The Andorian Incident
Mission date: Unknown
Original Airdate: 31 Oct, 2001

(The peace and tranquility of a Vulcan monastery is shattered by the intrusion of four blue-skinned humanoids.)

[Ready room]

TUCKER: Maybe it's just me, but it seems like these Vulcan star charts take all the fun out of it. We're supposed to be explorers, aren't we?
ARCHER: That's the general idea.
TUCKER: Where's the exploration in going places people have already been?
ARCHER: Well, for one thing, we've never been to these places. For another, remember that protostar we ran across last week?
TUCKER: Yeah.
ARCHER: I'm not seeing it here.
TUCKER: Are you saying those Vulcan star charts aren't all that accurate? If that's true, good luck getting them to admit it.
ARCHER: Come in.
T'POL: You wanted to see me, Captain.
ARCHER: As a matter of fact, Mister Tucker and I were looking at these star charts. There's a planet a few light years off our current heading.
T'POL: I'm familiar with it.
ARCHER: Well the data indicates there's a remote outpost right here on the northern hemisphere.
T'POL: P'Jem.
ARCHER: I take it this P'Jem is under Vulcan jurisdiction?
T'POL: It's an ancient spiritual retreat. A remote sanctuary for Kolinahr and peaceful meditation.
TUCKER: Kolinahr?
T'POL: The Vulcan purging of emotion.
ARCHER: That sounds interesting. How do you think they'd feel about a visit?
T'POL: P'Jem is a place of quiet contemplation, Captain. I'm not certain we'd be welcome.
TUCKER: It's because Vulcans think we smell bad, isn't it?
ARCHER: It's not every day we get a chance to see an ancient Vulcan monastery. I'd say a stop-over's too good a chance to pass up. Unless you disagree?
T'POL: I'll research the proper protocols.
ARCHER: Good. Archer to helm.
TRAVIS [OC]: Go ahead.
ARCHER: Prepare to lay in a course correction. T'Pol will give you the coordinates.
TRAVIS [OC]: Understood.

[Mess hall]

PHLOX: Well, you must be looking forward to visiting the sanctuary.
T'POL: It was the Captain's idea.
PHLOX: But such an opportunity to appreciate your cultural history.
T'POL: It is a Vulcan sanctuary, if that's what you mean.
PHLOX: Precisely my point. You'll be able to introduce some of your own people to your new crew. Oh, I believe I see the source of your misgivings. Being seen with a human crew.
T'POL: It could create a certain awkwardness.
PHLOX: May I?
(He picks up with his fingers a piece of the salad she's eating with knife and fork.)
PHLOX:
I confess I feel awkward on this ship myself, sometimes, out of place. But what is that Vulcan motto? Infinite diversity.
T'POL: In infinite combinations.
PHLOX: And what is diversity but a celebration of differences. I wonder if you might remind me about our mission on this vessel. Please, indulge me.
T'POL: Our mission is to make contact with those whom humans consider new life and new civilisations.
PHLOX: In other words, to seek infinite diversity.
T'POL: I suppose so.
PHLOX: Well then, it seems to me a cultural exchange between your Vulcan brethren and your human crew is simply a furtherance of that mission.

[Launch bay]

TUCKER: They don't even know we're coming?
T'POL: It wasn't possible to hail them. The monks consider technology a distraction from their spiritual pursuits.
ARCHER: I don't like dropping in on people unannounced.
T'POL: It won't be a problem as long as we observe the proper protocols. When we arrive, we'll be greeted by a Vulcan Elder. You should not speak to him or any member of the order unless spoken to first. If they appear to be meditating, do not approach them or attempt to make conversation. Also, maintain quiet at all times and do not touch or disturb any artefacts, relics or ornamentation. If we arrive at their time of communal kolinahr it's likely we'll be turned away. At the conclusion of our visit we'll be offered the Stone of J'Kah as a gesture of salutation. Accept it, then bow slightly and observe a respectful silence for approximately five seconds.
TUCKER: I thought Starfleet training was tough.

