SOLDIER: With me, please, sir.
HYNES:I suggest that this er... meeting is adjourned... while we, er...
SOLDIER: Follow me.
HYNES: ..while we regroup.

[UNIT Corridor]

IBRAHIM: His name's Barclay Pierre-Dupont. He's a Grade Ten who works in logistics.
KATE: Family?
IBRAHIM: Ex-wife and teenage child.
KATE: Bring them in, put them in an interview room. I want his file on my screen by the time I get downstairs.

[Room]

KATE: Kate Lethbridge-Stewart.
(And four armed soldiers.)
BARCLAY: Yeah, I know. I book your taxis.
(A single plastic chair is the only furniture in the massive area.)
KATE: Sit down. We weren't expecting this, obviously.
BARCLAY: Me, either.
KATE: So help me understand. Out of nearly eight billion humans on this planet, why do Homo Aqua want you as Ambassador?
BARCLAY: I don't know.
KATE: What communications have you had with Homo Aqua prior to today?
BARCLAY: None. Never. I mean, I had a goldfish once. Is that relevant?
KATE: This isn't a joke, Mister Dupont.
BARCLAY: I'm not joking. He was called Simon.
KATE: Right now, a team of experts are trawling through every detail of your private life. Every text message, every email, every photo, everyone you've ever met.
SHIRLEY [OC]: Barclay Pierre-Dupont, born 15.11.82. Get me his immediate family.
SOLDIER [OC]: Yes, ma'am. Vehicles en route.
MIN TSO [OC]: Parents, deceased. Married Barbara Nyamai, June 2003. Divorced November 2022. The split was amicable.

[Outside Barbara's home]

BARBARA: Whatever he's done, I'm not part of it. We're not even together!
SOLDIER: I understand, ma'am. Sit down.
(She is driven away. Kirby is picked up from school, again by armed soldiers.)
MAN [OC]: Teenage child. Kirby, 16. Lives with the mother. Studying A-levels.
SHIRLEY [OC]: Seize all devices and bring them in for questioning right now.

[Room]

BARCLAY: My family have got nothing to do with this. They don't even know I'm here. I never asked for this to happen, okay? But I do want to help. And the thing is... you need me. Am I right? Well, am I right?

BBC REPORTER: The first day of H2O diplomacy has concluded with an abrupt change of ambassador. Sir Jonathan Hynes has made no comment over his dismissal, and the identity of the new ambassador has been suppressed.
TRINITY WELLS: This man is the most important person on the planet. Don't we have a right to know who he is?
GLADSTOCK: (Albion Party) We cannot allow a foreign species to dictate our diplomacy process. This is dangerous.

[Corridor]

KATE: Prime Minister.
SHAW: The H20 Committee will not allow a random civilian to represent them.
HYNES: Kate, you're to go back in that room and tell her. We choose our Ambassador and the Committee's decision is final.
SHAW: I'd do it myself, but it doesn't look good, does it, if I'm the one in there when war breaks out?
KATE: Not when you can blame UNIT.
SHAW: Sorry. That's not what I meant. Look, maybe it's better woman-to-woman. If that's what she is. Is that what she is? Please, Kate. We're relying on you.

[Empress Hall]

KATE:Thank you for this unscheduled consultation. I am Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, Commander-in-Chief of the Unified Intelligence Taskforce and representative of the H2O Committee. The Committee has requested urgent action regarding the role of Human Ambassador. Rather than appoint this civilian, they request that you trust in our original candidate.
SALT: You talk of trust, while meeting in secret. In the dark. We would hear from the Ambassador.
KATE: Mister Dupont is unprepared.
SALT: We would hear... from the Ambassador. Come closer. Hello.
BARCLAY: Er... do...do you have a name? Is that a thing? Because... I'm Barclay. It's Scottish. Well, my... my gran was... my gran was Scottish.
SALT: My title will not translate. But you may call me Salt.
BARCLAY: Salt. Hi. Listen, I'm just a regular guy. I work in an office. I don't know about diplomacy or politics. I don't even own a decent suit.
SALT: We chose you for your humanity and compassion, not your expertise. Your leaders would replace you, but what do you want?
BARCLAY: I'm... I'm fine with whatever they decide.
SALT: No. What do you really think?
BARCLAY: I think... this process is about everybody, right?The whole world. It's not just prime ministers and presidents, it's real people, like me, who worry about their bills and their kids. I mean, I'm a nobody, I get it, but I think... maybe it's time people like me had more of a voice.
SALT: We hear you, Ambassador. It is decided. Your request has been heard and denied. Barclay will be present at dawn tomorrow, or negotiations will end.

