Oh Captain, do you have a minute?
JANEWAY: Just about a minute. I'm on my way to the shuttlebay.
NEELIX: I thought last night went well, didn't you?
JANEWAY: Extremely well. Everyone had a lot of fun.
NEELIX: I was thinking of making it a regular feature, say once a
JANEWAY: It's certainly worth a try.
NEELIX: And Captain, you were especially good last night.
JANEWAY: Thanks, Neelix. It's been a while.
NEELIX: You'd never know. Now, Captain, I, do you think, I mean, I, I,
I was wondering if
JANEWAY: What is it, Neelix?
NEELIX: Could you possibly keep Mister Tuvok busy on the bridge that
JANEWAY: I'm sure something could be arranged. Our secret, Neelix.
NEELIX: We never had this discussion.
(Heading towards a brown planet.)
CHAKOTAY: Harry's clarinet solo was okay. I could have done without
Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry. But the highlight of the evening was
definitely Kathryn Janeway portraying the Dying Swan.
JANEWAY: I learned that dance when I was six years old. I assure you,
it was the hit of the Beginning Ballet class.
CHAKOTAY: I don't doubt it. If Neelix has another talent night I hope
you reprise it.
JANEWAY: Oh, no. Not until certain other people take their turn. The
ship's First Officer for instance.
CHAKOTAY: Me? Get up in front of people and perform? I don't think so.
JANEWAY: Come on, Chakotay, there must be some talent you have that
people would enjoy. Maybe I could stand with an apple on my head and
you could phaser it off.
CHAKOTAY: Sounds great. If I miss I get to be Captain. Atmospheric
turbulence. We might be in for a rough landing.
JANEWAY: Funny, a minute ago there wasn't any indication of rough
CHAKOTAY: I'm reading even more severe storms near the surface.
JANEWAY: Ion lightning. Maybe we'd better try the fifth planet instead
and come back here when things have cleared up.
CHAKOTAY: I think we took a lightning hit. Attitude control is out.
JANEWAY: I'm switching to manual.
CHAKOTAY: The navigational system's out.
JANEWAY: Reverse engines. Full thrusters.
COMPUTER: Warning. Hydrazene gas leak.
JANEWAY: Altitude twelve kilometres. Hull temperature four thousand
degrees. We have to reduce speed.
CHAKOTAY: I'll try the emergency anti-grav thrusters.
(The shuttlecraft tumbles through the clouds. The next time we see it,
it is on the ground, badly damaged. Chakotay revives to see Janeway
lying on the floor.)
CHAKOTAY: Kathryn. Kathryn!
(He checks her pulse.)
CHAKOTAY: Kathryn! Kathryn!
(He gets out a medical tricorder and scans her. The beeps are not
COMPUTER: Warning. Hydrazene gas levels at one hundred twelve parts per
million. Begin evacuation procedures.
(Chakotay carries Janeway outside, and lays her down again a little way
from the shuttlecraft.)
CHAKOTAY: Hang on, Kathryn.
(He starts CPR.)
CHAKOTAY: Breathe, damn it. Breathe! Don't you die on me now. Come on,
Kathryn. Breathe! Listen to me, Kathryn. You've got to breathe.
Breathe! Breathe! Come on. Come on!
(He gives her an injection and she gasps.)
CHAKOTAY: Don't ever do that to me again.
CHAKOTAY: You went into shock. You gave me quite a scare there for a
minute. This should help reduce your cranial swelling. Should have a
headache for a while.
JANEWAY: I'll live with it.
CHAKOTAY: We need to set up a homing signal. Hey, take it easy.
JANEWAY: I'm all right. Chakotay, we're going to need the blankets and
CHAKOTAY: I can get them. You set up the homing signal. Here. At least
the storm seems to be dying.
(Chakotay runs back to the shuttlecraft, and Janeway starts work on her
comm. badge with the tool Chakotay gave her.)
JANEWAY: What were you looking at?
CHAKOTAY: There are phaser burns on the hull. I don't think it was
lightning strikes that hit us. I think we were shot down.
JANEWAY: By whom?
