Enterprise hangs motionless in space, a small vessel approaches.)
(Three males with enormous earlobes are seen in
the little ship - a fourth enters shot during the dialogue.)
ULIS: Kora noosa. Kora noosa!
MUK: Irr zoun nagool ahsp.
ULIS: Uch. Cucht eeta ekrajhn-voy?
GRISH: (piloting) Irr gnales. Nohm setron quethivoo.
ULIS: NanDi. Vanee eday.
(They come alongside Enterprise and dock.)
(They enter by the starboard airlock wearing
gasmasks, and we see the crew slumped against the bulkheads,
MUK: Cucht nee va zeh?
(Krem sees how small human ears are,)
(Muk tells him to hurry up.)
MUK: Y-solah-na. Y-solah-na!
(Krem fingers some food.)
MUK: Krem. Tenda sout
bazul. Ningor. Ningor!
(Awed by the engine.)
KREM: Oh! Gard-day latinum
MUK: Lahje. Sapa-moul! (don't touch)
KREM: Ehj saf-rey tomen-dee.
MUK: Konah see-oh-mahj irr zoon.
(Krem spots T'Pol lying against the bulkhead.)
KREM: Ooo. Senpa tah-moy.
Lorala rrela. Latinum soun teyvalah.
MUK: Ulis tenda vool.
MUK: Sa mopree.
(They remove their gas masks.)
(Everyone looks asleep at their posts)
MUK: La-voy Daemon.
(Krem sets off an alarm on helm.)
MUK: Leru deemo mirra.
(He gets out his communicator.)
MUK: Muk lat Ulis.
MUK [OC]: Feesha vou dolay.
(Tucker wakes up. He is wearing blue singlet and shorts.)
TUCKER: Doc, isn't my time up yet? You
said twenty minutes.
TUCKER [OC]: It's been at least an hour. I'm
getting a little well-done in here. Doctor?
(But Phlox is spark out on the floor.)
(He tries the door, then uses the
panel to short out the lock and leave. He discovers the unconscious
crewmen in the corridors and turbolift. At the airlock, Ulis and Grish put a ramp over the door lip and
wheel trolleys onto Enterprise/)
(Tucker finds Phlox, then hears voices approaching
MUK: Sel treoght da-techt.
KREM: Ehj ocuuz sahfi?
MUK: Guzah louz.
(The pair start stuffing sacks with medical supplies. Krem looks in one
of Phlox's cages and yelps,)
MUK: La ruvah tahp!
watches from the top of an access ladder. As the looters make their way
through the ship, Tucker keeps watch. In a corridor, he watches as Ulis
torpedo along on his trolley. On the Bridge, Ulis even strips off the
dedication plaque from the
wall. In Engineering, Krem strokes T'Pol's face then drags her
away. Grish even takes Travis's chair. Krem raids the mess
hall, doesn't like the smell of salad but takes
desserts. Muk swaps his boots for some found in a cupboard. Iin
the Launch bay, it looks like they've taken all the women they've
found, not just T'Pol but also Hoshi and others. Tucker makes it
to his desk in Engineering and watches on a monitor as
Archer is lifted out of his chair and carried away.)
ULIS: Ingala habi.
(Grish injects Archer and he
wakes up, handcuffed to a stanchion.)
ARCHER: Who are you?
ULIS: Ingala duk habi?
(Krem cautiously holds out a translator while
Muk has a rifle.)
ARCHER: I don't understand.
ULIS: Duk habi nakustra?
ULIS: Bok, megoron duk what I'm saying?
MUK: Sit down!
ARCHER: Who the hell are you?
ULIS: Who we are is unimportant. Do you command this ship?
ARCHER: I'm the captain.
(Archer sees the women.)
ARCHER: What have you done to my
ULIS: They're sleeping. They won't be harmed as long as you cooperate.
ARCHER: What do you want?
ULIS: Where is the location of your vault?
ARCHER: Vault? I don't know what you're talking about.
KREM: Maybe the translator's malfunctioning.