[Underground car park]

(Under armed escort.)
BARCLAY: Oh, no. Where are you taking me? Huh?What about my family? Please, I don't want to be shot. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[UNIT armoured car]

BARCLAY: Are you going to kill me?
KATE: I forgot my gun.
BARCLAY: Really?
KATE: No.
BARCLAY: Ah! Look, look, look, look, I'm not a spy or a collaborator. And I wasn't disrespecting anyone, if that's how it sounded, all right? And my mouth, it just goes on autopilot. I mean, the same thing happened when I proposed to my ex. It took me about 20 minutes to get to the ring...
KATE: Barclay. I need someone I can work with.
BARCLAY: Well, yeah, of course you do, yeah.
KATE: And I think I can work with you.
BARCLAY: What? Wait, hang on, I mean... About five minutes ago, you were trying to get rid of me.
KATE: I have to tread carefully. All UNIT wants is a peaceful settlement, but there are levels and levels of politics at play here, international rivalries that go way back. The truth is, I've spent my whole life fighting for this planet. Now, with your help, I get to build a better world for every one.
BARCLAY: I don't want to let you down. I mean, I keep thinking about the time I mixed up the taxis and you ended up in...
KATE: Splott. I remember. But Homo Aqua chose you for a reason, and I'm prepared to give you a chance. BARCLAY: Okay, er... so what happens now?
KATE: Now... your life changes.
(They travel in convoy, sirens wailing.)
MAN [OC]: The Ambassador's transport now arriving at diplomatic hotel. Clear the corridors.
(A woman in hotel uniform takes a surrepticious photograph of Barclay arriving.)

[Windsor Hotel corridor]

CHAKRI: Security protocols. All delegates and diplomatic staff are being relocated for their own safety.
BARCLAY: But for how long? And what about my family? Can I call them?
BARBARA: Barclay!
KIRBY: Dad!
BARCLAY: Hey-eh.
BARBARA: What the hell's going on?
BARCLAY: I know, I know, I know, I know.

[Control room]

SALT [on screen]: Barclay will be present at dawn tomorrow or negotiations will end.
SHIRLEY: We hear you. That's what she said to him. We. And if that's true, how was she communicating with her people?
CHESNEY: Maybe she's wearing an implant.
MIN TSO: Well, they could have shared consciousness.
SHIRLEY: Or some kind of mycorrhizal network.
CHESNEY: Well, maybe they've mastered sound in a way we don't understand, using frequencies we can't even hear. Like Mariah Carey.
KATE: I noticed something earlier, when Sir Jonathan presented the flower. Everyone focused on her, but look. The exact moment she inhales, they all do, even the ones in the water.
HART: She's softening her language. She used sarcasm, like she's learning, adapting.
SHIRLEY: They want an everyman as Ambassador. But is that what she is? 'Cos she's extraordinary.
IBRAHIM: Those remains are en route to the lab. And the H20 Committee are kicking off. They want to see you.
CHESNEY: So we're just accepting her choice of Ambassador? What if he's not up to it?
KATE: Their race has survived under the sea for millennia with centuries of social, evolutionary and technological advantage. She's running this show, whether we like it or not.

[UNIT Lab]

(The body bag containing Salt's dead children is unzipped.)
NOVAK: Evening.
BANGURA: Didn't think you were in tonight.
NOVAK: I volunteered. Didn't want to miss this.
BANGURA: Let's prep one for imaging.
NOVAK: Mmm hmm.
BANGURA: Careful. We'll take tissue samples. Prep some slides.

[Hotel suite]

BARBARA: But you... you work in admin. You're not an Ambassador! You couldn't even finish your wedding speech!
BARCLAY: Only cos your dad spilt wine all over it.
BARBARA: Urgh!
BARCLAY: On purpose!
KIRBY: So you're literally the person they're talking about on TV? Like, all the time.
BARCLAY: Yeah, but you can't say a word, not to anyone.
BARBARA: Who are we going to tell? We're prisoners!
KIRBY: But Dad is famous!
BARCLAY: Okay, just look on the bright side, look at the view. That's... It's nice. And this room, it's amazing, isn't it? It's huge.
BARBARA: Am I the only person living in the real world right now? What about work and school? Kirby's got that coach trip on Thursday.
BARCLAY: A coach trip?
BARBARA: Yeah.
BARCLAY: Oh, I'm gladyou've got your priorities in order. Never mind the massive international crisis. Er, no, I'm not sure the minibar's included.
BARBARA: Sue me.
KIRBY: So, if you're an Ambassador, does that mean you get to make, like, actual decisions?
BARCLAY: No. God, no. They've got like this whole committee who writes everything, does the policy. I just have to read it out.
KIRBY: But then, like, why you?
BARCLAY: I don't know. She just chose me.
KIRBY: What's she like?
BARCLAY: Well... I mean, she's kind of like us, but she's... Like, I don't know. She's beautiful.
BARBARA: Beautiful?
BARCLAY: Yeah.
BARBARA: She's a fish.
BARCLAY: She's not a fish. She's not a fish, and she's not a person. She's something else. Anyway, I'm not even supposed to be talking about this.
BARBARA: Convenient.
BARCLAY: Barbara, do you... do you really think I asked for this?
BARBARA: I have no idea, because it turns out my ex-husband, who can't even assemble flat-pack furniture...
BARCLAY: Furniture, God.
BARBARA: ..is a secret agent who lied about his job and is now saving the world! So excuse me if I have questions. I'm making the most of this massive bath.

