The Romans

Original Airdate: 16 Jan, 1965

(The Tardis materialises over the edge of a small cliff and begins to wobble)

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: There we are, safely down.
IAN: What's that movement, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Hmm?
IAN: Well, surely you can feel it?
DOCTOR: What movement?
BARBARA: Doctor! What's happening?
(they all sway from side to side)
IAN: Take off again, Doctor!
DOCTOR: Hold on, hold on, hold on!
(Everyone gets thrown to the floor as the Tardis finally loses it's balance and tumbles over)

Episode One - The Slave Traders

(Time has passed and the Tardis is overgrown.)

[Villa]

(Ian is in a toga, reclining, and eating a bunch of grapes. The Doctor is also in local garb, watering a pot plant)
DOCTOR: So you're awake at last, young man.
IAN: No need to say it like that, Doctor. I thought the whole idea of us coming here was that we should all have a nice rest.
DOCTOR: My dear boy, there's a great deal of difference between resting and being sort of, bone idle!
IAN: Well, have a grape.
DOCTOR: No, thank you, I've had my breakfast.
IAN: Where are Barbara and Vicki? They gone down to the village? Don't you think that plant's had enough water, Doctor?
DOCTOR: The answer, dear boy, is pipes.
IAN: Pipes?
DOCTOR: Pipes, Chesterton, pipes!
IAN: Oh.
DOCTOR: You see, the Romans, unfortunately, didn't know how to transport water satisfactorily. That's why they built their aqueducts. Now, if they'd experimented with pipes.
IAN: Oh, I see what you're getting at, yes.
DOCTOR: Good, good, yes, yes, they have.
IAN: I beg your pardon?
DOCTOR: Oh, my dear young man, why do you let your mind wander so? You asked me just now if Barbara and Vicki had gone down to the village. I gave you a plain and simple answer. Yes, they have.

[Road]

(Vicki is full of energy and picking plants. The road is very smooth and well paved)
VICKI: Come on, Barbara.
BARBARA: Oh, Vicki, there's no need to be in such a hurry. The village isn't going to run away. Phew, its so hot.
VICKI: It's just that I want to get there before the market closes.
BARBARA: All right, we'll get there, but not so fast.
(Barbara sits on a convenient bench)
VICKI: Oh, come on. Honestly, you're getting as bad as Ian.
BARBARA: Oh, what's that supposed to mean?
VICKI: Well, the way you spoke I thought we were going to have adventures and see things. We've been here nearly a month and all everyone wants to do is sit around and rest.
BARBARA: Oh, Vicki. Look, the adventures come without us looking for them. And you're finding out what it was like to live in Roman times.
VICKI: Oh, yes, in one little village miles away from Rome.
(in the bushes, a man unsheathes his dagger)
VICKI [OC]: How much longer do you think the Doctor will stay here, Barbara?
BARBARA [OC]: Oh, I've no idea. You can never tell with the Doctor. You just have to wait and see.
VICKI [OC]: What are you going to buy at the market?

[Village market]

(A white-haired man is playing a lyre as two men with heavy cloaks look around the bustling market)
DIDIUS: (a small man with a beard) This is too small a place, Sevcheria. I can't see us finding what we want here.
SEVCHERIA: (bigger, with a deep voice) It's our last chance before Rome.
DIDIUS: Why? We pass through much bigger towns.
SEVCHERIA: Yes, and with legal representation. If we raid them, the repercussions will put us out of business.
DIDIUS: Then let's go back.
SEVCHERIA: Didius, the slaves we've already brought from Gaul are in no condition for further travel, and the quality is such we shall have to take far below the market price as it is.
(Barbara and Vicki arrive, and get noticed)
DIDIUS: The two women. Yes, very suitable, I agree. I doubt even the possibility.
SEVCHERIA: It will do no harm to make enquiries, Didius.
VICKI: This would make a nice dress. Don't you think so, Barbara?
BARBARA: Are you any good at dressmaking?
VICKI: No, but I thought you might be.
BARBARA: Oh, I see. Well, what sort of style would you like?
VICKI: I don't know. What were the fashions like when you left London?
BARBARA: London? Never heard of it.
VICKI: But you told me that that's where you came from.
BARBARA: Ah, you mean Londinium. When in Rome?
SELLER: (a woman) Can I help you?
VICKI: Yes, how much is this, please?
SELLER: Well, now, what would you consider to be a fair price? Bearing in mind it's the only length of its kind and the finest quality available.
VICKI: Yes, I know but how much are you asking?
SELLER: Well, its very difficult to put a price on something like this. It's very hard to come by.
BARBARA: Yes, I'm sure it is. We'll think about it and come back later.
SELLER: Hey, one moment, please!
VICKI: Barbara, please, can't we buy it?
BARBARA: You should have learned by now that the price is much fairer when you're not so eager to buy.
VICKI: What? Can we go back and buy it now?
BARBARA: No, not just yet.
SEVCHERIA: Good day to you. A fine selection.
SELLER: None finer this side of Rome.
SEVCHERIA: No, thank you. My friend and I are not interested in buying cloth today. We are buying information.
DIDIUS: The two who were just here. Do you know them?
SELLER: By sight, not name.
DIDIUS: But they do live here?
SELLER: Yes. They moved into a villa just north of the town about a month ago. The owner, Flavius Guiscard is away campaigning in Gaul. We reckon they're friends of his looking after the house.
SEVCHERIA: How many of them are there?
(coins change hands)
SELLER: Four. There are two men with them.
DIDIUS: Young?
(more coins)
SELLER: One of them is. They sell the produce of the gardens to the townsfolk here. Very cheaply too. They must be fools.
SEVCHERIA: But you've no idea where they come from?
SELLER: None. At least, not until today. (coin) One of the women mentioned a town. Londinium, I think she said. Do you know it?
SEVCHERIA: Thank you. You have been most helpful.
DIDIUS: The town they spoke of is in a place they call Britannia.
SEVCHERIA: They are Britons. Perfect.

[Road]

(The old man with the lyre is waylaid by the ruffian who was hiding in the bushes, and killed)

[Villa]

DOCTOR: Wonderful feast, my dear. I don't know when I've enjoyed a meal more. What was it?
BARBARA: Well, the main course was breast of peacock.
IAN: Delicious.
BARBARA: With an orange and juniper sauce.
DOCTOR: Oh, exquisite.
BARBARA: Garnished with larks tongues and baked pomegranates
DOCTOR: Oh, fabulous, my dear, absolutely fabulous. What was it we had before, the sort of hors d'oeuvres, so to speak?
VICKI: That isn't its name. French isn't invented yet.
DOCTOR: Tut, tut, tut, tut child. Barbara, what was it? Hmm?
BARBARA: Ant's eggs in hibiscus honey.
DOCTOR: Oh, absolutely. What did you say?
IAN: Ant's eggs, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes, that's what I thought she said. Ant's eggs. What do you think I am, a goldfish, hmm?
IAN: Doctor, there's one thing I wanted to ask you.
DOCTOR: Well, go ahead my boy.
IAN: Now, er, what about the Tardis?
DOCTOR: Well, what about it, hmm?
IAN: Well, don't you think we ought to go and have a look at it?
DOCTOR: Oh, so you want to move on, do you?
IAN: Move on? Certainly not. I'd like to stay here as long as possible.
DOCTOR: Good, that's settled. Settled. Fine.
BARBARA: All the same, Doctor, I know what Ian means. It's been three or four weeks since we left the Tardis.
IAN: Yes, it's not even the right way up.
DOCTOR: How many times do I have to tell you that the Tardis is quite safe where it is. It can take off from any angle. I've never known such a pair of worriers. Really. Good heavens, I can't wait to get away for a couple of days from you. You keep on and on and on and on and on. Gracious me, really.
(the Doctor leaves)
IAN: Going away? Do you know anything about this?
BARBARA: No. Not a thing.
IAN: Vicki?
VICKI: No, he hasn't said anything to me. Can't say I blame him though.
BARBARA: Blame him for what?
VICKI: Well, its all right living here, but its boring! No wonder he gets irritable.
IAN: Ha. That's got nothing to do with living here, believe me. Doctor? You there?
(The Doctor re-enters and fills a bag with food from the table)
DOCTOR: Well, I think these should last me two or three days, hmm?
IAN: You never told us you were going away.
DOCTOR: Oh? Well, I don't know that I was under any obligation to report my movements to you, Chesterfield.
BARBARA: Chesterton.
DOCTOR: Oh, Barbara's calling you.
VICKI: Where are you going, Doctor?
DOCTOR: To Rome, my child.
VICKI: Oh, can I come with you? I won't be any trouble, I promise. Can I?
DOCTOR: Well, I.
VICKI: Please?
DOCTOR: Hmm. Very well, then, very well,
IAN: Well, perhaps we'd all better come with you to Rome.
DOCTOR: But my dear chap, you just turned down my invitation.
IAN: I did?
DOCTOR: Yes, you said how glad you would be to stay here as long as possible.
BARBARA: Oh no, Doctor, that was before we knew your plans. Don't you think it would be safer if Ian and I
DOCTOR: What is this, what is this now? I know what you're insinuating. Yes, that I'm not capable of taking care of myself, ay? Huh! Safer indeed. Afraid to let me out of your sight, are you? Want to be my nursemaids? Well now, let me tell me something. I won't stand for it. Indeed, I will not stand for it. You want to go to Rome? Go. Go yourselves.
VICKI: Doctor, if you feel that
DOCTOR: Yes, of course, my dear, come along. Let's set about our packing, shall we? Come on, then. Yes, you know, this is going to be your first exploration. You know, I think you'll like Rome. Rome is fascinating, most interesting. I remember once when I was there and I spoke to
(Doctor and Vicki leave)
BARBARA: Well, I certainly said the wrong thing.
IAN: Oh, don't worry, Barbara. Anything you'd said would have been wrong.
BARBARA: I suppose we're lucky really to have kept him inactive as long as we have.
IAN: True, true. Still, he can say what he likes. He's enjoyed this rest as much as any of us.
(Barbara is gazing at him)
IAN: What's the matter? My slip showing?
BARBARA: No, I was just thinking what a splendid looking Roman you make.
IAN: Oh. Well, yes, if I wasn't so modest, I'd agree with you.
BARBARA: It's a pity there's just one thing out of place.
IAN: Oh, where?
BARBARA: That hair.
IAN: Hmm?
BARBARA: It just doesn't go with those clothes.
IAN: Oh, yes, I know that but I
BARBARA: Come and sit down.
IAN: Ay?
BARBARA: Come and sit down.
(She gets a comb with very long teeth out of a bag)
IAN: Now just a minute, Barbara.
BARBARA: It won't hurt, I got it in the market specially.
IAN: Yes, but which market? (he falls off the seat) Ow!
BARBARA: Oh, don't be such a baby. Come here.
(she combs his hair forward, Roman-style)
IAN: How long do you think the Doctor will be away?
BARBARA: No idea. Why?
IAN: Well, the owner of this house could come back before he does. I ouch. That hurts, you know!
BARBARA: Sorry. Well, if he does come back, we can always go back to the Tardis. There. How's that?
IAN: Feels awful.
BARBARA: Well, why don't you go and look in the spring?
(he checks his reflection in the fountain)
IAN: Hey. Hey, that's not too bad.
BARBARA: Well, it's all part of the service. I take in washing too.
IAN: Not bad at all. (declaims Antony's speech from Act 3, Scene 2 of Julius Caesar) Friends, Romans, countrymen! Lend me your ears. I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
BARBARA: Oh boy, that was a mistake.