CHAKOTAY: I don't know. I'm going back to see if I can get an energy
signature from the burns.
JANEWAY: Chakotay, the homing signal. We might be telling someone just
where to find us.
CHAKOTAY: Disconnect it while I scan the shuttle.
(She goes to join him.)
JANEWAY: Can you tell anything?
CHAKOTAY: The signatures are Vidiian.
JANEWAY: Vidiian? I thought we'd moved beyond their space.
CHAKOTAY: If they shot us down you can be sure they'll be coming for
us. We need to find a hiding place.
JANEWAY: What is it?
CHAKOTAY: Life forms, fifty metres from here. They're coming this way.
JANEWAY: Let's go.
CHAKOTAY: There's another group in this direction. We're surrounded.
JANEWAY: Let's take cover. We'll have to fight.
Vidiians approach them.)
JANEWAY: Back off now. We'll fire if we have to. Back off!
(A Vidiian shoots Chakotay.)
(The other grabs Janeway by the throat and strangles her.)
CHAKOTAY: Harry's clarinet solo was okay. I could have done without
Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry. But the highlight of the evening was
definitely Kathryn Janeway portraying the Dying Swan.
JANEWAY: I learned that dance when I was six years old. I assure you.
Wait a minute, what's happening here?
CHAKOTAY: You're right. We have been here before.
JANEWAY: Do you remember Vidiians?
CHAKOTAY: Yes. They shot us down and attacked us.
JANEWAY: We may have wandered into some kind of repeating time loop.
I'm going to scan for temporal anomalies.
CHAKOTAY: Whatever's going on, let's change tactics this time. Let's
not try to land on that planet.
JANEWAY: Agreed. I don't see any evidence of temporal flux, or any kind
on anomaly for that matter.
CHAKOTAY: Or of Vidiian ships.
JANEWAY: So far, so good.
CHAKOTAY: Chakotay to Voyager. Chakotay to Voyager, do you read us?
JANEWAY: We're out of range. I'd still like to figure out what happened
to us. Send a subspace message that we won't be landing on the planet.
Tell them that we'll be looking for evidence of temporal anomalies. I
see a ship approaching at high impulse. It's on an intercept course.
CHAKOTAY: Is it Vidiian?
CHAKOTAY: I've got it. It's a warship, loaded with weaponry. It's
JANEWAY: Can we outrun it?
CHAKOTAY: We can try.
JANEWAY: They're two hundred thousand kilometres away and gaining.
CHAKOTAY: Setting evasive pattern Delta four.
JANEWAY: They're powering weapons. Shields up! Stand by all phaser
(The ship opens fire from near point-blank range.)
CHAKOTAY: Shields down to eighty four percent.
JANEWAY: Returning fire.
CHAKOTAY: Nice aim.
JANEWAY: It didn't stop them.
CHAKOTAY: We've lost shields!
JANEWAY: Firing starboard array!
CHAKOTAY: That one hit the reactant injectors.
JANEWAY: Shut them down, they'll leak antimatter.
CHAKOTAY: The magnetic fields are failing. The gas flow separators are
JANEWAY: Dump the core!
(Suddenly, they are back to where they started.)
JANEWAY: It's looking more and more like we're in a time loop. The
question is, how do we break it?
CHAKOTAY: Let's retrace our steps. Get back to the part of space we
were in before all this started happening.
JANEWAY: Agreed. If we're experiencing a temporal field, a tachyon
burst might disperse it. Chakotay.
CHAKOTAY: Let me guess. It's a Vidiian ship.
JANEWAY: Two Vidiian ships, still twenty million kilometres away but
headed right for us.
CHAKOTAY: Sacajawea to Voyager. Do you read us?
TUVOK [OC]: You have just come into comm. range, Commander.
CHAKOTAY: We're being pursued by two Vidiian ships. Set a course for
our shuttle and have weapons powered.
JANEWAY: We also believe we're experiencing some kind of temporal
phenomenon, a time loop. Make certain you scan for anomalies.
TUVOK [OC]: Aye Captain. We're on our way.
CHAKOTAY: If you're going to emit that tachyon burst, you'd better do
it now. In a couple of minutes those ships'll be right on top of us.
