The Sontaran Stratagem

Original Airdate: 26 Apr, 2008

[Rattigan Academy]

(Night. A group of track-suited students man-handle a woman out of the main building. They are followed by a slim-built teenager with the voice and demeanour of a young Bill Gates.)
MAN: Come on. Stop struggling.
JO: You're going to regret this. Completely ridiculous. Get your hands off me!
(They throw her to the ground, then toss her papers on top of her.)
RATTIGAN: I think that makes my answer clear, don't you? Oh. And, er, if you're going to go to print, spell my name right. Rattigan, with two Ts.
JO: Oh, this goes way beyond the newspapers. This thing's worldwide. I'm telling you, ATMOS is dangerous.
RATTIGAN: But if you had proof, then you wouldn't be here.
JO: Fine. If you won't listen, I'll find someone else who will.
(Jo gathers up her papers and gets into her car. There is an ATMOS sticker on the windscreen.)

[Jo's car]

(A screen lights up - welcome to your atmospheric omission system.)
ATMOS: Welcome. What is your destination?
JO: Shut up, you're the last thing I need.
ATMOS: ATMOS cannot be disabled.
JO: Right then. Take me to UNIT Headquarters. Tower Bridge, London.
ATMOS: UNIT Headquarters.

[Rattigan's apartment]

(Luke is reporting to someone via a communications link in his private rooms.)
RATTIGAN: Her name's Jo Nakashima. A freelance journalist. Clever by the sound of it, but not as clever as me. But that goes without saying.
(His room has a lot of sports stuff in it, including a surf board and squash racket.)
RATTIGAN: I'd recommend termination.

[Spaceship]

STAAL: Remember your status, boy. We do not take orders from humans.

[Rattigan's apartment]

RATTIGAN: I said, recommend.
STAAL [OC]: Then your advice shows military wisdom. She will be terminated.
RATTIGAN: Cool.

[Jo's car]

(Jo makes a telephone call while she is driving.)
MACHINE [OC]: This is UNIT extension two two one. Please leave a message after the tone.
JO: Come on, don't go through to answerphone. (beep) Yes, this is a message to Colonel Mace from Jo. Jo Nakashima. Look, you should have got my email. I've been investigating a number of deaths related to ATMOS systems.
ATMOS: Go straight on.
JO: Now, I can't prove anything, but there's got to be a link. I need you to check out all the people who died in ATMOS cars yesterday, and then check out the time.
ATMOS: Turn right.
(Jo obeys the mechanical voice and finds herself on a piece of rough ground by the river.)
JO: I don't believe this.
ATMOS: This is your final destination.
JO: I said, take me to UNIT.
ATMOS: Go straight on.
JO: I don't think so. I'll find my own way, thanks.
(The car puts itself in gear and the engine revs.)
ATMOS: This is your final destination.
(The central locking is activated.)
ATMOS: This is your final destination. This is your final destination.
JO: No. No. Help! No!
ATMOS: This is your final destination.
JO: No! No!
(The car speeds off the concrete shoulder into the river.)

[Tardis]

DONNA: I can't believe I'm doing this!
DOCTOR: No, neither can I. Oh, careful.
(He hits the console with a hammer and pulls a lever, then lets Donna take control again.)
DOCTOR: Left hand down. Left hand down! Getting a bit too close to the 1980s.
DONNA: What am I going to do, put a dent in them?
DOCTOR: Well, someone did.
(A telephone rings.)
DONNA: Hold on. That's a phone.
(The Doctor takes a mobile phone from a socket in the console.)
DONNA: You've got a mobile? Since when?
DOCTOR: It's not mine.
(He answers the it.)
DOCTOR: Hello?

[Industrial estate]

MARTHA: Doctor? It's Martha, and I'm bringing you back to Earth.
(The Tardis materialises in an alleyway behind Martha, and the Doctor steps out.)
DOCTOR: Martha Jones.
MARTHA: Doctor.
(They hug.)
DOCTOR: You haven't changed a bit.
MARTHA: Neither have you.
DOCTOR: How's the family?
MARTHA: You know. Not so bad. Recovering.
(Donna comes out of the Tardis.)
DOCTOR: What about you?
MARTHA: Right. Should have known. Didn't take you long to replace me, then.
DOCTOR: Now, don't start fighting. Martha, Donna. Donna, Martha. Please don't fight. Can't bear fighting.
DONNA: You wish.
(The women shake hands.)
DONNA: I've heard all about you. He talks about you all the time.
MARTHA: I dread to think.
DONNA: No, no, no. No, ne says nice things. Good things. Nice things. Really good things.
MARTHA: Oh my God. He's told you everything.
DONNA: Didn't take long to get over it though. Who's the lucky man?
DOCTOR: What man? Lucky what?
DONNA: She's engaged, you prawn.
DOCTOR: Really? Who to?
MARTHA: Tom. That Tom Milligan. He's in pediatrics. Working out in Africa right now. And yes, I know, I've got a doctor who disappears off to distant places. Tell me about it.
DONNA: Is he skinny?
MARTHA: No, he's sort of strong.
DONNA: He is too skinny for words. You give him a hug, you get a paper cut.
DOCTOR: Oh, I'd rather you were fighting.
MARTHA: Speaking of which.
WOMAN [OC]: Doctor Jones, report to base, please. Over.
(Martha answers her walkie-talkie.)
MARTHA: This is Doctor Jones. Operation Blue Sky is go, go, go. I repeat, this is a go.
(A convoy of jeeps, trucks and a squad of the Parachute Regiment go past.)
SOLDIER: Unified Intelligence Taskforce. Raise that barrier, now! (A car with Army top brass goes past, and they all go to the ATMOS factory.)
SOLDIER: Leave those safeties on, lads. They're non-hostiles.
TANNOY: All workers, lay down your tools and surrender.
MARTHA: Greyhound Six to Trap One. B Section, go, go, go. Search the ground floor. Grid pattern delta.
DOCTOR: What are you searching for?
MARTHA: Illegal aliens.
TANNOY: This is a UNIT operation. All workers lay down your tools and surrender immediately.
MARTHA: B section mobilised. E section, F section, on my command.
(Martha runs off to join the troops under her command.)
DONNA: Is that what you did to her? Turned her into a soldier?

