(As the updated theme tune closes, a bell tolls
and we zoom in on then tour a massive space station. A circular hatch
opens and a beam of light lances out into the void, ensnaring the
Tardis and dragging it in. The Tardis materialises by a staircase and
the Doctor stumbles out. He shakes his head to clear it, then goes up
the steps and nearly knocks on the doors at the top. Changing his mind,
he pushes them open and walks into -)
(A darkened room. A figure sits in a pew. Everyone
say Hi! to Michael
VALEYARD: At last, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Am I late for something?
VALEYARD: I was beginning to fear you had lost yourself. Sit down.
(The Doctor moves to where the Valeyard indicates, to discover a chair.
The Valeyard then turns on the lights and we see that the chair is in a
DOCTOR: Well, even I would find it hard to lose myself in a corridor.
Especially, when propelled by the mental energy of so many
distinguished Time Lords.
(The Doctor waves at a group of shadowy figures in the formal Time Lord
costume sitting in two raised rows of pews by the wall to his left.)
VALEYARD: Oh, I don't know. You seem to have a great talent for
straying from the straight and narrow.
(Citadel guards enter and the lights come up to full as a woman in
white robe with a red scarf is escorted to a separate chair and table
below the rows of Time Lords. Everyone wave Hi! to Lynda Bellingham.)
DOCTOR: Would it be too much to ask what all this is about?
INQUISITOR: The accused will remain silent until invited to speak.
DOCTOR: The accused? Do you mean me?
INQUISITOR: I call upon the Valeyard to open the case.
VALEYARD: By order of the High Council, this is an impartial enquiry
into the behaviour of the accused person, known as the Doctor, who is
charged that he, on diverse occasions has been guilty of conduct
unbecoming a Time Lord.
DOCTOR: Not guilty!
VALEYARD: He is also charged with, on diverse occasions, transgressing
the First Law. It is my unpleasant task, Madam Inquisitor, to prove to
the enquiry that the Doctor is an incorrigible meddler in the affairs
of other peoples and planets.
INQUISITOR: Yes. I see, Valeyard, that it is on record that the Doctor
has faced trial already for offences of this nature.
VALEYARD: That is so, my lady, and I shall contend that the High
Council showed too great a leniency on that occasion.
INQUISITOR: Very well. Doctor, you've heard the charges. Do you wish to
say anything before the enquiry proceeds?
DOCTOR: Only that this whole thing is a farce. I am Lord President of
Gallifrey. You can't put me on trial.
INQUISITOR: Doctor, since you willfully neglected the responsibility of
your great office, you were deposed.
DOCTOR: Oh. Is that legal?
INQUISITOR: Perfectly. But we won't hold it against you. Quite the
contrary in fact. And to see that your interests are fully protected, I
propose to appoint a court defender to represent you.
DOCTOR: Ah, oh, er, thank you, but no thank you. I have been through
several such inquiries before. I think it would be easier if I speak
INQUISITOR: The court notes the Doctor refuses the services of a court
defender. Proceed, Valeyard.
VALEYARD: Inquisitor, I am not proposing to waste the time of the court
by dwelling in detail on the activities of the accused.
VALEYARD: Instead, I intend to adumbrate two typical instances from
separate epistopic interfaces of the spectrum. These examples of the
criminal behaviour of the accused are fully recorded in the Matrix, the
repository of all knowledge.
INQUISITOR: I hear the accused. What is this objection?
DOCTOR: The Matrix does not contain all knowledge. It merely contains
all Time Lord knowledge.
INQUISITOR: It has long been accepted that the Matrix is the repository
of all knowledge.
DOCTOR: Well, that only shows the insular complacency of this society.
How do you know that there isn't knowledge that you don't possess?
INQUISITOR: All that is known is within the Matrix.
DOCTOR: Oh, a micro-organism in a drop of water might think it knows
the universe. All it knows is that drop of water.
VALEYARD: I think this is merely a semantic point, my lady.
INQUISITOR: I agree. I find the objection of the accused to be not
valid. Please continue.
VALEYARD: Thank you, my lady. (Everyone in the court turns
to a screen high on the wall above the ranks of Time Lords.)
VALEYARD: I should like to begin with the Doctor's involvement in the
affairs of Ravalox, a planet within the Stellian galaxy.
(The Tardis materialises and Peri steps
out. It is raining.)
PERI: Oh, great.
DOCTOR: Hang on.
(The Doctor fetches a jacket and umbrella.)
PERI: Can't we come back some other time, like when it's not raining?
DOCTOR: Oh, stop whinging.
PERI: I don't understand why you wanted to come here in the first
DOCTOR: Then you should have listened more carefully.
(The Doctor walks off.)
PERI: Hey! Don't I get some?
DOCTOR: Oh, sorry.
VALEYARD: I draw your attention, my lady,
to the admission of the accused that he obtained access to confidential
material from Gallifrey. A file privy only to members of the High
INQUISITOR: That is noted. Doctor, why did you go to Ravalox?
DOCTOR: Simple scientific curiosity. I'm not so egotistic as to believe
all knowledge is at my fingertips.
INQUISITOR: Your crude sarcasm is also noted. I should warn you,
Doctor, that your hostile attitude is not helpful.
DOCTOR: I'm not here to help. And while you're making all those notes,
do please note that I did not have access to confidential material. The
fireball that destroyed Ravalox is documented in Extinct Civilisations
by Warris Bossard.
ORDERLY: This is true, my lady.
INQUISITOR: I see. I find the point that the Doctor gained access to
confidential material to be not proven, unless you have further
VALEYARD: It is not of great importance, my lady.
VALEYARD: Most certainly.
(The Doctor and Peri are strolling in an autumnal
forest, under a large and garish golf
umbrella. We're back at the Queen Elizabeth Country Park, Horndean.)
PERI: I don't think I like Ravalox very much. It reminds me of a wet
November back on Earth.
DOCTOR: Now that's part of the reason why we're here.
DOCTOR: Well, Ravalox has the same mass, angle of tilt and period of
rotation as Earth.
DOCTOR: Well I thought that was quite interesting. It's unusual to find
two planets so similar. In fact, it's quite a phenomenon.
PERI: Oh, pity it couldn't be a dry one.
DOCTOR: Ravalox also has the distinction of having been destroyed by a
PERI: It doesn't look very destroyed.
DOCTOR: According to the records on Gallifrey, it was devastated by a
solar fireball some five centuries ago. I think somebody exaggerated,
(A little further on, the drizzle has stopped so the Doctor puts the
DOCTOR: Ah, the exhilarating smell of a freshly laundered forest. Can't
PERI: And the twittering of tiny birds and the rustling of small
mammals as they forage for food in the undergrowth.
PERI: Then you've better hearing than me. There aren't any birds.
DOCTOR: I wondered when you'd notice.
PERI: None of this makes any sense. Any soil left after the visitation
of a fireball would be sterile.
DOCTOR: Well done.
PERI: Don't patronise me Doctor. You knew from the start this amount of
growth wasn't possible.
DOCTOR: I also knew, that as a student of botany, you'd soon realise
the truth without any prompting from me.
PERI: Is there any intelligent life here?
DOCTOR: Apart from me, you mean? I don't know. Shall we find out?
(As the Doctor and Peri move off down a path, they are watched by a
men. The younger one speaks to Tony
DIBBER: Well, they're not from round here, Mister Glitz.
GLITZ: I know that, Dibber.
(The Doctor spots something by the path.)
DOCTOR: Ah ha! Look at this.
(It is a necklace. He hooks it up with the umbrella.)
DOCTOR: We are certainly not on this planet alone. Mmm hmm. Let's
reconnoiter, shall we?
(The two men prepare their weapons. Glitz screws a silencer onto his
GLITZ: You know, Dibber, I'm the product of a broken home.
DIBBER: You have mentioned it on occasions, Mister Glitz.
GLITZ: Which sort of unbalanced me. Made me selfish to the point where
I cannot stand competition.
DIBBER: Know the feeling only too well, Mister Glitz.
GLITZ: Where as yours is a simple case of sociopathy, Dibber, my
malaise is much more complex. A deep-rooted maladjustment, my
psychiatrist said. Brought on by an infantile inability to come to
terms with the more pertinent, concrete aspects of life.
DIBBER: That sounds more like an insult than a diagnosis, Mister Glitz.
GLITZ: You're right there, my lad. Mind you, I had just attempted to
kill him. Oh, I do hate prison psychiatrists, don't you? I mean, they
do nothing for you. I must have seen dozens of them, and I still hate
competition. Especially when it poaches my territory. I'm going to
(Glitz has the Doctor in the cross-hairs of his viewfinder, then the
Doctor drops out of sight.)
GLITZ: Too late! Oh, I do hate it when people get lucky. It really
offends my sensibilities.
DIBBER: Shouldn't we go after them?
GLITZ: How is it they know where to look? Tell me that, Dibber.
DIBBER: I don't know. Maybe they've all copied the same map we did. Do
you want me to go after them?
GLITZ: Why? Do you want to help them?
DIBBER: No, it's just that if we're after the same thing as us
GLITZ: Don't worry. They'll soon be dead. It's just that I wanted the
personal pleasure of killing them myself.
(The Doctor and Peri have gone down a slope.)
PERI: Oh, here, Doctor, look.
(Peri has found a stone carving or plaque in the slope they've just
DOCTOR: The remains of a building.
PERI: And we're not going inside.
DOCTOR: Of course not, we can't. We haven't found the entrance yet.
This is the type of place where some early life forms might have
survived. Come along.
PERI: I'm just not crazy about meeting any early life forms.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Yeah.
(Dibber and Glitz put their weapons away.)
DIBBER: Well, if we've got competition, going to the village could be a
valuable waste of time.
GLITZ: That complex down there is still functional, which means the L3
robot is operational.
DIBBER: I understand.
GLITZ: To render the robot non-operational, we have to destroy the
light converter which supplies its energy system.
DIBBER: I know all that.
GLITZ: Then why are you arguing with me? It's not my fault if a bunch
of backward savages have turned a Magnum Mark Seven light converter
into a totem pole.
DIBBER: It's just that I think we should kill those two first.
GLITZ: And meet the robot head on at full power? I don't think you have
my full interests at heart, Dibber.
DIBBER: If the robot doesn't kill them before we destroy his energy
supply, well, they could be up and away with the goods before we've
even got back from the village.
GLITZ: I know that, Dibber. Now you understand why I hate competition.
It spoils everything.
DIBBER: I still think we should kill them.
GLITZ: We will, Dibber, we will. When the time is right.
(Down at the structure, the Doctor is studying the remains.)
PERI: Doctor, I know this sounds crazy, but I have the weirdest feeling
that I've been here before.
DOCTOR: Yes, I often get that feeling. Of course, I usually have. In
your case, it's not possible.
PERI: Well, possible or not, I want to get away from here.
DOCTOR: You're absolutely right. We must find out what's going on here.
PERI: This place is spooky. It's like an overgrown
DOCTOR: Hmm. You're partly right. This must have been their last
desperate attempt to escape the coming fireball.
PERI: Well, who lived on this planet?
DOCTOR: Now that's something of a mystery. There's strangely little
about Ravalox in the records of Gallifrey. Obviously they were a fairly
advanced species. Look.
(The Doctor pulls aside vegetation to reveal the plaque. Then he finds
a tunnel entrance.)