[Kate and Ibrahim's apartment]

KATE: We're putting an enormous amount of pressure on one man. I hope he's up to it.
IBRAHIM: My father taught me to rely on instinct over intel. Trust my gut. He'd say... (Arabic)
KATE: He sounds very wise, your dad.
IBRAHIM: He is. You should meet him. What does your instinct say?
KATE: Oh, I've seen ordinary people achieve extraordinary things. But they're usually travelling with the Doctor.
IBRAHIM: And Barclay has you by his side.
KATE: The oceans cover 71 percent of this planet's surface. The human race is quite literally surrounded. And if it comes to war... I wonder if we even stand a chance.
IBRAHIM: Let me take your mind off it.

[UNIT Lab]

BANGURA: Are those tissue samples ready?
NOVAK: Yep, two seconds.
(She has her back to him, talking to their guard. He steals one of the tissue slides.)

[Street]

(His taxi pulls up behind a limosine in the rain. He gets out and delivers a package to the politician from earlier.)
SPEARS: You're late. Your citizenship is approved. Welcome to Britain.
(And drives off. Marko Novak checks his documents.)
NOVAK: What about my mother? Hey! What about my mother?

[Sir Keith Spears' home]

SPEARS: Thanks, Maria.
ESTHER: Hello, darling. Can't stop. Gallery opens Friday and Sue's got Covid. It's been chaos.
SPEARS: Okay. Fill me in later, yeah?
ESTHER: Yeah. Oh, your guests. They're waiting in the dining room.
SPEARS: Generals, sorry to keep you.
GUNSBERG: Hey, take your time. Look at this spread.
SPEARS: Homo Aqua tissue samples. Know thine enemy. Oh, I haven't eaten all day.
GUNSBERG: We know what they're going to ask for, right? What do we do?
SPEARS: Don't worry. Leave the fish to us.
GUNSBERG: It'll be the death of the energy industry. Of your livelihood.
DUSSOLIER: We've run simulations. Look at the impact of wars and the pandemic on Western economies and multiply that by a hundred.
GUNSBERG: We'll be sliding into recession.
DUSSOLIER: The public are already panicked. My mother was in the bank today,emptying her account.
SPEARS: Yeah, which one?
GUNSBURG: The President's sole focus is to protect the stability of the US economy.
SPEARS: Mine is to protect my companies.
GUNSBERG: That's what we hoped you'd say. But, with UNIT running the diplomacy, there's constant opposition.
DUSSOLIER: Hmm. Kate Lethbridge-Stewarthas influence, with the H2O Committee and with your Prime Minister.
SPEARS: Not to worry. Harry's attentions are divided at the moment, and he always listens to his biggest donor.
GUNSBERG: Good. We'll need you onside when we brief him.
SPEARS: Oh, you had me at recession.

[Kate and Ibrahim's apartment]

(He's asleep, she's still sitting up awake. A notification alerts her to the UKBN article with the photo of Barclay. Headline - Barclay who? Human ambassador is UNIT employee.)
KATE: Oh, shi...

[Hotel suite]

(Barclay runs the gauntlet of reporters as he leave the hotel.)
BARBARA: How's he on the news? He's supposed to be a secret.
UKBN REPORTER: The H2O Diplomacy Committee are denying all interview requests. The only thing we do know about Barclay Pierre-Dupont, our new Ambassador, is that the world is watching.
(He gets into the vehicle.)
RADIO [OC]: Copy that. The route is clear. The route is clear. KIRBY: Go on, Dad.

