The Q and the Grey
Stardate: 50384.2
27 November 1996

[Bridge]

(The crew witness a supernova in a nearby gaseous cloud.)
JANEWAY: Oh!
CHAKOTAY: Incredible.
JANEWAY: Absolutely thrilling.
NEELIX: All I can say is, wow! What about you, Mister Vulcan? Isn't that just, wow!
TUVOK: Your inarticulate expression of awe notwithstanding, Mister Neelix, it was a fascinating spectacle.
KIM: That's the edge of the shock wave. The pressure's over ninety kilopascals, thirty percent more than we predicted.
JANEWAY: Tom, back us off at full impulse. I want to stay ahead of the brunt of that wave.
PARIS: Yes, ma'am.
JANEWAY: Congratulations, everyone. Only two other crews in the history of Starfleet have witnessed a supernova explosion.
KIM: But neither one was this close. Less than ten billion kilometres. Definitely a record.
JANEWAY: Who brought the champagne?
NEELIX: Champagne? Captain, if I thought you wanted champagne.
JANEWAY: Relax, Neelix. It's a figure of speech.
KES: Thanks for inviting us to watch with you, Captain. It's really got me interested in learning more about stellar phenomenon.
EMH: Just remember, Kes, anyone can stargaze on the Bridge, even a hologram with a mobile emitter, but the real action will always be in sickbay.
JANEWAY: How'd those shield modifications hold up, B'Elanna?
TORRES: Less than a seven percent power drain.
JANEWAY: Good job. Chakotay, what do you say we get started analysing those carbon conversion readings?
CHAKOTAY: Captain, you've been on the Bridge for fourteen straight hours. Don't you think you deserve a little rest? Harry and I will get to work on the astrometric analysis, and we'll give you a full report in the morning.
JANEWAY: You win. I'll see you at oh seven hundred.  

[Janeway's quarters]

(Janeway enters her quarters, and sees a bed covered in red satin sheets with heart-shaped pillows.)
JANEWAY: Janeway to security. Intruder alert.
Q: There's no need to call room service, Kathy. I've already ordered.
(He is wearing a red silk dressing gown.)
JANEWAY: Oh, Q.
Q: You did say you wanted champagne?
JANEWAY: Janeway to security. Intruder alert.
Q: Oh, it's no use. I've taken the proverbial phone off the hook. After all, we don't want any interruptions.
JANEWAY: What are you doing here?
Q: To us.
JANEWAY: There is no us, Q.
Q: The night is young, and the sheets are satin.
JANEWAY: I want you out. But first, get rid of this bed.
Q: I have no intention of getting between those Starfleet issue sheets. They give me a terrible rash.
JANEWAY: Since you won't be getting in the bed, I wouldn't worry about it.
Q: Oh, Kathy, don't be such a prude. Admit it. It has been a while.
JANEWAY: And it's going to be a while longer. Now get out.
Q: So tense. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable?
(Flash, and she is in a silk nightdress.)
JANEWAY: If you think this puerile attempt at seduction is going to work, you're even more self-deluded than I thought.
Q: Now I see. You think I'm interested in some tawdry one night stand. That's because I haven't told you why I'm here yet. Out of all the females of all the species in all the galaxies, I have chosen you to be the mother of my child.
JANEWAY: Oh!
Q: I know that you're probably asking yourself, why would a brilliant, handsome, dashingly omnipotent being like Q want to mate with a scrawny little bipedal specimen like me?
JANEWAY: Let me guess. No one else in the universe will have you.
Q: Nonsense. I could have chosen a Klingon Targ, the Romulan empress, a Cyrillian microbe.
(Janeway puts on a dressing gown.)
JANEWAY: Really? I beat out a single-celled organism? How flattering.
Q: It's an overwhelming honour, isn't it? I can't get you out of my mind. You're confident, passionate, beautiful.
JANEWAY: And totally uninterested.
Q: Kathy, you can't leave. My cosmic clock is ticking. Besides, you have no idea what you're missing. Foreplay with a Q can last for decades.
JANEWAY: Sorry, but I'm busy for the next sixty or seventy years.
Q: Oh, I see, this is one of those silly human rituals. You're playing hard to get.
JANEWAY: As far as you're concerned, Q, I'm impossible to get.
Q: Goody! A challenge. This is going to be fun.
(Q disappears, and so does the awful bed.)
JANEWAY: Janeway to bridge.
CHAKOTAY [OC]: Chakotay here, Captain.  