DOCTOR: Ah ha! That's it. You know, you can
deduce an awful lot about a civilisation from its art.
DOCTOR: You know, I might stay here a couple of years and write a
thesis about that. Come along.
(The Doctor goes into the tunnel. Peri looks around.)
DOCTOR [OC]: Peri?
PERI: I've scratched myself.
(They go down what looks like a very short
escalator to an area with cables along the wall.)
DOCTOR: Oh, you're young. You'll soon heal.
PERI: Thanks for the sympathy.
DOCTOR: You know, I'm glad I decided to come here. I might stay here
for a year or so and write a thesis. Ancient Life on Ravalox by Doctor
PERI: Doctor, look! There's something here I think you should see.
(As they explore, they are being watched.)
GLITZ: I heard it.
DIBBER: Over here.
(Dibber and Glitz hide behind a large gnarled tree as
a line of people walk along in the distance.)
GLITZ: Look at them, primitive screeves.
DIBBER: Are they from the village?
GLITZ: Must be.
DIBBER: Well then, let's make it a few less we'll have to deal with.
GLITZ: No. All we need is a gesture of strength. Show them they haven't
got a chance.
(Glitz throws a flash-bang at the people.)
GLITZ: Amazing the affect a loud bang can have on the primitive mind.
(They walk towards the natives.)
GLITZ: Come here, you ignorant, maggot ridden peasant. Somehow I always
feel foolish saying this. Take me to your leader.
(There is a metal sign fallen on the floor of the
DOCTOR: Well, I suppose there is a billion to one chance there was a
place called Marble Arch on Ravalox.
PERI: And they wrote in English?
DOCTOR: Well, that's another billion to one chance. It does begin to
seem a little unlikely, doesn't it?
PERI: Oh, Doctor, we're on Earth aren't we? I said it felt like Earth.
DOCTOR: It's in the wrong part of space for it to be your planet.
Besides, according to all the record books, this is Ravalox.
PERI: Well then, how do you explain this?
DOCTOR: Well, they. I can't. Not yet. Unless of course, perhaps they
collected railway stations.
PERI: That's ridiculous.
DOCTOR: But not impossible, though. Not as impossible as the other
PERI: What's that?
DOCTOR: Well, that somehow or other your planet and its entire
constellation managed to shift itself a couple of light years across
space, after which, for some reason, it became known as Ravalox.
PERI: Well, what time are we in?
DOCTOR: Oh, a long time after your period.
(He checks his pocket watch.)
DOCTOR: Er, two billion years or more.
PERI: So what happened to London?
DOCTOR: Wiped out, if this was London.
PERI: Doctor, I know it is. I can feel it.
DOCTOR: Now, don't get emotional.
PERI: Don't get emotional. This cinder we're standing on is all that's
left of my world. Everything I knew.
DOCTOR: Why do I have to sit here watching Peri
getting upset, while two unsavoury adventurers bully a bunch of
VALEYARD: The reason will be made clear shortly, Doctor.
DOCTOR: As a matter of interest, where is Peri?
VALEYARD: Where you left her.
DOCTOR: Where's that?
VALEYARD: You don't remember? Obviously a side effect of being taken
out of time. The amnesia should soon pass.
INQUISITOR: Shall we continue?
DOCTOR: Well, can't we just have the edited highlights?
DOCTOR: I know how you feel.
PERI: Do you?
DOCTOR: Of course I do. You've been travelling with me long enough to
know that none of this really matters. Not to you. Your world is safe.
PERI: This is still my world, whatever the period, and I care about it.
And all you do is talk about it as though we're in a planetarium.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry. But look at it this way. Planets come and go, stars
perish. Matter disperses, coalesces, reforms into other patterns, other
worlds. Nothing can be eternal.
PERI: I know what you mean, and I still want to get away from here.
DOCTOR: Oh, I can't. There's a mystery here. Questions to which I must
have an answer. Look, Peri. Peri.
(They go over to a door which was never at the original Marble Arch
station. It slides open.)
DOCTOR: Oh, hermetically sealed, leading down to a lower level. Now,
some of the original inhabitants might have survived down there. You
PERI: No. I've seen enough. I'll wait you at the entrance. Where they
used to sell candy bars and newspapers.
DOCTOR: All right, shan't be long. Don't go wandering off. Be careful.
(The Doctor leaves with the torch, and Peri stumbles on some rubble.)
(The Doctor returns.)
DOCTOR: I said be careful.
(The Doctor leaves again.)
PERI: Of what? The spooks and ghosts you're always telling me don't
exist. Hey! You could have left me the umbrella! Oh, please yourself. I
don't mind getting wet.
(Peri goes back along the platform, straight into the arms of two men
carrying spears. She screams.)
(Simple wood and thatch buildings, and wattle
fences. An incongruous metal pillar stands nearby. )
GLITZ: The light converter.
DIBBER: Let me blast it, Mister Glitz, then we can get away from here.
GLITZ: Oh, you'd look good with a back full of spears, Dibber. Use your
(They are escorted towards the largest hut. A mature, well built woman
strides out to meet them. Everyone say Hi! to the redoubtable Joan Sims.)
GLITZ: Anyway, we've got company. Right royal company, by the looks of
DIBBER: You'll never charm her.
GLITZ: I have an uncanny knack with aging females, Dibber. One look
into my eyes and they start to melt.
(The Doctor strolls through well-lit metal tunnels
into a large metal lined chamber. Up steep flights of stairs are closed
three cubicles. By the steps are glass flasks on pedestals. The Doctor
picks one up to sniff its contents.)
COMPUTER: Water thief. Water thief. Protect your water.
(The cubicle doors slide down and two men in yellow coveralls and grey
hoods rush out from them brandishing wooden clubs.)
DOCTOR: Perhaps you could direct me to the stationmaster's house? Now
(The Doctor is surrounded by raised clubs.)
(A man in black appears on a screen.)
MERDEEN [on screen]: Yes, Immortal?
(A non-human voice answers him. We do not see the speaker.)
DRATHRO: Marb station shows one work unit over strength. Remove it!
MERDEEN: Immediately, Immortal.
(Merdeen leaves and the screen goes blank. We now see that the speaker
was a robot with a head like a radar scanner.)
(Merdeen turns to a man in a crash helmet working a
MERDEEN: Call the Watch. Marb is a work unit over.
MERDEEN: I don't know, but the Immortal is never wrong, Grell.
GRELL: I'll summon the watch.
(The Matriarch is settled in her throne by her
KATRYCA: So, you are outlanders. From where?
GLITZ: A far off star, majesty.
KATRYCA: You have a spaceship?
GLITZ: You know of such things?
KATRYCA: It is recorded in our folk memory. Before the fire, our
ancestors travelled among the stars.
GLITZ: Is that a fact?
KATRYCA: It is also recorded that such travel angered the gods, who
punished us by sending the great fire which destroyed our planet.
GLITZ: No, dear lady. It was much more secular than that. That
attracted the fireball.
KATRYCA: That is our great totem to the Earth God Haldren.
GLITZ: No, madam. That is a malfunctioning navigational beacon. It was
that that attracted the fireball five hundred years ago, and I'm here
to tell you that it is still malfunctioning today.
KATRYCA: How do you know this?
GLITZ: It is my job to know. And if you don't have it dismantled, the
fireball will return.
KATRYCA: What is your name?
GLITZ: Sabalom Glitz.
KATRYCA: I am an old woman, Sabalom Glitz. You are not the first to
visit my village from another world.
GLITZ: Is that a fact?
KATRYCA: On each and every occasion, they have all wanted to dismantle
the great totem.
GLITZ: In that case, you understand the urgency
KATRYCA: And on each and every occasion, they have all had a different
GLITZ: Let me assure you, my credentials are bona fide and completely
(Glitz draws his gun. He is swiftly disarmed by a large man with a
large head of brown hair. Men hold Dibber and Glitz by the arms.)
KATRYCA: Ah yes, The guns. They all had similar credentials.
GLITZ: That totem is a navigational hazard. It must be dismantled.
KATRYCA: You must think me a fool! You have come here for no other
reason but to steal the symbol of our great god.
GLITZ: And what would I want with some earth grubbing deity.
KATRYCA: I don't know. But before you die, I shall certainly find out.
(The Doctor is unconscious and fastened to a
pillar with chains. He wakes.)
BALAZAR: Where are you from, Old One?
DOCTOR: Old One?
BALAZAR: What station did you disgrace with your miserable presence,
DOCTOR: I may look old to you, whiskerless youth, but I'll have you
know I'm in the prime of my life. I'm only nine hundred years old. Now
untie me at once.
BALAZAR: You'll be untied as soon as we're ready for the stoning.
DOCTOR: Stoning? Is this the way you welcome visitors?
BALAZAR: Water is life. Those who steal life must in their turn die.
The Immortal commands it.
DOCTOR: Oh, the Immortal. Who might that be?
BALAZAR: Come now, Old One. Feigning ignorance of the Immortal will not
save you from death.
(Katryca hefts Glitz's gun.)
KATRYCA: This is what I've been waiting for. Now, Immortal, I am ready
BALAZAR: We shall soon be ready.
DOCTOR: Oh, goody. Just who are you?
BALAZAR: I am Balazar, the reader of the books.
DOCTOR: Oh. And what books are those?
BALAZAR: Ancient books, from the world before the fire. They contain
much wisdom for those who can interpret their meaning. Here in Marb, we
DOCTOR: Three? Splendid. What are they called?
BALAZAR: The Books of Knowledge.
DOCTOR: No, but each book must have a name, Balazar. It's usually
written on the front.
BALAZAR: One of our books is called Mo By Dick by Herman Melville. It
tells of a great white water god, and contains many mystical passages.
DOCTOR: Yes, I've read it. What are the other books?
BALAZAR: How can you have read it, Old One? The sacred books belong to
DOCTOR: Will you stop calling me Old One? I am known as the Doctor.
What else do you read?
BALAZAR: The Water Babies by Charles Kingsley, which tells of life long
before the fire.
DOCTOR: Sounds a rum sort of library to me. What's your third book?
BALAZAR: Most mysterious of all the sacred texts. UK Habitats of the
Canadian Goose by HM Stationery Office.
DOCTOR: Hmm. What do you call this place?
BALAZAR: Marb Station.
DOCTOR: No, I mean your whole world, everything.
BALAZAR: We call it UK Habitat. Ah. It appears we're ready for
the stoning now, Doctor. I have greatly enjoyed our felicitous
discourse, but alas, the end is nigh.
DOCTOR: You said you'd unchain me, Balazar.
BALAZAR: It is not advisable. I have taken an affection to you. It is
best to die quickly.
DOCTOR: Allow me to be the judge of that. Unchain me at once.
(Dibber watches through the planks in the door as
Peri is brought into the village.)
DIBBER: They've got that woman we saw earlier.
GLITZ: I can't understand it, Dibber. They're savages.
DIBBER: Well, don't let it get you down.
GLITZ: What went wrong? That old hag took our guns away from us just
like that. How can we be their prisoners?
DIBBER: I told you it was risky coming here.
GLITZ: Yes, well, now you know what I mean about competition. It gets
DIBBER: I told you we should have blasted them, Mister Glitz.
GLITZ: Yes, Dibber, you've made your point. It's a pity you
didn't anticipate they'd jump us with such ease.
