Tonight's the Night

Tonight's the Night broadcast on BBC One on 23 May 2009


(JOHN BARROWMAN in purple satin suit and dark shirt in a studio, presenting a section of his programme "Tonight's The Night" before an audience.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: Over the past three weeks, we've been on a journey across the galaxy from Gallifrey to Gateshead. Our quest? To unearth a brand new alien superstar.
(Doctor Who theme in background plays.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: For Doctor Who fans, this was the performance dream that money simply could not buy - the chance to star in an original scene penned by the godfather of Doctor Who, Russell T Davies.
(Cheering from the audience.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: So tonight's the night for our winner, the evil alien Sao Til, to enter the TARDIS. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

(Inside the TARDIS control room, an alien called SAO TIL with blue skin wearing a coat and hat, and the one of one of its arms is a large round cylindrical device containing all around it multiple instruments - a weapon. The harsh voice is also slightly treated to make it sound alien.)
SAO TIL: Soon the power over time and space will be mine.
CAPTAIN JACK: Hold it right there, mister.
(JOHN BARROWMAN in costume as CAPTAIN JACK at TARDIS doors aiming a gun at him.)
CAPTAIN JACK: Who the hell are you and what are you doing on the TARDIS?
SAO TIL: The TARDIS is mine.
CAPTAIN JACK: The TARDIS belongs to the Doctor.
SAO TIL: I am the Doctor. Don't you recognise me?
(CAPTAIN JACK puts down the gun and looks at SAO TIL. No eyes, nose or mouth are visible on the lumpy face, although the mouth moves when he speaks.)
CAPTAIN JACK: You regenerated?
SAO TIL: This is my new form.
CAPTAIN JACK: It's a bit blue.
CAPTAIN JACK: Works for me, it's kind of hot. If you don't mind me saying, I like the hat.
SAO TIL: Thank you.
(He raises his arm and CAPTAIN JACK sees the weapons built in.)
CAPTAIN JACK: Whoa, what's with the hand?
SAO TIL: This is my new weapon. It is a neural probe, capable of paralysing my prey.
CAPTAIN JACK: That's fascinating. Because if I know the Doctor...
(He grabs SAO TIL and pulls him across the console.)
CAPTAIN JACK: ... he never carries any weapons. Now tell me - who are you?
(SAO TIL throws CAPTAIN JACK across the room. He has his gun poised, but so does CAPTAIN JACK.)
SAO TIL: My name is Sao Til from the planet Aminochia. With the TARDIS under my command, I shall wreak havoc across the cosmos.
CAPTAIN JACK: Yeah? Doing what?
SAO TIL: My species are arms traders.
CAPTAIN JACK: More weapons?
SAO TIL: No, literally, we deal in arms and legs.
SAO TIL: The occasional spine.
CAPTAIN JACK: Body snatchers.
SAO TIL: I'm told that Captain Jack has donated quite a few organs in his time.
(CAPTAIN JACK lowers his gun and looks up nostalgically.)
CAPTAIN JACK: Oh yeah, there was this party once in Alpha Centauri with three...
(He suddenly remembers where he is and points his gun.)
CAPTAIN JACK: Never mind that!
CAPTAIN JACK: You are not gonna get the TARDIS. I'm gonna stop you, Sao Til.
(SAO TIL indicates his side arm.)
SAO TIL: I will paralyse you and take your brain.
CAPTAIN JACK: Get out, or I'll shoot!
SAO TIL: I'll shoot first.
CAPTAIN JACK: I'm warning you!
SAO TIL: I'm warning you!
CAPTAIN JACK: You'll die, Sao Til!
SAO TIL: You'll die, Captain Jack! Die now and die forever!
(The TARDIS door opens. DAVID TENNANT looks in.)
(Applause from the audience. JOHN BARROWMAN drops out of character. He and SAO TIL hide their weapons and stand together as DAVID TENNANT comes in. DAVID TENNANT has a red printed T-shirt and a jacket and is using his own voice, not his Cockney-type Doctor voice.)
DAVID TENNANT: What are you doing in here? Everyone's gone home.
JOHN BARROWMAN: I was just showing a friend of mine around the TARDIS.
(SAO TIL waves. Laughter from the audience.)
SAO TIL: My name is Sao Til.
(Laughter from the audience.)
SAO TIL: From the planet Aminochia.
JOHN BARROWMAN: Stoke-on-Trent.
(The audience laugh. DAVID TENNANT nods, and SAO TIL waves.)
DAVID TENNANT: Well, I - I was just heading off. Do you want a lift?
JOHN BARROWMAN: No, no, no, fine. Er - we'll tidy up.
(Laughing. DAVID TENNANT who is wearing jeans walks off the console room set onto the studio floor. He turns back.)
DAVID TENNANT: Oh, and John? One other thing.
(Laughter from the audience, and cheering.)
(JOHN BARROWMAN curtseys.)
(Laughing from the audience.)
(SAO TIL waves goodbye. DAVID TENNANT turns to them, puts two fingers to his own eyes then points to each of them in turn to indicate 'I'm watching you.' Laughter from the audience, and applause. DAVID TENNANT walks past the green screen and leaves.)
SAO TIL: He's so cool.
JOHN BARROWMAN: I know. I love him.
JOHN BARROWMAN: Anyway, listen, where were we? Okay?
(He goes back into character again, and they aim their guns at each other again.)
CAPTAIN JACK: I'm gonna get you, evil Sao Til!
SAO TIL: I'm gonna get you, Captain Jack.
CAPTAIN JACK: Oh, yeah? Bang, bang! I'm immortal!
(They pretend to fire at each other.)
CAPTAIN JACK: Bang, bang!
(He lifts his leg as he aims.)
SAO TIL: Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!