ULIS: He understands.
ARCHER: This is a vessel of exploration not a cargo ship. We don't do
any commerce. Whatever it is you're after, you won't find it here.
ULIS: You carry no valuables of any kind? No precious gems, no latinum?
ARCHER: I just told you.
(Muk hits Archer.)
ARCHER: Whoever you are, just take what you want and get off of my
KREM: Cousin, maybe we should. We've made some good acquisitions
MUK: There's more here. He's hiding something.
GRISH: I agree with Krem. Let's take what we have and go.
ULIS: What do we have? Scanners, low-grade weapons.
(Archer spots Tucker
watching from above.)
ULIS: Nothing but trinkets.
KREM: Don't forget about the females. Some of them are worth their
weight in latinum. If we leave now we can make the next slave market on
ARCHER: Slave market?
ULIS: You're right, Krem. Pick out the females that will bring the best
KREM: I already have.
ULIS: It was a pleasure doing business with you.
ULIS: You've reconsidered?
ARCHER: I'll show you where the vault is, if you let me keep half the
ULIS: Gold-pressed latinum?
ARCHER: Gold bars. Hundreds of them. But I keep half.
ULIS: Ten percent.
ARCHER: Thirty five and not a bar less. You'll never find the vault
without my help.
ULIS: Twenty percent. Final offer.
ARCHER: No deal. I'd rather you take the women and go.
GRISH: Thirty-five percent. That's not a bad offer, Ulis. Maybe we
should consider it.
ULIS: No. We'll find the vault ourselves. Krem, start loading the
KREM: Why am I always stuck doing the menial labour?
ULIS: Make him do it.
(Muk gives Krem the rifle and the other three leave.)
[Alien cargo bay]
(Compared with the Launch bay, it's tiny. Krem has
Archer lugging boxes. His overalls are tied around his waist.)
KREM: Oh, not there. Over here.
ARCHER: If you're going to make a habit out of this, you might want to
get a bigger ship.
KREM: It's not my ship. It's my cousin's.
ARCHER: Really. I was getting the impression you were in charge.
KREM: This is only my first month on the job.
ARCHER: How do you like it so far?
KREM: My cousin's a skillful merchant. I'm learning a lot from him.
You'd better slide that over to make room for the others.
ARCHER: What do you need all this for, anyway? You seem to already have
plenty of technology.
KREM: One can never have too much. The Rules of Acquisition say 'Expand
ARCHER: Rules of Acquisition?
KREM: That's rule number forty five. I've memorised all a hundred and
seventy three, including the most important one. A man is only worth
the sum of his possessions.
ARCHER: Back on my home world that kind of thinking almost destroyed
KREM: You should've managed your businesses better. Come on. We have a
lot more moving to do.
(There are those handy ramps over all the bulkhead
ARCHER: So what do you do, split the profits equally between the four
KREM: Oh, my cousin determines the shares.
ARCHER: You must get a bigger percentage than your crewmates.
KREM: Actually, I get the smallest.
ARCHER: Oh, that doesn't seem fair. You're the one doing all the work.
KREM: My cousin knows what's best for me. He manages all my financial
KREM: I don't have the lobes for business.
ARCHER: I assume he charges you for his services.
KREM: Of course.
(Archer spots Trip hiding around a corner.)
KREM: He wouldn't
be a very good businessman if he didn't. Never allow family to stand in
the way of profit.
ARCHER: Another one of your rules?
KREM: Number six. My cousin's going to help me acquire my own ship some
ARCHER: (coughing) Do you think you could bring me a glass of water?
(Krem handcuffs him to a handrail.)
ARCHER: It comes out of a dispenser in the
KREM: I'll be right back.
ARCHER: Oh, do you think you could bring me some food while you're at
it? Whatever's left in the serving case. That is, if you haven't
already taken everything.
(Krem heads off and Trip dashes over to try and free him.)
TUCKER: You all right, Captain?
ARCHER: Never better. You?