[Spaceship]

(Everything is being watched on a screen.)
SKREE: As predicted, the UNIT forces have moved to the penultimate stage.
STAAL: Observe their troops. Thin fabrics, exposed skin, feeble weapons. These are toy soldiers. The playthings of children.

[Industrial estate]

DOCTOR: And you're qualified now. You're a proper doctor.
MARTHA: UNIT rushed it through ,given my experience in the field. Here we go. We're establishing a field base on site. They're dying to meet you.
DOCTOR: Wish I could say the same.
(They get into the back of a pantechnicon truck.)

[Mobile HQ]

MARTHA: Operation Blue Sky complete, sir. Thanks for letting me take the lead. And, this is the Doctor. Doctor, Colonel Mace.
MACE: Sir.
DOCTOR: Oh, don't salute.
MACE: But it's an honour, sir. I've read all the files on you. Technically speaking, you're still on staff. You never resigned.
DONNA: What, you used to work for them?
DOCTOR: Yeah, long time ago. Back in the 70's. Or was it the 80's? But it was all a bit more homespun back then.
MACE: Times have changed, sir.
DOCTOR: Yeah, that's enough of the sir.
MARTHA: Come on, though, Doctor. You've seen it. You've been on board the Valiant. We've got massive funding from the United Nations, all in the name of Home World Security.
MACE: A modern UNIT for the modern world.
DONNA: What, and that means arresting ordinary factory workers, in the streets, in broad daylight? It's more like Guantanamo Bay out there. Donna, by the way. Donna Noble, since you didn't ask. I'll have a salute.
(Mace looks at the Doctor, who gives a sort of nod, so the Colonel salutes Donna.)
MACE: Ma'am.
DONNA: Thank you.
DOCTOR: Tell me, what's going on in that factory?
MACE: Yesterday, fifty two people died in identical circumstances, right across the world, in eleven different time zones. Five a.m. in the UK, six a.m. in France, eight a.m. in Moscow, one p.m. in China.
DOCTOR: You mean they died simultaneously.
MACE: Exactly. Fifty two deaths at the exact same moment, worldwide.
DOCTOR: How did they die?
MACE: They were all inside their cars.
MARTHA: They were poisoned. I checked the biopsies. No toxins. Whatever it is, left the system immediately.
DOCTOR: What have the cars got in common?
MARTHA: Completely different makes. They're all fitted with ATMOS, and that is the ATMOS factory.
DOCTOR: What's ATMOS?
DONNA: Oh, come on. Even I know that. Everyone's got ATMOS.

[ATMOS factory]

MARTHA: Stands for Atmospheric Omission System. Fit ATMOS in your car, it reduces CO2 emissions to zero.
DOCTOR: Zero? No carbon, none at all?
DONNA: And you get sat-nav and twenty quid in shopping vouchers if you introduce a friend. Bargain.
MACE: And this is where they make it, Doctor. Shipping worldwide. Seventeen factories across the globe, but this is the central depot, sending ATMOS to every country on Earth.
DOCTOR: And you think ATMOS is alien.
MACE: It's our job to investigate that possibility. Doctor?
(The paratroopers are still rounding up workers as Mace leads them through a plastic strip curtain.)
SOLDIER: Come on, look lively. Up the pace, go on. We haven't got all day now.

[Office]

(An ATMOS device is on a table.)
MACE: And here it is, laid bare. ATMOS can be threaded through any and every make of car.
DOCTOR: You must've checked it, before it went on sale.
MARTHA: We did. We found nothing. That's why I thought we needed an expert.
DOCTOR: Really. who'd you get? Oh, right. Me, yes. Good.
(Martha and Mace leave.)
DONNA: Okay. So why would aliens be so keen on cleaning up our atmosphere?
DOCTOR: A very good question.
DONNA: Maybe they want to help. Get rid of pollution and stuff.
DOCTOR: Do you know how many cars there are on planet Earth? Eight hundred million. Imagine that. If you could control them, you'd have eight hundred million weapons.