DIBBER: I did, but I didn't think you'd listen.
(The Doctor has been unchained. The rest of the
men are holding large stones in their hands.)
BALAZAR: I think it best that you stand over here.
DOCTOR: Oh, why?
BALAZAR: Well in case some stray stone breaks the water jugs.
DOCTOR: Oh, yes.
BALAZAR: People get very excited at these stonings.
(Balazar gives the Doctor his umbrella and walks away.)
DOCTOR: I'm not excited.
BALAZAR: Get set. Go!
(The Doctor unfurls his umbrella but still gets hit by one stone. He
falls and the men cheer.)
DOCTOR: Oh! Why'd you stop it at the best bit? I
was rather enjoying that.
VALEYARD: I'm sure you were.
DOCTOR: Clever, eh? That trick with the umbrella.
VALEYARD: Most ingenious, my dear Doctor.
DOCTOR: Oh, I always like to do the unexpected. Takes people by
VALEYARD: Hear how the Doctor takes pride in his interference. Hear how
he boasts. This is not the reaction of a responsible Time Lord.
INQUISITOR: We are all aware of that, Valeyard. What is the point you
are trying to make?
VALEYARD: These proceedings started as a mere enquiry into the Doctor's
activities. I'm suggesting now that it becomes a trial. And if he is
found guilty, I strongly suggest the termination of his life!
DOCTOR: So, you want me dead, eh?
INQUISITOR: What the Valeyard wants and what the court decides, are two
entirely different things, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Thank you, my lady.
INQUISITOR: Proceed Valeyard.
(The stoning crowd is cheering.)
BALAZAR: Train guards!
(A small vehicle arrives towing a unit that can seat six. Merdeen and
three guards are on it.)
COMPUTER: This station is a work unit over committed strength. There
must be a cull.
BALAZAR: It has been dealt with.
MERDEEN: See that he is dead, Grell. Where is he from?
BALAZAR: I don't know. He told many lies, even that he had read our
GRELL: He still breathes.
MERDEEN: Then kill him.
(Only Merdeen can hear the robot through his helmet
MERDEEN: Wait, the Immortal speaks. He now wishes to question the
stranger. How near death is he?
GRELL: Merely stunned.
MERDEEN: Pick him up. Grell, patrol.
GRELL: Why not transport him on the train?
MERDEEN: I said patrol. (to Balazar) You, come with me.
BALAZAR: I, sir?
MERDEEN: You have spoken with the stranger. If he dies, the Immortal
may wish to question you about him. (Merdeen and Balazar leave,
followed by two guards carrying the Doctor.)
(Peri is brought in and dropped in front of
KATRYCA: Welcome, girl.
KATRYCA: Rise. You are not from the place of the underground. Where are
PERI: Well, it's kind of difficult to explain.
KATRYCA: My name is Katryca, I am the leader of the Free. Do you have a
PERI: Perpugilliam Brown, but my friends call me Peri.
KATRYCA: Peri. Not many girls join the Free, Peri. I shall provide some
excellent husbands for you.
PERI: Husbands? Plural?
KATRYCA: Such women as we have must be shared. Think about it. Put her
with the other prisoners. Keep them guarded.
PERI: All right, all right. I can walk.
BALAZAR: Tell me, Merdeen, you served the
Immortal. Is he as men say?
MERDEEN: What do men say?
BALAZAR: That he is taller than two, with arms of steel.
MERDEEN: The Immortal is never seen. He stays in his castle.
BALAZAR: Then how does he give you his commands?
MERDEEN: He talks to me through the air and he watches me with boxes.
(Merdeen points to a CCTV camera up on the wall.)
BALAZAR: I think this is called a camera, Merdeen. The men of ancient
times used such things to make pictures of the Canadian goose.
MERDEEN: How do you know that, Balazar?
BALAZAR: It is my task to study the ancient texts.
DOCTOR: About which you continually boast. That's the trouble with
pallid little swats like you, Balazar, You can't even organise an
BALAZAR: It was only half over.
BALAZAR: You'd have been free of your troubles now if Merdeen and his
train guards had not saved you.
DOCTOR: Then I'm grateful to you, Merdeen.
MERDEEN: It was on the orders of the Immortal.
DOCTOR: Oh. Well, please convey my thanks to him. Is that water? Could
I have some?
MERDEEN: It's my ration for the next two days.
DRATHRO: Give it to him.
MERDEEN [on screen]: What?
DRATHRO: Give it to him.
MERDEEN: Oh. Yes, of course.
DOCTOR: No, of course not. I'd forgotten how important that stuff was
(The Doctor goes up to the camera.)
DOCTOR: Mono-optic system, eh? Very interesting. And is the, er,
Immortal on the other end of that?
(The screen goes blank. A pair of pallid blond men look at each other.)
TANDRELL: Extremely ugly.
HUMKER: Hideous in the extreme.
DRATHRO: Physiognomy is irrelevant.
TANDRELL: In so far as
HUMKER: Appearance has no function.
TANDRELL: But function has an appearance.
HUMKER: Which is irrelevant to the function.
HUMKER: I must write that down.
TANDRELL: I will make an equation of it.
DRATHRO: Cease your prattle.
HUMKER: Of course, sir.
TANDRELL: At once, sir.
DRATHRO: Activate the service robot. Now!
(Peri is pushed inside.)
GLITZ: Ah, it seems we have a pretty visitor. I'm beginning to feel
better already. Sabalom Glitz, my dear, and this youth with the vacuous
expression and single track mind is Dibber.
(They shake hands.)
PERI: Well, obviously you're not from round here.
GLITZ: Merely visiting, like good yourself.
PERI: Well, I hope my visit's very short. That doesn't look like it's
from round here either.
GLITZ: It's a light converter.
PERI: A what?
DIBBER: It funnels black light energy down to the L3. That's why we
have to knock it out.
GLITZ: Dibber! I'm sure Peri isn't interested in professional matters.
DIBBER: Oh, you're right, Mister Glitz, yeah.
GLITZ: When we first saw you, Peri, you were not alone.
DIBBER: That's right, you were with a dilly in a long coat. But he
disappeared down the tunnel before we
GLITZ: Before we could leap forward and make your acquaintance, eh,
DIBBER: Yeah, that's it.
GLITZ: Where is your friend now?
PERI: The Doctor? Oh, he's probably still down there. For a Time Lord,
he's not very good at keeping time.
GLITZ: The Doctor is a Time Lord? So that's how he knew where to go.
PERI: What do you mean?
DIBBER: Sent him, did they?
GLITZ: The Time Lords, my dear. As my friend says, he must be acting on
PERI: I don't think the Doctor's acting on anyone's behalf.
GLITZ: So, he's a freelance like myself. Possibly we can reach an
accommodation here, my boy. Two rogues with but a single thought.
DOCTOR: And how long has the Immortal lived in his
MERDEEN: Since the fire.
DOCTOR: Oh, five hundred years?
BALAZAR: I do not know, Doctor. He was sent to save our lives many
DOCTOR: Hmm. And he never goes out and nobody ever comes in?
BALAZAR: Only the young men who pass the selection.
DOCTOR: What selection?
BALAZAR: To find the two cleverest youths. They go to the castle.
BALAZAR: It is said the Immortal eats them.
DOCTOR: Never believe what is said, Balazar, only what you know.
(A very functional non-humanoid robot is released
into Marb station.)
HUMKER: Why are we doing this?
TANDRELL: Because sir ordered it.
HUMKER: Yes, but
DRATHRO: It may be needed.
DIBBER: These bars remind me of home. I reckon I
could bite me way through them.
GLITZ: Relax Dibber. I'll find a way to win the confidence of these
PERI: Well, I'll like to get out of here. Katryca said something about
choosing husbands for me.
GLITZ: There you are. Obviously she's a romantic at heart.
PERI: Well, so am I, but not romantic enough to want more that one
DIBBER: Where we come from, a woman can have as many as six.
PERI: Oh, it's very similar on my planet, except we usually have them
one at a time.
GLITZ: I should like to stand in paterfamilias for your absent father
and give you away, my dear, but I always cry at these moments of deep
DIBBER: I think we should help her get out.
GLITZ: No, no, dear boy. We may need these brutish primitives.
PERI: What for?
(Glitz unfolds a map.)
GLITZ: This shows a layout of the tunnel system, all hermetically
sealed. If we can persuade Katryca's people to drive a shaft into the
centre, we can fill them with gas.
PERI: You'd kill them? The people Katryca calls underground dwellers?
That would be mass murder.
GLITZ: I'm sure my conscience will prick a little, but where money is
concerned, that doesn't usually last long.
PERI: Oh, you can't do it.
GLITZ: I think it will be pretty simple. Don't forget, this is a high
risk business venture, Peri. The people down there take the risk, I
take the profit.
DIBBER: That still leaves the L3.
GLITZ: And what chance would the robot will have without a labour
force? It'll probably be quicker than trying to destroy its black light
(The big man enters.)
BROKEN TOOTH: Come with me.
(Merdeen stops at a metal door next to some steps
very like those on the space station where the Tardis landed.)
MERDEEN: You enter here, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Ah. No need to knock, I imagine.
BALAZAR: Will I be needed?
DOCTOR: Lucky old you.
MERDEEN: When you are in the Immortal's presence you will cast your
eyes to the ground.
DOCTOR: Will I?
MERDEEN: It is forbidden to look upon him.
DOCTOR: On pain of being turned into a pillar of salt, I imagine. That
sort of thing?
MERDEEN: You will not find it wise to mock the Immortal. Doubtless your
body will be returned to me before this day is out.
DOCTOR: Oh, Merdeen, why don't you just push off and guard some trains,
(The Doctor pushes open the double doors and looks through carefully
before entering and closing them behind him. Merdeen, Balazar and the
guards leave, then the service robot comes out of an alcove.)
GLITZ: Ah, dear lady. I knew once you'd had time
KATRYCA: Be silent, fat one. I have studied the fires and there is
anger in them.
KATRYCA: You have travelled from beyond the stars. Your intention, to
steal our great totem. Only a sacrifice in the flames will propitiate
DIBBER: All of us?
KATRYCA: No. Only you are the chosen one, Sabalom Glitz.
GLITZ: Me? Are you insane? I'm wanted in six different galaxies for
crimes you couldn't even imagine. Do you think an old hag like you can
bring me down?
KATRYCA: The pyre is being built. You will be brought when your time is
[Outside Drathro's 'castle']
(The Doctor goes up to the camera by the door
opposite the entrance.)
DOCTOR: Er, this is my best side.
HUMKER: The arrogance.
TANDRELL: Can't wait to see how he's been programmed.
(The Doctor pushes open the double doors and enters.)
DRATHRO: I have been waiting for this day. Welcome at last.
DOCTOR: You were expecting me?
DRATHRO: For centuries. I am Drathro, an L3 robot.
(Humker and Tandrell take various items from the Doctor's pockets.)
DOCTOR: Then I fear you are under a slight misapprehension, Drathro. I
only decided to come here yesterday.
DRATHRO: You are not from Andromeda? Then where are you from?
DOCTOR: Gallifrey, originally, though I travel round a lot.
DRATHRO: I have heard of Gallifrey. An advanced civilisation.
DOCTOR: In some ways.
DRATHRO: I apologize for my error.
DOCTOR: Oh, that's all right. Even Immortals make the odd mistake every
(The Doctor snatches back his little teddy bear and bag of jelly
DRATHRO: I am not immortal.