[Outside the monastery]

TUCKER: You say this is a place to purge emotions? Looks like somebody had to purge pretty bad. He bashed the door in.
T'POL: The temple is almost three thousand years old, Commander. You can't expect it to be in pristine condition.
(She pulls on a big bell rope. After a few moments, Archer pushes the doors open anyway and they enter.)

[Atrium]

(T'Pol whispers with the sole man present.)
T'POL: He says we have arrived at the time of kolinahr. The order must remain in silent reflection throughout the lunar cycle. They are not to be disturbed.
ARCHER: Oh, that's too bad. At least we got to see the place.
T'POL: (to Vulcan) Your service honours us. Before we leave, may I request the offering of the J'Kah stone for my distinguished guests.
ELDER: Please wait.
(He leaves.) 
ARCHER: Something wrong?
T'POL: It's probably nothing.
ARCHER: But?
T'POL: This is the main atrium. There should be more than one member of the order present, and the icon in that shrine is perched at an odd angle.
TUCKER: Oddly perched, huh. We'd better call Starfleet Command.
T'POL: That's not all, Captain. The Vulcan Elder seems agitated.
TUCKER: (as the Elder returns) You call that agitated?
ARCHER: You know, I think the oldest monastery I ever visited was in Ngari, Tibet, but it wasn't nearly as big as this place.
T'POL: I've heard it can take days to explore this site.

(Tucker stoops by the fallen jar.)

TUCKER: It'd take at least that long to clean the place up.
ELDER: Forgive the disarray. Kolinahr encourages the members of our order to face their vestigial emotions. The repercussions can sometimes be violent. Please. This is the stone of J'Kah, which represents the foundation of all we believe. A life of order and control through logic.
(Archer puts his hand on the stone.)
ELDER: Ishte acula bestalma itok, J'Kah.
ARCHER: What's all that mean, anyway?
ELDER: It is a traditional litany, passed down for generations.
ARCHER: Does it mean I get good luck or something?
TUCKER: You're thinking of the Blarney Stone, Captain, or when you pat the Buddha's belly.

(Archer sees a blue face reflected in a polished bowl.)

ARCHER: I guess you're right. Too bad we didn't bring a camera, huh, Commander?
(Tucker joins him near blue-face's hiding place.)
ELDER: Please, you must leave now.
TUCKER: You ever been to San Francisco Zoo? Now there's something you should see.
(The two men break through the partition and grab the eavesdropper, but the other three intruders appear with weapons.)
ARCHER: Friends of yours? Somehow I didn't think so.

(As they are marched away.)

KEVAL: Stop looking at me.
TUCKER: Okay, okay. Don't get your antennas in a twist.

[Large room]

(Everyone say Hi! to Jeffrey Combs.)
SHRAN: Why didn't you tell us one of your people was aboard?
ELDER: It's an Earth vessel. I didn't know.
THOLOS: What does that mean, Earth? What is that?
ARCHER: It's where we're from. It's our homeworld.
SHRAN: Why did you come here? Answer me, pink skin.
ARCHER: This planet was along our course. We only came to visit the sanctuary.
SHRAN: Liar. What's your mission? Are you a supply ship bringing them more surveillance equipment?
ARCHER: We're not bringing them anything.
THOLOS: You brought her.
ARCHER: She's my Science officer.
SHRAN: So you admit you're working with the Vulcans.
ARCHER: I'll admit I have a Vulcan Science officer and that I came here out of curiosity. Now, if you don't mind my asking, what are you doing here?
(Shran hits Archer.)
TUCKER: Hey! He's telling the truth. We came for a visit, that's all.
SHRAN: We scanned your ship in orbit. You're very well armed for people who came for a visit. You and the pink skins have proven what we already knew. This is far more than a sanctuary.
THOLOS: (to T'Pol) I'll enjoy having you, as a prisoner.
(The Andorians leave.)
TUCKER: Now these guys are agitated.
T'POL: They're Andorians, Captain. They're known for their suspicious and volatile nature.
ARCHER: Andorians?
T'POL: Yes, sir.
VULCAN: Our two species are from neighbouring systems. We've been in conflict for many years.
T'POL: They resent our superior reasoning and our technology. They even believe that we intend to mount an invasion on their homeworld.
ELDER: In order to alleviate tensions, we negotiated a treaty, but some Andorian factions still believe we're bent on conquest.
TUCKER: What do they want with a three thousand year old temple?
ELDER: They believe we are hiding a long range sensor array. This is a place of introspection, Captain. There are no spies her, and no technology.
TUCKER: So what are you going to do, just sit here and let them ransack the place?
VULCAN: Typically, they make a great display of their indignance. When they find nothing, they leave.
ELDER: The Andorians were here twice before and both times left within a day. Unfortunately your arrival has amplified their suspicions.
VULCAN: You've endangered us all.
TUCKER: No good deed goes unpunished.

