Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy
Stardate: Unknown
Original Airdate: 13 October 1999

[Mess hall]

EMH: Somewhere, in that totality known as the universe, is a galaxy called the Milky Way. Tucked into the corner of that galaxy is a planet named Earth. On that planet is a city called Mantua. Go straight ahead past the fountain, turn right, then left, then right again. You'll find yourself walking along the water, listening, as a man sings of his beloved's unfaithful heart. And even the fish begin to weep. Quando, la donna e mobile. (singing) La donne e mobile, qual piuma al a vento, muta d'accento, e di pensiero. Sempre un'amabile, leggiadro viso, in pianto o in riso, e mensognero. La donna e mobile, qual pium al vento,  muta d'accento, e di pensier.  E di pensier.
(Tuvok is weeping.)
PARIS: Tuvok?
EMH: E di pensier!
(Tuvok starts laughing, then falls to his knees.)
PARIS: Tuvok!
(Paris goes to help and gets pushed away.)
JANEWAY: Janeway to Security. Get a team to the mess hall right away.
EMH: Stand back. He's been seized by the pon farr. A neurochemical imbalance is driving him to mate. We won't be able to reason with him. (singing) Tuvok, I understand. You are a Vulcan man. You have just gone without for seven years about. Paris, please find a way to load a hypospray. I will give you the sign. Just aim for his behind. Hormones are raging, Synapses blazing, It's all so veeee (Paris gets an emergency medkit and loads the hypospray, then throws it to the EMH whilst he is holding the note.)
EMH: Eeery illogical. Illogical. Illogical.
ALL: Bravo! Bravo!
(Applause and adoring looks from Janeway. Flowers and kisses are thrown at the maestro.)
TORRES: Doctor?

[Doctor's office]

TORRES: Doctor? Hello?
(The EMH ends his daydream and returns to his work.)
TORRES: Maybe I'd better run a diagnostic on your hearing subroutines.
EMH: My hearing's fine. I was just letting my mind wander, that's all.
TORRES: If you're not working on anything, you should deactivate yourself. Save us the energy.
EMH: Wait a second, I thought I was scheduled to go on the away team.
TORRES: Well, the planet looks safe on the long range sensors. Any medical problems, and we can use the transporter. But, take a look at those scans and see if there's anything we might have missed.
EMH: Lieutenant, I wanted to go on the away team. There's a canyon on that planet I'd like to investigate.
TORRES: I've already handed out assignments. Next time. If you'd like, I'll snap a few images for you.
EMH: Don't bother.
TORRES: Suit yourself.
(Torres leaves.)
EMH: I'll just use my imagination.

[Bridge]

(There is a gaseous object on the viewscreen. Chakotay enters.)
CHAKOTAY: Where did that come from?
JANEWAY: Good question. It didn't show up on sensors until a few minutes ago.
CHAKOTAY: T class nebula. A thousand kilometre diameter. Hydrogen, helium, argon.
JANEWAY: Nothing too dramatic.
CHAKOTAY: If you want some drama, take a look at this.
(He hands over a PADD.)
JANEWAY: To Captain Kathryn Janeway, Starship Voyager. From Emergency Medical Hologram, Starship Voyager. Topic, status of Emergency Medical Hologram, Starship Voyager.
CHAKOTAY: He's filing a formal grievance.
JANEWAY: Regarding?
CHAKOTAY: His treatment by the crew. There's also a paragraph about his future on Voyager, and a proposal for his advancement.
JANEWAY: Failure to acknowledge sentience. Rude behaviour. What's this? A request to be made Captain in the event of a catastrophic emergency? He's serious.
CHAKOTAY: Dead serious and he wants a formal response, for the record.
TUVOK: Protocol allows for Commander Chakotay or myself to address his demands, if the captain would prefer.
JANEWAY: No, I'll take care of it. I don't want anybody to be uncomfortable on this ship. I guess we should all try to be more considerate of his feelings.
PARIS: Captain, he does it to himself. He's Chief Medical Officer. Is it our fault that's not enough for him?
JANEWAY: Resume course toward the planet. Chakotay, you have the bridge. I've got a formal response to draft.