DOCTOR: Oh. Well, the locals round here seem to think you are.
DRATHRO: These are my assistants, Tandrell and Humker. You will work
(The Doctor offers the men a jelly baby.)
DOCTOR: Will I? Why?
DRATHRO: Because I command it.
DOCTOR: Oh. And you are obviously a robot used to getting your own way.
HUMKER: This is remarkable, Drathro.
TANDRELL: Most impressive.
HUMKER: Even the texture has an organic warmth.
DOCTOR; Do stop prodding me, there's a good fellow.
DRATHRO: The Doctor is not a robot. He is an organic from an advanced
TANDRELL: An organic?
HUMKER: We've not met an organic since we passed the selection.
DOCTOR: Ah. I knew you two hadn't ended up for lunch.
DOCTOR: Never mind. What is this work you want me to do?
INQUISITOR: Is this relevant testimony, Valeyard?
We seem to be straying from the point.
VALEYARD: Circumstantially germane, my lady, in that it is part of the
prosecution's case is that the Doctor introduces a disruptive and
corrupting influence wherever he goes.
DOCTOR: Sheer poppycock.
VALEYARD: If the Doctor had not visited Ravalox, then the whole chain
of events we are witnessing would not have been set in motion.
DOCTOR: Well, how can the Boatyard make that claim? What might or might
not have happened is entirely speculative.
INQUISITOR: That is for me to decide, Doctor. And may I remind you, the
charge you face is grave indeed.
DOCTOR: Oh, I only have to look at the Graveyard to see that, ma'am.
INQUISITOR: You're puerile attempts at flippancy are not appreciated in
this court, Doctor. Proceed, Valeyard.
DRATHRO: Have you found the fault yet?
DOCTOR: Hmm? Give me a chance. I've only just started.
DRATHRO: The black light system is indicating incipient failure.
DOCTOR: Yeah, I can see that, but they don't last forever, you know.
DRATHRO: I am trained only in installation and maintenance.
DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh, yeah, and very useful too. That's where the money is.
DRATHRO: I have trained these humans to study the problem, but they
make no progress.
DOCTOR: Well, black light is very tricky stuff, Drathro.
DRATHRO: I have a learning capacity but my processors of ratiocination
are logical. Organics often eliminate such steps.
DOCTOR: It's called intuition.
DRATHRO: Your first task will be to restructure the system.
DOCTOR: Well, just a minute. Black light is not my field.
DRATHRO: Then you will make it so, or die!
DOCTOR: I protest!
INQUISITOR: What now?
DOCTOR: Yes, now!
INQUISITOR: I meant, what are you protesting about this time?
DOCTOR: I am charged with interfering, yet it's blatantly obvious to a
blind speelsnape that I am working under duress.
INQUISITOR: That does seem a valid point. What is the relevance of your
VALEYARD: If the accused hadn't interrupted, my lady, the point I wish
to make would have become obvious.
DOCTOR: Oh, then I apologise for my outburst. As your ladyship is
aware, I am unfamiliar, unlike the Valeyard, with court procedure.
INQUISITOR: The court accepts your apology, Doctor. Proceed.
(Glitz, Peri and Dibber are watching the villagers
put wood round the bottom of a stake.)
DIBBER: What a terrible waste.
GLITZ: You're telling me.
DIBBER: No, I meant the wood. Now, if I was handling this execution I'd
go to a bullet in the back of the head. Much more economical.
PERI: He has a point.
GLITZ: Of all the sniveling screeves to be stuck with in my moment of
need, I have to get you two.
DIBBER: I know. Depressing, isn't it.
DOCTOR: Oh, I'm sorry, Drathro. There's not a lot
I can do down here.
DRATHRO: I order you to work.
DOCTOR: Well, you can play at being the slave driver all you like, but
the fault doesn't lie down here. There must be a collection aerial out
on the surface which is malfunctioning. I'll, I'll just pop up and have
a look at it.
DRATHRO: You will remain here and proceed with your appointed task.
DOCTOR: I think you must have fluff in your audio circuit. What's all
this stuff for, anyway?
TANDRELL: It provides Drathro with his energy source.
HUMKER: It was also to maintain the three Sleepers until they could be
returned to Andromeda.
DOCTOR: The three Sleepers?
DRATHRO: They are dead now. The relief ships failed to arrive.
DOCTOR: I see. Well, if this power failure's allowed to get any worse,
we'll all be dead soon.
DOCTOR: Because there will be an enormous explosion. Now I can't
impress upon you how urgent it is I go up and look at that converter's
DRATHRO: A transparent ruse to escape. Get on with the work.
DOCTOR: Oh, how do you put up with him.
(The Doctor takes the metal sphere that Hunker is tapping out of his
DOCTOR: Thank you. Tell me, why is water so important down here?
HUMKER: The condensation plants produce only enough for five hundred
DOCTOR: But it was raining buckets outside, or it was when I arrived.
DRATHRO: I am aware that precipitation has returned to normal.
DOCTOR: Then why don't you let everyone just pop up and help
DRATHRO: My instructions were to maintain an underground survival
DOCTOR: Inflexible little fellow aren't you? Here, hold that.
(The Doctor holds out a circuit board to Drathro.)
DOCTOR: Well, come on. Aren't you supposed to be programmed to be user
friendly or something? Times like this one need three hands you know.
We bipeds are a very inefficient design. You, Humbug, whatever your name
is, hold that.
(He gives a circuit board to Humker.)
DOCTOR: And you, Handbag, finger on the end there. That's it, yes. Well
done, splendid, yes. Well, that should just about do it.
(The Doctor throws a switch and retreats as electricity zaps Drathro,
Humker and Tandrell.)
[Outside Central control]
(The service robot blocks his way.)
DOCTOR: Ah. Look!
(The robot turns to where the Doctor is pointing, and he runs round its
back. Humker manages to turn off the electricity. Drathro calls to the
DRATHRO: Follow him. Use your tracer disc. He must be brought back
(Glitz, Peri and Dibber are being escorted up a
(Peri dashes forward, and Dibber and Glitz take out their escorts.)
GLITZ: Well done Dibber. Take this. Always keep something up your
sleeve, eh, Dibber?
(Glitz gives Dibber a small bomb.)
GLITZ: I want you to conceal yourself in some muddy crevice while Peri
and I lead off the hunt.
PERI: What hunt?
GLITZ: Oh, there'll be one soon. As soon as you get the chance I want
you to blow that light converter to bits.
DIBBER: And where do we meet up?
GLITZ: The entrance to the tunnel. Come on, Peri.
(Katryca is examining Glitz' rifle.)
BROKEN TOOTH: Majesty!
KATRYCA: How dare you!
BROKEN TOOTH: Forgive me, but the prisoners have escaped.
KATRYCA: Take this.
(She throws him the weapon.)
KATRYCA: Lead the young men on a hunting party. They must not escape!
DRATHRO [OC]: The Doctor has absconded. Hw must be
MERDEEN: Yes, Immortal.
HUMKER: He should be killed.
TANDRELL: Very slowly. He hurt me. I hate being hurt.
HUMKER: He hurt me more.
TANDRELL: A subjective judgement.
DRATHRO: He must not be killed. I still need him.
(As the service robot makes its way through the
corridors, Merdeen instructs his guards.)
MERDEEN: Search area green. Area red.
(Balazar and Merdeen go in the opposite direction, then Merdeen stops
and covers the microphone on his helmet.)
BALAZAR: Should we not search for the Doctor?
MERDEEN: I said quiet. Listen to me carefully. You are a clever man.
BALAZAR: I am the Reader.
MERDEEN: People like you are needed on the surface. I will direct you
BALAZAR: The surface? But nothing lives there. The fire
MERDEEN: I said listen. There is no fire. There has been no fire for
hundreds of years. It is the only place you will be beyond the
Immortal's reach. Do you understand me?
BALAZAR: Well, what shall I do, Merdeen? How will I live?
MERDEEN: You will find others out there. Many I have saved from the
BALAZAR: If the Immortal discovers this, you will die. Why do you risk
your life, Merdeen?
MERDEEN: I am sick of the cullings. But I have to be careful. I think
Grell already suspects.
BALAZAR: But what will you do?
MERDEEN: Find the Doctor and send him to you.
(Grell watches them leave.)
(Peri leads Glitz through the trees.)
PERI: Come on!
(Dibber drops the bomb at the base of the light converter then runs and
dives into a ditch. KaBOOM! The light converter topples over.)
(Electrical discharges are playing over a wall
panel. Drathro is swaying and having difficulty in speaking.)
DRATHRO: What is happening.?
(Broken Tooth picks up the fugitive's trail in the
BROKEN TOOTH: This way.
(The Doctor runs into Merdeen and Balazar.)
MERDEEN: Wait, Doctor. We mean you no harm.
DOCTOR: You did the last time we met.
BALAZAR: Things have changed.
DOCTOR: Then let me pass. I have to get out of here.
MERDEEN: Take Balazar with you.
DOCTOR: Er, yes, all right.
BALAZAR: What will you do?
MERDEEN: I must stay and help others.
DOCTOR: I should be careful if I was you. There's a robot following me
who isn't in a very friendly mood.
MERDEEN: Would you help us, Doctor, to crush the Immortal's power?
DOCTOR: Er, yes, er, perhaps. But there's something I've got to do much
more important first. Come along, Balazar.
VALEYARD: Stop! This is another prime example of
the Doctor's interference. You will note that he was in a position to
free himself of the situation, yet deliberately chose not to.
DOCTOR: I was trying to help. Surely even a blockhead like you can see
INQUISITOR: I think we should reserve judgement until the end of the
DOCTOR: I agree, my lady.
(Dibber is running for his life with the villagers
hot on his heels when the Doctor leads Balazar out into the fresh air.)
BALAZAR: It's beautiful!
DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh. Oh, I knew she wouldn't still be here. That girl can't
obey an order.
(Peri and Glitz come running.)
BALAZAR: Who are they?
DOCTOR: Peri! Hurry!
(Dibber is also approaching, followed by villagers.)
DOCTOR: Back inside, quick.
(Balazar goes into the tunnel. Peri and Glitz arrive.)
DOCTOR: In you go.
DOCTOR: Come on!
GLITZ: I always knew exercise was bad for you.
DOCTOR: I shouldn't lie there if I was you. Not unless you want to be
killed with a spear in your back.
GLITZ: What? Did you do the job, my boy?
DIBBER: Of course.
DOCTOR: We've got to get out of here!
PERI: But how?
DOCTOR: This way.
(The service robot is on the platform.)
DOCTOR: Oh, no. Back.
(The villagers are coming down the escalator.)
PERI: Well, now what?
DOCTOR: I don't know. I really think this could be the end!
(Broken Tooth fires the gun, and everyone ducks.
The shots hit the wall by Glitz's head.)
BALAZAR: I know him. It's Broken Tooth.
GLITZ: Then why doesn't he fire at you?
BALAZAR: Broken Tooth, it's Balazar!
DOCTOR: Fire at the robot!
BALAZAR: The Immortal One.
DIBBER: Squeeze the trigger, don't pull it.
(Broken Tooth takes careful aim.)
(The image relayed from the service robot goes
DRATHRO: What is happening? Reactivate!
HUMKER: We are trying.