[Roadside]

(at night)
DIDIUS: I've finished feeding them, Sevcheria.
SEVCHERIA: Good. They need all the fattening they can get.
(they are talking about their slaves)
SEVCHERIA: Not many in the consignment is there?
DIDIUS: They're a poor looking bunch.
SEVCHERIA: Ah well, if we're to get the four from the villa, we'd better get moving, Didius.

[Tent]

(They pick up their weapons)
SEVCHERIA: As soon as we get back, we'll break camp. We shall be away from here tonight.
DIDIUS: Before any local enquiries arise, is that the idea?
SEVCHERIA: We'll make a slave trader of you yet, Didius. Come on, lets get them.

[Villa]

BARBARA: You know Ian, I could get used to this sort of life.
IAN: Mmm. I already have. What about another drink?
BARBARA: Oh, yes, I'd love one. Thank you.
IAN: No ice, I'm afraid.
BARBARA: There's some in the fridge.
IAN: Ah.
(Ian starts to leave the room before the penny drops)
IAN: Very funny, very funny.
BARBARA: You went!
IAN: Well, here's to the first fridge.
BARBARA: Cheers.
IAN: O tempora, o mores.
(there's a thud)
IAN: Did you hear something, Barbara?
BARBARA: No. Like what?
IAN: There's someone out there.
BARBARA: No, you must be imagining things.
IAN: No, no, I'm not. Who's there? What do you want?
(Didius comes in with his sword drawn)
IAN: Who are you?
BARBARA: Ian!?
SEVCHERIA: Where are the others?
BARBARA: They're not here, they've gone away.
IAN: We can explain, if you put up your swords.
SEVCHERIA: Did you hear that, Didius? They can explain.
(Ian throws Didius in the fountain)
IAN: Run Barbara!
(Sevcheria and Ian fight. Barbara picks up a vase, and hits Ian with it by mistake)
BARBARA: Oh, Ian! Ian!
(Sevcheria puts Barbara over his shoulder)
SEVCHERIA: Lets get them back to the camp.
BARBARA: Ian, wake up!

[Road]

DOCTOR: Well, what have we here?
VICKI: Just another dreary old statue.
DOCTOR: No, it might be somebody famous, my child.
DOCTOR: What's this? Wait there, dear.
(The Doctor goes into the bushes and Vicki follows. They find the dead lyre player)
VICKI: Oh, the poor man.
DOCTOR: Yes, he's dead, and it doesn't look a natural death to me.
VICKI: It's a lonely stretch of road. Maybe he was set upon by robbers? They did happen in this time, didn't they?
DOCTOR: They did, my dear, yes, but that isn't the answer here. (picks up the lyre.) They've left his belongings too.
VICKI: Maybe they didn't have time. 
DOCTOR: Oh, they had plenty of time to drag him off the road.
VICKI: Doctor, I've seen him before. He was playing in the square when Barbara and I went to the market.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, there's nothing we can do for him now, my dear. No, nothing at all.
(a figure approaches)
DOCTOR: Stay here!
VICKI: Be careful.
DOCTOR: Good evening. Are you looking for somebody? Something?
CENTURION: Why, yes, I am.
DOCTOR: Tell me, do you always wave that sword about like that?
CENTURION: What do you mean?
DOCTOR: Well, you can easily kill someone. Swords are dangerous, you know.
(The Centurion sheaths his sword)
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, thank you, that's better. Now tell me, whom or what, er, you, er, were you looking for?
CENTURION: Is that your lyre?
DOCTOR: Why? Why, have you lost one?
CENTURION: No, no, only if it is yours?
DOCTOR: And what if it is, hmm?
CENTURION: Why, it's you I'm looking for.
DOCTOR: Oh. Oh, I see. Yes.
CENTURION: You must be Maximus Pettulian from Corinth, whose skill as a musician is talked of even in Rome.
DOCTOR: Really? Most interesting.
CENTURION: We expected you in Assessium yesterday. When you failed to arrive, I sent my men out to search for you. I count it my good fortune that I've personally found you unharmed.
DOCTOR: If I am the man you're looking for, tell me why should I be harmed, hmm?
CENTURION: All roads to Rome are dangerous for travellers. When you sent word that you intended to make your way on foot, playing your lyre for the people, it caused great concern at court.
DOCTOR: At court?
CENTURION: Caesar Nero's court. The Emperor of all Rome is very concerned for your safe arrival. He looks forward to discussing your music with you.
DOCTOR: The Emperor. Nero, eh? Ha, ha, yes, of course, I have heard that he that he plucks a string or two. Yes, yes. Oh, the child, she travels with me. She keeps her eye on all the lyres.
CENTURION: Then if you're ready, we'll travel to Assessium and then my men will escort you the rest of the way.
DOCTOR: Very well, we'll just attend to our imprimatur.
VICKI: Doctor, I know this
DOCTOR: At court, I must be very important.
VICKI: Listen, I know he's mistaken you for that man, but we can't go with him.
DOCTOR: But why not, my child? I'm sure he knows more about this business than he admits. And we shall never get a better chance of meeting Nero.
VICKI: But Doctor, you don't even know your own name.
DOCTOR: Oh, of course I do, my dear. It, it, it, it's
CENTURION: Maximus Pettulian? If you're ready?
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, yes, quite, quite, my child. Yes.

[Tent]

BUYER: Quite a stroke of luck meeting your train here, it'll save me a trip into Rome.
SEVCHERIA: Always assuming we can reach a satisfactory agreement.
BUYER: I'll give you a fair price. We need the replacements urgently.
SEVCHERIA: Three, you say?
BUYER: Yes. How much for the British woman?
DIDIUS: More than you can afford, friend.
SEVCHERIA: The woman goes with us to Rome. You can follow and bid if you like.
BUYER: No harm in asking, I say. All right, three men. Seven hundred.
DIDIUS: Each?

[Roadside]

(Ian tests their shackles as the haggling goes on in the background)
IAN: No good. We'll have to try something else.
BARBARA: Yes.
IAN: They say we're going to move tonight, Barbara. We'll escape then.
BARBARA: Will we?
IAN: Barbara, I know it looks bad, but
BARBARA: Bad? Have you any idea how the Roman's treated their slaves? Or how many of them escaped? Besides, time is against us.
IAN: The Doctor.
BARBARA: I haven't been able to think about anything else. When he and Vicki get back from Rome and
IAN: They'll wait for us. They must wait for us.
BARBARA: Oh, yes, they'll wait for us. But for how long?
(Didius checks Ian's shackle and slaps him)

[Tent]

BUYER: A thousand it is, and I have the choice.
SEVCHERIA: Thank you. You've done yourself a good nights work.
BUYER: You're robbing me and you know it.
SEVCHERIA: Come on, let's inspect the goods.