[Situation room]

REED: The shuttle's sensors should have picked it up.
HOSHI: They went to visit some monks. Why would they scan for alien ships?
REED: It should be standard procedure, that's why. In any event, there it is.
TRAVIS: There what is?
REED: A vessel, not Vulcan, and it's less than one kilometre from our shuttlepod.
TRAVIS: Not a lot of room on that landing platform. Maybe they're just some other visitors.
REED: Well, I for one would like to know who these visitors are. And why havenn't we heard from the landing party?
HOSHI: You can't expect them to check in every ten minutes.
REED: Maybe that should be standard procedure as well.
HOSHI: You sure you're not over-reacting? They're probably just taking a tour, observing some kind of meditation ritual.

[Atrium]

SHRAN: Where's the sensor array?
ARCHER: From what I'm told there isn't one.
SHRAN: (hitting Archer hard) Where is it!
ARCHER: I don't know.
SHRAN: You humans obviously have emotions. I find it curious that you'd select a Vulcan as your science officer.
ARCHER: Believe me, she wasn't my first choice.
SHRAN: Why a Vulcan?
(He knocks him down.)
SHRAN: Why a Vulcan?
ARCHER: She was assigned to us by the Vulcan High Command.
SHRAN: You take orders from the High Command?
ARCHER: No. For the last time, we just came to see the temple. (communicator chirps) That's my ship, Enterprise. They're trying to contact me.
(Tholos knocks him down, and Shran opens the communicator.)
SHRAN: Enterprise.

[Bridge]

REED: Yes. I'm looking for Captain Archer.
SHRAN [OC]: He's a prisoner of the Andorian Imperial Guard. We know you're in collaboration with the Vulcans.
REED: Let me talk to the Captain.
SHRAN [OC]: Your ship

[Atrium]

SHRAN: Is under constant surveillance. Arm your weapons or make any attempt to approach the surface and I'll kill the hostages.
(He smashes the communicator)
ARCHER: Wait!

[Bridge]

HOSHI: I've lost the signal.
REED: Try T'Pol or Commander Tucker.
(In the monastery Shran smashes each communicator that chirps.)
HOSHI: No response.
REED: Have the launch bay put shuttlepod two on standby.
TRAVIS: You heard what he said. If we try to send more people.
REED: I don't take orders from a comm. voice, Ensign. Not unless that voice belongs to the Captain. Take a look at the Vulcan database. See if it has anything on these Andorians.
HOSHI: Aye, sir.

[Atrium]

KEVAL: We've searched all the chambers in the eastern tower.
SHRAN: Have you checked the living quarters?
KEVAL: Not yet.
THOLOS: Perhaps if we decapitate one or two of those monks he'll start telling us the truth.
SHRAN: Is that something you could live with, Captain?
ARCHER: I've already told you the truth.

[Large room]