[Basement]

(Two paratroopers are searching with the aid of flashlights and a floor plan.)
GRAY: We should head back. There's not much down here. Should be just boiler rooms, generators.
(His companion walks into a corridor and the overhead lights come on.)
HARRIS: Aye, aye. What's this, then?
(Two workers are standing guard by the door at the end.)
HARRIS: You two. All personnel have been ordered to evacuate. The building's under UNIT control.
WORKER: This area is out of bounds.
HARRIS: Excuse me, sunshine? I think you'll find we're in charge. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.

[Spaceship]

SKREE: General Staal? They are close.
STAAL: Excellent. And like a good warrior, I shall enter the fray myself. Let them pass.

[Basement]

(The two workers slowly look at each other, then one opens the door.)
WORKER: It's open.
HARRIS: Oh. Come on.

[Clone laboratory]

(The lights finally come on to reveal vats and equipment.)
HARRIS: What the hell?
GRAY: Greyhound Sixteen to Trap One. We've found something. Basement corridor, north side, grid thirty six. Request backup, over.
(They go over to a lidded bath with a long trolley next to it.)
HARRIS: It's like something boiling inside.
GRAY: Don't touch it.
HARRIS: Come on, Steve. We get first rights on this. That means promotion.
GRAY: Just leave it alone. Wait for backup.
(There is a bang from inside the bath.)
GRAY: What was that?
HARRIS: It came from inside.
GRAY: Could just be the machinery.
(Bang. Bang.)
HARRIS: Is there someone in there? Hello? We've got to get this open.
GRAY: We should wait for the others.
HARRIS: You could suffocate in there.
GRAY: Greyhound Sixteen to Trap One, request immediate assistance. Repeat, immediate assistance, over.
HARRIS: How do you work this thing? Come on.
(An alarm sounds as the lid rises up on four pulleys. The bath contains bubbling green liquid.)
GRAY: Oh God, it stinks.
HARRIS: What the hell is that stuff?
(A bland, naked body rises out of the liquid and tries to touch Harris. It has no eyes and an incomplete mouth.)
GRAY: Identify yourself! Identify! Greyhound Sixteen declaring Absolute emergency, sir. Repeat, Absolute emergency. Over.
HARRIS: Can you hear me? Can you understand me? Look at its neck. Looks like an umbilical cord.
GRAY: Well, don't get too close.
HARRIS: I think it's harmless. I don't even think it's properly alive.
(The being goes back underneath the liquid.)
GRAY: It's going to drown.
HARRIS: No. I think it breathes this stuff, like some kind of embryo.
GRAY: What do you mean, an embryo?
HARRIS: Someone's growing a body. A human body.
STAAL [OC]: Excellent skills of deduction.
(They turn their weapons on a squat armoured figure with no neck and three fingers. Yes, it is a Sontaran.)
STAAL: I would rate you above average, soldier. Well done. Whereas you, you smell of sweat and fear.
HARRIS: Yeah? Well, we're not the ones who got out of school early, sonny. Now stop playing Humpty Dumpty and tell us who you are.
STAAL: Is that a reference to my height?
HARRIS: Short answer, yes.
STAAL: A pity. Words are the weapons of womenfolk. I must judge you unfit.
HARRIS: Oh, what you going to do, bite our ankles?
(Staal fires his stick weapon at Harris's ankle.)
GRAY: I'm warning you!
STAAL: A proper soldier gives no warning. Fire. I order you. Fire.
(Gray's semi-automatic does not fire.)
STAAL: The room is contained within a cordolaine signal, exciting the copper surface of the bullet and causing expansion within the barrel, rendering your guns useless. And your radio signals have been blocked.
(Gray tries to use his gun as a club, but Staal zaps him.)
GRAY: My legs. I can't feel my legs.
(The workers enter.)
STAAL: I apologise for disabling you. Death has more honour, but you are needed for the stratagem. Prepare them for processing. You spoke of promotion. Now you will serve a greater cause.
HARRIS: Who are you?
STAAL: Indeed, know your enemy. I am General Staal of the Tenth Sontaran Battle Fleet. Known as Staal the Undefeated.
(Staal removes his helmet.)
GRAY: Oh, my God, help us!

[Office]