[Overlooker ship]

(Inside the nebula, a crew of neckless aliens in rubber suits are making notes.)
OVERLOOKER: What category did I assign that vessel?
PHLOX: Unacceptable risk.
OVERLOOKER: Correct. And what was my justification for that decision?
PHLOX: The ship appears in none of our databases. Initial attempts to scan the interior failed.
OVERLOOKER: Then why are you wasting our resources?
PHLOX: I think I can penetrate the hull, using a microtunnelling sensor.
OVERLOOKER: And observe the interior one molecule at a time? There are other potential targets that must be surveyed.
PHLOX: If I could tap into a data transfer conduit, I'd be able to reach their main computer core. That would tell me all we need to know about their tactical systems, in theory.
OVERLOOKER: We could be detected. They may not like being spied upon.
PHLOX: I think I've been very careful avoiding it. I'll take every precaution, I promise.
OVERLOOKER: Unacceptable risk.
PHLOX: I've already transmitted my proposal to the Hierarchy. They should be responding momentarily.
OVERLOOKER: Do you have something you'd like to say?
DEVRO: No.
OVERLOOKER: The Hierarchy cannot be bothered with every ill-conceived notion that you
(The response arrives.)
PHLOX: They've approved. I'd better get started.
(The Overlooker stomps away.)
DEVRO: You're too confrontational. He'll report you.
PHLOX: Huh. Acceptable risk.

[Briefing room]

TORRES: The layer of antonium runs right along the edge of the canyon.
SEVEN: My scans show geological instability within one hundred metres of the target location.
PARIS: I could put the Flyer down just outside of that.
NEELIX: I don't know, Tom. That might be a little too far.
PARIS: What's the matter, Neelix? Afraid of a little exercise?
TORRES: I think we could handle a hundred metre stroll.
PARIS: I have to agree.
(The EMH gets a message on his PADD - Dinner Tonight? He looks up and Seven winks at him.)
NEELIX: Maybe getting there. It's coming back I'm worried about. We'll be loaded down with ore. If the ground is unstable
SEVEN: I suggest limiting the team members to twenty kilograms. Preliminary scans indicate the crust is dense enough to support that weight.
(Then Janeway gets up and walks around the table, brushing her hand along the back of the EMH's seat. Seven stiffens.)
PARIS: You might try carrying a transport enhancer to the site.
NEELIX: That's not a bad idea. We'll beam the ore back to the Delta Flyer and we won't have to carry anything.
TORRES: You know, this mission is starting to look a little more dangerous than we thought. Maybe we do need the Doctor to come along. If one of us fell through the crust there could be injuries.
(The EMH gets another text message - Resist.)
SEVEN: I require his assistance in Astrometrics.
TORRES: What for?
SEVEN: That's none of your business.
TORRES: I think it is.
JANEWAY: Oh!
(Janeway leans over the table by the EMH, holding her back.)
NEELIX: What's wrong, Captain?
JANEWAY: It's nothing, really. An old Academy injury. It flares up every now and then. I've learned to live with it, but maybe you should stay here and have a look. Right there.
(Janeway places the EMH's hand on the sacral area of her lower back. Torres stands.)
TORRES: Get away from him.
JANEWAY: You are dismissed. Doctor? Doctor?
(The EMH is roused from his reverie.)
EMH: Yes, Captain?
JANEWAY: Let's talk about these demands of yours.

[Ready room]

JANEWAY: I've given you a great deal of freedom on this ship.
EMH: I'm not disputing that.
JANEWAY: But you're not satisfied, either.
EMH: I should be allowed to participate and advance according to my abilities, like any other member of this crew.
JANEWAY: You should also know your limits.
EMH: My programme can be expanded indefinitely. I don't have limits.
JANEWAY: Maybe, but we all have primary responsibilities. Yours is Sickbay.
EMH: I'm a computer programme. Multiple tasking is second nature to me.
JANEWAY: This proposal of yours to be made a, what? What did you call it?
EMH: ECH. Emergency Command Hologram.
JANEWAY: In principle, it's an interesting idea. A backup captain in case I'm incapacitated and the command structure breaks down. But expanding your programme would take months of work.
EMH: The lives of the crew may depend on it someday.
JANEWAY: I'm afraid the answer's no, Doctor. However, as part of my formal response I have recommended that Starfleet assign a team of Engineers to consider your proposal. When we get back to the Alpha Quadrant, I'll pass it along.
EMH: Thank you, Captain.
JANEWAY: Thank you, Doctor.