[Roadside]

BUYER: I'll have these two and that one.
SEVCHERIA: Didius?
(Didius unshackles Ian)
SEVCHERIA: Don't forget, you can bid for the woman in Rome if you like.
IAN: Rome. I'll look for you in Rome.
BUYER: Rome? I shan't be going anywhere near Rome. Come on then, march!
BARBARA: Ian! Ian!

[Assessium Villa]

(the assassin enters)
CENTURION: You fool! I went to where the body should have been and there he was alive.
(the assassin is a mute)
CENTURION: Nero pays well when better musicians than he are put out of the way, and you failed, you fool. But you're lucky this time. I brought him back here so you have another chance to earn your fee. Take it. Maximus Pettulian is in the room above. Fail me again and you'll lose more than your tongue.

[Assessium Villa - upstairs]

(outside the room where the Doctor is strumming)
DOCTOR [OC]: I'm sure even Nero can play better than that!

Episode Two - All Roads Lead To Rome

[Assessium Villa - Doctor's room]

(The assassin is sneaking up behind the Doctor)
DOCTOR: The answer is of course, is not to be caught playing it!
(he turns and parries the sword with the lyre)
DOCTOR: Oh, so you want a fight do you?
(The Doctor hits the assassin over the head with a plant pot then wraps him in a blanket)
DOCTOR: Come on, my friend. What's the matter with you?
(The Doctor throws wine in his face then hits him over the head with the jar before dodging some wild sword swings)
VICKI: Doctor, what's happening?
(Vicki picks up an amphora, and the assassin jumps through the window)
DOCTOR: Young lady, why did you have to come in and interrupt? Just as I'd got him all softened up and ready for the old one, two.
VICKI: You're all right then?
DOCTOR: All right? Of course, I'm all right, my child. You know, I am so constantly outwitting the opposition, I tend to forget the delights and satisfaction of the arts, the gentle art of fisticuffs.
VICKI: I realise you're a man of many talents, Doctor, but I didn't know fighting was one of them.
DOCTOR: My dear, I am one of the best. Do you know it was I that used to teach the Mountain Mauler of Montana!
VICKI: The what?
DOCTOR: Do you remember? Have you never heard? No, of course, no, no, of course you haven't, have you? No. Well, never mind, I think after all that wonderful exercise, I shall be able to get a very pleasant night's sleep. Right, off you go. Goodnight.
VICKI: But Doctor, surely we're not going to stay here?
DOCTOR: Why not? What, him? Oh, my dear child, I don't think he'll come back again. Oh, no. I think I can promise you that.
VICKI: Oh, Doctor, I was coming to tell you another thing. You know the Centurion who brought us here? He seems to have gone, too.
DOCTOR: Well, I'm not surprised. It was he who obviously hired the man to kill me. Or rather to kill this fellow, Maximus what is it? Er.
VICKI: Pettulian.
DOCTOR: What?
VICKI: Pettulian.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, of course, yes. I must remember that name. Yes. Goodnight.
VICKI: But Doctor, if he wanted you dead, why didn't he take care of it himself?
DOCTOR: Because this way he couldn't be charged with crime.
VICKI: Yes, but if you were going to be killed anyway, I can't see that it
DOCTOR: My dear, it was an accepted thing in this age to hire an assassin. Preferably, preferably someone dumb, and then he couldn't denounce you.
VICKI: Ah, so he must have been looking in the bushes for the body when we first met him.
DOCTOR: Just as I suspected at the time. Now, goodnight. And remember, we make an early start tomorrow.
VICKI: You don't mean to say we're going on?
DOCTOR: Oh, goodness me, goodness me, child, how you do talk. Yes, we are.
VICKI: But they might try and kill you again.
DOCTOR: Well, of course they might. But who am I to worry about such little things like that, hmm? Now then, there's one thing you've got to learn about me. When I say we go to Rome, then we go to Rome. Goodnight.

[Cells]

(In Rome, the slaves get locked into cages)
SEVCHERIA: Wait here.
BARBARA: Look, there's no more walking. You can rest now.
WOMAN: Thank you, you're kind. You're very kind.
(she has a persistent cough)
SEVCHERIA: I'll have to see about getting you some new clothes.
BARBARA: You needn't bother.
SEVCHERIA: Ah, it's not for your sake. I want you looking special at the slave auction.
(He locks Barbara in with the sick woman)
WOMAN: Have we arrived? Is this Rome?
BARBARA: Yes, this is Rome. How are you feeling? Are you more comfortable now?
WOMAN: Much better. It's just this cough. It was a long march. Thirty four days it took us. Thirty four days. You said your friend would meet you here.
BARBARA: Did I?
WOMAN: Yes. On the road. You told me all about him.
BARBARA: Yes, Ian.
WOMAN: Strange name. I've never heard of it before. I hopes he finds you.
BARBARA: If I ever see him again.

[Galley]

(at sea)
MASTER: (to the beat of a drum) In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in. Rest. That's right, make the best of it. There's supposed to be bad weather coming up.
IAN: Five days, Delos. Five whole days.
DELOS: Days, they soon melt into weeks, then months, then years.
IAN: I've got to get away from here.
DELOS: There's land, Ian. Ian, there's land. (everyone peers out of the rowlocks) It's a long way.
IAN: I'm not a great swimmer Delos, but I'll take any risks, believe me.
DELOS: If the plan works.
IAN: Ah, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?
(Delos cries out and collapses over the oar)
IAN: Galley master! Galley master! He's dead. Dead!
MASTER: Move away, let me see.
(Ian tries to grab the galley master, but gets hit on the head)
MASTER: You'll have to do better than that.
DELOS: You alright, Ian?
MASTER: Right! Prepare your oars. Ready? Row!
MASTER: In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out.

[Cells]

BARBARA: But you must try and eat something.
WOMAN: There's not enough for two. Besides, I bain't hungry.
BARBARA: Oh, come on. Look, don't be silly.
WOMAN: Thank 'ee.
(a bald aristocratic man is at the cage door)
TAVIUS: What's your name young woman? Where do you come from? Young woman, I want to help you. Of course, you have to trust me.
BARBARA: Would I, would I get out of here?
TAVIUS: Oh yes.
BARBARA: And be free to go where I choose?
TAVIUS: No, I'm afraid not, you see, I should have to buy you. Now please, let me explain.
BARBARA: I'm not interested.
TAVIUS: But you will be when you hear my proposal.
BARBARA: Oh, go away. I don't have to listen to you.
SEVCHERIA: Greetings, Tavius.
TAVIUS: That young woman. How much?
SEVCHERIA: I'm sorry, Tavius. No private sales. She's to be sold by auction.
TAVIUS: I'll give you a fair price.
SEVCHERIA: Oh, I believe you would, but the answer's still no.
TAVIUS: You think you'll get a higher figure than I can pay you?
SEVCHERIA: We shall see at the auction then, won't we Tavius?
(Tavius leaves)
SEVCHERIA: Here. (gives her a new dress)
BARBARA: There's only one. What about her?
SEVCHERIA: She won't be wanting any new clothes.
BARBARA: Why not? Where's she going?
SEVCHERIA: She wouldn't fetch any price at all at the auction. She's to be taken to the circus and thrown in the arena.

[Galley]

(it's a big storm)
MASTER: In, out. If anyone breaks time, they'll be thrown overboard.
DELOS: I can't take much more of this, Ian!
MASTER: In, out, row harder. Row harder, do you hear! In, out!
IAN: Keep rowing, Delos!
DELOS: I can't!
IAN: Put your hands over the oars, or he'll kill you!
MASTER: In, out, in, out, in, out! Keep rowing, keep rowing, do you hear! In, out, in, out, in, out! Keep rowing.
IAN: This could be our change to get out of here.
DELOS: Get ready.
(a wave knocks the galley master off his feet into the slaves, as the galley itself starts to fall apart)

[Market place]

VICKI: Isn't it wonderful, Doctor/ Can we explore?
DOCTOR: Oh, I don't see why not, my child. For a while, anyway. Then we must present our credentials so to speak, before night falls.
VICKI: You're not planning to visit Nero?
DOCTOR: Now, now, now, now, don't tell me what I'm not going to do. I've been invited. I can't disappoint Nero.
VICKI: What's going on over there, Doctor?
(the slave auction is about to begin)
VICKI: What is it?
DOCTOR: Oh, er, nothing to interest you, my dear. We're going to Rome. Come along, don't let us delay.
(Vicki and the Doctor leave just before Barbara is hustled onto the slave block)
SEVCHERIA: I am delighted, gentlemen, to see how much you have appreciated today's merchandise. Let us prove how much so when you begin the bidding. Very well, gentlemen. How many sestertia am I bid for this fine female example of the beautiful, hard working, Britannic race?
(in other words, Barbara)
1ST MAN: Five hundred!
SEVCHERIA: Come, come sir. We all enjoy a good joke, but today we are interested in serious offers only.
(a man reaches for Barbara's leg, and she tries to stamp on his hand)
SEVCHERIA: Take note gentlemen, of the fiery spirit. Think about your bids the double it.
2ND MAN: Two thousand sestertia.
SEVCHERIA: Yes?
1ST MAN: Two thousand, five hundred.
SEVCHERIA: Nearly a good offer, gentlemen, but come, you can do better than that.
TAVIUS: Ten thousand.
MEN: What? Who said that? (mutter, mutter)
SEVCHERIA: Ten thousand? You go to Tavius after all, my dear.