TANDRELL: It doesn't respond.
DRATHRO: You must make it work. I must have the Doctor here. My black
light system is failing.
(The Doctor examines the broken service robot.)
BALAZAR: I can't believe it. You're alive! They said you'd been culled.
BROKEN TOOTH: I owe my life to Merdeen.
BALAZAR: I too.
DOCTOR: Well, I hate to break up this happy reunion, but I have to find
the aerial to Drathro's black light converter.
DIBBER: No need to hurry. It's gone.
DOCTOR: Gone? Where?
DIBBER: I blew it up.
GLITZ: It'll put the L3 out of action.
DOCTOR: More likely start a chain reaction. Drathro's black light
system's highly unstable. Blowing it up is about the worst thing you
could have done. I have to shut the black light system down now.
BROKEN TOOTH: You will all return to our village. Our queen has
unfinished business with this person.
BROKEN TOOTH: You will come with us, and you will come quietly.
GLITZ: And you had to tell him how to use the gun.
INQUISITOR: Valeyard, are these unpleasant scenes
necessary to your case? I find primitive physical violence distressing.
DOCTOR: So do I, ma'am. Especially when I'm on the receiving end.
VALEYARD: I too find it repugnant to witness, my lady, but the Doctor
has a well-known predilection for violence.
DOCTOR: That is a foul slur!
INQUISITOR: Do not interrupt, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm not given to violence as the Valeyard
here suggests. Occasionally I might have to resort to a modicum of
INQUISITOR: Please be silent.
DOCTOR: As a means of self defence.
INQUISITOR: Doctor, you will have ample opportunity to put your case at
a later point.
INQUISITOR: Valeyard, I would appreciate it if these brutal and
repetitious scenes are reduced to a minimum.
VALEYARD: My lady, it is certainly not my wish to cause you any
unnecessary affront, but the accused offences are such that a certain
amount of graphic detail is unavoidable.
INQUISITOR: Very well. Continue.
(As the Doctor and company are escorted through the
woods, and the Doctor picks up something to show to Peri, Merdeen is
walking along a corridor when Grell steps out behind him with a
crossbow pointed at his back.)
GRELL: You seem lost.
MERDEEN: Not I, although you seem to have mislaid your train, Grell.
GRELL: Stealth is better achieved on foot. Especially when we hunt dark
MERDEEN: I thought we hunted the Doctor.
GRELL: Him too.
DRATHRO [OC]: Merdeen.
MERDEEN [on screen]: Immortal?
DRATHRO: I have urgent work for Balazar, but I can not find him.
MERDEEN: I will search for him at once.
GRELL: Where are you going?
MERDEEN: Continue your search for the Doctor.
(The service robot comes back to life and heads for
the escalator stairs.)
TANDRELL: I did it! I did it, I reactivated the robot.
HUMKER: I think you'll find that I did it.
TANDRELL: I beg your pardon, I did it.
HUMKER: I did it.
TANDRELL: I did!
HUMKER: I did!
DRATHRO: Silence! You drain my energy reserve with your constant
(Broken Tooth leads the party in, and bows to his
queen before going to whisper in her ear then taking his place behind
KATRYCA: So, my hospitality was not to your liking?
GLITZ: Just needed to step out for a breath of fresh air.
KATRYCA: And who is this?
DOCTOR: Ah, how do you do? I am known as the Doctor. Now, there has
been a terrible mistake. I shouldn't be here at all.
KATRYCA: Another star traveller?
DOCTOR: Well, in a manner of speaking.
KATRYCA: And are you interested in the Great Totem of Haldren.
DOCTOR: I beg your pardon?
GLITZ: She means the light converter.
DOCTOR: Ah, yes, indeed. Now how can you possibly have known that?
KATRYCA: Have you searched him for guns?
BROKEN TOOTH: He has none.
KATRYCA: That makes you very unusual for a star traveller who is
interested in the Great Totem.
DOCTOR: Well, I've come to repair it.
KATRYCA: Then you are very prompt, considering your friends have only
recently damaged it.
DOCTOR: Oh, these are not my friends. Well, with one
(The Doctor puts his arm round Peri.)
DOCTOR: And your Great Totem is not what it seems.
KATRYCA: Then please explain.
DOCTOR: It's function is to convert ultraviolet rays to black light.
KATRYCA: Interesting, though I do not understand what you are saying.
DOCTOR: Well, Drathro, er, the Immortal, depends on black light to
function. He is a robot.
KATRYCA: Fascinating, since your friend just told me that it was a
DOCTOR: He lies.
KATRYCA: A common complaint among star travellers.
GLITZ: I am not a liar!
KATRYCA: How shall I know who speaks the truth? All I am certain of is
the gods are angered at your coming to our world. I shall read their
wishes in the flames.
DOCTOR: Er, I don't wish to appear discourteous, but I'd better get
back to Drathro.
KATRYCA: Remain where you are!
DOCTOR: You have no quarrel with us. They destroyed your beacon.
KATRYCA: You are a star traveller. Star travelling is forbidden by the
gods. The underground dweller shall remain with our tribe. The others,
remove from my sight.
(The service robot is making its way through the
HUMKER: All that unpleasant green.
TANDRELL: It is vegetation.
HUMKER: Why was it not burned, Drathro?
DRATHRO: Only part of the planet was enveloped by fire.
HUMKER: What is its function?
DRATHRO: It supports primitive life.
TANDRELL: Primitive life is unnecessary.
HUMKER: So vegetation in unnecessary.
TANDRELL: Syllogism is also unnecessary, Humker.
HUMKER: It was not a true syllogism, Tandrell. It contained only the
major and minor premise.
TANDRELL: Still unnecessary, like so much that you say.
(The service robot enters the village, miraculously
unnoticed, while the Doctor, Dibber, Glitz, Peri and Balazar are shown
into the prison hut by Broken Tooth.)
DIBBER: Thought we'd seen the last of this place.
DOCTOR: Look, you've got to help us get out of here.
BALAZAR: I dare not, Doctor.
BROKEN TOOTH: The queen will burn us in your place.
DOCTOR: If I don't get out of here, we'll all burn.
GLITZ: You're the Time Lord. Haven't you got a ring you can rub? A
magic lamp? Something for these sort of emergencies?
DOCTOR: Hardly. More your style I'd have thought. Anyway, what does
bring you here?
GLITZ: Purely a private enterprise, Doctor, to collect a few moldering
files of no value except to scholars such as myself.
DOCTOR: Oh, you're a scholarly philanthropist, are you?
GLITZ: Exactly the description, Doctor.
DOCTOR: That goes around blowing up black light converters.
GLITZ: A small expediency if I am to endow a library on my home planet
DOCTOR: In the constellation of Andromeda?
GLITZ: You know of it?
PERI: What we don't know is the name of this planet.
GLITZ: You mean he hasn't told you? A man of your learning, Doctor? Tut
tut. This, is Earth of course.
PERI: I said so, didn't I?
DOCTOR: But it is in the wrong position.
GLITZ: Only by a couple of light years.
DIBBER: That's why the lost expedition missed.
DOCTOR: What lost expedition?
DIBBER: Andromeda bunged off these robots in a relief ship
GLITZ: Don't prattle, Dibber. All that was a long time ago.
BALAZAR: The word Earth is mentioned many times, by the great writer H
M Stationery Office.
(There is a whirring noise then the service robot crashes through the
DIBBER: Thought we'd seen the last of him as well.
GLITZ: Shut up and stand in front of me where I can keep an eye on you.
(The service robot scans the area.)
DOCTOR: Keep calm and stay still. It's looking for me, but I think it's
GLITZ: Well, can't you shake its hand or something?
DOCTOR: How do you do? I am known as the Doctor.
(The Doctor takes hold of a small protuberance and gets flung against
the wall. He winces. Then the robot sends out flexible cables to lasso
the Doctor's legs and pulls him onto its body for transportation.)
GLITZ: Now's our chance, Dibber.
PERI: We've got to help the Doctor!
GLITZ: He'll be all right. He's in good hands. Come on!
(Dibber grabs Peri's hand.)
KATRYCA: Escaped? I told you to guard them!
BALAZAR: Well, the Immortal came and took them.
BROKEN TOOTH: We both saw him, Katryca. He walked through the wall.
KATRYCA: Get the guns!
(The villagers weeding the crops don't even look up
as the service robot trundles past.)
TANDRELL: Only man makes habitations.
DRATHRO: All life perished in the fire. If men now live on the surface,
they must have come from my biosphere.
TANDRELL: How can that be possible?
HUMKER: It is forbidden.
TANDRELL: All work units obey you orders.
DRATHRO: Some must have escaped. Helped to escape. That is what has
HUMKER: Is it important?
DRATHRO: They're out of control, outside the plan.
TANDRELL: They're outlaws.
DRATHRO: Now my existence is threatened. They have destroyed the source
of my energy. Take measures, create a defensive system, identify and
destroy the traitors.
DOCTOR: All this is irrelevant and hypothetical.
VALEYARD: Background testimony.
DOCTOR: What possible value does the Farmyard here think there is in
listening to some half-incapacitated robot, and a couple of diminutive
nit-wits who might as well be robots?
INQUISITOR: You're allowing your disrespect to show again, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry, ma'am, but the question still stands.
INQUISITOR: As prosecutor, the Valeyard has the right to include any
evidence he considers to be relevant, provided he can justify its
DOCTOR: But any record relating to persons not in my presence must be
VALEYARD: The accused is clearly ignorant of the latest methods of
surveillance, my lady.
INQUISITOR: This evidence is taken from the Matrix, a knowledge bank
fed constantly by the experiences of all Time Lords, wherever they may
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, ma'am. I know that. My whole point is
that I'm not.
INQUISITOR: Not what?
DOCTOR: Not part of the scenes being shown by the Scrapyard here. I'm
sorry, Valeyard. Force of habit, I apologise.
VALEYARD: Doctor, the experience of third parties can also be monitored
and accessed if needed, as long as they are in the collection range of
DOCTOR: Oh. But my Tardis is an old model. Are you telling me it's been
bugged without my knowledge?
VALEYARD: It is a reference apparently to the new surveillance system,
my lady. The expression derives from an Earth term.
INQUISITOR: I see. I think we are wasting time on an unimportant issue.
Continue the evidence, Valeyard.
(The Doctor's position has been changed, and he is
now being carried face up in the service robots 'arms'. Katryca and her
hunting party catch up with it and block its way. Glitz, Peri and
Dibber watch from a distance.)
KATRYCA: Stop, Immortal!
(The robot moves forward and the villagers retreat. Then Katryca fires
the first shot.)
PERI: They'll kill the Doctor!
GLITZ: We've all got to go sometime, Peri.
PERI: You're all heart!
GLITZ: The supreme sacrifice. What a person. If I have time, I'll
compose the eulogy for his funeral.
DRATHRO: They have guns. From where?
HUMKER: Guns can be manufactured.
TANDRELL: Though manufacturing requires advanced technology, Humker.
HUMKER: Yes, but the fact that they have guns also means that they
possess advanced technology.
TANDRELL: False reasoning again, Humker. These are savages. Their guns
must have been supplied from without.
DRATHRO: The Doctor.
(The screen gets lines on it.)
HUMKER: The L1 robot has ceased to function.
TANDRELL: From the present data that we have, that would seem a logical
HUMKER: It is obvious. It has ceased transmitting signals.