[Cargo Bay two]

(The EMH walks into a Congratulations ECH Party. His PADD has morphed into a glass of champagne.)
JANEWAY: Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce the Emergency Command Hologram.
(Seven kisses him on the cheek, and Torres takes his other arm.)

[Overlooker ship]

(The party is on a monitor.)
PHLOX: I've tried to access their internal sensors, but I couldn't get past the security encryption. So, I found something even better. A holographic crewman. I've tapped into his cognitive subroutines. We can now monitor everything he's experiencing.
DEVRO: It's like having an agent on board.
JANEWAY [on screen]: To the ECH.
EMH [on screen]: Captain, this is such an honour, but if you don't mind my saying, hardly a surprise.
(A little later.)
PHLOX: Allow me to introduce the Doctor. He's a computer programme, a sentient piece of holographic technology. And he is Voyager's medical officer.
OVERLOOKER: Voyager?
PHLOX: That's the name of the ship. I've only been observing the Doctor for a matter of hours, and I've already learned more about this vessel than I did in three days of sensor sweeps.
OVERLOOKER: Elaborate.
PHLOX: The reason Voyager is not in our database is because they are not from this quadrant. They're lost. Alone.
OVERLOOKER: No backup vessel?
PHLOX: Uh huh.
OVERLOOKER: No one to contact for help?
PHLOX: Precisely. Another few hours of observation and I will know all we need to know about them. Defences, weapons, crew complement, everything.
OVERLOOKER: From monitoring one individual? Unlikely.
PHLOX: Actually, it is very likely. The social structure on Voyager is, is much different than ours.
OVERLOOKER: How so?
PHLOX: This is my observation post. I have a single function. But the Doctor does much more than just practice medicine. He has access to the entire ship, and he seems to be an expert on everything. In fact, the Captain just gave him authorisation to command the bridge! It was a very exciting moment.
OVERLOOKER: Why aren't you monitoring him now?
PHLOX: The link drops out intermittently, but it should be re-established in a few minutes.
OVERLOOKER: Maintain your surveillance.

[Sickbay]

EMH: This'll take care of any potential allergens in the planet's atmosphere. I'll monitor your medical status from the bridge, but I don't anticipate any problems. Since I'm not going, I wonder if you'd mind snapping a few holo-images for me while you're down there.
NEELIX: Gladly.
EMH: Tell me something, Mister Neelix. Do you daydream?
NEELIX: On Talaxia, we have a saying. The dream dreams the dreamer.
EMH: Care to translate?
NEELIX: We like to think that fantasies and daydreams come from someplace else. Another land. They slip into our minds and whisper about things we never imagined.
EMH: A strange notion.
NEELIX: Do you daydream, Doctor?
EMH: Of course not. I'm a computer programme. I prefer wide shots, Mister Neelix. If you're feeling creative, throw in a little ultraviolet.
NEELIX: Will do.

[Bridge]