(Young fair-haired man TIM INGHAM in shirt and trousers in the studio with JOHN BARROWMAN as the audience applaud.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: How amazing was that?
(TIM INGHAM shakes his head in amazement.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: And someone watching every single frame was Tim Ingham, otherwise known as Sao Til. Tim...
(Cheering from the audience.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: Congratulations.
(TIM INGHAM lowers his head, shaking his head.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: Now, that was the first time you've ever seen that.
JOHN BARROWMAN: What went through your head?
TIM INGHAM: It's amazing. It's just so good seeing it live like that. Absolutely amazing.
(He clasps his hands together.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: Because it's been a childhood dream of yours, since you were a little boy, you always wanted to be in Doctor Who. Now you've seen it. Now you've seen it. Tell us! It must be incredible!
TIM INGHAM: It was ... just ... it's a whole amazing experience to actually be on the TARDIS with yourself and David. And ... I just want to thank everyone in Cardiff, everyone here in London, and you for making my dreams come true.
JOHN BARROWMAN: Well, listen...
JOHN BARROWMAN: You thought your day couldn't get any better, but it did. Let's take a look at what happened when you came face to face with your hero for the first time.
(Applause. They turn to look at the screen.)

(A sign over a door Stiwdio/Studio 6, a Doctor Who clapperboard listing EPISODE, SERIES and PROPS LIST, a car with registration KV58 GPX drives up. A man is there to greet TIM INGHAM who is wearing a red short-sleeved jacket and dark T-shirt as he comes out of the car.)
MAN: Hello there. How are you?
TIM INGHAM: All right, thank you.
(They shake hands. Then TIM INGHAM with another man walking into the studio hangar. Then RUSSELL T DAVIES talks over scenes of prop guns hanging on a wall then a man wheeling a trolley of metal canisters.)
RUSSELL T DAVIES: (over) I hope it's exciting for Tim coming down the Doctor Who set, 'cause you know, it is for me every single day.
(RUSSELL T DAVIES outside on a sunny day with a caption)
Russell T Davies
Lead Writer - Doctor Who
(He is standing before the BLUE BOX CAFE.)
RUSSELL T DAVIES: I've been working here for about six years now, I absolutely love it.