(The Doctor is looking at ATMOS's components.)
DOCTOR: Ionising nano-membrane carbon dioxide converter. Which means that ATMOS works. Filters the CO2 at a molecular level.
MACE: We know all that, but what's its origin? Is it alien?
DOCTOR: No. Decades ahead of its time. Look, do you mind? Could you stand back a bit?
MACE: Sorry, have I done something wrong?
DOCTOR: You're carrying a gun. I don't like people with guns hanging around me, all right?
MACE: If you insist.
(Mace leaves.)
MARTHA: Tetchy.
DOCTOR: Well, it's true.
MARTHA: He's a good man.
DOCTOR: People with guns are usually the enemy in my books. You seem quite at home.
MARTHA: If anyone got me used to fighting, it's you.
DOCTOR: Oh right, so it's my fault.
MARTHA: Well, you got me the job. Besides, look at me. Am I carrying a gun?
DOCTOR: Suppose not.
MARTHA: It's all right for you. You can just come and go, but some of us have got to stay behind. So I've got to work from the inside, and by staying inside, maybe I stand a chance of making them better.
DOCTOR: Yeah? That's more like Martha Jones.
MARTHA: I learned from the best.
DOCTOR: Well.
(Donna enters.)
DONNA: Oi, you lot. All your storm troopers and your sonics. You're rubbish. Should've come with me.
DOCTOR: Why, where have you been?
DONNA: Personnel. That's where the weird stuff's happening, in the paperwork. Because I spent years working as a temp, I can find my way round an office blindfold, and the first thing I noticed is an empty file.
DOCTOR: Why, what's inside it? Or what's not inside it?
DONNA: Sick days. There aren't any. Hundreds of people working here and no one's sick. Not one hangover, man flu, sneaky little shopping trip, nothing. Not ever. They don't get ill.
MACE: That can't be right.
DONNA: You've been checking out the building. Should've been checking out the workforce.
MARTHA: I can see why he likes you.
DONNA: Mmm hmm.
MARTHA: You are good.
DONNA: Super temp.
MACE: Doctor Jones, set up a medical post. Start examining the workers. I'll get them sent through.
MARTHA: Come on, Donna. Give me a hand.

[ATMOS factory]

DOCTOR: So this, this ATMOS thing. Where'd it come from?
MACE: Luke Rattigan himself.
DOCTOR: And himself would be?

[Mobile HQ]

(Rattigan's file is shown on a computer screen.) 
MACE: Child genius. Invented the Fountain Six search engine when he was twelve years old. Millionaire overnight. Now runs the Rattigan Academy. A private school, educating students handpicked from all over the world.
DOCTOR: A hothouse for geniuses. Wouldn't mind going there. I get lonely.

[Personnel office]

DONNA: Do you think I should warn my mum about the ATMOS in her car?
MARTHA: Better safe then sorry.
DONNA: I'll give her a call.
MARTHA: Donna. Do they know where you are? Your family. I mean, that you're travelling with the Doctor?
DONNA: Not really. Although my granddad sort of waved us off. I didn't have time to explain.
MARTHA: You just left him behind?
DONNA: Yeah.
MARTHA: I didn't tell my family. I kept it all so secret, and it almost destroyed them.
DONNA: In what way?
MARTHA: They ended up imprisoned. They were tortured. My Mum, my Dad, my sister. It wasn't the Doctor's fault, but you need to be careful. Because you know the Doctor. He's wonderful, he's brilliant, but he's like fire. Stand too close and people get burnt.

[Basement]

(Grey and Harris come out of the laboratory followed by Staal, who has put his helmet back on.)
STAAL: Conditioning is complete. Now do your duty and advance the conquest.
GREY + HARRIS: Yes, sir.

[Clone laboratory]

STAAL: General Staal returning. The stratagem advances.
(Staal walks past the clone bath and into a circular device.)
STAAL: The last days of planet Earth.
(Staal activates the transmat.)

[ATMOS factory]

DOCTOR: You are not coming with me. I want to talk to this Luke Rattigan, not point a gun at him.
MACE: It's ten miles outside London. How are you going to get there?
DOCTOR: Well then, get me a jeep.
MACE: According to the records you travel by Tardis.
DOCTOR: Yeah, but if there is a danger of hostile aliens, I think it's best to keep a super-duper time machine away from the front lines.
MACE: I see. Then you do have weapons, but you choose to keep them hidden. Jenkins?
JENKINS: Sir.
MACE: You will accompany the Doctor and take orders from him.
DOCTOR: Yeah, I don't do orders.
MACE: Any sign of trouble, get Jenkins to declare a Code Red. And good luck, sir.
DOCTOR: I said no salutes.
MACE: Now you're giving orders.
(Mace leaves.)
DOCTOR: Oh, you're getting a bit cheeky, you are.
(Donna enters.)
DONNA: Doctor.
DOCTOR: Oh, just in time. Come on, come on, we're going to the country. Fresh air and geniuses, what more could you ask?
DONNA: I'm not coming with you. I've been thinking. I'm sorry. I'm going home.
(Hooray!)
DOCTOR: Really?
DONNA: I've got to.
DOCTOR: Oh, if that's what you want. I mean, it's a bit soon. I had so many places I had wanted to take you. The Fifteenth Broken Moon of the Medusa Cascade, the Lightning Skies of Cotter Palluni's World, Diamond Coral Reefs of Kataa Flo Ko. Thank you. Thank you, Donna Noble, it's been brilliant. You've, you've saved my life in so many ways. You're, (penny drops) you're just popping home for a visit, that's what you mean.
DONNA: You dumbo.
DOCTOR: And then you're coming back.
DONNA: Know what you are? A great big outer space dunce.
DOCTOR: Yeah.
JENKINS: Ready when you are, sir.
DONNA: What's more, you can give me a lift. Come on. Broken moon of what?
DOCTOR: I know, I know.
(Gray and Harris watch them drive away.)