TUCKER: From what I can tell, you and I are the only ones on the ship
still standing. I would've tried to wake some of the others but there's
nothing left in Sickbay to do it with.
ARCHER: I'm not surprised. These aliens are taking everything they can
get their hands on.
(Tucker fails to undo the handcuffs.)
TUCKER: Who are they?
ARCHER: I don't know yet. Can you get a phase pistol?
TUCKER: They've cleaned out the armoury.
ARCHER: There are fourteen weapons lockers on this ship. They can't
have emptied every one of them.
TUCKER: Trust me, Captain, I've already checked.
ARCHER: I've got an idea, but you're going to need some help to pull it
off. They used a hypospray to wake me up. It's in Launch bay two. (Krem returns with a glass of water and half eaten sandwich.)
KREM: This is
ARCHER: Glad you're enjoying it.
KREM: Maybe we should take your cook with us.
ARCHER: Do you mind?
(Krem puts the glass and food into Archer's hands
while he hunts for the handcuff keys.)
(Tucker finds the hypospray and injects T'Pol, then
TUCKER: You're going to be fine. Just because a guy's in his underwear
you think the worst.
(Hoshi isn't waking up.)
T'POL: I assume you have an explanation.
TUCKER: Doctor Phlox made me clear bio-scan after I got back from that
lunar survey. While I was in decon, something knocked out the entire
crew. Aliens are in control of the ship.
T'POL: That artefact you brought back from the lunar surface. It must
have been placed there intentionally. When I opened it, the canister
released some kind of gas.
(The door opens, T'Pol lies down again and Trip hides.)
KREM: This female is different from the others. What species is she?
ARCHER: She's a Vulcan.
(Archer wheels a cabinet away.)
ARCHER:They're really not all that
interesting once you get to know them.
KREM: I'd like to get to know this one. Maybe I won't sell her. Not
ARCHER: Trust me. She's got no sense of humor. She's always
(Krem adores her pointed ears.)
(They leave with the cabinet.)
TUCKER: You okay?
T'POL: There are times I wish Vulcans hadn't learned to repress their
TUCKER: Come on, we've got work to do.
T'POL: What about the others?
TUCKER: I can't wake anybody else up. This hypospray is empty. Let's
go, unless you want to be sold into slavery.
(In a crewman's quarters, Trip puts on a uniform overall, for modesty's
(Muk scans the body scanner.)
MUK: There's nothing
GRISH: You're not scanning deep enough. This is their vault. I saw one
just like it on a Gavarian ship.
MUK: Why would they keep a vault in the medical bay?
ULIS: Rule of Acquisition number twenty three. Nothing is more
important than your health, except for your money.
MUK: I don't see a locking mechanism.
GRISH: It must use some sort of magnetic seal. I'll need micro-charges
to blow it open.
ULIS: Hold on.
(He touches the right bit of the monitor screen and the
door opens, then the gurney extends out,)
MUK: This is a waste of time. We've only got three hours before they
begin to wake. It'll take days to search every hatch.
ULIS: We'll find it, Muk. Be patient. Open those.
(T'Pol watches their activities.)
GRISH [on monitor]: Empty.
MUK [on monitor]: Ah! I found something.
ULIS [on monitor]: Gold?
MUK [on monitor]: No,
MUK: But it looks like quality merchandise.
gun-type thing with a very long nozzle.)
MUK: Splendid craftsmanship.
ULIS: Add it to the pot.
MUK: Do I look like a Menk to you? This beauty's going in my personal
ULIS: We agreed to split our profits.
MUK: You said this ship would make us rich. We'll be lucky if we break
ULIS: We had a deal.
MUK: I'm amending it. Anything I find, I keep.
ULIS: Fine. I'll just deduct it from your share of the gold.
(Trip attaches a security lock to the Biomatter
resequencing section door)
MUK: What's wrong, Ulis? Can't find your pot of
ULIS: What's all this?
MUK: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Don't touch.
ULIS: If you're not going to help us you should return to the ship. And
what are you doing?
GRISH: Looking for the vault.