(White interior TARDIS doors.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: Here we go. Enter the TARDIS.
(Doctor Who music as the white doors are opened from outside and TIM INGHAM walks in accompanied by JOHN BARROWMAN in white hoodie and red printed T shirt. They walk into the TARDIS interior console set.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: Is it what you thought?
JOHN BARROWMAN: Go on. Go up to the console.
TIM INGHAM: Can I touch it?
(TIM INGHAM moves his hands back, almost afraid to touch it. His hands move along various controls as he gives a voice over)
TIM INGHAM: (over) To actually come here and see the set. It's just...

(TIM INGHAM standing in front of the TARDIS console.)
TIM INGHAM: I can't really describe it. It's like a boyhood dream that's just suddenly come true. I'm just completely blown away by everything.

(TIM INGHAM with JOHN BARROWMAN at the console set, a man in white T-shirt working on the wiring. Then a shot of JOHN BARROWMAN and TIM INGHAM standing closed eyes, moving their shoulders to relax ... unaware of DAVID TENNANT in the background who creeps up behind them.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: (over) While Tim tried to compose himself, it was time for his final surprise.
(DAVID TENNANT behind them puts a hand on their shoulders.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: Just think of calming down, and...
DAVID TENNANT: ... feel the massage on the back of your shoulders.
(TIM INGHAM turns and sees to his surprise DAVID TENNANT.)
(He turns away and laughs.)
TIM INGHAM: (laugh) Hello!
DAVID TENNANT: I'm David, nice to meet you.
(They shake hands.)
TIM INGHAM: I think I know you from somewhere.
(He laughs.)

(TIM INGHAM at console set.)
TIM INGHAM: Completely took me by surprise. I thought everything ... this was it. I thought there wasn't going to be anything else, and then ... to find David Tennant lurking over your back shoulder ... It's just absolutely mad.

(DAVID TENNANT with JOHN BARROWMAN and TIM INGHAM pulls out a script from his pocket.)
DAVID TENNANT: I've got a revised script here. So we're gonna do a slightly different version of the scene to the one you've been rehearsing, if that's all right with you...
DAVID TENNANT: I've got a little bit to do in it now.
(TIM INGHAM grinning.)

(TIM INGHAM at console set then shows JOHN BARROWMAN and DAVID TENNANT in the console set.)
TIM INGHAM: It's basically the big names of Doctor Who - John Barrowman, David Tennant, in the TARDIS. This is the pinnacle of my life so far.

(Make up, painting hand. TIM INGHAM is seated in a room with a woman in pink who is applying make up to make his hand turn blue.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: (over) After a quick transformation into his alien alter ego...
(A message under the Stiwdio/Studio 2 set)

(A clapperboard comes down showing scene 1 state 4 take 2, showing DIRECTOR ALICE TROUGHTON and CAMERA ERNIE VINCZE. then a cameraman and assistant cameraman inside the console room set.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: (over) it was finally time for Tim's big moment.
(Tim Ingham in costume as SAO TIL in the console room facing off against CAPTAIN JACK.)
SAO TIL: I'm gonna stop you, Captain Jack!
JOHN BARROWMAN: How do you think Tim has done today?
(DAVID TENNANT and CAPTAIN JACK in the console room set, DAVID TENNANT walking off.)
DAVID TENNANT: (over) What's depressing is he made it look easy.
DAVID TENNANT: And we sort of spend quite a lot of time trying to convince everyone that our job's really hard.
(In the studio the female Director closes the proceedings.)
ALICE TROUGHTON: That's a wrap! Hooray!
(They applaud TIM INGHAM.)

(TIM INGHAM in dark jacket in the console room set.)
TIM INGHAM: That was probably one of the best days of my life.
(CAPTAIN JACK applauding, SAO TIL bowing.)
TIM INGHAM: You can't describe how good it was, and ... I'd just like to thank everyone that came out today to give me my dream come true.

(JOHN BARROWMAN in the studio with his hands on TIM INGHAM's shoulders.)
JOHN BARROWMAN: You were one happy man.
(TIM INGHAM nods.)
TIM INGHAM: Yes, I was.
JOHN BARROWMAN: Yeah. Thanks to the entire Doctor Who team and to Russell T Davies, and thanks to Tim, everybody!
(He points at TIM INGHAM. Cheering and applause from the audience.)

Transcribed by David Tait

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