[Beach]

(The storm has passed, and the flotsam and jetsam have been washed up from the galley. Someone approaches Ian from behind)
IAN: Oh, Delos.
DELOS: Now you've come to, we'd better get these off. I've found a couple of rocks. You've er, you've been unconscious a long time, Ian. I was beginning to worry.
IAN: What happened? I remember the storm.
DELOS: Oh, the ship was smashed to pieces and you were struck by some falling timber.
IAN: Oh, that's what it was, eh?
DELOS: Do you remember when you grabbed the Galley Master?
IAN: Yes. Yes, I remember that.
DELOS: Well, I got the key from him and I managed to free us. Except for our wrists. Afterwards I managed to get to here. The ship went down.
IAN: You saved my life, Delos.
DELOS: Yes, well, lets get on with these, shall we? Ready?
IAN: Ready?
(Two sharp strikes with the stones, and the wrist cuffs come off)
DELOS: There we are.
IAN: Thanks.
DELOS: Just one more. I've, managed to look around. We must be somewhere near Rome.
IAN: Yes, we can't be far away. The boat was heading south. Perhaps we were going there.
DELOS: Perhaps. You ready?
IAN: Yes.
DELOS: There we are. You feel all right? To travel I mean. We must get away from here.
IAN: Yes, yes, I feel all right.
DELOS: Oh good. I think it's better if we stick together. Now if we head north we can
IAN: Sorry, Delos. I'm going to Rome.
DELOS: Rome? But Ian, you're mad.
IAN: You don't have to come, but I have a friend who was taken there. I have to find her.
DELOS: Rome?

[Palace chamber]

TAVIUS: So you see, young woman, that's the whole story. I saw you with that poor woman slave, and it was then that I realised by the way that you were looking after her, that I should have to help you.
BARBARA: Why, I only did what most people would have done.
TAVIUS: Now, now. No, I think not. Most people under such circumstances would have looked after themselves. No, you're kind and considerate.
BARBARA: Thank you.
TAVIUS: Unfortunately, I'm not able to give you your freedom. You'll still be a slave, but at least here in Nero's house, as a servant of Poppea, life will be more pleasant than it could have been.
BARBARA: I'm grateful for what you've done, but I must tell you that I have no intention of staying here.
TAVIUS: Escape, you mean? Well, of course, I can't stop you but, I think you should consider it very carefully. If you should escape and you're recaptured, it would mean your death.
BARBARA: Yes, I know.
TAVIUS: I only select and buy the slaves. Fortunately, I'm not answerable for them.
(a messenger enters)
TAVIUS: Yes?
MESSENGER: Maximus Pettulian from Corinth has arrived, sire, and with a small girl. He requests an audience with Caesar Nero.
TAVIUS: Pettulian? Very well, ask him to come in.
MESSENGER: Sire.
TAVIUS: No, wait. On second thoughts, perhaps it would be better if I came out to see him.
MESSENGER: As you will.
(the messenger leaves)
TAVIUS: You'll excuse me.
(He offers Barbara a necklace)
TAVIUS: I'll instruct you in your duties later.

[Reception hall]

DOCTOR: I shouldn't think there's a soul in this place that knows me, my dear, so there's no cause for you to worry.
VICKI: I'll try not to, Doctor.
(Tavius enters quietly)
DOCTOR: Oh, it isn't a matter of trying, my dear.
TAVIUS: Psst. Psst.
DOCTOR: if I say, and don't make that funny noise.
VICKI: But.
DOCTOR: Hmm? What is it?
TAVIUS: Maximus Pettulian.
VICKI: That's you.
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, yes, yes.
TAVIUS: I am Tavius. There was trouble, but I settled it.
DOCTOR: What's happened?
TAVIUS: He's in the apoditarium.
DOCTOR: The apodi-what?
TAVIUS: The apoditarium.
DOCTOR: Oh really, well done, well done, yes.
MESSENGER: Caesar Nero, Emperor of all Rome!
VICKI: Nero. I'm going to see Nero.
(A man wearing a laurel wreath enters, and belches)
DOCTOR: (quietly) Royal felicitations.
VICKI: Oh, strentiatum.
NERO: Someone spoke. Did I give permission to speak? Tavius, did I give permission?
DOCTOR: Caesar Nero, I
NERO: Now he's at it! How am I supposed to compose with all this noise going on?
TAVIUS: Maximus Pettulian.
NERO: Maximus Pettulian. He's Maximus Pettulian?
TAVIUS: Yes.
NERO: The lyre player from Corinth?
DOCTOR: In person.
NERO: Play.
DOCTOR: Hmm?
NERO: Play.
DOCTOR: With such a great musician as yourself present, I would take the inspiration from your example, sire.
(The Doctor hands Nero the lyre)
NERO: Oh. A stool.
(The Doctor goes to sit on it, but Nero just uses it to balance the lyre on his knee. He makes one small strum)
NERO: Oh, this is an inferior instrument, I cannot. Bring the imperial lyre.
DOCTOR: Beautiful, beautiful. Did you not hear that, my child? That instant composition?
VICKI: Oh, yes, er, Maximus. Could you play it?
DOCTOR: Me? Well, I'll try, that is, with Caesar's permission.
(a single strum)
DOCTOR: That is the best I can do, I'm afraid.
VICKI: Oh, no, it wasn't as good.
NERO: Oh, of course it wasn't.
(Nero plays several notes this time)
NERO: Try this one.
(Nero hands the imperial lyre to the Doctor)
DOCTOR: That your excellency would be an impossibility. After such exquisite playing, I cannot presume. It would be out of the question. May I suggest that this instrument goes to your temple?
DOCTOR: To the temple.
NERO: And the imperial footstool. Have your, eaten, Maximus?
(Nero gives the Doctor a joint of meat)
DOCTOR: Er.
NERO: Tigilinus.
(a scribe steps forward, but Nero just wipes his hands on his clothes)
NERO: We will talk and play together later, Maximus, when you have eaten and practiced.
(the Emperor's retinue leave)
DOCTOR: Well, I must say, I got out of that one rather well, hmm?
VICKI: What happens when he asks you to play next time?
DOCTOR: Yes. Hmm?

[Street]

(Rome at night)
DELOS: Well, here were are Ian, Rome. Now what?
IAN: To tell you the truth, Delos, I hadn't really thought.
DELOS: Well, I suggest you start. We don't exactly look like respectable citizens of the capital.
IAN: No. Well, first of all lets find somewhere to clean up, ay, and I suppose Barbara must have been sold. We'll make a start there.
DELOS: It'll be hopeless. I must, there must
IAN: You don't have to come, Delos.
DELOS: I know, I know, but, well luck's been with us so far. Who's to say it won't hold?
IAN: Good man. Come on.
(two soldiers hold swords at their throats.)

[Apoditarium]

VICKI: Well, this seems to be the apoditarium. I wonder what Tavius meant?
DOCTOR: Oh, how should I know, my child? I can't for the life of me understand why I agreed to come here.
VICKI: Because you're as curious as I am.
DOCTOR: Me, curious? Huh, nonsense. Someone made a mistake. He thought he was talking with somebody else, I shouldn't wonder.
VICKI: Well, we might as well have a look round now we're here.
DOCTOR: What?
VICKI: Or would you rather we forgot?
DOCTOR: No, no, no, no. We may as well look around, as you say.
(there's a body behind a curtain)
DOCTOR: Strange, very strange.
VICKI: Oh, Doctor, that's the Centurion who found us and brought us to the house.
DOCTOR: I'm quite aware of that, my child, but what does it all mean? What does it all mean, hmm?