[Foyer]

KATE: Morning, Colonel. Mrs Bingham.
IBRAHIM: Commander.
KATE: What do we know about the leak?
IBRAHIM: The photo was emailed to the press by an anonymous source.
SHIRLEY: Except I've cross-matched the image with CCTV from the hotel. The photographer was General Dominique Dussolier, the French representative.
KATE: Quelle surprise. She's been undermining NATO since she first drew breath.
SHIRLEY: And if she discredits UNIT, she gets more influence over the H20 Committee.
KATE: Get the French Ambassador on the phone. I'm in the mood for a bollocking.
IBRAHIM: Press Association is still demanding access to the Hall. I'm not sure we want to get them offside.
KATE: Fine, let them in. But no live TV. Fifty people maximum, and anyone who steps out of line gets barred.

[Empress Hall]

SOLDIER: I'm sorry, General Dussolier, your access to the hall has been revoked. Come with us, please.

[Corridor]

DUSSOLIER: C'est inadmissible. Vous pouvez pas me refuser l'entree.
PIERCE: Just stick to the text on your screen and you'll be fine.
HART: Keep your body language and your vocal tone neutral at all times. No crossed arms, no raised voice, no sign of aggression or impatience.
KATE: Everything you say or do or think has to come through us.
BARCLAY: What's the point of being Ambassador if all I'm doing is reading?
KATE: There is a team of 43 people working round the clock on this document. UN diplomats and wartime negotiators vetting every last syllable. Prime ministers, presidents, royalty. Frankly, it's a miracle we got past the contents page. You cannot go rogue.
PIERCE: Are we ready?
KATE: We're all behind you.
BARCLAY: Well, yeah, literally. I'm the one standing up there.
KATE: You can do this.
BARCLAY: Oh, God. I can't stop shaking.

[Control room]

KATE: Tell the press no camera flashes, and keep an eye on Barclay's obs.
MIN TSO: Blood pressure 138 over 90. Bit high. Pulse is 82 and steady.

[Cabinet Office Briefing Room A - Downing Street]

KATE [OC]: Is Downing Street online? Prime Minister?
SHAW: Yes, we're here.

[Control room]

KATE: All right. Good luck, everyone. Mrs Bingham?
SHIRLEY: Open seals.
KATE: Ambassador, are you okay?

[Empress Hall]

KATE [OC]: Ambassador? Barclay?
BARCLAY: Mmm? Yeah? Oh, sorry. Yes, yes, yes, I'm here. It's me.
(The same delegation enter.)
BARCLAY: Hello again.

[Control room]

HART: That's not scripted.
KATE: Barclay.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: Sorry.
(Reads autocue.)
BARCLAY: I bid you welcome, Ambassador, and bring to session this diplomatic congress. On behalf of all nations, I would like to say... how sorry I am about your children.
SALT: Are you a parent?

[Control room]

KATE: Yes, yes, he's a parent. Teenage child, Kirby. Barclay, just say yes.
BARCLAY [on screen]: Yes.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: I can't imagine what that was like for you.
SALT: Your apology is appreciated.
KATE [OC]: Now back to the text, please.
BARCLAY: We begin today by hearing proposals to formalise our peace treaty.
SALT: But first... we request... a glass of water.
BARCLAY: Er, is... Well, it's... Is... is that...? Can we?
SALT: Water from the river.
BARCLAY: From the river?

[Control room]

CHESNEY: What? They drink river water?
KATE: Barclay, read the screen.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: Er, we will arrange that immediately.

[Outside Imperial House]

SOLDIER: Go, go, go! Move, let's go! Come on!

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: If, er, I could return to the agenda, we'd like...
SALT: We will wait.
BARCLAY: Okay. Oh, okay. They... they said okay.

[Embankment]

(Down a riverboat mooring ramp.)
SOLDIER: Defensive formation. In and out, quick as you can. Keep your eyes on the water! Don't turn your back, not for one second.
(The sample is very brown.)

[Empress Hall]

(The glass is handed to Barclay.)
BARCLAY: The glass requires decontamination. Shall I place it in the airlock?
SALT: The water is not for us. It is for you.
BARCLAY: Sorry. Sorry, I don't... I don't understand.
SALT: You will drink it.

[Control room]

KATE: Hold on, Barclay. Get me intel on that water.

[Empress Hall]

SALT: You will drink.
BARCLAY: Er... Just, like, actually drink it?

[Control room]

SHIRLEY: E. coli's guaranteed. Dysentery, meningitis and Legionnaires' disease.