JANEWAY: Here goes.
JANEWAY: I can't tell if it's affecting anything.
CHAKOTAY: The Vidiians are almost within range. Ready weapons. What
JANEWAY: They just vanished! But I'm picking up a residual temporal
CHAKOTAY: Then those ships must have been part of the time loop.
JANEWAY: And the tachyon burst disrupted it.
CHAKOTAY: Not a minute too soon. I was getting awfully tired of talking
about Talent Night.
TUVOK [OC]: Voyager to Sacajawea. We will rendezvous with you in
approximately four minutes.
JANEWAY: Believe me, Tuvok, we're looking forward to it.
Good to have you back, Captain.
JANEWAY: Good to be here. I'd still like to get to the bottom of
whatever was happening to us in that shuttle. Did Voyager detect any
evidence of a temporal field?
TUVOK: To my knowledge, we did not.
JANEWAY: Let's run a second level temporal scan. I'd feel better
entering this part of space if I knew what caused the phenomenon.
TORRES: Phenomenon? I'm not sure what you mean, Captain.
JANEWAY: The time loop, or whatever it was we ran into out there.
PARIS: Time loop?
JANEWAY: We told you, Chakotay and I experienced some kind of temporal
loop. It involved the Vidiians. They'd attack and kill us and then we'd
be sitting in the shuttle again. Tell them.
CHAKOTAY: We were on our way to the second planet of a binary system.
JANEWAY: To collect some nitrogenase compound. But we encountered a
storm and we crashed.
CHAKOTAY: And then we were attacked by the Vidiians, but we managed to
escape and get back here.
TUVOK: You and the Commander were checked by the Doctor, who treated
your injuries, and you proceeded here to the bridge.
CHAKOTAY: But I don't remember anything about a repeating time loop.
JANEWAY: You don't remember how we kept ending up in the shuttle
talking about Talent Night? Then I'm the only one who recalls things
differently. Something strange is going on here. I'll have the Doctor
examine me. In the meantime, I still want those temporal scans.
CHAKOTAY: You heard the Captain. Let's get moving.
ran a microcellular scan after you returned to the ship. I have just
analysed the results.
JANEWAY: What did you find?
EMH: You have contracted a disease. The Vidiian Phage.
JANEWAY: The Phage? What about Chakotay? Is he infected too?
EMH: No, Commander Chakotay shows no signs of the disease.
JANEWAY: How did I get it?
EMH: You said one of the Vidiians grabbed you. It may be that the virus
was transferred in that way.
JANEWAY: But we've encountered Vidiians like that before and had
physical contact with them. No one's ever gotten sick that way.
EMH: I can't offer an explanation at this point. It may be that the
Phage virus has mutated to become more infectious. I believe however
this explains the hallucinations you described. There is often
concomitant stress to the thalamus in the early stages of the disease.
It is known to cause a kind of dementia that produces hallucinations.
JANEWAY: What's the prognosis?
EMH: I wish I could tell you, Captain. For the moment it would be best
if you remained in sickbay, under quarantine.
JANEWAY: Of course.
EMH: The fact that the virus has acted so quickly raises the
possibility that others on the crew may be infected.
JANEWAY: But you've studied the Phage in great detail. Have you made
any progress in finding a cure?
EMH: I hadn't pursued the matter since we seemed to have moved beyond
Vidiian space. But I'll now redouble my efforts. In the meantime I'd
like to give you a sedative. Captain? I'll be running a series of deep
level tissue scans.
JANEWAY: I understand.
EMH: There. That should give you a good night's sleep. I'll erect a
bioforcefield, and I promise you, Captain, I won't deactivate myself
until I have some answers for you.
JANEWAY: Doctor. I know I'm in good hands.
(Janeway lies on the biobed in the surgical bay in her uniform, and the
forcefield comes on. When she wakes, she is in a sickbay robe and has
lesions on her hands and face.)
EMH: Ah, you're awake.
JANEWAY: How long have I been asleep?
EMH: Almost forty hours.
EMH: I'm afraid this strain of the Phage is particularly virulent. It's
JANEWAY: Have you? Is there any hope of a cure?