[Cells]

SEVCHERIA: I don't know what all the fuss is about. You're lucky the soldiers brought you to me.
IAN: Lucky? That's hardly the word I'd use.
SEVCHERIA: Well, you know as well as I do, escaped slaves are put to death automatically. This way at least you'll have a chance of fighting for your freedom.
IAN: A chance? How?
SEVCHERIA: By putting on a good show in the arena, and hoping Nero's in a benevolent mood.
(Sevcheria and the soldiers leave)
IAN: The arena?
DELOS: Well, it sounds as if we're going to be trained as gladiators.
IAN: Yes, but to fight what? Listen!
(lions are in other cages)

Episode Three - Conspiracy

[Corridor]

(Nero composes and Tigilinus writes down it down. Nero looks at the notes, crosses something out, pushes his lyre over the scribe's head and walks off)
(Elsewhere in the Palace)
DOCTOR: Oh, good morning, my dear. Did you sleep well?
VICKI: Yes, thanks. Did you?
DOCTOR: Oh, so, so. I must confess, I've been giving a great deal of thought to that business of yesterday and
TAVIUS: Psst!
DOCTOR: Oh, there's our hissing friend again. Well? Well?
TAVIUS: I haven't got long, so listen carefully. I've managed to get rid of that body and I don't think anyone suspects. But if you delay your action, it will be safer.
DOCTOR: Which part of my action would you like me to put into effect first, hmm?
TAVIUS: Why, I leave that to you.
DOCTOR: You, know my plans, of course?
TAVIUS: Of course, of course, yes. But I don't know the exact details. I must go. I'll try and see you later.
(Tavius leaves)
DOCTOR: There's some sort of conspiracy going on, my child, and I've decided for my own sake I must get to the bottom of it. The more I, the sooner I do it, the better.
VICKI: All right. See you later.
DOCTOR: Yes, hmm, what? Where are you going?
VICKI: Oh, nowhere special. Just exploring.
DOCTOR: Very well, but don't leave the palace. It's big enough to get lost in anyway. And remember, we're only here as observers. We must not interfere with the course of progress, or try to accelerate man's achievements or progress.
VICKI: Oh, I'll do what you say, Doctor, but it does seem a bit of a waste. Bye.
DOCTOR: Bye, yes. Well, I suppose the quickest way is to the top. Hmm. I must have a word with Nero.

[Poppaea's chamber]

NERO: We must give him some sort of incentive.
POPPAEA: Darling, you are the Emperor. I should think your command would be good enough.
NERO: It should be, shouldn't it.
POPPAEA: Dearest, which one do you think I should wear?
NERO: Oh, that one.
POPPAEA: Oh, really? I would have preferred the other but if you insist.
NERO: It's quite a problem, Poppaea.
POPPAEA: Yes, both broaches are very attractive.
NERO: No, I was referring to my problem. Naturally, I appreciate the feelings of my fellow artists. When Maximus Pettulion plays for the court of Rome, he must have the centre of the stage. He will receive the same rapt and hushed attention that I do when I put on a recital. Well, nearly the same rapt attention as when I play.
POPPAEA: Why not hold a banquet this evening? Maximus can provide the entertainment.
NERO: Wonderful idea. A banquet in his honour. But I'd already thought of it, as a matter of fact.
POPPAEA: You'd better inform him of the arrangements.
(There's a knock at the door, and Nero realises that his scribe has been trying to put the laurel wreath on his master's head without him noticing)
NERO: Come in. Tigilinus, get off my bed.
(Puts the wreath on as Tavius enters)
NERO: Yes, Tavius?
TAVIUS: Caesar Nero, we have an audience with the Empress.
NERO: We?
(Barbara enters and Nero gets a bad case of instant lust)
POPPAEA: Dearest, you were on your way to see Maximus.
NERO: Oh! Yes. Oh, get out of the way, Tavius.
(Nero leaves in a hurry, with Tigilinus following)
POPPAEA: Yes, what is it, Tavius?
TAVIUS: I have a new attendant for your staff, Madame.
(Tavius leaves)
POPPAEA: My husband, Caesar Nero, seemed quite taken with you.
BARBARA: Oh? Did he, Madame?
POPPAEA: I like being Empress and I intend to remain so.
BARBARA: Yes, Madame, of course.
POPPAEA: Good. As long as you understand the position. Now for your first task you can clear away my things.
BARBARA: Yes, Madame.
POPPAEA: I shall be in the outer room if you require me.
(Barbara picks up a tray with a goblet on it)
BARBARA: I'll just clear these things away, Madame.
(There's no answer, so she goes out into the corridor)

[Corridor]

NERO: Yoo hoo!
(Nero is hiding behind a column)
NERO: I've been waiting for you. I'm coming after you.
(Barbara starts to run. Tigilinus grabs Nero's toga)
NERO: Tigilinus, go away. Leave me alone. You shan't get away from me!
(Barbara runs off, putting down the tray. Nero meets into Vicki, walks backwards and knocks over the small pillar Barbara had put the tray on. Vicki backs into a room stifling her laughter)

[Locusta's workshop]

LOCUSTA: What do you want, child?

[Palace corridor]

(Barbara is still being chased by Nero when the Doctor appears - but he doesn't see her)
DOCTOR: Oh, Nero, I'd like a word with you.
NERO: Which way did she go?
DOCTOR: I beg your pardon?
NERO: Anyway, I wanted to have a word with you, Maximus. But it can wait, Maximus, it can wait.
(And Caesar goes off down the corridor, checking every room. Then he doubles back and Barbara ends up behind him. She turns and flees, and the Doctor just sees the pair of them running off away from his again)
DOCTOR: Extraordinary fellow. What an extraordinary fellow.

[Locusta's workshop]

(The herbalist woman is grinding something in a pestle)
LOCUSTA: So you've arrived with the great Maximus Pettulion, have you? The court just cannot wait to hear him play, my dear.
VICKI: They may have to. What are you doing now, Locusta?
LOCUSTA: Preparing a very special poison, my child. I can guarantee its effect on the victim.
VICKI: And who's that? The victim, I mean?
LOCUSTA: I've no idea, Vicki, nobody's ordered it yet. But they will, they will.
VICKI: I must say, you've got a very unusual sort of a job.
LOCUSTA: It has its responsibilities. Official poisoner to the court of Caesar Nero. Yes, very responsible.
VICKI: It must be dangerous too.
LOCUSTA: Great Jupiter, no. I never drink any of my potions.
VICKI: No. But I mean, if you poison somebody, don't they take their revenge?
LOCUSTA: Always. That's why I'm kept so busy.
VICKI: But, I mean, you
LOCUSTA: Oh, I see. You mean revenge against me? Oh no, no. I mean, it's nothing to do with me personally, is it?
VICKI: I suppose not, if you say so. But, the citizens of Rome, don't they object?
LOCUSTA: To me? No. It's an accepted thing, isn't it? Almost a tradition, in fact, that the family of Caesar want to murder each other. After all, everybody would like to be Caesar of Rome, wouldn't they? I wonder who'll have the honour of being given this?

[Palace corridor]

(Barbara thinks she's got rid of Nero, and enters a room)
NERO: Cornered at last. (someone grabs his cloak) Tigilinus, if you don't leave me alone, you will be sent to feed the lions. Now go away!
(Tigilinus runs off. Nero follows Barbara.)

[Poppaea's chamber]

NERO: Got you! Now, young woman, surely you wouldn't refuse me, Claudius Nero, a teeny weeny kiss?
BARBARA: Shouldn't you think about what your wife would say?
NERO: Poppaea? Oh, she wouldn't hear of such a thing. (and falls over the couch)
(The Doctor comes down the corridor and, hearing something, enters the room just as Barbara ducks out of a side door)
NERO: Maximus. Go away.

[Palace corridor]

(The Doctor shuts the door and backs straight into Poppea)
DOCTOR: Oh, I'm so sorry, Madame. I wanted a word with Nero, but I'll come back later. He seems to be rather busy.
(The Doctor leaves as we hear the screams of Barbara as Nero continues to pursue her. Poppea listens for a moment then enters)

[Poppaea's chamber]

NERO: Got you!
(Nero finally grabs Barbara and pulls her down on the bed as Poppea enters)
NERO: Poppaea, darling. Hello.
POPPAEA: Enjoying yourself, dearest?
NERO: Hmm? (to Barbara, who has rolled onto the floor) Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know we you were there. Did you want something?
BARBARA: No.
(Barbara leaves)
NERO: I've got the most terrible headache, darling. I simply had to lie down.
POPPAEA: Oh?
NERO: Extraordinary thing. That strange young woman has been chasing me round all morning.

[Cells]

(The slaves have just received some food, and outside a couple of men are practising with short swords)
DELOS: Don't you want this?
IAN: No, no, thank you.
DELOS: You sure, Ian?
WOMAN: Ian? Is your name Ian?
IAN: Yes, it is.
WOMAN: You were planning to meet a woman here? Her name were Barbara.
IAN: Barbara? Well, where is she now?
WOMAN: I'm sorry. I don't know.
IAN: But you just said her name. You must know where she is.
WOMAN: She were here with me but they took her away to the auction. They never come back. I suppose she were sold. IAN: Sold.