[Empress Hall]

KATE [OC]: Barclay, do not drink the water.
BARCLAY: But what do I say?
KATE [OC]: Stand by.
(Up comes the autocue.)
BARCLAY: Er, with respect, I am unable to drink this.
SALT: Why?
BARCLAY: The water is contaminated.
SALT: Why?

[Control room]

KATE: She knows why. Skip to 16, paragraph 12.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: We're aware of the current pollution crisis and are putting...
SALT: These are the words of a politician. Vetted and craven and hollow. You would answer.

[Control room]

KATE: Barclay, stick to the script.

[Empress Hall]

KATE [OC]: Barclay. Ambassador, refer to your screen.
(Which says Continue with prepared text. It is important that I am in constant contact with the diplomatic control room.)
BARCLAY: Why?
KATE [OC]: Barclay, no!
(Takes out his ear piece.)
BARCLAY: Because we were stupid. That's the truth of it. And the whole planet's going to hell right now because we didn't understand the consequences.
SALT: But now you do.
BARCLAY: Yeah.Yeah, now we do.

[Control room]

HART: This is too risky.
KATE: No, wait.
BARCLAY [OC]: Still, every day, water companies are...

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: ..pumping poison and sewage into our rivers and oceans, all the while dishing out bonuses to their bosses. And the thing is, we are letting them get away with it! We're just sat at home, flicking through our phones, making tea, thinking it's someone else's problem!

[Control room]

BARCLAY: But it's not. This is my fault. We all played our part. Now we have to help fix it. And the thing is...

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: ..our kids know this! Our kids. They're way ahead of us. Why aren't we listening? Well, today's the day we start.
SALT: I think you are my favourite human.

[UNIT armoured car]

(Big crowd outside the hotel.)
CHAKRI: Come on.

[Hotel suite]

BARCLAY: Oh, I feel amazing! I'm sorry, but...but I do. It's like... it's like I want to run. I just want to... I just want to run for miles. I've got so much energy right now!
KIRBY: Run!
BARCLAY: What?
KIRBY: You're ridiculous.
BARCLAY: You know, I was thinking about you today.
KIRBY: Me?
BARCLAY: When I was standing up there like a lemon, I was thinking about all those things you'd told me, you and your hippy mates.
KIRBY: Well, they're not hippies, and that's not even a word any more, so...
BARCLAY: Well, I just wish that I'd listened sooner. But I'm listening now, I promise you.
KIRBY: Who even are you?
BARCLAY: Oh, I don't know, but I like it.
KIRBY: You're on telly again. You're always on telly, aren't you?
BARBARA: They're calling you passionate.
BARCLAY: Passionate. Yeah, that's me.
BARBARA: You haven't been passionate since Christmas 2010.
KIRBY: Oh, oh!
BARCLAY: Oi, oi. I need a drink.
BARBARA: Here. Tastes better than river water.
BARCLAY: Mmm. Do you know, it just hit me just now. This is history in the making. Right now. And I'm part of it. I'm a... I'm a historical figure. It's crazy, isn't it?
BARBARA: Okay. So what's she like, then, your fishy ambassador?
BARCLAY: Are you jealous?
BARBARA: Please.
KIRBY: She is.
BARCLAY: You are. You're jealous.
KIRBY: Can we order room service now?
BARBARA: Sure. I'll have the fish.

[Control room]

PIERCE: The H2O Committee have prepped new models for environmental regulation.
KATE: The Greens have been trying to achieve these targets for decades.
SHIRLEY: That timeframe will be a challenge.
PIERCE: The H2O Committee consulted with industry on that. Moving on, the French consulate have lodged an official complaint over General Dussolier's removal from the Hall. They want her reinstated.
KATE: Tough. They've seen the evidence.
PIERCE: She's denying it, and she has influence. I think it'd be dangerous to shut her out.
KATE: Fine. Fine. We've got bigger problems.
HART: Meanwhile, we've been debating communication theories, how the Homo Aqua Ambassador is able to send and receive information seemingly instantaneously.
MIN TSO: Yeah, we're looking into oceanic mycelium networks.
PIERCE: Mycelium? Well, that's the mushrooms, right?
MIN TSO: Mushrooms are the reproductive organs of mycelium networks.
CHESNEY: Wait, I'm eating reproductive organs on my toast?
MIN TSO: Mycelium networks are the fungal threads believed to connect individual plants and trees to share and recycle vital minerals.
SHIRLEY: A lot of these theories are debatable.
MIN TSO: Yes, I know. But if algae and fungi interact in a similar way when in water, or if water itself forms some kind of network...
HART: Homo Aqua, Amphibia, Grandis, all these species could potentially be interconnected.
PIERCE: Like a hive mind?
KATE: What if the pearl is their connection point?
SHIRLEY: Or filter.
KATE: God, they're so far ahead of us, it's difficult to comprehend. We're literally children playing guessing games.