EMH: I regret to inform you that I have been unsuccessful.
JANEWAY: Then what's the next step?
EMH: I've given that a great deal of thought. The prospects are
unpleasant, Captain. You face a lingering, painful death marked by
increasing periods of dementia and eventual insanity.
JANEWAY: I see.
EMH: I've come to the conclusion that there's only one humane course of
JANEWAY: What's that?
EMH: It would be wrong to subject you to such a prolonged and painful
death. The crew would also be adversely affected if that were to
JANEWAY: Surely there are other options to explore, Doctor. B'Elanna's
DNA for instance. It's coded to produce antibodies against the Phage.
EMH: Klingon DNA might provide a vaccine for the disease, but not a
cure. I'm sorry, Captain. The space within the forcefield is filling
with a neural toxin. It is fast acting and merciful.
JANEWAY: Turn it off. That's an order, Doctor!
EMH: Please relax and take deep breaths. It will be over more quickly
JANEWAY: Computer, delete Emergency Medical Hologram.
COMPUTER: A security code is required for that command.
JANEWAY: Security code Janeway Lambda Three.
COMPUTER: That code is not recognised.
JANEWAY: I'm the Captain! Delete the EMH!
COMPUTER: A security code is required for that command.
JANEWAY: Don't do this. It isn't right.
(Janeway slumps to the deck, gasping, and dies.)
CHAKOTAY: I know. We're back.
(There is a bright light ahead of them.)
JANEWAY: That's it. That must be the anomaly. That's what's behind all
CHAKOTAY: It's exerting a gravito-magnetic force.
JANEWAY: We've got to get away from it. Divert all power to the
CHAKOTAY: Changing course. We're still being drawn toward it.
JANEWAY: Reverse engines, full power.
CHAKOTAY: Structural integrity is weakening.
JANEWAY: Reinforce the hull.
CHAKOTAY: Captain, maybe we should go in.
CHAKOTAY: Listen to me. Maybe we're doing this all wrong. Maybe the
thing to do is fly into it.
JANEWAY: No, I don't believe that. We've got to get away.
CHAKOTAY: It's going to tear the shuttle apart. The hull is breaching!
(Janeway watches Chakotay performing CPR on her.)
CHAKOTAY: Don't you die on me, Kathryn.
JANEWAY: Chakotay, what's happening?
CHAKOTAY: Start breathing! Breathe, dammit. Breathe! Don't do this to
me, Kathryn. Come on, Kathryn, breathe.
JANEWAY: Can't you hear me?
CHAKOTAY: Don't you die on me. Come on, breathe. Kathryn, listen to me,
you have to breathe. Start breathing! Come on! Come on!
(He scoops her up in his arms, weeping.)
CHAKOTAY: No, Kathryn! You can't die.
JANEWAY: Chakotay, I'm here.
TUVOK [OC]: Voyager to Sacajawea, do you read us?
CHAKOTAY: Yes, Voyager. How far are you? I have an emergency here.
TUVOK [OC]: We're in orbit, Commander. We've located you but
transporters won't function in the storm. A shuttle is on its way to
the surface now.
CHAKOTAY: The Captain's dead. We have to get her back to sickbay. The
Doctor may still be able to revive her.
TUVOK [OC]: The away team should be with you in minutes.
JANEWAY: I know you can't see me or hear me. I don't know what's going
on. But I am here, Chakotay. I am not dead.
CHAKOTAY: Kathryn, we're going to get you back.
(Chakotay is there while the EMH and Kes work on the dead Janeway.
EMH: Ten milligrammes cordrazine. We'll use it in conjunction with the
cortical stimulator. Now!
KES: No pulse, no blood pressure. Minimum electrical activity in the
midbrain. No measurable response in the cerebral cortex.
KES: Doctor, we're getting a thready pulse.
EMH: Quickly. Seventy five milligrammes inaprovaline. I'll begin direct
KES: Pulse is weakening. We're losing her again.
EMH: Cortical stimulator. Now!
KES: No vital signs. No brain activity.
KES: No change.