[Bridge]  

CHAKOTAY: I thought you were going to get some sleep.
JANEWAY [OC]: I've just had a visit from Q. He's gone now. 

[Janeway's quarters]  

JANEWAY: But I want to be notified immediately if he reappears anywhere on the ship or if anything odd starts to happen.  

[Bridge]  

CHAKOTAY: Acknowledged. What did he want?  

[Janeway's quarters]  

JANEWAY: Let's just say he had a personal request.  

[Bridge]  

CHAKOTAY: Captain?  

[Janeway's quarters]  

JANEWAY: I'm not sure what he's really up to, but I have a feeling he'll be back. Janeway out.  

[Ready room]  

JANEWAY: Come in.
CHAKOTAY: I've got those carbon conversion readings from the supernova.
JANEWAY: Thank you. Is there something else?
CHAKOTAY: Have you heard anything more from Q?
JANEWAY: No. I wish I could believe he's gone for good.
CHAKOTAY: I was wondering just what just what you meant when you said he made a personal request.
JANEWAY: He wants to mate with me.
CHAKOTAY: I see.
JANEWAY: Obviously, it's out of the question. And I suspect it's a smoke screen. Knowing Q, he's probably got some hidden agenda.
CHAKOTAY: Maybe.
JANEWAY: Chakotay.
CHAKOTAY: I know I don't have any right to feel this way, but this bothers the hell out of me.
Q: I do believe you're jealous. (to Janeway) Why didn't you tell me there was another man?
(Q is in Starfleet uniform.)
JANEWAY: Because there isn't. I'm just not interested in you.
CHAKOTAY: Any more questions?
Q: I was wondering, Kathy. What could anyone possibly see in this big oaf, anyway? Is it the tattoo? Because mine's bigger.
(And covers the left half of his face.)
JANEWAY: Not big enough.  

Captain's log, stardate 50384.2. Q's unannounced visits continue. Since I suspect he's up to something more than pursuing me, I've instructed the crew to take every opportunity to uncover his true motives.

[Holodeck - Paxau Resort]  

(The volleyball team also give massages.)
PARIS: Who says crew performance reports have to be a chore?
KIM: Sure beats working on the bridge.
PARIS: Now if we could just convince the Captain to start holding morning briefings in here.
KIM: That'll be the day.
(The ladies are removed to a newcomer.)
Q: Nice programme, Tommy. But it's all just so much holo-pleasure, isn't it?
PARIS: All right, Q, we'll bite. What do you want?
Q: Guys, I just don't understand your Captain. I've tried everything. Filling the Bridge with roses, writing Drabian love sonnets, serenading her in her bath.
PARIS: Oh, I'll bet she loved that one.
Q: But no matter what lengths I go to win her heart, she rejects me. Me! How, I ask you, is that possible?
KIM: Did it ever occur to you that she just doesn't like you?
Q: No.
PARIS: Look, Q, we've been told about your appearances on the Enterprise. We know your little visits usually turn out to be more than meet the eye. So save your broken heart routine, and tell us what you're really after.
Q: I just thought that the two of you might be able to give me some advice on how to break through Kathy's icy exterior. You know, man to man.
PARIS: My advice would be to give up before you embarrass yourself anymore than you already have. Come on, Harry. We're not going to get a straight answer out of this guy.
Q: You, bar rodent, another one of these fruity concoctions.
NEELIX: Not unless you tell me why you're bothering Captain Janeway.
Q: Captain Janeway? Now that's a subject I want to discuss. Tell me, what are some of her favourite things. Chocolate truffles? Stuffed animals? Erotic art?
NEELIX: You can't bribe Captain Janeway.
Q: Oh, no? Isn't that what you do?
NEELIX: What are you talking about?
Q: I understand that you acquire things for her, create little interesting diversions, prepare little tasty treats. After all, why else would she be so fond of your fur-lined face?
NEELIX: Do you want to know what Captain Janeway likes about me? I'll tell you. I am respectful, loyal and most of all, sincere. And those are qualities which someone like you could never hope to possess.