ULIS: They're not going to put it on a map, you idiot.
GRISH: I know that, but look. If I'm not mistaken these are the
[Outside the Bridge]
(T'Pol is eavesdropping on the alien's
ULIS [OC]: So?
GRISH [OC]: That's where you keep your latinum.
ULIS: What's the quickest route?
GRISH: We could take this elevator to this deck
[Outside the Bridge]
GRISH [OC]: And cut through here.
ULIS [OC]: It's worth a look.
(T'Pol taps her PADD.)
(An ear-bleeding noise makes the aliens cringe)
ULIS: Weapons! Where is it coming from?
GRISH: Over here!
(T'Pol sneaks in and takes some of the small boxes Muk has collected.)
GRISH: Make it stop!
(Muk shoots T'Pol's console and the noise stops.)
ULIS: Let's get to their Captain's quarters.
(Muk returns to the situation room.)
MUK: Where are my scanners? I left
them right here!
ULIS: You should be more careful with your acquisitions.
MUK: Oh, oh! Open your bag.
MUK: Open it.
ULIS: Are you calling me a thief?
MUK: Everybody knows you'd steal the wax out of your own mother's ears.
GRISH: Please, gentlemen. We're partners.
[Outside the Bridge]
MUK [OC]: Partners don't rob from each other.
ULIS [OC]: Why would I bother taking some worthless scanners?
(T'Pol touches her PADD.)
(A beeping sound emanates from Ulis's bag. Muk
grabs it and finds his scanners.)
ULIS: I didn't put them there.
MUK: Oh, really? Then who did?
ULIS: I tell you, I don't know.
MUK: Maybe they just jumped off the table and crawled inside. Where's
the other one? There were three.
GRISH: Don't look at me.
MUK: Give it back.
GRISH: Get away.
MUK: Come back here!
[Outside the Bridge]
(T'Pol holds a scanner in her hand.)
MUK [OC]: You heard me, you no-good cheating liar!
KREM: There. That one.
ARCHER: I'm surprised your friend didn't get electrocuted. You can't
just yank out an antimatter injector like it was a light bulb.
KREM: Would you mind?
ARCHER: I'll have to take the injector assembly offline.
KREM: Warp core parts are in high demand.
ARCHER: Even if your cousin does find the vault, what makes you think
he's going to share the gold with you?
KREM: We have a contract.
ARCHER: If you never see the vault, you'll never know what's in it. He
could try to cheat you out of your share.
KREM: He wouldn't cheat me.
ARCHER: What happened to 'Never allow family to stand in the way of
profit'? I've seen the way the others treat you. One of them said you
have no talent for business. Why not prove them wrong? I've got a
proposition for you. Help me capture your associates and I'll show you
where the vault is. We'll split the gold, fifty-fifty. Once they're in
the Brig you can fly off a wealthy man. You said you've always dreamed
of having your own ship.
KREM: How do I know you won't double-cross me?
ARCHER: You're the one holding the gun. Think about it. No more taking
orders, getting stuck with the menial work. I'll even throw in the
Vulcan female. So, what'll it be? Opportunities like this don't come
along every day.
KREM: Get back to work.
ARCHER: It's your loss.
GRISH: Where is the vault? Do you understand me?
(Porthos wages his tail and woofs.)
GRISH: I can't lock on to its language.
MUK: It's a lower lifeform, you fool. Probably the captain's next meal.
GRISH: Don't be so sure. Look at the size of its ears.
MUK: Ooo, I could get several bars of latinum for this creature at the
(He picks up Porthos.)
ULIS: There's nothing here. Let's search the other quarters.
MUK: I've had enough of vault hunting for one day. You two have fun.
[Alien cargo bay]
(Muk puts Porthos into a large box, then turns to
see someone trying to hide.)
MUK: Who's there?
(Trip makes a run for it/)
MUK: (into communicator) One of the aliens is awake.