ELDER: How long have you lived on the Earth ship?
T'POL: Nine weeks and four days.
ELDER: The smell must be intolerable.
T'POL: You get used to it, and I was given a nasal numbing agent.
(Two Andorians return with Archer and throw him to the ground before leaving again.)
ARCHER: Whose idea was it to visit this place? These guys are serious. They're going to start killing you people if they don't find what they're looking for.
ELDER: There is nothing to find.
ARCHER: I don't think they're buying that. Not this time. Loks like there are four of them. I saw some kind of scanning console. They talked a lot about searching rooms.
TUCKER: You'd think they could find whatever it is they're looking for with those antennas of theirs.
ARCHER: They answered a hail from Enterprise. They threatened to kill us all if anyone attempts a rescue.
T'POL: Mister Reed wouldn't be that reckless.
ARCHER: I didn't recruit my tactical officer to sit on his butt when he's threatened. The Andorians smashed our communicators. The longer we're out of contact the more likely Malcolm will put together a landing party, warning or no warning.
TUCKER: Knowing him, a heavily armed landing party.
ARCHER: It's just a matter of time. So if anyone has a suggestion, I'm all ears. No offence.
ELDER: There is an option. A transmitter. It's very old.
ARCHER: You said you had no technology.
ELDER: It hasn't been used in many years. It may not even be working.
TUCKER: I never met a busted radio I couldn't fix.
ARCHER: Where is this transmitter?
VULCAN: In the catacombs.
TUCKER: Catacombs.
ELDER: Please listen to me, Captain. There are hidden passages beneath us where we keep our most sacred relics, our honoured dead. If the Andorians discover them they will damage our culture in ways you can't begin to understand.
(The Elder turns a statue and pushes open a panel.)
TUCKER: For people without emotion, you sure have a flair for the dramatic.
(He and the Vulcan enter the passage, carrying burning torches.)

[Catacombs passageway]

(Tucker is so busy peering into dark alcoves that he walks straight into a mummy propped against the passage wall.)
VULCAN: Master Haadok, one of the founders of P'Jem. The transmitter is this way.
TUCKER: Fellas.

[Catacombs chamber]

(Tucker spota a not so cobwebby door.)
TUCKER: What's down there?
VULCAN: The reliquary. Our most sacred artefacts are kept there. This is the transmitter.
TUCKER: Looks like a krellide power cell.

[Large room - night]

(The Andorians do a quick head count and leave again. Tucker resumes work on the transmitter. The Elder offers a blanket.)
ELDER: There is one to spare.
TUCKER: No thanks. It'll just get in my way.
ELDER: (to Archer) It's only going to get colder.
ARCHER: (to T'Pol) You take it.
T'POL: You need it more than I do.
ARCHER: Do the Andorians have a transporter?
T'POL: No.
ARCHER: That gives us the element of surprise. We could bring an assault team right into the atrium.
T'POL: The sound of the transporter alone would alert the guards. They'd start firing before the team was fully resequenced.
ARCHER: What about this room? By the time the Andorians detected the transport we'd be armed and ready.
T'POL: For what? A fire fight in close quarters with a dozen monks at risk?
ARCHER: If you've got any better ideas?
(He offers a share of the blanket.)
ARCHER: There's room in here.
T'POL: I'm fine.
ARCHER: You're freezing.
T'POL: It's been twenty four hours since I took my nasal numbing agent. The cold is preferable to the odour.
ARCHER: Come on.
(She gets under the blanket with him.)
T'POL: An armed assault would put all of our lives at risk, not to mention the destruction of the sanctuary itself.
ARCHER: I'd say our lives are already at risk.
T'POL: Tensions between Andoria and Vulcan are high. Any casualties would only make matters worse.
ARCHER: It seems like you're letting them walk all over you. They come in here, they smash your relics, they beat up your people, then you just sit back and wait for them to walk away?
T'POL: We don't believe in responding to violence with violence.
ARCHER: I admire your ethics, but right now a little violence might help.
T'POL: You're beginning to sound like an Andorian.
ARCHER: You know, I came here hoping to gain a little insight into the Vulcan mind. It looks like I'm getting it. You people think you're so damned enlightened.
(To the rest of the monks listening.)
ARCHER: Problem? I'd like to find a peaceful solution too, but I don't think that's going to happen. However we end up dealing with this, I need to know I can count on you.
T'POL: Are you questioning my loyalty?
ARCHER: I just want to know where we stand.
T'POL: I have never disobeyed your orders. (rolls over and takes all the blanket with her)

[Bridge]

TRAVIS: Sir, you're wearing a hole in the deck plating.
REED: What is it?
HOSHI: Transmission from the surface. It's a modulated EM signal, very weak.
REED: Put it through.
TUCKER [OC]: Enterprise, this is Commander Tucker. Repeat, Enterprise, this is Commander Tucker.
REED: This is Enterprise. We can barely read you, Commander.