[Ready room]  

(Janeway hears the whimpering of a small canine and goes to investigate. The cocker spaniel puppy is in a basket under her desk.)
JANEWAY: This isn't going to work, Q.
Q: How can you ignore that face?
JANEWAY: He's adorable. But this has to stop.
Q: Please, accept him as a small token of my affection.
JANEWAY: No.
Q: Suit yourself. May we talk? Just talk.
(Q sits on the bench below the windows, cradling the puppy. Janeway reluctantly joins him.)
Q: I'm afraid that I haven't been sincere. When you first asked why I wanted to have a child with you, I made jokes, bragged about my prowess, engaged in sexual innuendo. I was using all that to cover up my true feelings.
JANEWAY: And I suppose you want to share your true feelings with me now.
Q: I'm lonely.
JANEWAY: Lonely?
Q: Oh, I know it's hard to believe, but I've been single for billions of years. It was fun at first, gallivanting around the galaxy, using my omnipotence to impress females of every species. The fact of the matter is, it left me empty. I want someone to love me for myself. I guess what I'm saying is, I want a relationship. I just thought if you and I had a child, it would give me that kind of stability and security that I've been missing.
JANEWAY: Sorry, Q. I'm not buying it.
(He passes over the puppy.)
Q: Oh. All right. Let's see if you buy this. You're stuck out here, thousands of light years from home, and you aren't getting any younger, are you? All your hopes for home, hearth and family grow dimmer every day. Admit it, Kathryn, you're lonely too. And you wonder if you will ever have a child.
JANEWAY: You're right. I would like to have a child someday. But not with you.
Q: Why not?
JANEWAY: I'm just not the right kind of woman for you, Q.
FEMALE Q: Truer words were never spoken.
(A tall, sarcastic redhead in Starfleet uniform.)
Q: Q! How did you find me?
FEMALE Q: Never mind that. What are you doing with that dog? I'm not talking about the puppy.
Q: Can't you see I'm busy here? Stop stalking me.
FEMALE Q: You should be back in the Continuum.
JANEWAY: Excuse me, but who are you exactly?
Q: Kathryn Janeway, may I present Q.
FEMALE Q: Not just any Q. His Q.
Q: We were involved for a while.
FEMALE Q: About four billion years. And now you desert me to pollute the Continuum with the DNA of this narrow little being.
Q: I never said it was exclusive.
FEMALE Q: Stay away from him.
JANEWAY: Look, Miss Q, I'll save you a lot of trouble. I have zero interest in him.
Q: Oh! Now you see what you've done? And I was finally making progress.
CHAKOTAY [OC]: Bridge to Janeway. You'd better come in here, Captain.
JANEWAY: On my way.
(Janeway gives the puppy back to Q.)
JANEWAY: I'd really appreciate it if you would take this domestic squabble off my ship.  

[Bridge]  

JANEWAY: Report.
CHAKOTAY: You're not going to believe this, Captain, but another star in this cluster just went supernova. It's point oh two light years from our current position.
KIM: Make that two supernovas, Commander. I just picked up another one at two one seven mark four seven. Estimated time of implosion, sixty seven seconds.
JANEWAY: Get us out of here, Tom.
PARIS: I can't. A subspace shock wave from the star is collapsing the warp field.
JANEWAY: Red alert. Tuvok, increase power to the shields. Tom, lay in a course away from that shock wave, maximum impulse.
(Miss Q is leaning against the rail. Q is further along.)
JANEWAY: A star going supernova is an event that occurs once every century in this galaxy. Now we're about to witness our third in less than three days, all in the same sector. Why do I suspect you have something to do with this?
FEMALE Q: She maybe a member of an intellectually challenged species, but she's right. Your irresponsible behaviour is continuing to have cosmic consequences.
Q: Will you stop overreacting? Always nagging. Now you see why I left her.
JANEWAY: Are you causing these supernovas?
Q: Well, not exactly.
JANEWAY: What's that supposed to mean?
PARIS: It's no use, Captain. the shock wave is too fast for us.
JANEWAY: Try evasive manoeuvres.
TUVOK: I'm afraid a course correction will be futile, Captain. There are now three distinct shock waves heading toward us on various trajectories. It will be impossible to avoid them all.
JANEWAY: Divert auxiliary power to the shields. (to Q) You have the ability to get us out of here, so do it.
CHAKOTAY: Sixteen seconds to impact. I'm not sure if the shields will hold.
JANEWAY: Do something, Q.
Q: Well, if you insist.
(Q snaps his fingers, and he and Janeway disappear.)
FEMALE Q: That two-timing toad!
(She vanishes as well.)
TUVOK: Contact with the first shock wave within three seconds, Commander.
CHAKOTAY: All hands, brace for impact.
(Whumph! Voyager tumbles backwards.)  