(He chases him through the corridors. In the mess hall, Tucker pretends to be out cold at a table but
Muk spots him. They fight and Trip bites Muk's ear, takes his weapon
and runs out,)
(Ulis uses an electric whip to disarm Tucker,)
ULIS: Why aren't you asleep?
(He whips him again.)
ARCHER: What's next?
(Krem points at something out
ARCHER: Where do you expect me to put it? There's hardly any room left
on your ship. I think it's time you decided what you really want to
KREM: I'll ask Ulis.
ARCHER: Can't you make a simple decision by yourself? If you want to
run your own ship someday, maybe you should start showing a little
KREM: I'm not the one in charge.
ARCHER: And you never will be, with that attitude.
(Ulis, Muk and Grish
enter with Tucker.)
ULIS: Who's this?
ARCHER: My Chief Engineer.
ULIS: Why is he awake?
ARCHER: Don't ask me.
ULIS: Are there others?
ARCHER: I haven't seen anybody. (to Krem) You?
GRISH: The anaesthesia isn't supposed to wear off for another two
hours. Maybe we used the wrong dosage. There could be others awake. We
ULIS: Not without the gold.
MUK: Forget the gold. We'll never find it.
ULIS: If you want to leave, take one of their shuttlecraft. I'll be
happy to keep your share.
MUK: You expect me to go empty-handed?
ULIS: You can keep the shuttlecraft, and the females.
MUK: That's not good enough.
(Ulis pulls a weapon.)
ULIS: It'll have to be.
MUK: You'll regret this, Ulis.
ULIS: Get out.
MUK: Grish, help me with the women.
TUCKER: Wait. I'll show you the vault.
TUCKER: Leave the women here, and I'll let you have the gold.
ARCHER: Not another word, Commander. That's an order.
TUCKER: I'm not letting them take my wife.
KREM: She's not the one with the pointy ears, is she?
TUCKER: No. Her name's Hoshi, and you're going to keep your filthy
hands off her. Do we have a deal?
ARCHER: You take them anywhere near that vault, and I'll throw you in
the Brig for insubordination.
TUCKER: You don't give a damn about this crew. All you care about is
your precious gold.
ARCHER: I'm warning you, Trip.
TUCKER: You're a greedy son of a bitch.
ARCHER: What's your wife worth? Five bars of gold, maybe six? Let them
take Hoshi, and I'll give you ten.
ARCHER: All right, fifteen.
(Tucker launches himself at Archer and they
wrestle, sort of. Muk and Ulis pull them apart.)
ULIS: Enough! I accept your offer.
TUCKER: You'll leave the women?
ULIS: You have my word as a businessman.
TUCKER: Follow me.
ULIS: Wait here. I'll go.
MUK: So you can cheat us out of our share? Hide it in the bottom of
your bag? I plan to count every bar of that gold myself before it
leaves the vault.
ULIS: We'll count it later.
MUK: Oh, I know you too well, Ulis.
GRISH: If he's going, I'm going.
KREM: Me, too.
ULIS: We can't all go. Time's running out. Someone has to stay and
finish loading the ship.
GRISH: That's Krem's job.
KREM: I'm tired of doing this job. I don't want to do all the menial
KREM: It's time that I showed a little initiative. I have the lobes for
business. You just never give me the chance to prove it.
ULIS: Get back to work!
KREM: Yes, cousin.
(The others leave.)
ARCHER: You sure told him.
KREM: Get back to work.
(Archer leans over and goes ouch.)
ARCHER: My back.
KREM: What about it?
ARCHER: I think I pulled a muscle. It's an old water-polo injury.
Flares up every now and then. I just need to rest.
KREM: We don't have any time. If Ulis comes back and we're not
ARCHER: Then you'd better get working.
(Krem handcuffs him to a
handrail and gets on with lugging boxes to the ship.)
ULIS: Where are we going?
TUCKER: Bottom deck.
MUK: We already looked there.
TUCKER: You obviously didn't look in the right place.
ULIS: After you.
[Alien cargo hold]
T'POL: Have you come to rescue me?
KREM: How did you wake up?