TANDRELL: I was replying to Drathro.
DRATHRO: The Doctor is from Gallifrey. He has been sent to recover the
secrets left by the Sleepers. To do that, he has armed the outlaws.
Therefore his intention is to ferment a rebellion against my authority.
TANDRELL: (sotto) And with nothing left but power from the few backup
storage cells he's quite likely to win.
HUMKER: Then what will happen to us?
TANDRELL: I dread to think.
(Grell is shadowing Merdeen down a wide corridor
with a row of close-spaced columns in the middle. Finally he confronts
MERDEEN: Are you following me?
GRELL: Like you, I'm looking for a lost man. It simply occurred to me
that it might prove more productive if we searched as a team.
MERDEEN: What makes you think the Doctor and Balazar will be together?
GRELL: I don't think the Immortal's orders are always carried out,
especially when it comes to culling.
MERDEEN: I always supervise the cullings myself.
GRELL: I know.
MERDEEN: Then what do you mean?
GRELL: I think you send people outside.
MERDEEN: Then they are destroyed by the fire. Does it really matter how
GRELL: Depends whether you really believe that the surface of the
planet still burns.
MERDEEN: I believe what the Immortal tells me.
GRELL: Then you are a liar. The Doctor is with Balazar, isn't he? And
both of them have left the subways.
MERDEEN: Then why does the Immortal instruct us to search for them?
GRELL: I don't know. But I think we should talk about it. Unless you
would prefer that I took my suspicion to the Immortal.
BALAZAR: Is the Immortal dead at last?
KATRYCA: The Immortal's reign is ended.
BROKEN TOOTH: Katryca the Great One! Long live Queen Katryca!
VILLAGERS: Long live Queen Katryca!
BALAZAR: Now the Immortal is dead, how shall men live?
KATRYCA: In the tribe of the Free we had no need of the Immortal. We
shall live as we always lived, except now, the Immortal's secrets shall
BROKEN TOOTH: How?
KATRYCA: Do you not see, Broken Tooth? They are ours for the taking.
BALAZAR: The Immortal's castle?
KATRYCA: Yes, Balazar. It is ours now. All the tools are metal. All the
strange materials that bend and do not break, All the mysteries and
treasures of our ancient forefathers that we shall learn to use again.
Do you not agree?
KATRYCA: Then let us attack!
(The villagers run off.)
(Dibber and Glitz let her go, and follow slowly. The robot has dropped
the Doctor onto the ground, but he is still entangled by the cables.)
PERI: Oh, Doctor, please.
GLITZ: He's a goner. You can tell by his colour.
DIBBER: Definitely a stiff, Mister Glitz.
PERI: Help me get this thing off him.
GLITZ: I shouldn't bother. He's probably got horrible injuries.
DIBBER: Yeah, those ensign guns can blow you to bits.
GLITZ: Talking of guns, Dibber, we need the heavy artillery. Which, if
memory serves me, are hidden not a more than a million miles from this
DIBBER: Good idea of mine to bring the multiblaster, eh, Mister Glitz?
GLITZ: I'll teach that two-faced harridan and her ignorant peasants to
trifle with Sabalom Glitz.
DIBBER: But they've gone down the tunnel.
GLITZ: So? We'll blow them out through the roof. That is, if the robot
doesn't get them first.
DIBBER: So let's fetch them, then.
GLITZ: No, you fetch them, Dibber. I'll meet you at the entrance.
DIBBER: But those multiblasters must weigh at least a hundred
GLITZ: Exactly. That is why I employ you to fetch and carry. Now, cut
along, there's a good lad.
(The Doctor suddenly grabs Peri and pulls her to his
DOCTOR: Keep your head down! Beware the hand! Keep your head down!
PERI: You're alive, I knew it.
(The Doctor does a Jon Pertwee impression.)
DOCTOR: Oh! My head hurts abominably, Sarah Jane. Where are we?
PERI: I'm not Sarah Jane, I'm Peri.
PERI: And you're lying under the remains of a robot.
DOCTOR: Yes, I remember now. Get this thing off me!
PERI: I've been trying to.
(Together he gets free and stands up.)
DOCTOR: Where are Katryca and the others?
PERI: They've gone to the tunnels.
DOCTOR: Eh? Why?
PERI: From what I could hear, now they've killed the Immortal, she's
planning a takeover.
DOCTOR: But this isn't the Immortal, this is just. How long have they
PERI: A few minutes.
DOCTOR: I've got to get after them.
DOCTOR: They've got to be stopped. The situation's worse than you
PERI: It always is.
KATRYCA: How does the great door open?
BROKEN TOOTH: You turn this.
KATRYCA: Then open it.
(Broken Tooth obeys.)
KATRYCA: Balazar, you and Broken Tooth have lived in this blackness.
You will lead the way.
(She gives Balazar a hand gun.)
BROKEN TOOTH: I know a tunnel that passes Marb Stati on and leads
straight to the Immortal's castle.
KATRYCA: Then forward!
(The villagers are on the screen.)
HUMKER: They look very fierce, Drathro.
TANDRELL: Naturally. They live as wild creatures.
HUMKER: They are coming towards us.
TANDRELL: Humker, you have a gift for the obvious.
HUMKER: Surely they will not attack us.
TANDRELL: That is their intention.
HUMKER: I do not understand the logic. We have not harmed them.
DRATHRO: It is a rebellion.
HUMKER: What shall we do if they break in?
DRATHRO: I shall kill them.
TANDRELL: Their guns destroyed the L1, Drathro.
DRATHRO: My plating is stronger. My circuits are protected. Their guns
will kill only you.
HUMKER: But if we die, who will look after your research?
DRATHRO: The Doctor.
BROKEN TOOTH: Halt. I fear the worst.
KATRYCA: What is wrong? We are lost?
BROKEN TOOTH: Marb Station is back this way.
BALAZAR: It is forward, and from thence the home of the Immortal.
KATRYCA: We have no need for indecision in the tribe of the Free. Long
we have waited for this moment. The Immortal is dead, and we shall
plunder his castle. The spoils of triumph are ours. Now think, which is
BALAZAR + BROKEN TOOTH: This way.
(They point in opposite directions.)
KATRYCA: Am I to be surrounded by fools? We go forward.
BROKEN TOOTH: But Katryca
KATRYCA: Forward, I say. I have read it in the flames many times. We go
(Humker is watching Tandrell mend a piece of
HUMKER: That is not correct.
TANDRELL: Clearly there is a mechanical defect, Humker.
HUMKER: An electronic malfunction.
TANDRELL: Perhaps the Doctor caused the problem.
HUMKER: Have you seen this, Drathro?
DRATHRO: I do not need to observe, my condition tells me of the
movement failure of the black light system.
HUMKER: What could have precipitated it?
TANDRELL: There weren't any warning signs.
DRATHRO: The destruction of the converter's aerial.
DRATHRO: The service robot monitored the fact as it entered the
TANDRELL: Can we repair it?
DRATHRO: No. Soon the black light system will collapse in upon itself,
and we shall all cease to function.
DOCTOR: Trouble is, his refraction dipoles are worn
out. Nothing for it now but to shut the black light system down.
PERI: That sounds easy enough.
DOCTOR: Oh, it is, but if I shut the black light system down I must
shut Drathro down as well. I can hardly see him agreeing to that.
PERI: Well, what happens if he won't let you?
DOCTOR: Then the black light system will implode and destroy everything
in these tunnels.
PERI: Oh great, so that's why we're going in, is it?
DOCTOR: Peri, I can't let people die if there's a chance of saving
[Outside the tunnel entrance]
GLITZ: You got the guns, then.
DIBBER: Well, it looks like it, Mister Glitz.
GLITZ: I'll tell you something funny, Dibber. We was wrong about the
Doctor. He's bunked off.
DIBBER: He hasn't bunked off. He's gone down there.
DIBBER: I saw them as I came up. He had Peri with him.
GLITZ: So, he is after what we are.
DIBBER: Well, could be.
GLITZ: Course he is. I knew it all along. He's got no more interest in
the scientific side of things than I have.
DIBBER: Well, you didn't fool him, telling him you're a philatelist,
did you, mister Glitz?
GLITZ: Philanthropist, you ignorant dink. Didn't you learn nothing in
that remand home?
DIBBER: Well, whatever the word, he guessed that you weren't one.
GLITZ: Don't I look like a philanthropist?
DIBBER: Well, how do I know? I've never seen one.
GLITZ: A philanthropist, my son, is someone who gives away all their
grotzits out of the simple goodness of their heart.
DIBBER: Oh, you mean they're stupid? Oh yeah, you probably do look like
GLITZ: Get down that hole.
(Glitz picks up one of the multiblasters.)
GLITZ: Oh dear, they are heavy, aren't they.
GLITZ: Oh, please, Dibber!
DIBBER: You always did despise muscle.
GLITZ: Not at all, lad. Not when there are things to carry. Anyway,
Dibber, if we should run into the Doctor again
DIBBER: We shoot him.
GLITZ: Not a bad idea lad. But whatever you do, don't open your big
pie-hole and let him know that we're after the stuff.
(Beep, beep, beep.)
VALEYARD: The remainder of that evidence has been excised, my lady.
INQUISITOR: Excised? Why?
VALEYARD: By order of the High Council.
INQUISITOR: This is a judicial enquiry appointed by the High Council
but independently conducted. It is my duty, Valeyard, to decide what
evidence is relevant.
VALEYARD: Of course, my lady. The High Council simply felt that certain
areas of testimony should not be revealed.
INQUISITOR: Why not?
VALEYARD: Against the public interest, my lady.
INQUISITOR: I cannot conduct a proper and searching enquiry without
full access to the evidence.
VALEYARD: Naturally, Inquisitor, their honours would be quite prepared
to let you consider the full record in camera.
INQUISITOR: And I think that would be unfair to the defendant. Do you
wish to lodge an official objection at this stage, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Well, I, er. No, ma'am. No, let the Valeyard here continue.
Give him enough rope to hang himself, eh?
INQUISITOR: As you wish. Proceed.
(Where the water flasks are.)
DOCTOR: Hurry, Peri, there isn't much time.
PERI: Well, how long before this black light thing blows up?
DOCTOR: There's no telling. We've got to get past Queen Katryca, into
the castle and make that demented robot see sense.
MERDEEN: So, you have returned.
DOCTOR: Merdeen. Missed your train?
MERDEEN: The train is noisy. We hunt by foot.
DOCTOR: Oh. What are you hunting?
(Merdeen points his crossbow at the Doctor, and fires the bolt.)
(The bolt hits Grell, who was crouched by the
steps. Merdeen runs over to the dying man.)
MERDEEN: Why, Grell? Why?
GRELL: You. Betrayed
MERDEEN: No! We were not meant to live like this. We were not meant to
MERDEEN: We should be free. He wanted the glory of your capture to
please the Immortal.
DOCTOR: Don't blame yourself, Merdeen.
MERDEEN: I've known him all his life. I asked for him to join the
guards. I helped him. I even hoped that one day he would see there is
no reason for the cullings.
DOCTOR: Well, perhaps I can convince the Immortal of that. I must get
to his castle.
MERDEEN: He'll kill you.
DOCTOR: Not if he thinks I can still be of use to him. Come on, there
isn't much time.
DRATHRO: The black light system will collapse in
upon itself and we shall all cease to function.