KIM: Voyager to Delta Flyer. Report.
PARIS [OC]: We're approaching the canyon. Whew! What a view!
EMH: I'm sure it is.
JANEWAY: Put us in a synchronous orbit above their landing coordinates.
PARIS [OC]: Voyager, mayday!
JANEWAY: What's wrong?
PARIS [OC]: We've been hit. I'm taking us into the canyon.
JANEWAY: Harry?
KIM: I don't know what happened to them.
TUVOK: I am picking up a vessel, Captain. It's Borg.
JANEWAY: Red alert. On screen. Battle stations.
(A Borg node pops out of Tuvok's hand.)
TUVOK: Captain. You must relieve me of duty at once.
SEVEN: An assimilation virus has penetrated our defences.
CHAKOTAY: We're becoming drones.
JANEWAY: Hard to starboard. Reinforce the shields.
KIM: Incoming fire.
(Janeway is knocked out.)
KIM: Doctor.
EMH: Computer, activate the ECH.
COMPUTER: Acknowledged.
(The EMH's uniform turns from  blue to red shoulders, and four pips appear on his collar.)
COMPUTER: Transferring all systems to your command. You have the bridge.
EMH: Indeed. Shields to maximum. Photon torpedoes, full volley. Fire. Computer, report.
COMPUTER: Enemy shields are intact.
BORG [OC]: We are the Borg.
EMH: I know very well who you are. Stand down your weapons.
BORG [OC]: State your designation.
EMH: Emergency Command Hologram, at your service.
BORG [OC]: Designation unknown.
EMH: Not for long.
SEVEN: Doctor.
(Tuvok and Chakotay, now partially assimilated, advance on Seven and the EMH. He grabs a pair of hyposprays and injects Chakotay with one, before neck-pinching Tuvok. Seven gazes at him adoringly.)
COMPUTER: Warning, primary shields are failing.
EMH: This is the last time I'm going to ask you. Stand down your weapons. Turn back while you still can.
BORG [OC]: You will be assimilated.
EMH: Over my dead programme. Computer, activate the photonic cannon.
COMPUTER: The photonic cannon is online.
EMH: Fire.
(The Borg Sphere goes KaBOOM! The Overlookers gasp, then they lose the signal.)
KIM: Doctor, can you confirm? The readings, Doctor.
(The EMH returns to reality.)
EMH: Um, er, er. Readings. Er, confirm, of course. Er, the away team's physiologies are within acceptable parameters. All life signs stable.
KIM: You're okay to proceed, Tom.
PARIS [OC]: Understood. We'll contact you again when we reach the site.

[Overlooker ship]

PHLOX: Voyager will not be an easy target. It is armed with something called a photonic cannon. I watched them destroy a Borg sphere with a single volley.
OVERLOOKER: There are no reports of Borg in this region.
PHLOX: I saw it with my own eyes.
OVERLOOKER: Did you check for debris?
PHLOX: The ship was annihilated. There was nothing left for the sensors to pick up.
OVERLOOKER: Continue.
PHLOX: Their captain was disabled in the attack. The hologram is now in command. He's an impressive individual. A physician, an engineer, a warrior. And very attractive to the females. We must at all cost try to avoid a direct confrontation with him. I recommend a type three stealth assault.
(The Overlooker taps this onto a card and puts it into the computer.)
OVERLOOKER: The Hierarchy approves. Prepare for a stealth assault, type three. Scan for Borg. We don't want any last minute surprises. Or mistakes.

[Corridor]

CHAKOTAY: Doctor? Can I have a word with you?
EMH: I know I let my attention drift a little on the bridge, but I assure you
CHAKOTAY: Are you kidding? That was incredible. I just wanted to congratulate you.
EMH: For what, exactly?
CHAKOTAY: The Borg will have to think twice about attacking Voyager again. Nice work.
EMH: Computer, locate Commander Chakotay.
COMPUTER: Commander Chakotay is in his quarters.
CHAKOTAY: Something wrong?

[Engineering]

TORRES: What were you trying to do?
EMH: I've been experimenting with introducing a new function into my programme. Cognitive projections. Daydreaming. I wanted to be able to daydream.
SEVEN: An inefficient activity.
KIM: We all do it now and then, Seven. Why not the Doctor?
EMH: My thought exactly.
TORRES: So what's the problem?
EMH: The algorithms are malfunctioning. I'm starting to daydream whether I want to or not.
TORRES: They say a doctor who operates on himself has a petaQ for a patient.
SEVEN: I can help him.
TORRES: I'm sure you can.
SEVEN: The Doctor and I are going to Sickbay.
TORRES: Any excuse to be alone with him, eh, Seven?
SEVEN: Assimilation is an unpleasant fate. (They each pull at one of the EMH's arms.)
TORRES: Is that a threat?
(An alarm blares.)
KIM: This isn't possible. The warp containment field is failing.
COMPUTER: Warp core breach in thirty seconds.
TORRES: Try stabilising the antimatter flow.
SEVEN: The control linkage is down.
COMPUTER: Warning. Warp core breach a lot sooner than you think.
TORRES: We've got to get someone inside the warp core. Try to eject it manually.
SEVEN: No one could survive the current level of plasma radiation.
BOTH: The Doctor.
EMH: This isn't real, is it?
KIM: Doc, you're the only one who can help us!
COMPUTER: Warning. Last chance to be a hero, Doctor. Get going.
KIM: Here's the problem. The new algorithms weren't isolated properly. They've branched into his perceptual subroutines. Doc, why don't we take a closer look at the matrix and. What are you doing?
EMH: I have to eject the core.
KIM: What?
SEVEN: Deactivate his programme.
TORRES: No, it will damage his matrix.
EMH: Don't try to stop me.
KIM: Let's take him to Sickbay.
EMH: I have to. I have to save the ship. I have to save the ship. I have to save the ship!