[Q Continuum - Colonial Manor House]  

(In period costume.)
JANEWAY: Q? Where have you taken me?
(She tries the doors and they are locked. Then Q enters dressed as a US Civil War Union Army officer.)
Q: Well, I must admit, your gown is very becoming.
JANEWAY: I don't have time for your little fantasies. Return me to Voyager.
Q: This is no fantasy. You're in the Q Continuum.
JANEWAY: The Continuum?
Q: That's right. I'm simply allowing you to perceive it in the context your human mind can comprehend.
JANEWAY: The last time you brought me here, it looked like some sort of way station on a desert road.
Q: It was awfully drab, wasn't it? But this, this is a much more colourful representation for a human of American descent, don't you think? An elegant manor house, a beautiful Southern belle, a dashing Union officer determined to win her affections despite her hatred for Yankee interlopers.
JANEWAY: Enough. The only thing that interests me right now is the welfare of my ship and crew.
Q: Well, I'm sure your first officer, Chuckles, is it? I'm sure he's got everything under control for the moment.
JANEWAY: I'd like to make sure of that myself, if you don't mind.
Q: This has gone way beyond your ship. It's even gone beyond you and me. This is about the future of the Continuum itself.
JANEWAY: Stop speaking in riddles, and tell me what's going on.
Q: I'll do better than that. I'll show you.
(He opens the shutters on the French windows. Fires burn in the distance, and there is the sound of cannonfire.)
Q: The Continuum is burning. The Q are in the middle of a civil war.
JANEWAY: Start explaining.
Q: Do you remember our friend, Quinn?
JANEWAY: The Q who committed suicide aboard Voyager?
Q: Do you recall what I said might happen if he were allowed to take his own life?
JANEWAY: You said it would represent an interruption to the Continuum. That it could have dire consequences.
Q: I'd say a civil war is pretty dire, wouldn't you?
JANEWAY: His death caused this conflict?
Q: It caused chaos and upheaval. Because even though he was gone, his calls for freedom and individualism continued to echo in the ears of those who believed in his teachings, myself among them. I sounded the trumpet and carried the banner. Naturally, others followed. The forces of the status quo tried to crush us once and for all, but we fought back. And now there's a cosmic struggle for supremacy, and the battle is spreading, causing hazardous repercussions throughout the galaxy.
JANEWAY: Oh! The supernovas.
Q: You might call them galactic cross fire. It's terrible, isn't it? But it's also a wonderful opportunity.
JANEWAY: I fail to see anything wonderful about a war.
Q: War can be an engine of change. War can transform a society for the better. Your own Civil War brought about an end to slavery and oppression.
JANEWAY: But our Civil War came at a time before mankind had learned to resolve disputes without bloodshed. Surely the Q have evolved to a point where you can find a non-violent way to resolve a conflict.
Q: That's where you come in.
JANEWAY: What do I have to do with any of this, Q?
Q: I want you to help me transform the Continuum in the same way your Civil War transformed a nation.
JANEWAY: By mating with you?
Q: I know. It's brilliant, isn't it?
JANEWAY: I don't see how a baby is going to end a war being fought by a race of omnipotent beings.
Q: It's simple. Mating will create a new breed of Q, which will combine my omnipotence and infinite intellect with the best that humanity has to offer.
JANEWAY: You believe human DNA is going to restore peace?
Q: Precisely. What the Continuum needs right now is an infusion of fresh blood, a new sensibility, a new leader, a new messiah. Think of it, Kathy. Our child will be like a precious stone tossed into the cosmic lake, sending endless ripples of human conscience and compassion to wash up on every distant shore of the universe. What greater contribution could a being of your limited power ever hope to make? What is more important to humanity than peace? I'm offering you the opportunity to be the mother of peace.
(Gunshots break the window glass. Q pulls Janeway to safety on the floor.)
Q: Well, what's it going to be? Oh!
JANEWAY: Q! You're bleeding.
(Bullets continue to smash glass as Q stares in disbelief at the red on his hand.)  

