolis Four analysis. Mistake. Recheck
(Cordo and Mandrell enter.)
COMPUTER: Nine zero nine.
CORDO: Collector, in the name of the work units, I order
LEELA: People, Cordo.
CORDO: Yes. In the name of the people I order you to be tried by
DOCTOR: Cordo, I don't think he's listening.
COLLECTOR: Negative surplus. Inflationary spiral uncheckable. Negative
growth! This branch is no longer viable.
(The Collector shrinks.)
COLLECTOR: We are bankrupt. Business failure. Closure imperative. Cut
losses. Liquidate. Immediate liquidation.
(The tiny green collector vanishes down a hole in his wheelchair.
Bisham runs in.)
BISHAM: I'm sorry I'm late. What happened?
MANDRELL: Well, I don't know.
DOCTOR: I do. He's gone back to his natural form. He was only held in
that state by particle radiation. That's why he never left that
LEELA: You mean he's in there now?
DOCTOR: Oh, yes.
LEELA: Well, we could make a hole in it.
CORDO: Do you think he'll come out again?
DOCTOR: Well, you could put the plug in if you want.
(Cordo plugs the hole.)
COMMANDER: I don't understand. Why was it necessary for him to make
himself look human?
DOCTOR: Well, if you'd seen a Usurian you'd know what I mean. They look
like sea kale with eyes. I mean, would you take orders from a lump of
seaweed? Huh? Hmm? Cordo?
DOCTOR: Leela, let K9 in the Tardis. Goodbye,
CORDO: I wish you could stay, Doctor. There is much to do.
DOCTOR: Well, I'll pop back and see you again when you've settled again
BISHAM: That'll be hard work.
DOCTOR: Well, you're used to hard work. This time, you'll be free.
LEELA: Goodbye, Veet.
LEELA: Till the next time? Come on, K9. Come on.
BISHAM: You really believe we can colonise the Earth again?
DOCTOR: Well, I do, I do. The Earth will have regenerated itself since
you left. Get back to your place under your own sun.
ALL: Goodbye, Doctor.
MANDRELL: Can the star freighters make that journey?
DOCTOR: Course they will. Three hundred million of you can't go wrong.
K9: King to Bishop four, mistress.
DOCTOR: Which is more than I can say for the Tardis.
DOCTOR: Nothing. I was just finishing a thought. Now, where were we?
K9: Mate in six moves, master.
DOCTOR: Oh, be quiet, K9.
LEELA: I wonder why the Collector gave in so easily? I thought he would
DOCTOR: He got a bit of a shock. You see, I fed two percent growth tax
into the computers. Index linked. Blew the economy and he couldn't take
LEELA: I do not understand. You did something clever?
DOCTOR: Well, I. What do you think, K9?
DOCTOR: K9 thinks it was clever.
(The Tardis tilts. Leela, the hat stand and of course the chess pieces
all go flying.)
DOCTOR: I am so sorry, K9.
K9: Apologies are not necessary.
DOCTOR: No, shut up while I apologise. I am so. Listen. As soon as I've
reset the coordinates, we'll finish that game of chess.