[Medical post]

(Martha has donned her white coat and stethoscope.)
MARTHA: And your name's Trepper, yeah? Is that Polish? Listen, we're not checking passports. It's not about that. But did you come across from Poland just to work?
TREPPER: I came to do my job.
MARTHA: Okay. I need to listen to your heartbeat. This might be a bit cold. Lift.
(Black-faced, no blinking Trepper lifts his shirt to reveal a hairless chest. Martha hears a very fast heartbeat.)
MARTHA: Are you on any medication?
TREPPER: I'm here to work.
MARTHA: How many hours a day do you work?
TREPPER: Twenty four.
MARTHA: You work twenty four hours a day? Down.
MARTHA: Mister Trepper, have you ever had any form of hypnosis?
TREPPER: I'm here to work.
MARTHA: Okay. Er, if you could just wait here.

[ATMOS Factory]

HARRIS: Doctor Jones.
MARTHA: Not now, I'm busy.
HARRIS: Just one question. Do you have security clearance level one?
MARTHA: Yes, I do. Why?
HARRIS: Colonel Mace wants to see you.
MARTHA: Oh good, because I want to see him. Where is he?
GREY: Come with us.

[Rydale Street]

(The jeep stops in the middle of a junction.)
DONNA: I'll walk the rest of the way. I'll see you back at the factory, yeah?
DOCTOR: Bye! 
DONNA: And you be careful! 
(The jeep drives off.)
OLD WOMAN: Haven't seen you for days.
DONNA: Yeah. Been away.
(She walks past the cars parked half on the pavement and sees a young boy playing with a football. This triggers memories of the last day of Pompeii, and the imprisoned Ood, and the happy baby Adipose.)
DONNA [memory]: I'm waving at fat.
(Then she sees her Grandfather putting out the rubbish. He waves, and she runs to him for a tearful reunion.)

[Basement]

MARTHA: What's he doing down here?
GRAY: He asked to see you.
MARTHA: Why? Has he found something?
(Martha enters the clone laboratory. She realises something is wrong and tries to escape, but Grey and Harris force her back in. We hear her scream.)

[Nobles' home]

WILF: I said so, didn't I. Aliens. I said they was real. I just didn't expect them in a little blue box.
DONNA: It's bigger on the inside.
WILF: Yeah, but is it safe? This Doctor, are you safe with him?
DONNA: He's amazing, Gramps. He's just dazzling. And never tell him I said that.
WILF: No.
DONNA: But I'd trust him with my life.
WILF: Hold up, I thought that was my job.
DONNA: You still come first.
WILF: Well, for God's sake, don't tell your mother.
DONNA: I don't know. I mean, this is massive. Sort of not fair if she doesn't know.
(Sylvia enters with a laundry basket.)
SYLVIA: Doesn't know what? And who's she, the cat's mother? And where've you been these past few days, lady, after that silly little trick with the car keys? I phoned Veena and she said she hadn't seen hide nor hair.
DONNA: I've just been travelling.
SYLVIA: Oh, hark at her, Michael Palin. Are you staying for tea, because I haven't got anything in. I've been trying to keep your granddad on that macrobiotic diet, but he sneaks off and gets pork pies at the petrol station. Don't deny it, I've seen the wrappers in the car. Oh, I don't miss a trick. Now then, what were you going to tell me? What don't I know?
DONNA: Nothing. Just nothing.
SYLVIA: Good. Right, then you can sit there and cut out those coupons. Every penny helps. This new mortgage doesn't pay for itself. Dad, kettle on.
WILF: Yeah, kettle on.

[Rattigan Academy]

(The jeep drives through the grounds.)
JENKINS: UNIT's been watching Rattigan Academy for ages. It's all a bit Hitler Youth. Exercise at dawn and classes and special diets.
ATMOS: Turn left.
DOCTOR: Ross, one question. If UNIT think that ATMOS is dodgy
ATMOS: Go straight on.
JENKINS: How come we've got it in the jeeps? Yeah, tell me about it. They're fitted as standard on all government vehicles. We can't get rid of them till we can prove there's something wrong.
ATMOS: Turn right.
JENKINS: Drives me around the bend.
DOCTOR: Oh, nice one.
(He turns a bend.)
JENKINS: Timed that perfectly.
DOCTOR: Yeah. Yeah, you did.
ATMOS: This is you final destination.
(They get out of the jeep, and walk up to Rattigan who is standing still whilst his students are running around the building.)
DOCTOR: Is it PE? I wouldn't mind a kick around, I've got me daps on.
RATTIGAN: I suppose you're the Doctor?
DOCTOR: Hello.
RATTIGAN: Your commanding officer phoned ahead.
DOCTOR: Ah, but I haven't got a commanding officer. Have you? Oh, this is Ross. Say hello, Ross.
JENKINS: Good afternoon, sir.
DOCTOR: Let's have a look, then. I can smell genius! In a good way.

[Academy laboratory]

DOCTOR: Oh, now, that's clever. Look. Single molecule fabric, how thin is that?! You could pack a tent in a thimble. Ooo! Gravity simulators. Terraforming, biospheres, nano-tech steel construction. This is brilliant. Do you know, with equipment like this you could, ooo, I don't know, move to another planet or something?
RATTIGAN: If only that was possible.
DOCTOR: If only that were possible. Conditional clause.
RATTIGAN: I think you'd better come with me.