[Bridge]  

(Consoles are going bang! The crew pick themselves up from the deck.)
CHAKOTAY: Report.
TUVOK: Shield strength is at twenty percent. Hull damage on decks nine through fourteen. Minor injuries reported on all decks.
PARIS: Warp drive is offline.
KIM: Commander, according to these readings, the shock waves have knocked us sixteen billion kilometres from our previous location.
CHAKOTAY: (to Female Q) I want to know what's going on here. Where's Captain Janeway?
FEMALE Q: Let me go before I hurl this ship and everyone on it into the Therinian Ice Age.
CHAKOTAY: I don't think you can.
FEMALE Q: Don't be ridiculous.
CHAKOTAY: I don't know how or why, but something's affected your powers. Otherwise, you wouldn't still be here and you wouldn't have a bruise on your forehead. Now start talking before I hurl you into the brig.

[Briefing room]  

CHAKOTAY: And it's the war in the Continuum that's causing the supernovas?
TUVOK: May we presume that this conflict is also responsible for the weakening of your powers and your inability to return to the Continuum?
FEMALE Q: The Vulcan talent for stating the obvious never ceases to amaze me.
CHAKOTAY: How were Q and Captain Janeway able to re-enter the Continuum and you weren't?
FEMALE Q: I tried to return, but I was wounded in the process. Oh, don't try to understand it, it's far beyond your limited capacity to comprehend. What's important is, I'm stuck here with you mortals while Q is probably in the process of irreparably harming the Continuum with that woman. Tossed aside for someone five billion years younger. If it weren't so laughable, I'd cry.
CHAKOTAY: Look, we want our Captain back, and you obviously want to get home. Why don't we help each other?
FEMALE Q: How could you possibly help me?
CHAKOTAY: There's got to be some way to get back to the Continuum besides snapping your fingers.
FEMALE Q: Hmm. Well, there's one possibility. But somehow, I don't think this rickety barge or your half-witted crew members are up to the challenge.
TUVOK: May I remind you, madam, that this rickety barge and its half-witted crew are your only hope at the moment.  

[Q Continuum - Colonial Manor House]  

(Q and Janeway are taking shelter behind a settee whilst she tears strips off her petticoats to staunch Q's wound.)
Q: Ow! That hurts.
JANEWAY: Be still. I never thought a Q could be injured.
Q: As I said, this is only a perception of what is happening. I can assure you, those are not mere cannonballs and lead charges being fired at us.
JANEWAY: So they're some sort of Q weapons?
Q: You'd be surprised what innovative munitions can be created by one immortal being who's set his mind on killing another.
COLONEL Q [OC]: Hold your fire. Hold your fire! You're surrounded, Q. Surrender now. We'll be merciful.
JANEWAY: Call a truce. Talk to them. Maybe you can resolve this peacefully.
COLONEL Q [OC]: What's your answer, Q?
(Q draws his revolver and totters over to the windows.)
Q: Ill never surrender! You know that!
(He shoots at the people outside.)
COLONEL Q [OC]: Resume fire. Resume fire!
Q: Get the rifle in the corner and take the other window.
JANEWAY: This is your fight, Q, not mine.
Q: If that's how you feel about it. But if their weapons can make me bleed, what do you think they'll do to you?
(A cannonball lands, knocking Q down.)
JANEWAY: Q! Come on. Come on.
(She helps him out of the room before the chandelier falls.)  

First Officer's log, Stardate 50392.7. While we don't fully understand the astrophysics underlying her plan, the female Q has suggested several modifications which may allow Voyager to enter the Continuum.

[Engineering]  

FEMALE Q: Well?
TORRES: Well what?
FEMALE Q: Are you finished yet?
TORRES: What you've asked us to do requires a complete reconfiguration of the shield array. It takes a while. For us mere morals, that is.
FEMALE Q: Surely there's some way you can speed up the process?
TORRES: If you're in such a hurry, why don't you just snap your fingers and do it yourself? Oh, that's right. You've lost your powers and you need our help.
FEMALE Q: I don't think you understand. It's imperative that I get back to the Continuum before Q mates with your Captain.
TORRES: I understand perfectly. You aren't the first female who's ever had a man run out on her.
FEMALE Q: I hope you're not comparing some failed romance in your pitiful existence to my eternal association with Q.
TORRES: You know, I have really had it with this superiority complex of yours.
FEMALE Q: It's not a complex, dear. It's a fact.
TORRES: Well, here's another fact. If you don't stop pestering me, I'm never going to finish. In which case, your association with Q might not be quite as eternal as you think.
FEMALE Q: you know, I've always liked Klingon females. You've got such spunk.
(Suzie Plaxton also played K'Ehleyr, Worf's wife, in Next Generation, after being a Vulcan doctor.)  