EMH: Don't question me. Again! Make a note in the log. Death occurred
at oh three twenty hours. Cause, massive cerebro-vascular collapse.
JANEWAY: Computer, confirm Janeway voice pattern. (nothing) Kes, you're
a telepath. You've been able to sense things others can't. Kes, can you
EMH: Kes, please go to the science lab and prepare the autopsy
(Kes leaves. Janeway walks through the doors as they close.)
JANEWAY: I'm here, Kes. I'm staying with you until you realise it.
(Kes walks through Janeway then stops a few paces later.)
JANEWAY: Did you feel that, Kes? It was me.
KES: Kes to Commander Chakotay. I need to talk to you right away.
Maybe it was nothing, but I have the strongest feeling that the Captain
was there in the corridor with me.
TUVOK: It is possible that in your distress over the Captain's death
you imagined that you were aware of her.
KES: It was more than that, I'm sure of it.
CHAKOTAY: In the past Kes has shown an ability an unseen presence. I
think we have to take her seriously.
TORRES: The Captain's consciousness might have phase-shifted out of our
PARIS: She could be in some kind of alternate dimension in subspace.
NEELIX: We have to find her somehow.
TORRES: Harry and I can run a full subspace sweep, see if we can come
up with anything.
CHAKOTAY: Get on it. It's your top priority. Neelix, help the crew with
this. Keep their morale up until we can get some answers.
CHAKOTAY: Yes, sir. Right away.
TUVOK: Commander, I suggest I work with Kes. I may be able to help her
increase the range of her perceptions.
CHAKOTAY: Good idea. Tom, we'll take duty stations.
JANEWAY: That's more like it.
I've reconfigured the lateral sensor array to scan subspace.
JANEWAY: Don't forget to run a magneton sweep.
KIM: The forward array is ready to scan for temporal phase-shifting,
chronoton particles or field flux.
TORRES: I'm going to activate the magneton scanner. It might pick up an
(The bright light comes through the door.)
JANEWAY: Now what?
(A man in Starfleet uniform walks out of the light.)
JANEWAY: Daddy! Who are you? Are you responsible for what's going on
ADMIRAL: You know who I am, Kathryn.
JANEWAY: My father died over fifteen years ago.
ADMIRAL: Yes. Drowned under the polar icecap on Tau Ceti Prime. It was
devastating to you.
JANEWAY: You may be an hallucination, or some kind of projection of my
own imagination, but you are not my father.
ADMIRAL: Kathryn, Kathryn. I raised you to be a doubter and a sceptic,
to look at the world with a scientist's eye, but in this instance that
JANEWAY: Why not? If you know what's going on here, tell me.
ADMIRAL: Isn't it clear? You're dead. You died in that shuttle crash.
JANEWAY: No, no, no, that's not possible.
ADMIRAL: I understand your confusion, your refusal to accept what's
happened. I went through the same thing after my accident.
JANEWAY: What do you mean?
ADMIRAL: I went back to you, and your mother, and your sister after I
died for a long time, until I realised it was futile. That's what
happens when dead is unexpected. One's consciousness isn't prepared to
JANEWAY: Consciousness. Is that what you're calling me? Kathryn's
ADMIRAL: For the want of a better word. Some say ghost or spirit. We
all heard the stories and thought they were the product of vivid
imaginations or self-induced hysteria. I'll admit I was surprised when
I found they were true.
JANEWAY: If you stayed with me after you died, you should be able to
tell me what happened then.
ADMIRAL: You were so grief-stricken you fell into a terrible
depression. You spent months in bed, sleeping away your days rather
than confronting your feelings. I'm not sure what would have happened
if your sister hadn't forced you into the real world again.
JANEWAY: If you're an hallucination, a part of me, you'd know those
ADMIRAL: Kathryn, remember, several times after I died you woke up
thinking I was in the room with you? You told your sister it felt
absolutely real. That's because it was real. I was there trying to
convince you to get on with your life.
JANEWAY: Just for the sake of argument, let's say you're right. What's
ADMIRAL: That's up to you. Eventually you will cross over. The only
question is how long it will take you to give up this world.