[Sickbay]

EMH: You look lovely tonight, Seven. Where shall we go? That sounds wonderful.
TORRES: The new algorithms have completely taken over his programme.
EMH: Ambassador!
JANEWAY: So now he's daydreaming constantly?
EMH: It's a photonic cannon. I designed it myself.
TORRES: He seems to be randomly jumping from one to the next.
(They have him isolated in the surgical bay. He bumps into the forcefield.)
EMH: Pardon me, Miss.
TORRES: I routed his subroutines to Holodeck one so Harry and Seven could monitor his fantasies.
JANEWAY: Do you think that's appropriate? They're his fantasies, and I promised him we'd show a little more consideration.
TORRES: It'll give us a better idea of what's going on, help us fix him.
EMH: Mister Neelix, how thoughtful. You baked me a cake. This won't get you out of your check-up.
KIM [OC]: Kim to Sickbay.
JANEWAY: Go ahead, Harry.
KIM [OC]: You might want to have a look at this.
JANEWAY: We're on our way.
(The EMH blows out the candles on his imaginary cake.)

[Holodeck - Cargo Bay two]

(The EMH is painting his version of a reclining nude.)
EMH: Keep still, please.
HOLO-SEVEN: Anything you say, Doctor.
JANEWAY: He does the hands very well.
SEVEN: Apparently, he's had a great deal of practice. Look at these. (The preliminary sketches, with a modest lack of detail on the torso.)
JANEWAY: I see.

[Holodeck - Bridge]

EMH: Computer. Activate the Emergency Command Hologram.
KIM: This is the part I like.
(The pips popping up on the EMH's collar.)
JANEWAY: Nice touch.
EMH: Bring the photonic cannon online.
JANEWAY: Photonic cannon?
KIM: A weapon of mass destruction. Invented by the Doctor, of course.
JANEWAY: Of course.
SEVEN: In many of his fantasies he takes command and saves the ship.
JANEWAY: I see.
KIM: Which means that particular algorithm is more easily accessible than the others.
TORRES: So, if we can isolate it, we might be able to stabilise his programme.

[Holodeck - Mess hall]

HOLO-TORRES: Why do you torment me like this?
EMH: That was never my intention.
HOLO-TORRES: It wasn't?
EMH: I want you to be happy, B'Elanna.
HOLO-TORRES: Without you?
TORRES: What?
JANEWAY: Shush.
EMH: I'll always be fond of you. That will never change.
HOLO-TORRES: You can't just leave me. I couldn't bear to be alone.
EMH: Aren't you forgetting someone? He needs you, B'Elanna. Now more than ever.
HOLO-TORRES: Forget him. He's not half the man you are.
TORRES: I've seen enough of this.
KIM: All right, let's go back to Sickbay and try to isolate that algorithm.

[Holodeck - Cargo Bay two]

HOLO-JANEWAY: Congratulations.
EMH: Thank you for this opportunity, Captain. All I ever wanted was to live up to my full potential, to hone all my skills, expand my abilities, to help the people I love.