T'POL: Whatever put the others to sleep didn't affect me in the same
way. My body works differently than the humans.
T'POL: That's the name of their species. They're a terrible race.
KREM: Then why do you live with them?
T'POL: It wasn't my choice. I'm a captive here. They've enslaved me.
Please, take me with you.
KREM: You would make a handsome wife. Do you know how to perform
T'POL: I'm well-trained in the arts of pleasure, but I'm not familiar
KREM: My lobes. Stroke my lobes.
T'POL: Like this?
(She does a double handed caress.)
(Krem turns to jelly in her hands)
T'POL: And this?
KREM: Oh, yes!
(Then she neck-pinches him, and takes the handcuff keys
and a phase pistol.)
ULIS: Haven't we been through this section?
TUCKER: Not yet.
ULIS: I recognise that conduit.
TUCKER: We have a thousand conduits like that on this ship.
MUK: We're going in circles.
TUCKER: This way.
GRISH: Isn't there a more direct route?
TUCKER: That's the beauty of this thing. It's impossible to find unless
you know exactly where you're going.
ULIS: How much further?
TUCKER: Keep your shirt on. It's close.
TUCKER: Watch your head.
MUK: Is this your plan, to walk us to death?
ULIS: Is this some kind of trick?
TUCKER: Relax. We're here.
(The three aliens try to go through the hatch at the same time to see
Trip working at the lock he installed earlier.)
GRISH: The vault?
TUCKER: It's all yours.
ULIS: Open it. Open it! (Tucker opens the hatch slightly.)
TUCKER: Better let me go in first.
TUCKER: Knowing Captain Archer, he's probably rigged the place with
booby traps. Just give me a few minutes to check it out.
MUK: No! You could have a weapon hidden in there.
(Tucker stands aside.)
ULIS: I'll go.
MUK: Not without me, you won't. You'll fill your pockets with gold.
ULIS: Take your hands off me!
GRISH: We don't have all day.
ULIS: Get away from that hatch! Out of my way!
GRISH: Thief! I want my share!
ULIS: It's mine!
MUK: Get back, or I'll gnaw your hands off!
GRISH: My gold! My gold!
(The three dash into the room, where T'Pol is hiding behind the door.)
ULIS: It's a trap!
(T'Pol stuns them with a phase pistol)
TUCKER: Sorry fellas, bank must be closed today.
ARCHER: Did it work?
(Archer holds out his manacled wrists.)
ARCHER: Do you have the key?
T'POL: Not that interesting. No sense of humour. Always complaining.
ARCHER: I'll make it up to you.
ARCHER: Five bars of gold? Open these things, Sub-Commander. That's an
(Trip supervises Muk and Grish putting the
torpedoes back in the Armoury where they belong.)
[Alien cargo bay]
(Archer releases Porthos from the box and gives
him a big cuddle.)
ARCHER: Yeah, Porthos. You okay?
ARCHER: I'm going to be contacting the Vulcan High
Command as well as Starfleet. If you come within a light year of any
one of our ships you won't know what hit you.
KREM: You'll never see us again.
(The other three are tied up.)
ARCHER: If you want to be unshackled, you might think about showing
Krem here a little more respect.
ULIS: Release me, and I'll forget this ever happened.
KREM: Later, maybe. If you're nice.
ULIS: Let me go, you idiot!
KREM: Shut up! (to T'Pol) Are you sure you want to stay here with the
hu-mans? With my ship and your talents we could build a vast fortune.
(T'Pol walks away, Archer right behind her.)
ULIS: I'll let you have my latinum pen. The one you've always had your
KREM: No thanks.
ULIS: My beetle-snuff collection.
(Krem settles into the Captain's chair.)
KREM: Makes me sneeze.
ULIS: Name your price.
GRISH: Whatever he offers you, I'll double it.
ULIS: Krem! We're family.
MUK: I know a Bolian female. I could introduce you.
(Krem takes hold of the flight controls, the little ship undocks and
flies away without us ever learning the name of their race.)