[Hotel suite]

(Barclay is going through images from the UNIT Black Archive - Pangaea, currently Serbia, currently Egypt.)
KIRBY: Dad?
BARCLAY: Couldn't sleep?
(Barclay is relegated to the couch. He moves to let Kirby sit down.)
KIRBY: Thank you. I just read your big speech again.
BARCLAY: Mmm hmm? It's more of a ramble.
KIRBY: It made me... it me made me proud, though.
BARCLAY: Really?
KIRBY: But with all the attention, are you going to be safe doing this?
BARCLAY: Yeah, course.
KIRBY: Do you promise?
BARCLAY: Yes. Promise. They're moving you out of here tomorrow, putting you in a proper safe house, away from all this. Okay?
KIRBY: I'd rather stay here with you. The whole world's changing, Dad.
BARCLAY: Well, maybe it needed to. Maybe it's for the best.

[Imperial House entrance]

CHAKRI: Your family will be moved to a safe house this morning. We're separating civilians from diplomatic staff.
BARCLAY: I know. Can I see them before they go?
CHAKRI: No, sorry, you're here all day.
HUNT: (UKBN Reporter) Barclay, hi. Rose-Marie Hunt. Nice suit.
CHAKRI: No interviews.
HUNT: What can you tell us about Homo Aqua's demands? How confident are you that we can achieve what they want? How are you coping under the pressure? And what happens if you mess this up?

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: Hiya.

[Control room]

KATE: Text on screen, please.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: Once again, I bid you welcome, and bring to session this diplomatic congress. World leaders have consulted with climate scientists and private enterprise on the subject of ocean pollution. We can guarantee a 50 percent reduction by 2065. Further reduction will then be exponential.
SALT: 2065?
BARCLAY: Correct.
SALT: Fifty percent.
BARCLAY: Yes.
SALT: Explain.
BARCLAY: It will take time to raise the finance and resources to tackle the problem, but world governments are committed to making it a priority.
SALT: Forty years?
BARCLAY: Yes.
SALT: This is unacceptable.
BARCLAY: An operation of this scale will stretch our resources to their limits. We regret we cannot guarantee a significant reduction of ocean pollution in a shorter timeframe.
SALT: So this is your final offer?
BARCLAY: You've waited millions of years beneath the ocean. Now we are asking for just 40 more years to reset, to give you what you want.
SALT: You are asking... for 15,000 revolutions of the Sun... when scores of us are dying every day. Should we wait while your engines deafen us, while your trawlers ravage our home, ..while we choke on your plastic and sewage? We cannot hear, or see, or breathe. So tell me why we should live like this for just one day longer.
BARCLAY: (sotto) I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
SALT: I believe that you are sorry.

[Control room]

SALT [OC]: But are your leaders?

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: The world is united in its desire for meaningful change.
SALT: Do they wish that they could achieve this sooner?
BARCLAY: Yes, of course.
SALT: Do they want to accelerate this process?

[Control room]

BARCLAY [on screen]: We are committed to undoing the damage we have inflicted on our planet.

[Empress Hall]

SALT: How committed?
BARCLAY: It is our greatest desire.
SALT: Then we shall grant it.
BARCLAY: Sorry, what do you mean?
SALT: Your greatest desire... is happening.

[Limousine]

KIRBY: What's happening?
BARBARA: I don't know.

[Control room]

SHIRLEY: Do you hear that?
IBRAHIM: Is it a storm?
KATE: That's no storm.

[Limousine]

KIRBY: It's plastic. Mum. Mum!
BARBARA: Oh, my God!
(A torrent of all the plastic bottles, bags, containers that just get thrown away every day and dumped, and not recycled, comes down to fill the streets.)
BARBARA: Turn the car around. Turn it around! Get us out of here!

[Control room]

SHIRLEY: It's happening everywhere all at once. The plastic's coming out of the oceans into our cities.
CHESNEY: It's not just the oceans. It's coming out of the Thames, out of the Nile, the Hudson.
KATE: Lock down the building. Get everyone to the lower levels.

[Empress Hall]

SOLDIER: Quick as you can. Come on. Come on, move it!
CHAKRI: Stop looking!
SOLDIER: Come on, clear the room! Keep going, keep going!
CHAKRI: Barclay, we need to leave. Right now. Come on. Now!
KATE: You have to stop!
SALT: We are cleaning up your mess!