[Overlooker ship]

OVERLOOKER: What's the status?
PHLOX: I lost the signal again. I don't know what happened.
OVERLOOKER: Two assault vessels are on course to join us. Accurate information is essential.
PHLOX: The more I learn about Voyager, the more I wonder if it's worth the trouble.
OVERLOOKER: Clarify.
PHLOX: Launching an attack against such a heavily armed vessel carries a great risk, and for what? A little antimatter and some dilithium.
OVERLOOKER: Your survey indicated large quantities of both. We've already committed substantial resources to mounting this assault. Were you mistaken?
PHLOX: No, not at all. I'm just sounding a note of caution.
OVERLOOKER: If our boarding party doesn't find Voyager exactly as you've described it, the Hierarchy will be informed.
PHLOX: I understand. There has been no mistake.
OVERLOOKER: Then we'll proceed.
(The Overlooker walks away.)
PHLOX: I've made a terrible mistake.
DEVRO: How terrible?
PHLOX: The Doctor was appearing in a different location every few seconds. It didn't seem possible, so I investigated a little further and I haven't been monitoring his perceptions, I've been watching his dreams, or his, his imaginings. I'm not sure which. But none of this is real. What am I going to do?

[Doctor's office]

JANEWAY: I came to check on your patient.
EMH: He's doing just fine, Captain. It took Lieutenant Torres half the night to stabilise my matrix, but I haven't had a single flight of fancy since. I apologise for altering my programme without permission.
JANEWAY: At least there wasn't any permanent damage.
EMH: I'm afraid there was. I've been exposed, humiliated. Turned inside out for all the world to see. If I've lost your respect
JANEWAY: That will never happen. Certainly not because we've seen a few random fantasies. We all daydream, Doctor. It helps us imagine other possibilities in life. Just hold off until we've figured out a way for you to do it without damaging yourself, all right?

[Ready room]

(Janeway is reading the Federation Judicial Code when the doorbell chimes.)
JANEWAY: Come in.
CHAKOTAY: Ship's status report. Federation law? Thinking about a career change?
JANEWAY: In a way. Not for me, though. I've been going over the legal precedents for granting command positions to holograms. There aren't any.
CHAKOTAY: Captain, this ship needs its Doctor. He should focus on what he was programmed for. Medical care.
JANEWAY: I think we've underestimated him because of our own human limitations. His full potential's unknown, Chakotay.
CHAKOTAY: Would you be comfortable handing over your ship to a computer programme?
JANEWAY: Well, I don't know if I'd take it that far.
CHAKOTAY: You might have to. He probably won't settle for less.

[Sickbay]

(The EMH is checking blood samples when he hears the sounds of the ECH party.)
EMH: Oh, no.

[Daydream - Cargo Bay two]

NEELIX: Allow me to shake your hand. Congratulations.
(The EMH has a medal around his neck.)
PHLOX: Doctor, may I please have a word with you?.
EMH: I don't recall dreaming you up.
PHLOX: You didn't. I'm transmitting a simulation of myself into your programme. But I am real.
EMH: Doctor to the bridge. I'm daydreaming again. Somebody deactivate me.
PHLOX: Voyager is about to be attacked.
EMH: Of course it is, unless the valiant Doctor swings into action, right?
PHLOX: Yes, yes, precisely.
EMH: A common theme in all my fantasies.
PHLOX: I reactivated your cognitive algorithms. I put you back into this fiction.
(Seven whispers into the EMH's ear.)
SEVEN: I'm ready to pose again tonight.
EMH: Here.
(He gives her his glass of champagne and she moves on.)
EMH: Why?
PHLOX: It was the only way for me to communicate with you.
EMH: I'm listening.
PHLOX: I'm a long range observer on an assault class vessel. I scan passing ships for technology and raw materials. When I find an acceptable target, we raid it.
EMH: You've been spying on us.
PHLOX: More to the point, on you. For several days I've been using a long range tunnelling sensor to tap into your programme. You were supposed to be our eyes and ears on Voyager. Instead, I got this.
EMH: My daydreams? You tapped into my daydreams? That's why my algorithms have been destabilising.
PHLOX: My fault. I'm sorry.
EMH: Tell me about this attack.
PHLOX: My ship is less than an hour away. I can help you avoid a confrontation but you must do exactly what I say.
EMH: Why should you want to help us?
PHLOX: You don't understand. The Hierarchy does not tolerate mistakes or misinformation. If they learn of my error, I'll lose my livelihood.
EMH: Well, that's what you get for being a Peeping Tom.
PHLOX: But I also care about what happens to you. I feel like I've got to know you over the past few days.
EMH: You've been spying on my fantasies, not me. You don't know me at all.
PHLOX: But I do. I know how your mind works, what your hopes are. You created all these possibilities. My species, we're very different. Our thinking is confined but, I can't help but admire you. I don't want you to be harmed.
EMH: Then I suppose we should swing into action.