[Palace Baths]

(Nero and the Doctor are sleeping in the heat when a slave enters and pours water on Nero's legs)
NERO: Idiot! Fool! I'll teach you to boil me alive! Guards! Guards! You maniac! Guards! Come here! (takes a sword from a guard) Oh, wait till I get hold of you, I'll teach you. Get out of my way, Maximus! Did you see what he did?
DOCTOR: Of course I did, yes, of course I did. Take him away and banish him, and don't let him ever appear again here ever. Ever!
(The guards remove the slave)
DOCTOR: I congratulate you, Nero, the way you handled that stupid fellow! Why, dear, it was most impressive!
NERO: Oh, I'm glad you noticed.
DOCTOR: Oh, yes. It was enormous control.
NERO: You understand, of course, I only took the sword to frighten him?
DOCTOR: Yes, I noticed that, of course, immediately. Yes.
NERO: I was going to do something, you know.
DOCTOR: You did say that perhaps we could have a little talk in here.
NERO: Oh, of course I did, yes, indeed, yes. Did I say what about?
DOCTOR: Not a word but I did want to ask you something now.
NERO: Oh? What?
DOCTOR: Oh, yes. On my arrival, I was rather under the impression that there was some sort of intrigue going on here, hmm?
NERO: Well, nobody said anything to me. Nobody said a word and I am always informed of intrigues. Who was it?
DOCTOR: Oh it's just a feeling, just a feeling, you know. After all, I mean, a musician with your skill, well, surely you've experienced troubled vibrations?
NERO: Troubled vibrations? Oh, well, of course! Yes!
DOCTOR: Yes, I'd rather thought you'd had it, hmm?
(The Doctor has got the sword away from Nero by now)
NERO: Oh I have had it! Yes! No, I thought maybe it was just because I was feeling hungry, you know. Ah, that was it! There is a banquet tonight and you are invited.
DOCTOR: Oh, how charming of you! Thank you. I'm delighted, delighted.
NERO: It'll be a splendid audience for your first concert.
(Nero leaves)
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I rather thought it might be.

[Locusta's workshop]

(Vicki is hiding underneath the workbench)
POPPAEA: You understand what you must do, Locusta?
LOCUSTA: Yes Madame. Get the attendant to serve these drinks to Caesar Nero when he's with your new slave.
POPPAEA: Correct. And she is to have the special one. Come with me, I'll point her out to you. That'll put paid to any ambitions she has to be Empress.

[Banqueting hall]

(Poppea points out Barbara to Locusta, and Locusta speaks to Tigilinus)

[Corridor]

NERO: The preparations for the banquet are under way, Maximus. You will have to play as you have never played before.
DOCTOR: Too true! Too true so I shall.
NERO: Poppaea, my darling.
POPPAEA: Dearest, I do wish you could find time to look in the banqueting hall.
NERO: Oh?
POPPAEA: I think the arrangements are suitable but you have much more artistic appreciation for that sort of thing.
NERO: Of course I have. I'll see to it at once. Excuse me.
(Nero leaves)
DOCTOR: Pardon me, Madame. I must go about my business.
(a little way away)
VICKI: Hello Doctor. Solved your problem?
DOCTOR: No, I haven't, child, no. I raised the question with our illustrious Caesar but I'm afraid that was a mistake.
VICKI: That's rare for you isn't it.
DOCTOR: Never mind about that. Have you explored the court, hmm?
VICKI: Yes, its marvellous. Oh, and guess what?
DOCTOR: What? Haven't any idea.
VICKI: There's going to be a feast tonight.
DOCTOR: Oh, so I heard, my dear. Yes, so I heard. And there's going to be rather an unusual entertainer.
VICKI: Who?
DOCTOR: Me!

[Banqueting hall]

NERO: Oh, there you are. Now, close you eyes and Nero will give you a big surprise.
BARBARA: Pardon?
NERO: Close your eyes. Caesar orders it.
(She obeys and he puts a gold bracelet over her left arm.)
NERO: There. Well, aren't you going to thank me for the present?
(He puckers up but Tigilinus arrives with the goblets)
NERO: Go away!
BARBARA: (taking the goblets) I would like to drink to your health, Caesar Nero.
NERO: Oh, would you? Oh, well, very well.
(Barbara drinks deeply)

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: So, you've had a busy day, Vicki? Hmm?
VICKI: Yes, it was. Oh, something else I forgot to tell you. I think I've poisoned Nero.
DOCTOR: Really. What?
VICKI: Well, I didn't actually do it, but his wife was going to murder some poor slave or other and I didn't see why that should happen, so I thought
DOCTOR: For heavens sake, child, keep quiet. What did you do?
VICKI: Well, I swapped the drinks round.
DOCTOR: And I told you not to interfere with history. Come along, quickly, quickly child!

[Banqueting hall]

NERO: You must wait upon me personally at the banquet tonight, my dear. I
(He sees Poppea)
BARBARA: You must excuse me.
(Barbara leaves then the Doctor and Vicki enter by another door)
DOCTOR: Caesar Nero! Don't drink!
NERO: Why not?
DOCTOR: I have every reason to believe that drink is poisoned! Yes, thank heavens I got you in time.
NERO: My dear Maximus. You've probably saved my life. If only I could lay my hands on whoever was responsible.
DOCTOR: Quite so, quite so. And now, if you'll excuse us, I have to practice. A great deal of practice before tonight's recital.
(The Doctor extricates Vicki from Nero's embrace and they leave)
NERO: Tigilinus?
(Tigilinus drinks and dies)
NERO: He was right.

[Cells]

DELOS: I wish you'd sit down.
IAN: There must be something we can do, Delos.
DELOS: We can. Wait.
IAN: When we get out of here, I'm going to comb all the slave markets, question everybody. Someone must remember her.
DELOS: Ian, you've got to worry about yourself. Otherwise, it's the arena and then (thumbs down)

[Locusta's workshop]

POPPAEA: You stupid fool! There's no answer to failure!
LOCUSTA: But I would have sworn
POPPAEA: I feel tired of your feeble excuses. Guards! Guards! Take her! You can save your screams for the arena. Now take her away. Get her out!

[Banqueting hall]

DOCTOR: If he goes on eating, there won't be enough.
TAVIUS: More wine, Maximus? Everything's set for tomorrow. Be ready.
(Tavius moves away again)
DOCTOR: Of course, of course. But I must ask you if
VICKI: What does he mean, Doctor? Maximus?
DOCTOR: I've no idea what he's talking about, child.
VICKI: Well, then, how are you going to get out of the concert this evening?
DOCTOR: Oh, I'm not.
VICKI: But you can't play the lyre, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Can't I, child? Can't I?
VICKI: You can't possibly do.
POPPAEA: She isn't here, dearest.
NERO: Mmm? Who?
POPPAEA: The new girl. I'm keeping her very busy.
NERO: New girl? Oh, her. Oh, my dear, she was miles from my thoughts. I was looking to see if everybody had finished. Silence! There will now be a further feast of music. I give you the great Corinthian lyre player, Maximus Pettulion!
DOCTOR: Thank you! You are all so kind. With Caesar's permission? I would like to play my new composition in honour of this occasion. The music is so soft, so delicate, that only those with keen perceptive hearing, will be able to distinguish this melodious charm of music.
(And so the Doctor pretends to play, and everyone pretends that they can hear a beautiful tune)
NERO: (to Poppea) Psst. He's all right, but he's not all that good.
(Tavius sneezes, a woman applauds, but the Doctor continues and then finishes with a flourish)
ALL: (cheers) Bravo!
(Nero storms out)
VICKI: Doctor, it was wonderful. Wonderful.
DOCTOR: It's the old fairy story, child. The Emperor's New Clothes. Yes, I gave it as an idea to Hans Anderson.

[Corridor]

NERO: How dare he. How dare he make a fool of me. He must know that I am the greatest talent in the world. No one gets applause like that except me. I'll teach him a lesson. It's a wonderful idea. Hardly surprising, I have a creative mind. I'll put it into operation at once. Guards!

[Poppaea's chamber]

NERO: Tell my wife, tell Poppaea that I have gone to the gladiatorial school. No, better than that. You come with me.
BARBARA: But I, I.
NERO: No. No arguments! I won't have any arguments. Tell me, have you ever seen a fight?
BARBARA: No, I haven't.
NERO: Then I will arrange one while we're there. I feel like seeing someone hurt myself tonight. Come, quickly.

[Cells]

(Sevcheria gives Ian a helmet)
IAN: What's this for?
SEVCHERIA: The Caesar Nero wants you to put on a fight for him.
IAN: A fight? Against what?
SEVCHERIA: Each other.
IAN: And if we refuse?
SEVCHERIA: He'll have you killed. This way at least, one of you has a chance. A good winner sometimes earns his freedom.
(Sevcheria leaves, and Delos puts on the helmet)
DELOS: I'm going to fight you, Ian.
IAN: Are you, Delos?
DELOS: You're my friend, remember that. But as he says, at least this way one of us has a chance.
IAN: By killing the other.
DELOS: I promise you one thing. If I win, I'll make it quick for you.