[Recreation area]

(There's a swimming pool in the foreground, and a transmat in a corner.)
RATTIGAN: You're smarter than the usual UNIT grunts, I'll give you that.
DOCTOR: He called you a grunt. Don't call Ross a grunt. He's nice. We like Ross. Look at this place.
RATTIGAN: What exactly do you want?
DOCTOR: I was just thinking. What a responsible eighteen year old. Inventing zero carbon cars? Saving the world.
RATTIGAN: Takes a man with vision.
DOCTOR: Mmm, blinkered vision. Because ATMOS means more people driving. More cars, more petrol. End result, the oil's going to run out faster than ever. The ATMOS system could make things worse.
RATTIGAN: Yeah. Well, you see, that's a tautology. You can't say ATMOS system because it stands for Atmospheric Emissions System. So you're just saying Atmospheric Emissions System system. Do you see, Mister Conditional Clause?
DOCTOR: It's been a long time since anyone said no to you, isn't it?
RATTIGAN: I'm still right, though.
DOCTOR: Not easy, is it, being clever. You look at the world and you connect things, random things, and think, why can't anyone else see it? The rest of the world is so slow.
RATTIGAN: Yeah.
DOCTOR: And you're all on your own.
RATTIGAN: I know.
DOCTOR: But not with this. Because there's no way you invented this thing single handed. I mean, it might be Earth technology, but that's like finding a mobile phone in the Middle Ages. No, no, I'll tell you what it's like. It's like finding this in the middle of someone's front room. Albeit it's a very big front room.
JENKINS: Why, what is it?
DOCTOR: Yeah, just looks like a thing, doesn't it? People don't question things. They just say, oh, it's a thing.
RATTIGAN: Leave it alone.
(The Doctor steps into the transmat.)
DOCTOR: Me, I make these connections. And this, to me, looks like a teleport pod.
(The Doctor pushes a button and vanishes.)

[Spaceship]

COMPUTER: Orbit now holding at five five six point three, sector two seven zero.
DOCTOR: Oh.
(The Sontarans all turn to look at the Doctor.)
STAAL: We have an intruder.
DOCTOR: How did he get in, in tru da window? Bye, bye!

[Recreation area]

(The Doctor appears, running.)
DOCTOR: Ross, get out! Luke, you've got to come with me.
(Staal appears just before the Doctor can zap the teleport with his sonic screwdriver.)
DOCTOR: Sontaran! That's your name, isn't it? You're a Sontaran. How did I know that, hey? Fascinating isn't it? Isn't that worth keeping me alive?
JENKINS: I order you to surrender in the name of the Unified Intelligence Taskforce.
DOCTOR: Well that's not going to work. Cordolaine signal, am I right? Copper excitation stopping the bullets.
STAAL: How do you know so much?
DOCTOR: Well.
STAAL: Who is he?
RATTIGAN: He didn't give his name.
DOCTOR: But this isn't typical Sontaran behaviour, is it? Hiding? Using teenagers, stopping bullets? A Sontaran should face bullets with dignity. Shame on you.
STAAL: You dishonour me, sir.
DOCTOR: Yeah? Then show yourself.
STAAL: I will look into my enemy's eyes!
(Staal removes his helmet.)
JENKINS: Oh, my God.
DOCTOR: And your name?
STAAL: General Staal, of the Tenth Sontaran Fleet. Staal the Undefeated.
DOCTOR: Oh, that's not a very good nickname. What if you do get defeated? Staal the Not Quite So Undefeated Anymore But Never Mind?
JENKINS: He's like a potato. A baked potato. A talking baked potato.
DOCTOR: Now, Ross, don't be rude. You look like a pink weasel to him.
(The Doctor picks up a squash racket and ball.)
DOCTOR: The Sontarans are the finest soldiers in the galaxy, dedicated to a life of warfare. A clone race, grown in batches of millions with only one weakness.
STAAL: Sontarans have no weakness.
DOCTOR: No, it's a good weakness.
RATTIGAN: Aren't you meant to be clever? Only an idiot would provoke him.
DOCTOR: No, but the Sontarans are fed by a probic vent in the back of their neck. That's their weak spot. Which means, they always have to face their enemies in battle. Isn't that brilliant? They can never turn their backs.
STAAL: We stare into the face of death.
DOCTOR: Yeah? Well, stare at this.
(The Doctor smashes the ball into the back of the teleport, where it rebounds and hits Staal right on the probic vent. That hurts.)
DOCTOR: Run!
(The Doctor and Jenkins run as Staal slumps to his knees.)
RATTIGAN: What has you done? What has he done?
(The Doctor and Jenkins speed away in the jeep.)
STAAL: Don't touch me. A Sontaran would rather be court martialled than show pain. I must return.
RATTIGAN: But he broke the teleport.
STAAL: Ha. Primitive sonic trickery.
(Staal zaps the teleport with his staff.)
STAAL: The device is now repaired.