JANEWAY: Cross over to where?
ADMIRAL: I don't know what to call it. Another state of consciousness,
unlike anything we could have imagined in life. It's not a frightening
place, Kathryn. It's full of joy and indescribable wonder.
JANEWAY: Kes sensed I was here. They're looking for me.
ADMIRAL: People have felt the presence of ghosts throughout the ages,
but the technology to find them still hasn't been invented.
JANEWAY: They won't give up easily.
ADMIRAL: But they will give up eventually. They'll accept what's
happened, and that's what you have to do.
JANEWAY: Kes did it once, she can do it again. I'm going to help her.
ADMIRAL: If that's what you feel you need to do, I understand.
Let us try one more time. Open yourself to the impressions around you,
The thoughts, the minds that are on this ship. All the minds that are
on this ship.
KES: I hear them. So many voices.
TUVOK: They are a turbulent storm, and you are the one who must rise
above the tempest, to a place that is quiet.
KES: It's difficult.
TUVOK: You must lift yourself from the confusion of the storm. soar
into the quiet space among the stars where everything is still.
KES: Yes, I'm in that place now.
TUVOK: Is there a voice that you can hear? A single voice isolated in
JANEWAY: Kes, I'm here. Focus on me, on my voice.
TUVOK: There are only two beings in the void. you and Captain Janeway.
Nothing else exists that can interfere. Can you hear her voice, however
KES: I'm trying.
TUVOK: Is there anything? Any presence in the void with you?
KES: I don't think so. I can't hear anything.
JANEWAY: Kes, keep trying. You have to find me.
TUVOK: Now I am with you, moving through the quiet space. My thoughts
join with yours, extending the range of the search.
JANEWAY: Tuvok, surely you must know I'm here? We've shared so much.
KES: I'm just not getting anything.
TUVOK: Nor am I.
KES: I felt empty. alone. Maybe you're right. What I sensed wasn't the
Captain. it was me wanting to believe she wasn't dead.
TUVOK: We've been trying for three days without success. Nor have
Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim found any indication that the Captain
is alive. There is a point at which we must accept the inevitability of
KES: Thank you for helping. I don't think I would have accepted it if
you hadn't at least tried. Goodnight.
TUVOK: Tactical officer's log, supplemental. My attempt to help Kes
detect the Captain's presence has ended in failure. I am forced to
conclude that we have, in fact, lost Kathryn Janeway. I would like the
record to show that I have lost a good friend as well as one whom I can
JANEWAY: Oh, Tuvok.
ADMIRAL: They all love you, Kathryn. It's going to be hard for them.
JANEWAY: This can't be happening. I don't believe it.
ADMIRAL: Because you don't want to. Tomorrow, it will become easier.
JANEWAY: My memorial service.
When I came to this ship I resented the fact that Captain Janeway was
responsible for our being stranded here in the Delta Quadrant. I didn't
think that she made the right decision, and I certainly didn't want to
serve under her command. In the beginning, I fought her. Even when she
made me Chief Engineer, I didn't trust her reasons. I kept looking for
a hidden agenda. I actually believed that she'd set me up to fail.
Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. She saw, she saw something in me
that I didn't see. She saw a worthwhile person, where I saw a lost and
hostile misfit. And because she had faith in me I began to have faith
in myself. And when she died, the first thing I thought was that I
couldn't do this without her. That I needed her too badly. Her strength
and her compassion. But then I realised that the gift that she gave me,
and gave a lot of us here, was the knowledge that we are better and
stronger than we think. I wish I had said these things to her. I wish
I'd taken the time.
CHAKOTAY: Would anyone else like to say something?
KIM: I would, sir. I know Captain Janeway wouldn't want us to be
sitting around moping. She'd want us to be cheering each other up,
remembering the good times. Like the away mission when we found all
those bushes of over-ripe fruit. I must have eaten half a kilo. My
hands and mouth were all purple, and the Captain. The Captain came and
sat down next to me, and her mouth was all stained too. She put her arm
around my shoulder and she said. She said, Ensign, these are the times
we have to remember. It. It's. Sorry.