[Q Continuum - Union army camp]  

(Janeway wipes Q's head with a damp cloth. He wakes.)
Q: Where are we?
JANEWAY: One of your faction's encampments.
Q: How?
JANEWAY: I pulled you out of the mansion and managed to hide you from the enemy patrols. Then I spotted some of your people retreating from the battle. From the look of them, I'd say you're not on the winning side.
Q: You saved my life.
JANEWAY: And now it's time to end all this.
Q: I knew you'd come around.
JANEWAY: I've been thinking about what you said, that creating a new Q could bring an era of peace.
Q: Oh, my wild, sweet Kathy. I promise you won't regret it.
JANEWAY: Oh, you're not going to have a child with me. You're going to mate with that charming lady friend of yours that appeared on my ship.
Q: Mate with another Q? Ridiculous.
JANEWAY: It sounded to me like you and she had a very long term relationship.
Q: Yes, but it was never physical. I mean, the Q are way beyond sex. It's never been done.
JANEWAY: Really? Then how exactly did the Q come into existence in the first place?
Q: The Q didn't come into existence. The Q have always existed. Besides, I can only mate with a species capable of copulation, like you.
JANEWAY: But I don't love you, Q.
Q: Yes, but what does that have to do with it?
JANEWAY: Everything. It's the foundation of a family. I could never have a child with someone I didn't love, much less give it up to the Continuum.
Q: Dearest Kathy, I would never dream of having you give it up. I mean, who would raise it? Who would look after it? I'm really not cut out to be a wet nurse.
JANEWAY: Oh, so you're not willing to do the hard work?
Q: I'm an idea man. Hard work isn't my forte.
JANEWAY: I'd change specialties if I were you, because the kind of trouble you're in needs more than a quick fix. You can't just sprinkle a little human DNA into the Continuum and make everything all right.
Q: Why not?
JANEWAY: Those best qualities of humanity you talked about aren't a simple matter of genetics. Love, conscience, compassion.
(She fits him with a sling.)
Q: Ow.
JANEWAY: They're attributes that mankind has developed over centuries. Values that have passed from one generation to the next, taught by parents to their children. Creating a new kind of Q is a noble idea, but it will take more than impregnating someone and walking away. If you want your offspring to embrace your ideals, you're going to have to teach them yourself.
Q: Yes, but that's exactly why I want you here, to nourish and guide the little tyke. Think of the opportunities here in the Continuum. The entire universe would be our child's playground. Together the two of you could explore dimensions you've never even imagined. Fess up. Isn't it even slightly tempting?
JANEWAY: I'd be lying if I said no. What explorer wouldn't be intrigued by the idea of seeking out whole new dimensions. But I have other responsibilities, and I won't just abandon them.
Q: Ah, yes. The crew of the intrepid starship Voyager. Perhaps you'd be interested in sending them home.
JANEWAY: You've tempted me with that prospect before. But frankly, your credibility is more than a little suspect. My crew and I will get home. We're committed to that. But we're going to do it through hard work and determination. We are not looking for a quick fix.
Q: Even if I wanted to mate, I wouldn't know how. It's totally unprecedented.
JANEWAY: You'll figure something out. You are omnipotent, after all.
Q: I need time to think about it.
JANEWAY: Time's up, Q. You've got to stop this war before it destroys the Continuum. Now I'm taking this white flag, and I'm going over to the enemy camp, and I'm going to tell them you're ready to talk about terms for a ceasefire.
Q: Kathy, don't be a hero.
JANEWAY: I'm going, Q. So if I were you, I'd start working on a way to set that precedent.  

First Officer's log, supplemental. We've laid in a course for the point in space where the female Q says we can enter the Continuum and find the Captain.