[Catacombs chamber]

REED [OC]: What's your status?
TUCKER: Guess you heard we kind of walked into a hostage situation. The whole place has been taken over by Andorians.
REED [OC]: Andorians, yes.

[Bridge]

REED: I've been reading about them in the Vulcan database. Militaristic.

[Catacombs chamber]

REED [OC]: Blue skinned.
TUCKER: That's them.
REED [OC]: Well, what do they want?
TUCKER: They seem to think this place is some kind of a spy station.

[Bridge]

TUCKER [OC]: They're looking for a sensor array. The Captain says to sit tight.

[Catacombs chamber]

TUCKER: He doesn't want to provoke them any more than we already have. He also said to tell you we're working on a way out of here.

[Bridge]

REED: Are you certain we can't negotiate?

[Catacomb chamber]

TUCKER: The Captain came back from his last negotiation with a face full of bruises.

[Bridge]

TUCKER [OC]: We'll be in touch.
REED: Understood.

[Large room - next morning]

(Archer uses coins to make a map.)
ARCHER: Do any of these tunnels lead to the outside?
ELDER: No.
ARCHER: What about this reliquary?
VULCAN: No one's entered it in years.
ELDER: To do so would be blasphemy.
TUCKER: I saw an old stairwell down there, maybe a metre wide. It was right about here.
T'POL: That would almost be directly beneath the atrium.
TUCKER: There were three dim lights coming from the top. It looked something like this.

[Atrium]

KEVAL: How many times do we have to search the same rooms?
SHRAN: Are you losing faith in our mission?
KEVAL: We've looked everywhere, we've run a thousand scans.
SHRAN: The Vulcans are very deceptive. It's here, I'm sure of it. If we back down now, everything we've fought for is meaningless. If nothing else, remember that, Keval.
TUCKER [OC]: Hey! Can you hear me? Hello? Anybody out there?

[Large room]

ARCHER: (to Shran) I need to speak with you alone. I have some information for you.

[Atrium]

SHRAN: What is it.
ARCHER: Well, for one thing, I needed some fresh air. You ever been stuck in a room full of Vulcans for twelve hours?
SHRAN: The information.
ARCHER: I'll bet their robes haven't been washed since the time of Surak. Have you heard of him? Vulcan philosopher. He's the one who got everybody to start purging their emotions. I don't know about you, but I've learned really a lot since I got here.
(The fourth Andorian punches him in the kidneys.)
SHRAN: What did you come to tell us?
ARCHER: Well, that depends. What do you want to know? All right, information. Did you know that over seventy percent of the organisms on my homeworld are bacteria.
THOLOS: What?
ARCHER: And here's something I think you'll find interesting. There was a man in Canton, Ohio who once rolled a ball of string over six metres in diameter.
THOLOS: He's wasting our time. Take him back.
ARCHER: There was a famous astronomer on Earth.
(He drops a small statuette through the mouth of a large carving.)
ARCHER: Tycho Brahe. He lost his nose in a duel over a math equation.
(Shran knocks him down.)
SHRAN: You must enjoy pain.

(Archer is dragged away.)

ARCHER: Please, please, I can't stand another minute with the Vulcans. Please.
(Down in the catacombs, Tucker finds the dropped statuette in an alcove.

[Large room]

(Tucker emerges from secret passage and throws the statuette to Archer.)
ARCHER: A light at the end of the tunnel. You know what to do, Commander.
TUCKER: Yes, sir.
(He goes back into the passage.)
ELDER: I don't have to tell you, Captain. We don't condone these actions you are about to take.
ARCHER: No, you don't have to tell me. Just try and stay out of the way and everything will work out fine.

[Transporter alcove]

REED: Phase pistols on stun.
CREWMAN: Stun, sir?
REED: The Captain's instructions were quite explicit. It's a console, Ensign. It won't bite.
HOSHI: No, it'll just scramble your molecules.
REED: Crewman?
CREWMAN: We've heard stories, sir. It might not be safe.
REED: I've heard the same stories. Now get up here. Coordinates set?
HOSHI: Aye, sir.
REED: Then energise before we change our minds.

[Atrium]

SHRAN: What is it?
KEVAL: Some kind of energy fluctuation.