[Spaceship]

STAAL: Our presence is known. Soldiers, we move to a war footing.
SKORR: I see you face battle open skinned, sir. Might I share that honour?
STAAL: You may.
SKORR: Thank you.
RATTIGAN: How do you tell each other apart?
STAAL: We say the same of humans.
SKORR: Tell me, boy. How many ATMOS devices have been installed?
RATTIGAN: Er, they've gone worldwide, but only about half.
STAAL: Which means four hundred million cars converted. A fine arsenal.
SKORR: Is it sufficient to trigger the conversion?
RATTIGAN: More than enough, yeah. And the test signal proved that it works! Fifty two deaths in the same second. Man, that is just so cool.
STAAL: Is the temperature significant?
RATTIGAN: No. That, that's just a phrase. But I'll get my people ready, General. Just tell me where and when.
STAAL: Have we infiltrated UNIT?
SKORR: The process is about to begin.
STAAL: Then you'll see it completed, Commander Skorr. Get to it.
SKORR: Yes, sir.
(Skorr teleports.)

[Clone laboratory]

(Martha has a device fitted around her head and is fastened to the trolley by the bath.)
MARTHA: Is someone going to tell me what the hell is going on?
(Skorr enters.)
MARTHA: Okay. So, listen. You're not the first aliens I've met. Just tell me who you are.
SKORR: Commander Skorr of the Tenth Sontaran Battle Fleet. Known as Skorr the Bloodbringer. 
MARTHA: What have you done to those two?
SKORR: Simple hypnotic control, as with the factory drones. But with you, we need something more complex.
(A hand rises from the green liquid.)
MARTHA: What is that?
SKORR: Soon, that will be you.

[Spaceship]

(Rattigan gazes at the view of the Earth.)
SKREE: ATMOS devices operating at one hundred percent efficiency. Orbit now holding at five five six point three, sector two seven zero.
STAAL: Continue.
(Staal joins Rattigan.)
STAAL: War can never come too soon. Take your last look, boy.
RATTIGAN: It was never big enough for me.
STAAL: I like your ambition.
RATTIGAN: That doctor, he was in a UNIT jeep. It should have ATMOS installed.
STAAL: You said you didn't know his name.
RATTIGAN: I don't. He just said doctor. Does that mean something?
STAAL: There is an enemy of the Sontarans known as the Doctor. A face-changer.
RATTIGAN: Do you mean he's an alien too?
STAAL: Legend says that he led the battle in the last great Time War. The finest war in history and we weren't allowed to be a part of it. Oh, but this is excellent. The last of the Time Lords will die at the hands of the Sontaran empire, in the ruins of his precious Earth.

[Clone laboratory]

SKORR: It is inadvisable to struggle. The female has a weak thorax.
MARTHA: But what are you doing?
SKORR: Completing mental transfer. The clone needs full memory access.
MARTHA: Clone?
(A second Martha rises from the green liquid.)
MARTHA: You can't.
(The clone pulls off its umbilical cord.)
MARTHA: That's not.
SKORR: You will sleep, girl. Sleep, and keep the memories alive. Memories we can use in battle.

[Spaceship]

SKREE: We have the Doctor's vehicle.
STAAL: An ordinary death for such a remarkable enemy, but proceed.

[Jeep]

DOCTOR: Greyhound Forty to Trap One. Repeat, can you hear me? Over.
JENKINS: Why's it not working?
DOCTOR: It must be the Sontarans. If they can trace that, they can isolate the ATMOS.
ATMOS: Turn left.
DOCTOR: Try going right.
JENKINS: It said left.
DOCTOR: I know. So go right.
JENKINS: I've got no control. It's driving itself. It won't stop.
(The Doctor tries to sonic the ATMOS.)
JENKINS: The doors are locked.
DOCTOR: Ah, it's deadlocked. I can't stop it.
JENKINS: Let me.
ATMOS: Turn left.
DOCTOR: The sat-nav's just a box, wired through the whole car.

[Spaceship]

RATTIGAN: Is he, is he going in the water? I love it, with the water.

[Jeep]

JENKINS: We're headed for the river.
DOCTOR: ATMOS, are you programmed to contradict my orders?
ATMOS: Confirmed.
DOCTOR: Anything I say, you'll ignore it?
ATMOS: Confirmed.
DOCTOR: Then drive into the river. I order you to drive into the river. Do it. Drive into the river.
(The jeep stops at the edge of the river and the Doctor and Jenkins get out.)
ATMOS: Turn right. Left.
DOCTOR: Get down!
ATMOS: Left, right, left, right, left, left, right, left, right
(The sat-nav goes bang with a few sparks and a bit of smoke.)
DOCTOR: Oh, was that it?

[Spaceship]

SKREE: ATMOS terminated. Mission accomplished. The Doctor is dead.
STAAL: Then prepare the weapons. Is the operative in place?

[Clone laboratory]

(Skorr switches off Martha's headset.)
MARTHA 2: Ready and waiting to advance the great Sontaran cause, sir.
SKORR: Then go to work.