TANDRELL: We should leave here, Humker.
HUMKER: But where would we go?
TANDRELL: I don't know, but Drathro says that if we stay for this
explosion we shall all be killed. So, the logical course is to leave.
(The screen comes back to life.)
HUMKER: The wild ones. We're too late!
TANDRELL: You know, I've always said you talked too much. Come on!
[Outside Drathro's 'castle']
(Broken Tooth tries to open the doors.)
BROKEN TOOTH: They are iron, Katryca. They will not yield.
KATRYCA: Then we will cut down the wall. Fetch tools!
BALAZAR: Wait! The doors open.
KATRYCA: Come. The Immortal is dead. We have nothing to fear.
(Drathro steps forward to meet her.)
KATRYCA: It can't be!
(Humker and Tandrell take the opportunity to escape.)
DRATHRO: Why have you entered here?
KATRYCA: The guns, Broken Tooth.
DRATHRO: Lay aside your useless toys. I asked, why have you entered
KATRYCA: We are the tribe of the Free.
DRATHRO: You are vassals. Outside the law, outside the plan. You have
brought disorder where order reigned.
(Drathro knocks Broken Tooth's gun from his hand.)
KATRYCA: I am Katryca, queen of the
(Drathro takes Katryca by the throat. Broken Tooth grabs Drathro's arm
and they both scream as blood vessels burst in their skin. Finally,
Drathro drops their corpses to the floor.)
DRATHRO: You cause me to waste energy. Now return to wait outside. You
will be culled in accordance with the plan.
BALAZAR: Oh, great Immortal one
DRATHRO: Go! Do not attempt to hide. My guards will track you down.
(The villagers go to pick up Katryca and Broken Tooth's bodies and
HUMKER: I remember these subways from my childhood.
TANDRELL: Is this the way to the surface?
HUMKER: I said I remember the subways, Tandrell, not where they led.
TANDRELL: If we do not find the surface, Drathro will send his guards
HUMKER: First he must deal with the wild ones and then if there's an
DOCTOR: Ah, Tumker and Handrail. Now, where are you two off to?
HUMKER: We are leaving, Doctor.
TANDRELL: Drathro says there's going to be an explosion.
DOCTOR: I know.
TANDRELL: It is a mechanical fault.
TANDRELL: There is a constant external discharge from one pole to the
DOCTOR: Then I may only have minutes. Come along!
(Peri and Merdeen follow the Doctor.)
TANDRELL: Excuse me, do you know the way to the surface?
(Peri comes back.)
PERI: Round the corner, keep straight, turn right at what used to be
Oxford Circus, then ask again. I think.
DOCTOR: I didn't appear to be hurrying there, did
I? But that deceptively easy gait of mine covers the ground at amazing
INQUISITOR: I did not interrupt the evidence to commend you on your
DOCTOR: Oh. Well, you can if you like. All compliments gratefully
INQUISITOR: And may I remind you yet again that this is a serious
DOCTOR: It is not serious! It's a farce! A farrago of trumped up
INQUISITOR: You will have the opportunity in due course to rebut any or
all of the Valeyard's charges.
DOCTOR: Oh, the Valeyard's charges. I always thought Valeyard meant
learned court prosecutor.
VALEYARD: And so it does.
DOCTOR: Not in your case, sir. Your points of law are spurious, your
evidence weak, verging on the irrelevant, and your reasoning quite
unsound. In fact, your point of view belongs in quite another place.
Perhaps the mantle of Valeyard was a mistake. I would therefore suggest
that you change it for the garment of quite another sort of yard. That
knackers' yard. For your argument is as tired and warn out as the poor,
unfortunate creatures that end up there.
INQUISITOR: You will apologise at once!
DOCTOR: For telling the truth? Never!
VALEYARD: The Doctor is well known for these childish outbursts. I do
not find the ramblings of an immature mind offensive.
VALEYARD: It is that particular state of mind that has made it
necessary for you to be brought before this court.
DOCTOR: Immature? I was on Ravalox trying to avert a catastrophe. The
deaths of several hundred innocent people! Surely not even in the eyes
of Time Lords can that be deemed either immature or a crime.
VALEYARD: The crime was in being there, Doctor! Your immaturity was in
not realising you had broken a cardinal law of the Time Lords. Your
presence initiated the whole chain of events that we have witnessed.
INQUISITOR: Thank you, Valeyard. It was that point about the relevance
of the testimony that I had intended to raise.
VALEYARD: My pleasure, Inquisitor.
DOCTOR: Oh, this is ridiculous. Drathro's black light system
was in a state of terminal decay before I even arrived on that planet.
VALEYARD: That is not in question. However, but for your intervention,
the two technological trainees, Humker and Tandrell, might have
repaired the defect.
DOCTOR: Oh, after Dibber had blown the aerial up? Ridiculous. Anyway,
those two couldn't repair a leaking tap.
INQUISITOR: May we continue? I tire of this empty banter.
VALEYARD: Of course, my lady.
[Outside Drathro's 'castle']
DOCTOR: What's happened?
BALAZAR: Alas, Doctor, these are woeful times for the tribe of the
Free. The queen is dead.
PERI: Katryca? How?
BALAZAR: The Immortal struck her down with a bolt of lightning.
DOCTOR: Where is he now?
BALAZAR: The all-powerful is in his castle.
PERI: Why'd he let you go?
BALAZAR: We are waiting to be culled.
DOCTOR: Oh, you'll be culled all right, if I don't get inside that
castle, along with everybody else around here. Drathro, this is the
Doctor. Let me in at once, do you hear me?
MERDEEN: It's no good, Doctor. You can only speak to the Immortal
through the communication box.
DOCTOR: Oh, I forgot. He doesn't exactly entertain very much, does he?
Right, quickly, man. Take me to the nearest one.
DIBBER: How do we find this castle?
GLITZ: Dibber, stop. I must rest. I am exhausted.
DIBBER: If we ever do find this castle, and we knock out the L3, how do
you know we're going to find all these secrets that you keep on about?
GLITZ: Would I have spent all the time, effort, not to mention a small
fortune, if I wasn't certain on that point?
DIBBER: Yeah, but even if we do find them, they might not be worth
anything. Not after five hundred years.
GLITZ: Do me a favour, Dibber. The Sleepers found a way into
(Glitz's voice is obliterated by censorship beeps.)
GLITZ: The biggest net of information in the
DOCTOR: What is going on?
INQUISITOR: That question had formed in my mind, Valeyard.
VALEYARD: The information extracted is for your eyes and ears only, my
INQUISITOR: Something else that is not in the public interest to
VALEYARD: Exactly, my lady.
DOCTOR: Well, this is a charade. If that information was known to those
two rogues, what possible reason can there be from concealing it from
VALEYARD: This trial is concerned only with your actions, Doctor, and
their consequences, nothing else. Wider issues, if there are any, are
not within our terms of reference.
INQUISITOR: Perhaps that is something I should decide, Valeyard.
VALEYARD: Of course, my lady, but my own instructions were to peruse
only matters pertinent to the central issue.
INQUISITOR: That is accepted. However, I should like to see the last
GLITZ: Do me a favour, Dibber. The Sleepers found a
way into the (beep beep), the biggest net of information in the
universe. Do you think they were nicking recipes for making chutney?
DIBBER: Yeah, but do you know what the secrets are?
GLITZ: Facts, my son, figures, formulas. Travelling faster than light,
anti gravity power, dimensional transference. Scientific stuff like
that. Worth a fortune.
GLITZ: Oh. We sell it, Dibber. A government here, a federation there.
They're all in the market for that sort of hi-tech cobblers. Don't
think about it, Dibber. You'll give yourself a hernia.
[By a communications box]
(Merdeen turns it on.)
MERDEEN: The Immortal does not always answer.
DRATHRO [OC]: Yes, Merdeen?
MERDEEN: Immortal, you commanded me to find the Doctor. I have him
DRATHRO [OC]: Show me.
DOCTOR: I have returned to help you, Drathro.
DRATHRO [OC]: You are too late.
DOCTOR [on screen]: If I believed that, I would not
DRATHRO: You are here because Merdeen found you.
DOCTOR [on screen]: No, Drathro, I came voluntarily. There may yet be
time to fix the black light system.
DRATHRO: Very well, Doctor. Present yourself at my portals alone.
MERDEEN [on screen]: Yes, Immortal?
DRATHRO: Assemble my guards. Cull all the organics who stand waiting
outside my castle.
MERDEEN: At once, Immortal.
DRATHRO: Humker? Tandrell?
[By a communications box]
PERI: You can't do it, Merdeen. You can't kill all
those innocent people.
BALAZAR: Peri is right. You have seen the truth. It would be murder to
MERDEEN: Neither can I free them.
PERI: Well, just leave them. Leave them for the present, anyway.
MERDEEN: The Immortal will kill me.
PERI: Oh Merdeen, if the Doctor's right, we're all in danger anyway. We
might all die.
(The Doctor enters.)
DOCTOR: Well, I don't need a computer to tell me that system is
defunct. I must shut it down.
DRATHRO: No! You will not shut it down!
DOCTOR: But it's the only way.
DRATHRO: If the system is shut down, I too cease.
DOCTOR: But if it's allowed to run wild and lead to
DRATHRO: Termination point.
DOCTOR: Yes, then you'll cease then, Drathro. And so will everything
else around here.
DRATHRO: That does not matter, Doctor. All that you see it my creation.
DOCTOR: But there are several hundred people here as well, Drathro.
DRATHRO: The work units exist only to serve me. Without me they would
have no function.
DOCTOR: You can't see beyond the end of your tin nose, can you?
DRATHRO: Is that abuse?
DRATHRO: I am listening.
DOCTOR: You are only a robot. The people out there, the work units, the
organics, whatever you choose to call them, they're living creatures,
Drathro. They have a right to their lives.
DRATHRO: Explain why.
DOCTOR: In your terms, I can't. Whoever programmed you forgot to
include moral values.
DRATHRO: I know of values. Is your point that organics are of more
value than robots?
DOCTOR: Yes, if you want to look at it that way.
DRATHRO: Then why should I be in command of organics if they are of
DOCTOR: Without organics there wouldn't be any robots. There'd be no
one to create them.
DRATHRO: Accepted. This shows that robots are more advanced, therefore
of more value.
[Outside Drathro's 'castle']
PERI: Is there another way into the castle,
MERDEEN: Another way?
PERI: Well, you know what I mean. A back door or something.
MERDEEN: There are only the big doors.
PERI: Well, there must be some other way in.
PERI: The Doctor might need help. I've got to get in there.
BALAZAR: There's the ration chute.
PERI: Ration chute?
MERDEEN: Of course. Each day the Immortal sends out food to the work
units. Perhaps that leads into the castle.
PERI: Merdeen, you're a pal. Oh, you're both pals. Now show me.
DOCTOR: Your trouble is, Drathro, that you've no
concept of what life is.
DRATHRO: I have studied my work units for five centuries. I understand
all their responses. What you would call life.
DOCTOR: Understanding is not the same as knowing, Drathro. Your work
units are the result of millions of years of development. Life,
DRATHRO: I understand evolution.
DOCTOR: But you don't. If you could understand one tenth of what life
was about, you'd want me to save those people out there.
DRATHRO: Why? I have said that without me they have no purpose.