CHAKOTAY: I know this hasn't been easy, but I think we'll all be better
for it. We will honour the Captain one last time. Release the pod.
(A crewman blows a bosun's whistle as Janeway's torpedo casing coffin
is sent out into space.)
CHAKOTAY: Ensign Kim was right when he said the Captain wouldn't want
us to be sad. Neelix has prepared some food, and it would be nice if we
could all get together and share the good times we had with Captain
ADMIRAL: It's over, Kathryn. There's nothing left for you here. Come
JANEWAY: What do I do to leave here?
ADMIRAL: Just decide. The only thing that keeps you is your refusal to
JANEWAY: You may be right in everything you've said to me, but I'm not
ready to accept it. I'm not ready to go.
ADMIRAL: My poor little bird. You always made it hard for yourself. If
there was a rocky path and a smooth one, you chose the rocky one every
JANEWAY: If I stay, maybe it'll be easier for them. Maybe I could be
ADMIRAL: You're saying all the things I told myself when I refused to
leave you. I was hoping you wouldn't have to go through that. It's a
horrible existence, Kathryn. As time wears on you begin to see how
potent, how destructive, loneliness is. You'll see the people you love
going on with their lives, doing all the things you used to share with
them, but you won't be a part of it any more. You'll be forever shut
out of their existence. It becomes agonising. I don't want that to
happen to you.
JANEWAY: Maybe that's what it will take for me to make that decision. I
just know that now I'm not ready.
ADMIRAL: What can I do to convince you?
JANEWAY: Nothing. I can't, I won't abandon them. We're too much a part
of each other, can't you see it? We've been through so much together. I
have to know what's going to happen to them. To see Kes continue to
grow and learn. To know if Tom and B'Elanna will ever stop sparring
with each other and develop a real friendship.
ADMIRAL: You can only be an observer of their lives, never a
JANEWAY: I don't care. I'd rather be here in spirit than not at all. A
Captain doesn't abandon ship.
ADMIRAL: Every hour you stay here makes it that much more difficult to
JANEWAY: Why are you pushing me? I've made up my mind. I'm staying
The cortical stimulator is working. I'm getting a weak pulse.
CHAKOTAY: She's coming back.
EMH: I'll use cordrazine along with the stimulator.
JANEWAY: What was that? What happened?
ADMIRAL: What do you mean?
JANEWAY: I saw Tuvok and Chakotay and the Doctor.
JANEWAY: No. It was different, as though, as though I were looking up
ADMIRAL: An hallucination like the others.
JANEWAY: It didn't feel like the others. I didn't see myself. I was
looking up at them. That's the real me, isn't it, lying on the ground
on that planet, dying, and this is the hallucination. This isn't real.
ADMIRAL: More denial. You're only making it harder on yourself.
JANEWAY: You're trying very hard to convince me to come with you. Why
is that? If what you're saying is true, why not let me come to the
decision on my own?
ADMIRAL: I'm trying to spare you unnecessary pain.
JANEWAY: My father would never act like this. He always believed I had
to learn my own lessons, make my own mistakes. He never tried to shield
me from life. Why would he try to shield me from death? You're not my
father. I could be imagining you, but I don't think so. You have such a
specific agenda. You're determined that I go with you somewhere. Who
ADMIRAL: I'm trying to help you. Stop fighting me.
JANEWAY: Are you an alien being of some kind? Is that it?
CHAKOTAY: Her eyes are open.
EMH: Vital signs are responding. Blood pressure is sixty over thirty.
TUVOK: But the entity is still inhabiting her cerebral cortex, impeding
CHAKOTAY: Kathryn, hang on. We're bringing you back. Just fight a
EMH: Direct synaptic stimulation might drive out the alien presence.
JANEWAY: I was right. I heard Tuvok and Chakotay and the Doctor. You're
an alien. You've created all these hallucinations, haven't you?
ADMIRAL: This is what my species does. At the moment just before death
one of us comes to help you understand what's happening, to make the
crossing over an occasion of joy.
JANEWAY: And what is that?
(The bright light tunnel growing behind him.)
ADMIRAL: Our Matrix, where your consciousness will live. I was being
truthful when I said it was a place of wonder. It can be whatever you
want it to be.