[Large room]

(The landing party disappear into the secret passage before the Andoriams rush in.)
SHRAN: We detected an energy surge. It came from this chamber.
T'POL: Perhaps you have faulty equipment.
SHRAN: Or perhaps you have equipment we don't know about. (to Tholos) Watch them.

[Catacombs]

REED: This is it.

[Large room]

THOLOS: (to T'Pol) Most Vulcans smell of dust, but you're different.
TUCKER: Something sure smells.
THOLOS: Did you say something, pink skin?

[Atrium]

(As Reed watches through the holes in the carving.)
KEVAL: This can't be right. I'm detecting three new biosigns, all human.
SHRAN: Where are they?
KEVAL: They're within twenty metres.
SHRAN: Where!
KEVAL: I can't pinpoint the signal.
SHRAN: Try boosting the proximity sensors.

[Large room]

THOLOS: (to T'Pol) I've heard about your mating rituals. That Vulcan women force their men to fight each other to the death. Would you like me to kill someone for you?
ARCHER: Leave her alone.
THOLOS: Would you like me to kill him?

[Atrium]

SHRAN: Find them.
KEVAL: They're very close.
(An explosion blasts the carving to pieces. Tucker tackles Tholos as the landing party burst into the atrium, weapons firing. They take down one Andorian, but one crewman is hurt,)
REED: Will you be all right?
CREWMAN: Go ahead. I'll cover here.
SHRAN: Keval!
(They go through the new hole in the wall.)
REED: This way.

[Large room]

(Reed takes out Tholos just in time.)
REED: Two of them got away. They went down into the catacombs.
ELDER: I hope you're pleased, Captain. You've turned a place of solitude into a war zone.
ARCHER: Where are the phase pistols?
REED: Here, sir.

(Archer hands one to a winded Tucker.)

ARCHER: If he wakes up, stun him again. Let's go.
VULCAN: I'm going with you.
ELDER: Violence is no longer our way.
VULCAN: We must protect what is ours.

[Catacombs]

T'POL: They're down this passage. Thirty metres.
VULCAN: It leads to the reliquary. Only members of the high order are allowed to go inside.
ARCHER: We'll do our best not to look at anything.
VULCAN: I can't permit it, Captain.
ARCHER: What would you suggest we do?
VULCAN: I'll disarm them myself.
ARCHER: You ever use one of those? I didn't think so. The Andorians have seen your sacred relics. A couple of humans won't make much of a difference.

[Reliquary]

(Well lit with large candles and wall tapers. The two sides exchange weapons fire until a stray shot partially brings down a tapestry and reveals a very modern circular vault door.)
REED: Captain.
(Archer makes a dash to pull the rest of the tapestry down and opens the vault.)
ARCHER: Hold your fire. You might want to take a look at this.
(They all step into a huge hi-tech complex.)
ARCHER: I don't believe this. (to T'Pol) Does that thing have imaging sensors?
T'POL: Yes.
ARCHER: Take all the pictures you can.

(The Vulcan puts a gun to Archer's head.)

VULCAN: Place your weapons on the ground. I will kill him if necessary. Give that to me.
(Archer turns quickly and knocks him out.)
REED: Violence in a sanctuary, Captain?
ARCHER: Very disrespectful. Boy, did it feel good. All this time they've been calling these monks liars, and all this time they've been right.
REED: They've got enough equipment down there to see what any Andorian is having for breakfast.
T'POL: I've completed my scans.
ARCHER: Give it to him.
T'POL: Sir?
ARCHER: Give it to him.
(She hands the scanner to Shran.)
ARCHER: You've got what you came for. Now get out of here.
SHRAN: How do we know you won't attack our vessel.
ARCHER: The Vulcans violated your treaty. Your people ought to know about it. (to T'Pol) You have a problem with that?
T'POL: Your communicator.
(Reed hands it over.)
T'POL: T'Pol to Enterprise.
TRAVIS [OC]: Go ahead.
T'POL: The Andorian ship will be leaving the surface momentarily. They're free to go.
TRAVIS [OC]: Acknowledged.
SHRAN: We're in your debt.
ARCHER: (to Vulcan) Thanks for the tour.

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