[Bridge]

EMH: Captain, we're about to be attacked. Alien vessels are approaching.
PARIS: There's nothing on the sensors, Doc.
EMH: The vessels are cloaked.
CHAKOTAY: How do you know this?
EMH: One of the aliens contacted me.
TUVOK: I've detected no transmissions.
EMH: He spoke to me in a daydream.
JANEWAY: I don't want to hear it. However, I would like to know why you've disobeyed my direct order.
EMH: I can prove it to you. The alien told me how to reconfigure our sensors to compensate for their cloaking field.
 (The EMH hands a PADD to Kim. Janeway nods okay.)
KIM: He's right. I'm picking up three ships out there. Distance six hundred million kilometres, headed right for us.
JANEWAY: On screen. Maximum magnification.
EMH: The alien won't help us unless we help him.
PARIS: What if this is all part of their attack? A ruse?
CHAKOTAY: He's already helped us compensate for their cloak. I'm inclined to believe him.
JANEWAY: So am I, but I'd just as soon set a course away from here at maximum warp.
EMH: That will only delay a confrontation. They have vessels hidden throughout the entire sector.
JANEWAY: Did your friend have a plan?
EMH: He said they're running what's called a type three stealth assault. They won't decloak until they're right on top of us, at which point they'll fire a warning shot across our bow. Then come the demands for supplies and technology. If we don't comply, they'll destroy us. Fortunately, the alien promised to transmit the resonance frequencies of their phasers.
TUVOK: And in return?
EMH: In return. He mistakenly informed his superiors that I was in command of Voyager. To keep himself from being demoted, he wants us to maintain that fiction. When they open the channel, I have to be sitting in the Captain's chair. I'm sorry, Captain, but he insisted.
JANEWAY: Well, I guess it's time to turn fantasy into reality.

[Sickbay]

EMH: I'm in over my head. What if I fail?
KIM: You sound like I did when the Captain put me in command of the night shift. That chair looked so big I thought I'd sink so far into it that nobody would be able to see me.
EMH: But you had your Academy training to fall back on.
KIM: Yeah, well, sounds like you've had plenty of practice.
EMH: That wasn't real.
KIM: Listen, Doc. The whole reason you wanted to be able to daydream was to test out possibilities, right? Consider this a field test.

[Overlooker ship]

OVERLOOKER: Why isn't there any hull damage from the Borg attack?
PHLOX: They repaired it.
OVERLOOKER: So quickly? Hmm. Prepare for type four assault.
PHLOX: Type four? That would cause a huge drain on our energy core. A waste of resources. Do you really think that's necessary?
OVERLOOKER: What I think doesn't matter. Your long range surveillance indicated an attack by Borg. On closer inspection, that appears to be doubtful. Your report on this vessel could be mistaken. I think caution is in order. The Hierarchy agrees. Proceed to type four.

[Bridge]

(The newly configured Emergency Command Hologram enters from the turbolift with Kim.)
PARIS: Captain on the bridge.
CHAKOTAY: It won't bite.
PARIS: What I wouldn't give right now for a whoopee cushion.
KIM: A what?
PARIS: Ancient technology.
(The EMH sits in the Captain's chair. Her screen beeps and he leaps to his feet, before sitting down slowly again.)
CHAKOTAY: Captain, we're ready to proceed.

[Astrometrics lab]

JANEWAY: Acknowledged, Commander.
SEVEN: The internal comm. link is active. No one will be able to hear you but the Doctor.
JANEWAY: Doctor, are

[Bridge]

JANEWAY [OC]: You ready?
EMH: No, but do I have a choice?
JANEWAY [OC]: I'll be with you every step of the way. Just remember, I'm still the captain.
EMH: Understood.
TUVOK: I'm receiving a transmission on a secure channel. Audio only.
CHAKOTAY: Must be the Doctor's friend. Let's hear what he has to say. Doctor?
EMH: Hello? Voyager here. It's me.
PHLOX [OC]: Doctor, something terrible has happened. They've ordered a type

[Astrometrics lab]

PHLOX [OC]: Four assault. Our phaser frequencies will be rotated

[Bridge]

PHLOX [OC]: Continuously. I won't be able to help you.
CHAKOTAY: Evasive manoeuvres.
TUVOK: Three vessels are decloaking off the port bow.
(Whumph!)
PARIS: That didn't feel like a warning shot.
TUVOK: Direct hit. Shields are holding.
KIM: They're hailing us.
CHAKOTAY: This is it, Doctor. On screen.