[Bridge]  

(The female Q is in the Captain's chair.)
FEMALE Q: You, helm boy. Adjust course to heading two three five mark zero eight. Increase speed to maximum impulse.
PARIS: Sir?
KIM: Er, Commander?
CHAKOTAY: What is it, Harry?
KIM: She's put us on a direct course for another star about to go supernova.
FEMALE Q: You did say you wanted to get into the Continuum?
CHAKOTAY: Yes, but in one piece.
FEMALE Q: Try to wrap your minuscule mind around this. These supernovas are actually caused by spatial disruptions within the Continuum, the result of the war. Now, each time a star implodes, a negative density false vacuum is created which actually sucks the surrounding matter into the Continuum.
CHAKOTAY: So Voyager will be pulled in too.
FEMALE Q: If we time it perfectly. Otherwise, the subsequent explosion will blow you all into microfragments.
TUVOK: Commander, I needn't remind you that close proximity to a supernova will crush us, whether or not we time it perfectly.
FEMALE Q: You're so negative.
CHAKOTAY: He does have a point.
FEMALE Q: Humanoids. Q to Engineering.  

[Engineering]  

TORRES: Go ahead, Q.
Female Q [OC]: Take warp drive offline.  

[Bridge]  

FEMALE Q: Then remodulate the shields to emit a beta-tachyon pulse and prepare to emit a series of focused antiproton beams to the shield bubble.
CHAKOTAY: Does this make any sense to you at all, B'Elanna?  

[Engineering]  

TORRES: I'd be lying if I said I understood it completely, but if she's thinking what I think she's thinking, we should increase power to the shields by a factor of ten!

[Bridge]  

TORRES [OC]: That's assuming, of course, that the shield bubble doesn't ignite and burn us all to a crisp.
PARIS: We'll be reaching the imploding star in thirteen seconds. I still have time to change course.
CHAKOTAY: Maintain your course. B'Elanna, take warp drive offline, remodulate the shields, and get ready to emit the antiprotons.

[Engineering]  

TORRES: Acknowledged.  

[Bridge]  

PARIS: Entering the star's corona in three seconds.
CHAKOTAY: Antiprotons now, B'Elanna.  

[Q Continuum - Confederate Colonel's tent]  

COLONEL Q: Ah, Captain Janeway, I presume. (to guard) You're dismissed. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, madam, but, please sit down. I understand you walked into our camp alone and unarmed?
JANEWAY: That's right.
COLONEL Q: The Continuum's a dangerous place for all of us right now, not to mention a solitary human female. I admire your bravery.
JANEWAY: I've come with an offer of truce from Q.
COLONEL Q: I'm afraid the time for diplomacy has passed, madam. If we don't end this war quickly, the damage to subspace will be irreversible.
JANEWAY: Then you agree the fighting has to stop.
COLONEL Q: Most certainly. That's why we intend to bring this war to a conclusion by the most expedient means possible.
JANEWAY: I'm relieved to hear you say that. May I ask how?
COLONEL Q: Quite simple, really. Since Q is the ringleader of this so-called freedom faction, we shall have to execute him.
JANEWAY: With all due respect, sir, there are no chapters in the history of my own people more tragic than wars which set neighbour against neighbour. Q has an idea for a non-violent way to bring this conflict to an end. I urge you to listen to what he has to say.
COLONEL Q: We are already resolved, madam. I'd be greatly in your debt if you'd tell me where we can find him.
JANEWAY: I won't do that.
COLONEL Q: No, I didn't think you would.
GUARD: Excuse me, sir.
COLONEL Q: Fortunately, we won't be needing your assistance.
JANEWAY: I told you, he's willing to negotiate. Let him go.
Q: She's right. I've had a change of heart.
COLONEL Q: Grovel all you want, Q. I've been waiting for this moment for an eternity. Put them both in chains.
JANEWAY: Wait! What are you charging me with?
COLONEL Q: Collaborating with the enemy, which in the Continuum is a crime punishable by death.  

[Q Continuum - Confederate camp]  