[Corridor]

(Barclay's phone rings.)
BARCLAY: Oh wait, wait, wait, wait. You okay?
BARBARA [OC]: Barclay, what's happening?
BARCLAY: They're cleaning up the ocean. The plastic, the pollution, all of it. They're giving it back.

[Limousine]

BARBARA: We're in a car, it's chaos.

[Corridor]

BARCLAY: What? You're outside?
BARBARA [OC]: We can't get to the safe house. We can't cross the river.
BARCLAY: Oh, for God's sake. Just... just, er... just... just come to the hall. Tell the driver it's Imperial House.

[Limousine]

BARBARA: Imperial House. Can you take us to Imperial House?
(The road is blocked by crashed cars and an ambulance. The lumps of plastic are getting bigger.)
KIRBY: There's nowhere to go.
DRIVER: Don't worry, okay? We're getting out of...
(The windscreen gets smashed by something very big and heavy, injuring the driver.)
BARBARA: Kirby, listen to me. We have to run for it, but I need to help the driver.
KIRBY: Is he...? Is he...?
BARBARA: No, don't look at him! Listen! Get out and run in there and find your dad. I'll be right behind you. Promise me! Just run!
KIRBY: I... I promise.
BARBARA: Go!
(Kirby runs.)
BARBARA: Hey. Can you hear me? I'm so sorry.

[Outside Imperial House]

BARBARA [OC]: Barclay!
BARCLAY: Where are you?
BARBARA [OC]: We're here. Find Kirby! They're outside!
(Barbara makes a run for it.)
BARCLAY: Kirby! Kirby!
(He sees a discarded anchor plummeting towards them.)
BARCLAY: Get down! You okay?
KIRBY: Yeah.
BARCLAY: Let's go.
BARBARA: Barclay!
SOLDIER: Come on! Come on, come on, come on! Quick! Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go! Come on, come on!

BBC REPORTER: Reports are coming in from all over the world, from dozens of major cities...
TRINITY WELLS: All across Manhattan, the sky is raining plastic.
UKBN REPORTER: Police have issued a directive. The streets are not safe. Everyone should stay indoors. Do not go outside.

[Imperial House portico]

BARCLAY: What have they done?
PIERCE: They're declaring war.

(When the returns have finished...)
AMNN REPORTER: One hundred and fourteen years after she began her maiden voyage, the Titanic has finally reached her destination. Just one of the impossible sights on the streets of New York today. Streets that are now unrecognisable.
(The dome of Saint Paul's has a hole in it. A lot less rubbish piled up than I would have expected though.)
UKBN REPORTER: World leaders have called for calm as the clean-up operation begins. Major cities around the world remain paralysed, with a damage bill in the hundreds of billions. Former Albion Party leader Felix Gladstock has branded Storm H2O as a call to arms.
GLADSTOCK: Every citizen of this planet is now at war! It is time to unite against the common enemy, Homo Aqua.

[Empress Hall]

(Voices are shouting in Barclay's head.)
KATE [OC]: Out of nearly eight billion humans on this planet, why do Homo Aqua want you as ambassador?
SALT [OC]: We would hear from the Ambassador.
BARCLAY [OC]: Find Kirby!
KATE [OC]: All we want is a peaceful settlement.
SALT [OC]: We would hear from the Ambassador!
PIERCE [OC]: They're declaring war.
BARBARA [OC]: She's a fish.
KATE: Barclay?
BARBARA [OC]: You work in admin, you're not an ambassador!
CHAKRI [OC]: Keep your body language and your vocal tone neutral at all times.
KATE [OC]: Everything you say or do has to come through us.
KATE: Barclay?
SALT [OC]: We are cleaning up your mess!
KATE: Barclay!
BARCLAY: Ambassador, we approached this congress in good faith...

[Control room]

BARCLAY [OC]: ..but your actions have jeopardised the diplomatic process. Humanity wants a peaceful settlement, not war.
SALT [on screen]: This war began a long time ago...

[Empress Hall]

SALT: ..and it was started by you. Now we have simply returned what is yours.
BARCLAY: Look, there's words here I'm supposed to say, but the fact is...

[Control room]

BARCLAY [OC]: ..you're cleverer than we are. That's obvious.
SHIRLEY: He's off script again.
KATE: This is like working with the Doctor.
BARCLAY [on screen]: Look, I understand why you did this. Really, I... I do.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: But it was a mistake. People were hurt. And my family were out there, and they could've died. Now things are worse! We're scared. When humans are scared, they do terrible things.
SALT: Are you threatening us?
BARCLAY: No, no. No, no, no. No, definitely not, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, I'm not.