[Overlooker Ship]

PHLOX: See? There he is. Be careful, he, he's dangerous.

[Bridge]

OVERLOOKER [on viewscreen]: The Hierarchy controls this region of space.

[Astrometrics lab]

OVERLOOKER [OC]: Your ship has supplies and technology that we require.
JANEWAY: Tell him we'll defend ourselves.

[Bridge]

JANEWAY [OC]: They won't get what they're after.
EMH: We'll defend ourselves. They won't get what they're after.
OVERLOOKER [on viewscreen]: Huh?
EMH: I mean you won't get what you're after. Not in a million years. Not if I have anything to say about it.
JANEWAY [OC]: Don't improvise, Doctor.
EMH: Sorry.
OVERLOOKER [on viewscreen]: An exchange of fire would damage both of our ships, But we have support nearby. You are alone. Take your weapons offline and prepare to be boa
TUVOK: Excuse the interruption, Commander. I have found a potential weakness in their shields, but I'll need time to reconfigure our phasers.
CHAKOTAY: Keep him occupied, Doctor. On screen.
OVERLOOKER [on viewscreen]: This is my final warning.
EMH: Don't rush me.
OVERLOOKER [on viewscreen]: Take your weapons offline immediately. I won't ask again.
EMH: You appear to be suffering from a physio-emotive disorder. You're impatient, quick to anger. Do you have any idea what that does to your vascular pressure? You may want to see a physician.
TUVOK: Firing phasers.
KIM: Direct hit.
EMH: Ha! How do you like that, huh? A taste of your own medicine.
JANEWAY [OC]: Tone it down, Doctor.
EMH: Sorry.
(Big Whumph!)
TUVOK: Our phasers are offline.
OVERLOOKER [on viewscreen]: Prepare to be boarded.
JANEWAY [OC]: It's time to negotiate, Doctor. Tell
EMH: Tuvok!
(The EMH stands in an heroic pose.)
EMH: Activate the photonic cannon. Tuvok, that was an order!
TUVOK: Activating the photonic cannon, sir.
EMH: I'd rather not give the order to fire.
OVERLOOKER [on viewscreen]: My sensors are showing no activation sequence.
EMH: Of course not. The photonic cannon is impervious to sensors.
PHLOX [on viewscreen]: The Borg couldn't detect it either. That's why they were destroyed.
EMH: The Borg

[Overlooker ship]

EMH [on viewscreen]: The Hierarchy, it's all the same to me. Just another bully who didn't know when to back off.

[Bridge]

PHLOX [on viewscreen]: We'll be vaporised!
(Transmission ends.)

[Overlooker ship]

(The Overlooker reports to the Heirarchy.)
OVERLOOKER: The Hierarchy suggests retreat.
(Phlox heaves a great sigh of relief.)

[Bridge]

KIM: They're moving away at maximum impulse.
CHAKOTAY: Go ahead, Doctor. You've earned it.
(The EMH sits in the Captain's chair and smiles to himself.)

[Doctor's office]

SEVEN [OC]: Seven of Nine to the Doctor.
EMH: Go ahead.
SEVEN [OC]: I require your assistance in the mess hall.
EMH: I'll be right there.

[Mess hall]

ALL: Surprise!
(The senior officers are in dress uniform.)
KIM: Don't worry Doc, you're not dreaming.
EMH: Captain?
JANEWAY: For your imaginative defence of this ship and her crew, I'm awarding you the Starfleet Medal of Commendation. Congratulations.
EMH: Thank you.
JANEWAY: I've also reconsidered your request. I'm going to authorise a research project to explore your command abilities. You're a natural.
SEVEN: Congratulations, Doctor. (kisses him on cheek) That was a Platonic gesture. Don't expect me to pose for you.
EMH: Noted.

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