(Morning.)
PRIVATE: Captain.
CAPTAIN: Private.
(Q and Janeway are lead out.)
JANEWAY: Why won't you listen to me? I told your Commander last night we can resolve the situation peacefully.
Q: If it's any consolation, there are those in the Continuum who will remember us as martyrs.
JANEWAY: I'd rather skip that particular honour.
(They are tied to stakes.)
Q: Still, you have to admit, there's something romantic about going to our deaths together.
COLONEL Q: Do you have any last words?
JANEWAY: I won't plead for my own life. From your perspective I know it seems insignificant. But what is not insignificant is the fact that the Q, as an omnipotent race, have an opportunity to be a positive force to set a higher standard for other beings in the galaxy. I implore you all, don't go through with this. Don't allow yourselves to continue using violence to resolve your differences.
COLONEL Q: Q, do you have anything to add?
Q: Today I sacrifice my existence for the principles of freedom and individuality that I have fought for so long. But this woman is innocent. What's more, she saved my life, and she tried to save us from each other. Kill me if you must, but let her go.
COLONEL Q: A very touching speech, Q. But as usual, your rhetoric fails to compensate for your irresponsibility.
(A drum roll, and the firing squad line up.)
COLONEL Q: Ready! Aim!
Q: I'm sorry.
JANEWAY: I know.
COLONEL Q: Fire!
(Gunfire. Q tenses.)
Q: I'm hit! I'm dying! Oh!
(Janeway looks down at herself, then sees the squad taking up defensive positions.)
JANEWAY: Q!
Q: What?
JANEWAY: They're not firing at us.
Q: They're not?
(There are familiar faces amongst the boys in blue.)
CHAKOTAY: Harry, get to the Captain!
(The female Q, in crinolines, goes too.)
KIM: Captain, are you all right?
JANEWAY: I'm fine.
Q: (to Female Q) Oh, darling, I knew you'd come for me. Aren't you going to untie me?
FEMALE Q: How do I know you wouldn't run off with the next bipedal female that catches your eye?
Q: Well, it just so happens I have a proposal which will reassure you of my devotion.
(Kim and Janeway move away. Sergeant Paris has made his way around the rear of the Confederates.)
PARIS: (to Colonel Q) Put down the gun.
(The female Q unties Q.)
Q: Think of it, Q. We'd be visionaries, innovators, the parents of peace.
FEMALE Q: Oh, that does have a ring to it.
PARIS: Captain, what should I do with him?
FEMALE Q: Q and I have a plan to end the war. Call off your troops.
JANEWAY: Do as she says and I'll call my people off.
FEMALE Q: They may be humanoids, but they're using our weapons.
COLONEL Q: Cease fire! Cease fire!
JANEWAY: Tell our people to stop shooting.
PARIS: Hold your fire!
KIM: Put down your weapons!
Q: So, darling, have you given any thought as to how we might accomplish this historic act of procreation?
FEMALE Q: I've thought of nothing else since you suggested it.
Q: Oh!
FEMALE Q: As a matter of fact, I
(Whisper, whisper.)
Q: Oh. Oh. Oh! I love it when you talk dirty.
JANEWAY: Why don't I give you two some privacy?
Q: Oh, Kathy, don't you like to watch?
(The two Qs touch right forefingers, which glow briefly.)
Q: Oh! I was good, wasn't I?
FEMALE Q: Very good.
JANEWAY: That was it?
Q: You had your chance. Don't go crying about it now.
(Snaps fingers.)  

[Bridge]  

JANEWAY: Lieutenant Paris, what's our position?
PARIS: We're back on our original course.
TUVOK: All crew are present and accounted for.
JANEWAY: Ensign Kim, any sign of supernovas?
KIM: No, ma'am. Nothing but calm space ahead. Looks like the war is over.
JANEWAY: Mister Chakotay, run a series of standard diagnostics. If everything checks out, take us to warp six.
CHAKOTAY: Aye, Captain.
JANEWAY: I'll be in my ready room.  

[Ready room]  

Q: Yabba dabba doo.
(Q is dandling a toddler in uniform on his knee.)
JANEWAY: Q!
Q: He's got my cheekbones, don't you think?
JANEWAY: He's adorable. I'd say fatherhood agrees with you.
Q: Well, I'll admit, I look at the universe in an entirely different way now. I mean, I can't go around causing temporal anomalies or subspace inversions without considering the impact it'll have on my son.
JANEWAY: I'm glad to hear you intend to set a good example.
Q: By the way, did I tell you how smart he is? I've already taught him how to knock small planets out of orbit.
JANEWAY: And I thought you were going to teach him about love and conscience.
Q: Oh, that's why we want Auntie Kathy to be the godmother now, don't we?
JANEWAY: I'm honoured.
Q: Yeah, well, wait until we ask you to baby-sit. Can't leave the little guy alone for a nanosecond. Well, it's time to be going. The old ball and chain really hates it when we're late. (to Baby Q) Say bye bye. Bye bye.

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