[Arena]

NERO: The real reason for this visit, Sevcheria, is for you to arrange an appearance for Maximus Pettulion in the arena.
SEVCHERIA: The lyre player?
NERO: Yes, he's at the court. I wish to arrange for him to appear in the circus for the people of Rome.
SEVCHERIA: Oh, they'll appreciate that, Caesar Nero.
NERO: Yes, they'll appreciate it even more when you set the lions on him in the middle of his wretched performance.
SEVCHERIA: The lions?
NERO: That's what I said, the lions. He humiliated me, that's what he did. He humiliated me.
SEVCHERIA: Maximus Pettulion?
NERO: They all applauded as though it was me.
(Ian and Delos enter.)
BARBARA: Ian!
SEVCHERIA: Here.
(They take the swords. Delos has a shield, and Ian has a net.)
NERO: Well, commence the fight!
(The two friends trade blows, then Ian disarms Delos with his net)
NERO: Why didn't he kill him? The fool, why didn't he kill him?
(Delos picks up his sword and they start again. This time Delos gets the upper hand, and his sword against the back of Ian's neck)
NERO: Cut off his head.
(Delos raises his sword)

Episode Four - Inferno

[Arena]

NERO: Kill him! Kill him!
(Delos lunges for Nero instead)
NERO: Guards! Guards!
IAN: Look out, Delos!
(Nero hides behind Barbara as Ian and Delos fight the imperial guards)
NERO: That's better, my dear. Now they really are fighting for their lives.
(Delos kills a guard in front of Nero)
NERO: Get up, you coward, and fight. Get up! Your Caesar commands it!
DELOS: Ian! We can get out this way!
IAN: Come on, Barbara!
BARBARA: I can't, Ian! I can't!
NERO: Kill them! Kill them!
BARBARA: Run quickly!
SEVCHERIA: After them!
IAN: I'll come back for you somehow!
SEVCHERIA: After them!
NERO: You'll never catch them now.
SEVCHERIA: Back to your posts.
NERO: I'll teach you to turn against me.
SEVCHERIA: We could have caught them, Caesar Nero.
NERO: Oh, you'd never have stood a chance in the street outside. But I'll see them dead. I'll see them dead.
SEVCHERIA: You think they'll come back, Caesar Nero?
NERO: For her. And when they do, you'll recognise them. Take my guards and bring them to me.
SEVCHERIA: I understand, Caesar Nero.
NERO: If you succeed, you will be rewarded. If you fail, you die. (to Barbara) So you are a friend of the gladiators, are you? Give me your sword.
(Nero stabs the guard who gave him the sword)
NERO: He didn't fight hard enough.

[Poppaea's chamber]

TAVIUS: You sent for me, madame?
POPPAEA: Tavius, yes. Come here. The new slave you bought for me.
TAVIUS: Yes, madame.
POPPAEA: I find her unsatisfactory. Get rid of her.
TAVIUS: Of course, as soon as I can find a replacement.
POPPAEA: Immediately. If she's not out of the palace today, I'll take my own measures. And they'll be successful this time.
TAVIUS: But the Caesar Nero
(Poppea slaps his face)
POPPAEA: How dare you speak to me like that. My orders are to be carried out, otherwise your own life will be in danger.

[Corridor]

BARBARA: Tavius, I've been looking for you everywhere.
TAVIUS: Oh?
BARBARA: Is there anyone inside?
TAVIUS: No.
BARBARA: Well, I think it would be safer if we talked in there.

[Chamber]

BARBARA: Tavius, I'm desperate. You're the only one I can turn to. I can't move anywhere in the palace. The guards watch me all the time.
TAVIUS: Now, please, slowly. I don't understand.
BARBARA: Well, you remember when you first brought me here?
TAVIUS: Yes.
BARBARA: I told you that I didn't intend to stay.
TAVIUS: Yes.
BARBARA: Well, that time has come. I was planning to leave. A friend of mine, Ian, is coming to collect me.
TAVIUS: Go on.
BARBARA: Well, Nero's found out about it and he intends to use me to trap Ian.
TAVIUS: I see. When's your friend coming?
BARBARA: I think it's tonight.
TAVIUS: Good. Now don't worry. I'll think of something, I promise you. Everything will be all right.
BARBARA: What can I say? I can't repay you.
TAVIUS: I need no reward. Besides, I have my own reason for helping you. Poppaea instructed me to dismiss you. I shall say I did.
BARBARA: Thank you, Tavius. You've given me new hope. Oh, do you know Maximus Pettulion?
TAVIUS: Yes. Yes, I do. Why?
BARBARA: Nero is planning an appearance for him in the arena. It seems
(she notices something happening outside)

[Palace walls]

SEVCHERIA: Two off. March!
(Two guards take a their posts)
SEVCHERIA: One off. March!
(another guard)
SEVCHERIA: Two off. March!

[Chamber]

TAVIUS: Maximus Pettulion to appear in the arena?
BARBARA: Tavius. They're posting the guard. It must be to trap Ian.

[Street]

DELOS: If we've got to waste time until tonight, I suggest we get undercover.
IAN: It's sometimes safer to hide in the open, Delos.
DELOS: We won't get near the palace, you know that. Nero heard you shout. They'll be waiting.
IAN: Perhaps, but I've got a friend who specialises in trouble. He dives in and usually finds a way. I think I'll take a leaf out of his book for once. Come on.

[Nero's chamber]

(The Doctor is wearing his glasses to look at a diagram on parchment)
DOCTOR: You know what this is, child, don't you, hmm?
VICKI: Plans?
DOCTOR: Yes. Caesar Nero made it. The rebuilding of Rome. Let me see, where are we now? 64AD, July. Yes, of course. He sets fire to Rome.
VICKI: I know about that, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes, he must, I expect his plan will be ready at any time now.
TAVIUS: Psst. Maximus!
DOCTOR: Must you hiss my name from all corners, hmm?
TAVIUS: I'm sorry, but I have news.
DOCTOR: Yes?
TAVIUS: Nero has arranged for you to play in the arena.
DOCTOR: Oh, has he now? Well, I must have misjudged the fellow.
TAVIUS: And as you play the lions will be released.
DOCTOR: Oh, that will be charming.
TAVIUS: Well, obviously you must leave here before this concert.
DOCTOR: Oh, obviously, hmm.
TAVIUS: So if you still intend to carry on with your plan, today is your last chance to kill Nero.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes. Kill Nero? I beg your pardon?
TAVIUS: Maximus, when you first sent word from Corinth of your intention to murder the Caesar Nero, I informed your allies in the court.
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, you did, did you? Yes.
TAVIUS: Then, when the assassins left here to waylay you on your journey, naturally I thought that was the end.
DOCTOR: Yes, but I arrived here, hmm?
TAVIUS: Yes, Maximus, you arrived here.
DOCTOR: And the Centurion who was killed by my allies, was the man that knew all about my plans and Nero didn't?
TAVIUS: Yes, yes, we all know that, but my main concern now, Maximus, is that you should act on what I say.
DOCTOR: I shall certainly act on what you say, immediately.
TAVIUS: Good, good, good. And the lions will go hungry after all, eh?
DOCTOR: Yes!
(Tavius leaves)
DOCTOR: Well, that settles that little bit of intrigue. I'm a would-be murderer, am I? Well, we must be going, child. I want to leave here as soon as it's dark.
VICKI: Oh, but Doctor
DOCTOR: Now, now, now, there'll be no arguments. You will do as I say.
(Nero enters)
NERO: Maximus, my dear friend!
DOCTOR: Oh, my dear Caesar Nero.
NERO: I have a surprise for you. Guess what it is.
DOCTOR: Well now, let me think. You want me play in the arena?
NERO: You guessed.
DOCTOR: Well, it's no problem at all, after all, you want to do your very best for your fellow artists, well, why not the arena, hmm?
NERO: Yes, yes, of course, that is exactly right.
DOCTOR: Yes, well I promise you I shall try to make it a roaring success.
NERO: You'll have to play something special, you know.
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, of course, of course, yes. Something serious, yes. Something they can really get their teeth into, hmm?
NERO: You can't know, you can't. I've told no one.
DOCTOR: Caesar Nero, I've always wanted to put on a good show, to give a great performance.
(behind the Doctor's back, the sun's ray are magnified by his glasses and set fire to the plans)
DOCTOR: After all, who knows? If I go down well, I might even make it my farewell performance. You see, I've always wanted to be considered as an artist of some taste. Generally regarded as, er, well er, palatable, hmm? But I must be boring you, oh I must! Surely you have so many other important things to attend to without standing here, chewing over the facts with me? Good gracious, there's something burning.
NERO: My plans! My drawings for New Rome! You fool! You idiot!
(Vicki tries to put out the flames with the curtains)
NERO: A lifetime's work! I'll have you both killed over and over again! Guards! Guards! Fool! Idiot! Traitor! Pig! I'll stick you both in the arena, on an island with water all round, and in the water there will be alligators and the water level will be raised and the alligators will get you! Fool! Traitor! Brilliant! You are a genius! A genius! I will make you rich! Rich! So the Senate wouldn't pass my plans, eh? Wouldn't let me build my New Rome? But if the old one is burnt, if it goes up in flames, they will have no choice! Rome will be rebuilt to my design! Brilliant! Brilliant!
(Nero leaves, carrying the parchment torch)
DOCTOR: Well, there you are, release us. You heard what Nero said. Brilliant, brilliant. Let us go, will you, otherwise you'll be getting some of that alligator treatment. Go on, on your way. About your business. Go along.
(The guards leave)
DOCTOR: We'd better be going, child and I want to leave here as soon as it's dark.
VICKI: I didn't think that was going to work.
DOCTOR: Wasn't going to work? What next. I never had any doubt in my mind, my dear.