[Outside the Nobles' home]

DOCTOR: You would not believe the day I'm having.
(He inspects the family car and sees the ATMOS fastened below the engine bay.)
JENKINS: I'll requisition us a vehicle.
DOCTOR: Anything without ATMOS. And don't point your gun at people.
(Jenkins leaves. Wilf comes out of the house.)
WILF: Is it him? Is it him? Is it the Doctor? Ah, it's you!
DOCTOR: Who? Oh, it's you.
DONNA: What, have you met before?
WILF: Yeah, Christmas Eve. He disappeared right in front of me.
DONNA: And you never said?
WILF: Well, you never said. Wilf, sir. Wilfred Mott. You must be one of them aliens.
DOCTOR: Yeah, but don't shout it out. Nice to meet you properly, Wilf.
WILF: Oh, an alien hand.
DOCTOR: Donna, anything?
DONNA: She's not answering. What is it, Sontorans?
DOCTOR: Sontarans. But there's got to be more to it. They can't be just remote controlling cars. That's not enough. Is anyone answering?
DONNA: Hold on.

[ATMOS Factory]

MARTHA 2: Don't tell me. Donna Noble.
DONNA [OC]: Martha.

[Outside the Nobles' home]

DONNA: Hold on, he's here.
DOCTOR: Martha, tell Colonel Mace it's the Sontarans. They're in the file. Code Red, Sontarans. But if they're inside the factory tell them not to start shooting. UNIT will get massacred. I'll get back as soon as I can.

[ATMOS Factory]

DOCTOR [OC]: You got that?
MARTHA 2: Code Red Sontaran. Gotcha.
MACE: Doctor Jones. Found anything yet?
MARTHA 2: No, sir. Nothing to report.

[Outside the Nobles' home]

(The Doctor has the bonnet up.)
DONNA: But you tried sonicing it before. You didn't find anything.
DOCTOR: Yeah, but now I know it's Sontaran, I know what I'm looking for.
WILF: The thing is, Doctor, that Donna is my only grandchild. You got to promise me you're going to take care of her.
DOCTOR: She takes care of me.
WILF: Oh yeah, that's my Donna. Yeah, she was always bossing us round when she was tiny. The Little General we used to call her.
DONNA: Yeah, don't start.
WILF: And some of the boys she used to turn up with. Different one every week. Here, who was that one with the nail varnish?
DONNA: Matthew Richards. He lives in Kilburn now. With a man.
(Spikes suddenly stick out of the ATMOS device.)
DOCTOR: Whoa. It's a temporal pocket. I knew there was something else in there. It's hidden just a second out of sync with real time.
DONNA: But what's it hiding?
SYLVIA: I don't know, men and their cars. Sometimes I think if I was a car. Oh, it's you. Doctor what was it?
DOCTOR: Yeah, that's me.
WILF: What, have you met him as well?
SYLVIA: Dad, it's the man from the wedding. When you were laid up with Spanish flu. I'm warning you, last time that man turned up it was a disaster.
(The spikes start giving off gas.)
DOCTOR: Get back!

[Spaceship]

SKORR: A converter has been activated.
STAAL: Show me where.
(A hologram of the planet zooms in to -)
RATTIGAN: London. That's Chiswick.
SKREE: Who could have such knowledge?
STAAL: Only the Doctor. He survived. Excellent! Then battle will be joined. Glorious warfare. Tenth Sontaran Battle Fleet, we move to the final phase. Prepare the subjugation of Earth for the glory of Sontar.
SKREE: Announcing Battle Status One. All soldiers to positions. Repeat, we are now at Battle Status One. Rejoice!
(Small pods start to leave the spaceship.)

[Outside the Nobles' home]

DOCTOR: That'll stop it.
(Bang.)
SYLVIA: I told you. He's blown up the car!. Who is he, anyway? What sort of doctor blows up cars?
DONNA: Oh, not now, Mum.
SYLVIA: Oh, should I make an appointment?
(Sylvia leaves.)
DOCTOR: That wasn't just exhaust fumes, Some sort of gas. Artificial gas.
WILF: And it's aliens, is it? Aliens?
DONNA: But if it's poisonous, then they've got poisonous gas in every car on Earth.

[Spaceship]

STAAL: Free up the converters, and deadlock every single one!

[Outside the Nobles' home]

(Wilf gets into the car.)
WILF: It's not safe. I'm going to get it off the street.
(The car locks him inside and starts the engine. Thick gas comes from the exhaust pipe.)
DONNA: Hold on! Turn it off. Granddad, get out of there!
WILF: I can't! It's not locked! It's them aliens again! 
SYLVIA: What's he doing? What's he done?
DOCTOR: They've activated it!
(Gas is pouring from the exhaust pipes of hundreds of parked cars.)

[ATMOS Factory]

MACE: Turn them off! Turn them off! Turn off the engines!
SOLDIER: It's all of them, sir. Every single car on the planet.
MARTHA 2: Now we begin. Let's get to work.

[Outside the Nobles' home]

DONNA: There's gas inside the car! He's going to choke! Doctor!
DOCTOR: It won't open! It's the whole world.
WILF: Help me.

[Spaceship]

STAAL: Four hundred million weapons. Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha!
SONTARANS: Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha!
(And so on. Rattigan joins in.)

[Outside the Nobles' home]

(The Doctor pulls all the connections he can find in the engine, but the gas continues to fill the car.)
WILF: Get me out of here!
(Sylvia runs inside as Wilf collapses.)
DONNA: Doctor!

<Back to the episode listing

Doctor Who and related marks are trademarks of BBC . Copyright 1963, Present. The web pages on this site are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.