JANEWAY: Then why didn't you tell me this from the beginning? Why
pretend to be my father.
ADMIRAL: Usually people are comforted to see their loved ones. It makes
the crossing over a much less fearful occasion. I've done this many
times, but I've never encountered someone so resistant.
Something's happened. The alien presence is getting stronger again.
CHAKOTAY: Fight it, Kathryn, just a little longer.
EMH: I'll have to try a thoron pulse.
JANEWAY: My people are telling me to fight. They're trying to save me.
ADMIRAL: They're trying out of desperation. It's hopeless.
JANEWAY: You're the one who sounds desperate. I don't get the feeling
you're trying to make me comfortable. You're only interested in my
agreeing to come with you.
ADMIRAL: Because it's inevitable.
JANEWAY: And you don't strike me as any type of Good Samaritan. You're
more like a vulture, preying on people at the moment of their death
when they're at their most vulnerable.
ADMIRAL: I've waited for you. I've been patient.
JANEWAY: But your patience is wearing thin. What's the real reason you
want me in that Matrix? Somehow I don't think it has anything to do
with everlasting joy.
ADMIRAL: You must go with me.
JANEWAY: If you could force me to go, you'd have done it already. You
need me to agree, don't you? I have to go voluntarily.
ADMIRAL: Wouldn't that be better than standing here in this endless
JANEWAY: Let me tell you this. We can stand here for all eternity and I
will never choose to go with you.
ADMIRAL: You're in a dangerous profession, Captain. You face death
everyday. There'll be another time, and I'll be waiting. Eventually
you'll come into my Matrix and you will nourish me for a long, long
JANEWAY: Go back to hell, coward.
(The Admiral walks into the tunnel, which is now blood red. It finally
EMH: I'm no longer detecting the alien presence. Vital signs are
responding. Blood pressure one ten over sixty five.
JANEWAY: Doctor, what happened?
EMH: Perhaps you can explain, Commander.
CHAKOTAY: You and I were caught in a magnetic storm and crashed here.
You were badly injured. The Doctor just arrived on the shuttle with
Tuvok and began treating you.
TUVOK: As he was doing so we detected an alien presence within your
cerebral cortex. It appeared to be preventing our attempts to heal you.
EMH: Eventually it was dislodged, but there were a number of times I
thought we'd lost you.
CHAKOTAY: But each time you seemed to fight back.
JANEWAY: He kept telling me to let go, but I wouldn't.
JANEWAY: My father. The alien. He wanted to take me into another place.
CHAKOTAY: Another place? Some kind of afterlife?
JANEWAY: Maybe. But I can tell you this. From what I saw, it's
certainly not where I'd like to spend eternity.
Captain's log, stardate 50518.6. The Doctor has examined me thoroughly
and pronounced me physically fit, but I'll admit that it'll take a
little longer to work through the emotional impact of my experience.
(Janeway is reading a PADD when the doorbell chimes.)
JANEWAY: Come in.
(Chakotay enters, with a rose.)
CHAKOTAY: I could have sworn I heard the Doctor tell you to take it
easy for a few days.
JANEWAY: Talking it easy usually makes me feel worse.
CHAKOTAY: You shouldn't push yourself. You've been through a lot.
JANEWAY: Oh. To tell you the truth, I'd rather stay busy than dwell on
CHAKOTAY: I can understand that. I can't help thinking about it. That
alien, his Matrix. He was like the spider that has to lure a fly into
JANEWAY: Do you think it's possible that each of the near death
experiences we've heard about are the result of an alien inhabitation?
CHAKOTAY: That's a little hard to believe.
JANEWAY: I hope so. I'd prefer to think his species was unique to the
Delta Quadrant and that I've seen the last of him.
CHAKOTAY: I'm sure that's the case. After going head to head with
Kathryn Janeway he must have realised he'd met his match.
JANEWAY: Come on, Chakotay. We've cheated death, that's worth a
celebration, don't you think? A bottle of champagne, moonlight sail on
Lake George, how does that sound?
CHAKOTAY: Like something worth living for.