[Corridor]

NERO: Fantastic! Brilliant! It's a fantastic idea, Poppaea.
POPPAEA: Well, if it's your idea, dearest, it must be.
NERO: Well, nearly all mine, dear. You know how I've always longed to rebuild Rome, name it after myself.
POPPAEA: Yes, I know.
NERO: At last, here's a chance of making it all come true. Burn the old one, and the cynics will have to pass my plans. It is a good idea, isn't it?
POPPAEA: Yes, very.
NERO: Did you want me?
POPPAEA: Only to find out why the Palace has been surrounded by guards.
NERO: Guards? Oh, yes, of course, yes. That new slave of yours, that girl, she and some of her friends are coming here tonight. They'll be captured and killed. I must, get someone to start the fires. Tonight. No time like the present.

[Palace walls]

(It is now evening and the guard is being inspected)
SEVCHERIA: Stand up straight, soldier.

[Reception hall]

NERO: What's keeping them? The guards should have returned hours ago with my torchbearers.
TAVIUS: You. Go and see if they're outside.

[Palace walls]

DELOS: Ian, guards!
IAN: There must be someway of getting in here. Quick! Delos, get into line.

[Reception hall]

(Ian and Delos blend in with the putative torchbearers)
TAVIUS: Hurry, hurry, come.
(Nero pours gold coins on the floor)
NERO: Well, pick them up then.
DELOS: What's going on, Ian?
IAN: I don't know. I tell you one thing, if I get the chance, I'm going to find Barbara.
NERO: That's enough. Silence! That was just a sample. There will be more for you, if you carry out the task that I have for you. I want you men to start fires in the hutments next to the circus. The fire will spread quickly. By tonight, all Rome will be ablaze. Kill anyone who tries to stop you. You are acting on orders from Caesar Nero, Emperor of all Rome!
TAVIUS: You are Ian?
IAN: Yes.
TAVIUS: Come with me.
NERO: Then, the rebuilding will commence. A new city will arise from the flames. Neropolis? Nerocaesum? Or just plain Nero!

[Palace walls]

SEVCHERIA: Yes. They may have got in with the crowd. If they did, they won't get out.

[Corridor]

IAN: But how did you know I'd get in that way?
TAVIUS: I didn't. I just put myself in your place and that seemed the logical entrance. Come with me.

[Room]

IAN: Barbara!
BARBARA: Ian!
(They hug)
TAVIUS: Put this on. (a cloak)
BARBARA: Will we get out of here?
IAN: There's a chance, Barbara. Just a chance.

[Palace walls]

(a twig snaps)
SEVCHERIA: See what that is.
DOCTOR: This way child, and try and be quiet. The place is swarming with guards.
(The guard meets them)
DOCTOR: Oh, it's only us.

[Reception hall]

(The fire brands are being lit)
NERO: Silence! Leave now and start the fires.

[Corridor]

(Delos thrusts his brand into a guards face, and he, Ian and Barbara escape)
IAN: Well done, Delos.
DELOS: The Emperors' instructions! Well, now that you've found Barbara, where are you making for?
IAN: We go north.
BARBARA: Assessium.
DELOS: Well, I'll travel some of the way with you, and it's home for me. They won't catch me a second time, I promise you that. Come. Come.

[Room]

TAVIUS: Good luck, my child, good luck.
(In his hand he holds a small wooden cross)

[Countryside]

VICKI: I think the road's just up ahead.
DOCTOR: Good, good. I expect Ian and Barbara'll be wondering when we're going to get back.
VICKI: Doctor. Look.
DOCTOR: Oh. The great fire of Rome, my dear. Hmm?
VICKI: My first real sight of history.
DOCTOR: Yes, a most memorable occasion.
VICKI: Isn't it strange to think that people will read about that in books for thousands and thousands of years and here am I sitting here actually watching it. It's a pity they got it all wrong.
DOCTOR: Hmm? Got it all wrong? What do you mean, child, hmm?
VICKI: Well, they didn't mention you.
DOCTOR: Of course not. Why should they?
VICKI: Well, it was you who gave Nero the idea, wasn't it?
DOCTOR: I? Gave him?
VICKI: Honestly, Doctor, and after that long talk you gave me about not meddling with history, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
DOCTOR: It's got nothing to do with me.
VICKI: You burnt his drawings.
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, an accident.
VICKI: Well, maybe it was but if you hadn't
DOCTOR: Well, he could have, he could have, he would have been told someone else. You can't possibly accuse me of that.
VICKI: All right, you have it your way, I'll have it mine.
DOCTOR: Now look here, young lady, lets settle this. Insinuating that all this is my fault. Hmm? My fault.
(in the palace Nero laughs maniacally and plays his lyre)

[Villa]

IAN: Nobody about.
BARBARA: Bit early, they might not be up yet.
IAN: If the master was back, the servants would be. Surely Vicki or the Doctor would have cleared up this mess.
(Ian finds the broken vase)
IAN: Ah. Now that's what they hit me on the head with.
BARBARA: Yes. Surely the Doctor wouldn't have gone back to the Tardis without us?
IAN: No, I don't think so. All in all, I think we've got back before them.
BARBARA: Yeah. Oh, I'm so hungry.
IAN: Yes, so am I. Er, Barbara, there must be a bit of that cold peacock of yours left in the fridge.
BARBARA: Hey, you're right!
IAN: Why don't you have a look?
BARBARA: Oh, very funny! Instead of sitting there making stupid jokes, why don't you get yourself cleaned up? As a matter of fact, you can start with this.
IAN: Oh, Barbara.
BARBARA: Well you broke it.
IAN: I did?
BARBARA: Yes, well, I know I picked it up to help but you got your head in the way.
IAN: You hit me on the head with that?
BARBARA: Well, yes you see, well, in the struggle, you
IAN: So, I've got you to blame for being thrown into jail, eh? Made to row in a galley! Fight like a Roman
BARBARA: Oh, what are you doing?
IAN: I'll show you what I'm going to do!
(he makes to dunk her in the fountain)
BARBARA: No! No! All right, I'll clear it up.
IAN: That's better. O tempora, o mores.
(that night, as Ian and Barbara are dozing after dinner)
DOCTOR: Well, well, well, well.
IAN: Oh, oh, Doctor.
BARBARA: Oh, you're back.
DOCTOR: Oh, what zest, what youthful exuberance! Try not to look at them, child. Their outburst of energy could make you go dizzy.
VICKI: Barbara, we went to Rome. We met Nero. They all thought the Doctor was a musician and they gave a concert and all these people were
BARBARA: Vicki, Vicki, listen.
DOCTOR: My dear Barbara. The young lady doesn't want to listen to people who have been idling away their days.
BARBARA: I haven't been idling.
DOCTOR: Well, now you've had a nice long holiday, I'm sure you can't wait to get back to the Tardis, hmm?
IAN: If you let us get a word in edgeways, we'd
DOCTOR: It'll have to keep. Have a grape. Come along, my dear.
(The Doctor and Vicki leave)
IAN: Well, how do you like that?
BARBARA: Oh well. Even if we had told them, I don't think they'd have believed us.
IAN: No. Said we were dreaming.
BARBARA: Oh, it isn't fair, Ian, is it?
IAN: No it is not. Still, got a funny side to it, hasn't it.
BARBARA: Yes.
DOCTOR [OC]: Come along, lazy bones!
(Ian picks up a wine jug and goblet)
IAN: Roman souvenir.

[Tardis]

(The Tardis has taken off safely)
VICKI: And you see, after that, he got and he started pretending to play the lyre and the point was, he wasn't really playing it at all.
BARBARA: But no one would admit that they couldn't hear him.
VICKI: Exactly! He fooled everybody.
IAN: He usually does, Vicki. You'll see.
BARBARA: Oh, well, much as I like these clothes, I really think we ought to change into something a little more practical.
VICKI: Yes, you're right. Where will we go next? Has the Doctor told you yet?
BARBARA: Oh, no, he never does that.
VICKI: You mean it's a surprise?
IAN: Er, yes. To everybody.
VICKI: But the Doctor can work the ship can't he?
BARBARA: Er, yes.
IAN: Sort of.
VICKI: Go on. He must know what he's doing. He's been at those controls for hours. I don't believe you. Come on, Barbara.
(Barbara and Vicki leave)
IAN: Anything wrong, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh, Chesterton. Yes, you know, I wouldn't had thought it possible but somehow we've materialised for a split second of time and been imprisoned in some kind of force. I simply can't break its hold. Somewhere, somehow, we're being slowly dragged down.
IAN: Dragged down? To what?

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