DOCTOR: Everything in life has its purpose, Drathro. Every creature
plays its part. But the purpose of life is too big to be knowable. A
million computers couldn't solve that one.
DRATHRO: This discussion is of no value. I do not wish the work units
to continue when I have ceased to function.
DOCTOR: Oh, that's it, isn't it? Hubris!
DOCTOR: Yes, hubris. False pride. A human sin. You've controlled your
pointless little empire for too long. Now you can't see anything beyond
[Outside Drathro's 'castle']
(Glitz's map has brought him to the right place.)
GLITZ: We'll have to blast through them, Dibber.
DIBBER: Don't like it, Mister Glitz.
GLITZ: Five rounds rapid should do the trick.
(The Brigadier would be proud.)
DIBBER: And what if the L3's still functioning?
DIBBER: What if he's got an emergency backup support system?
GLITZ: There are a lot of what ifs there, lad.
DIBBER: Yeah, but the most important of all is, what if I'm right? If
we blast our way through there, well, he's not going to sit there on
his iron botty, is he.
GLITZ: I see what you mean.
DIBBER: We walk through those doors and boom!
GLITZ: Boom, eh?
DIBBER: Well, he's probably got the floor mined. That's what I'd do.
GLITZ: You'd better go in first, then.
DIBBER: Oh, very droll, Mister Glitz. Now, what we got to do, we got to
pick him off somehow so that he doesn't even know what's hit him.
PERI: Oh I don't know. All these subways look the
same to me. Are you sure this leads into the castle?
MERDEEN: It must do.
BALAZAR: There's no where else it could go.
PERI: Talk about the tradesman's entrance.
(Glitz and Dibber approach from behind.)
GLITZ: Well, well.
PERI: Glitz and Dibber. I wondered where you two had got to.
GLITZ: How do you do? Where is your friend, the Doctor?
PERI: He's in the castle.
GLITZ: He didn't hang about, did he?
PERI: I'm worried about him.
GLITZ: So am I.
PERI: Well, Merdeen thinks we can get in through this hatch.
GLITZ: Go on, then.
DOCTOR: It's only a matter of minutes, Drathro.
Can't I make you see sense?
DRATHRO: It is finished.
DOCTOR: It's not just this planet. Nobody knows where a black light
explosion might end. There's never been one.
DRATHRO: There will be soon.
DOCTOR: Some people think it might cause a chain reaction which could
roll on until all matter in the galaxy is exhausted. Is that what you
DRATHRO: It is no longer of concern to me.
DOCTOR: Others believe an explosion might cause dimensional
transference, which would threaten the stability of the entire
DOCTOR: Is that what I should have allowed
to happen? The destruction of the universe?
(For once the Valeyard is speechless.)
DOCTOR: These systems are protected by three shut-down levers. I must
close them, Drathro. I must!
DOCTOR: What is it?
DRATHRO: Intruders in the food production chamber!
(Merdeen is on the screen.)
DRATHRO: So, that was your intention, Doctor.
DRATHRO: To distract me.
DOCTOR: That's Peri.
(The walls of the chamber are covered in green globules. As they all
move inside, the hatch behind them closes.)
DOCTOR: You can't do that! You can't!
(A large fan in a tunnel starts to move forward whilst laser beams play
through the main chamber. The floor becomes very slippery.)
[Outside Food Processing]
BALAZAR: What's happening?
[Food Processing chamber]
PERI: What are we going to do? If we don't drown to
death, we'll be fried.
(Drathro knocks the Doctor to the floor.)
[Food Processing chamber]
DIBBER: Stand back.
(Dibber fires his multiblaster at the wall. He creates a large hole,
and the lasers stop. Outside, Balazar gets a faceful of green gloop.)
(Drathro takes Dibber's multiblaster from him.)
GLITZ: We come in friendship!
PERI: Doctor, are you all right?
DOCTOR: Yeah, I'm all right for the moment, though not for long I fear.
DRATHRO: I would kill you all now, but it is unnecessary. We are
waiting for something the Doctor tells me is unique. A black light
GLITZ: Do something, Dibber.
DIBBER: Such as what?
DOCTOR: I've been trying to convince this mobile junk heap here that
none of this need happen if he'd only let me shut the system down.
GLITZ: That seems eminently sensible.
DOCTOR: Oh, he won't listen to reason. He needs black light to function
so he sees no reason why
the rest of us should survive. That is roughly your narrow, egotistical
little view, isn't it, Drathro?
DRATHRO: If I am doomed, then you are all doomed.
GLITZ: Now, wait a minute. I mean, why don't we just. I mean, if it's
only black light you want, Drathro, we have plenty of that. Don't we,
DIBBER: Do we?
GLITZ: On the ship, Dibber.
DIBBER: Oh, the black light. Yeah, we've got so much of that sometimes
we can hardly see.
DRATHRO: There is black light on your ship?
GLITZ: As my friend says. So, what I suggest we do is you come with us
and we'll fix you up, eh?
GLITZ: Well, I hate to see a good looking robot like you go to waste.
I'll tell you what else we can do for you. We can drop you back in the
constellation of Andromeda. How about that?
DRATHRO: It is possible?
GLITZ: And, oh, the secrets. Of course, you must bring them. I mean,
they'll expect you to bring them.
DRATHRO: How far from here is your ship?
GLITZ: Oh, right outside, really. No distance at all.
DRATHRO: I could function for a short distance.
GLITZ: Of course you could.
DRATHRO: Then I accept your offer. Take that. Tie these others up. I
will fetch the secrets.
GLITZ: You two, over there.
DOCTOR: Well done!
DIBBER: Sorry, Doc. You heard what he said.
DOCTOR: Don't be a fool!
(Drathro takes one box from an array of them on the wall as Glitz ties
up the Doctor. Dibber ties up Merdeen and Peri.)
GLITZ: Slip-knot, Doctor. The best I can do for you.
DOCTOR: Strange how low cunning succeeds where intelligent reasoning
GLITZ: Don't knock low cunning, Doctor. You're still here, aren't you?
Oh, that's it is it? The secrets. My word, there should be a lot there.
All microdots, no doubt. Come along then, Dibber. Open the door for the
(Glitz, Dibber and Drathro leave. The Doctor quickly frees himself then
cuts Merdeen and Peri free.)
DOCTOR: Quickly, you've got to help me. It's a three stage cut-out.
We've got to try and shut the machine down.
PERI: Will that prevent an explosion?
DOCTOR: All I can do now is hope to contain it. Peri, press that row of
buttons in front of you.
PERI: Which ones?
DOCTOR: All of them! Merdeen, flick up all the switches with red neons
DOCTOR: Oh, show him, Peri.
PERI: Those. How much time do have we got?
DOCTOR: Not long. Oh, these levers haven't been moved in centuries.
(The Doctor pushes down the first of the reluctant plungers.)
PERI: Now what?
DOCTOR: Get out of here, the pair of you.
PERI: What about you?
DOCTOR: Get out! Merdeen, take her.
(The second plunger finally goes down. The third is irrevocable stuck.
The Doctor heads for the door.)
DOCTOR: I did my best. I only hope it's enough.
(The Doctor flees down the corridor. Behind him there is a big KaBOOM!
The shockwave travels out along the subways and knocks Balazar over.)
GLITZ: It's blowing up!
(Glitz and Dibber take cover as Drathro topples forward before glowing
red hot and burning. Dibber investigates while Glitz keeps his fingers
in his ears and his eyes shut.)
DIBBER: Er, you're not going to like this, Mister Glitz.
GLITZ: Is it finished?
DIBBER: All finished. And the secrets.
(The box disintegrates in Dibbers hand.)
DIBBER: Well, except for this.
GLITZ: And what's that?
DIBBER: It's a piece of black light converter aerial. Pure silictone.
GLITZ: The hardest known metal in the galaxy.
DIBBER: And the most expensive. What's more, there's got to be a couple
of tons of the stuff
GLITZ: I'm way ahead of you, my son. You know we could clean up on this
job very nicely. What's more, we have a tasty little kitty for the next
(Glitz and Dibber leave. Humker and Tandrell run in.)
HUMKER: Fresh air. What a wonderful smell.
TANDRELL: Do you know, you're right. Absolutely wonderful.
HUMKER: That's the first time you've ever agreed with me.
TANDRELL: I know. Strange, isn't it.
DOCTOR: And still the lobster held on. You're in a
worse mess than I am.
BALAZAR: Are Merdeen and Peri safe?
DOCTOR: You can ask them for yourself.
PERI: Oh, I wish you wouldn't keep frightening me like this.
DOCTOR: I told you to get out of here.
PERI: Please don't start. I'm too tired and too scared to cope.
DOCTOR: All right.
BALAZAR: This seems to be the end, Doctor. As it is written in the
DOCTOR: No, Balazar. For you, this is the beginning. Chapter one,
paragraph one, as they say. Take your people up to the surface where
BALAZAR: Yes. Perhaps at last we shall find the habitat of the Canadian
(The Doctor samples the green gloop on Balazar.)
DOCTOR: Mmm. I think dinner's on him. Farewell, my loquacious friend.
Right, let's get back to the Tardis.
PERI: It's the other way.
DOCTOR: What is?
PERI: The Tardis.
DOCTOR: I know. It's that way. Yes. Farewell. But there are still one
or two questions that have to be answered, like who moved this planet
two light years off its original course, and what was in that box that
Glitz and Dibber were so interested it?
BALAZAR: Goodbye, Old One, and thank you for your help.
PERI: Old One. Hey, that's cute.
DOCTOR: I always knew there was an evil streak in you. Old One indeed.
DOCTOR: Well, that's one up to me, I think. There
can't be many people who can literally claim to have saved the entire
universe. Well, if that's all the muck you can rake up
VALEYARD: Sit down. Smugness does not become you, Doctor.
DOCTOR: That is an irrelevant observation. I think it's now my turn to
prevent the case for the defence.
INQUISITOR: In due course.
DOCTOR: Well, that's not fair. Look, I wish it put on record that my
involvement in the affairs of that planet resulted in the freedom of
Drathro's underground slaves.
INQUISITOR: That has been noted.
DOCTOR: And despite the fact that evidence has been withheld, my
presence there was most specifically requested.
VALEYARD: You showed little reluctance in complying with the request.
DOCTOR: Well, lives were at stake.
VALEYARD: Lives were lost, and because of your meddling, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I deny that. Without my help, an entire civilisation might have
been wiped out.
VALEYARD: Without your interference it might have involved less
sacrifice of human life.
DOCTOR: That was a risk I had to take.
VALEYARD: Risk! Risk! Hear how the Doctor condemns himself by his own
INQUISITOR: Gentlemen! Doctor, perhaps you should heed the Valeyard.
May I suggest that for the time being you have said enough.
DOCTOR: Said enough? Said enough? I have a great deal more to say.
INQUISITOR: Be silent, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I wish to demonstrate
INQUISITOR: You will have your turn when the Valeyard has finished his
VALEYARD: Thank you, Inquisitor.
DOCTOR: Well, if the rest of his presentation is as riveting as the
first little epic, wake me when it's finished.
VALEYARD: Finished? I've barely started.
DOCTOR: Well, for nothing more than your future in the legal
profession, I only hope your evidence gets a little better.
VALEYARD: Oh yes, Doctor, much better. The most damning is still to
come. And when I have finished, this court will demand your life.
To Part Five >