[Control room]

KATE: Enough, Barclay. I mean it, or God help me, I'll come down there. Get back to the text.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: The United Nations of the Earth demand an armistice agreement with immediate effect, for the duration of these talks, to safeguard humanity and protect a path towards long-term peace.
SALT: There will be three conditions. One, that pollution of oceans and waterways ceases with immediate effect.

[Operations room]

KATE: We were expecting this. Addendum two, paragraph one.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: World governments are working with industry on urgent solutions to this crisis.
SALT: Our second requirement is formal designation of borders.

[Control room]

KATE: Prepared for that too. Okay, this is good.
BARCLAY [OC]: We are happy to consider large areas...

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: ..of all seas that are exclusive to Homo Aqua.
SALT: Areas are not acceptable to us. We require all water.

[Control room]

KATE: What does she mean? Clarify that.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: Sorry, all water?
SALT: The entirety of all oceans and waterways.
AUSTRALIAN DIPOMAT: Sorry. Excuse me. We're an island nation. Are we permitted passage across the oceans?
SALT: No.

[Control room]

SALT [on screen]: The human race evolved to live on land, not in the waters or the sky.
SHIRLEY: She said sky. Do they want the skies now?
GUNSBERG: You live in the ocean. The skies are not your concern!
SALT: The air above the ocean is the ocean. This is our space.
CAMPBELL: Are you seeking to ground all air transport?
SALT: Transport over land is your concern. Transport across water will not be permitted.
GUNSBERG: But that's ridiculous!
KATE [OC]: Barclay, you're losing control.
SPEARS: Trade between continents is an essential function of the modern world!
SIERRA LEONE DIPLOMAT: Yes! Our continent relies on food imports!
SALT: We will take questions from the Ambassador.

[Control room]

KATE: Barclay, there's no prep for this.

[Empress Hall]

KATE [OC]: We don't have responses.
SIERRA LEONE DIPLOMAT: You are amphibian! You don't own the sky! You cannot starve our people!
SALT: We will take questions from the Ambassador!
CAMPBELL: You're holding us hostage!
DUSSOLIER: What about the Channel Tunnel?
SIERRA LEONE DIPLOMAT: The world cannot function without cross-continental travel. How dare you! How dare you come in here and dictate the future of the human race! You are condemning developing countries to death!
SALT: Enough!
(The Bene Gesserit power of the Voice has the necessary effect. Salt transforms into a more obviously masculine form.)
SALT: We will take questions from the Ambassador only.

[Control room]

SHIRLEY: Whoa.
MIN TSO: Voice has changed. Her intonation is... male.
KATE: Never mind the voice. Look at him.
SHIRLEY: I'm getting spikes in testosterone, cortisol and ketotestosterone.
CHESNEY: What, so she's a man now?
SHIRLEY: I... I don't know.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: Sorry. They... They're sorry. They'll... They'll shut up. (to delegates) Sit down... ..and shut up!
(Salt returns to its feminine form.)

[Control room]

SHIRLEY: How's she doing that?
CHESNEY: Incredible.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: Like I said, people are scared. They fear what they don't understand. They don't mean to offend.

[Control room]

KATE: Well done, Barclay.

[Empress Hall]

BARCLAY: We'll need time. These proposals aren't something we can solve in days or weeks, or even months. But while we negotiate, we insist on a formal armistice to maintain peace between our species.
SALT: We have given two conditions for this armistice. There is a third. And it is simple. We stand here in your rooms of concrete and steel and dust and light, burning our eyes and our lungs... and we will endure no more. So our next meeting will be here...
(Salt touches her pearl and a map comes up on the screens. 0.1667 S 18.2500 W 7.761 M)

[Control room]

MIN TSO: Atlantic Ocean.
CHESNEY: How are they doing this?
KATE: Check those co-ordinates.
SHIRLEY: North of the Equator, just off the coast of West Africa.
KATE: Is it an island?
MIN TSO: No.
CHESNEY: They want to meet on a ship?
SHIRLEY: What's the third co-ordinate? South, west... What's M?

[Empress Hall]

KATE [OC]: Barclay, that's open water. Please clarify the third co-ordinate.
SALT: Your metric unit for length and depth.
BARCLAY: You would like us to meet... underwater?
SALT: You talk of peace and equality. So prove your commitment, and meet us in our world.

[Control room]

SHIRLEY: Romanche Trench, one of the deepest waterways on the planet. Twenty five thousand feet. Five miles down.
MIN TSO: Manned submersibles have imploded in less than half that.
KATE: Barclay...

[Empress Hall]