Live Fast And Prosper
Stardate: 53849.2
Original Airdate: 19 April 2000

[Telsian mine]

(A saurian runs along a mine tunnel.)
MINER 1: You're late.
MINER 2: There was a problem with the pulse drills on level four.
MINER 1: They're going to be here any moment. I want to make a good impression.
MINER 2: You're certain we should be doing this?
MINER 1: Orek will be pleased that we took the initiative.
MINER 2: I hope you're right.
(Two figures in Starfleet uniforms beam in.)
MINER 1: Welcome to Telsius.
DALA: Thank you. I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway. This is Commander Tuvok. We're from the Federation Starship Voyager.
(The resemblances are close, but not quite right. Janeway's hair is too think, Tuvok is too stocky and the comm. badges are much bigger.)
DALA: We have several mines like this on Earth.
MINER 1: I'm not familiar with Earth.
DALA: That’s because it's thirty thousand light years from here.
MOBAR: Thirty thousand three hundred forty two point four to be exact.
MINER 1: You're a long way from home.
DALA: It's difficult sometimes, then I close my eyes and think of the farm in Indiana where I grew up. For a moment I'm home again. Shall we get down to business?
MINER 1: Yes. We've had a shortage of dilithium for the last two months. If we can't replenish our supply we may be forced to suspend work.
MINER 2: Our chief of mining operations has gone to the Grenna system.
MINER 1: Yes, but we are authorised to conduct trades in his absence.
MOBAR: What are you prepared to trade?
MINER 1: I'm afraid the only commodity we have is, er, bolomite.
DALA: We really don't have much use for that.
MOBAR: On the contrary, Captain. Bolomite is used in omega radiation therapy. The orphans on Narva
MINER 1: Orphans?
MOBAR: The settlers on the Narva colony were exposed to toxic levels of omega radiation. The entire adult population was killed.
DALA: We're doing all we can for the children. All right, twenty kilotons of dilithium for an equivalent amount of bolomite.
MINER 1: We only have ten kilotons left.
DALA: Then ten it is.
MOBAR: Captain, I must point out that dilithium is worth nearly twice as much as bolomite.
DALA: Tuvok, these people need our help. I'm not going to quibble over a few tons of ore.
MINER 2: Perhaps we should celebrate.
DALA: I wish we could, but there's a neutronic storm approaching our ship. We should be leaving orbit.
MINER 1: Give us an hour to finalise the arrangements.
DALA: We'll be waiting to hear from you.
MOBAR: Before we leave, would it be possible to tour your facility? It's our duty as Starfleet officers
DALA: Unfortunately the storm won't wait. Maybe on our next visit.
(Mobar gives the Vulcan salute.)
MOBAR: Live long and prosper.

[Dala's ship]

(An ugly, boxy thing. Part of the interior is like Voyager's bridge, mostly the Captain's chair. There is the UFP symbol on a wall panel behind it.)
DALA: Ugh! This hair is so uncomfortable.
(She removes the wig.)
MOBAR: I find it aesthetically pleasing.
ZAR: The negotiations?
DALA: It would've been perfect if Tuvok hadn't decided to improvise.
MOBAR: I was portraying my character as truthfully as possible.
DALA: Once we finish a transaction, we leave. Is that clear?
MOBAR: Indeed.
ZAR: Incoming transmission for Captain Janeway.
DALA: Ready. This is Captain Janeway.
MINER 1 [on viewscreen]: The bolomite is ready for transport. We thank you for your generosity.
DALA: Directive nine twenty seven of the Starfleet General Order. Always help those in need.
ZAR: Transport complete.
DALA: We've enjoyed meeting you, gentlemen.
MINER 1 [on viewscreen]: Er, Captain, we haven't received the dilithium yet.
DALA: Oh, the neutronic storm seems to be interfering with our transporters. If we don't leave orbit immediately, we will sustain heavy damage.
MINER 2 [on viewscreen]: What about our dilithium?
DALA: We'll be back to deliver it as soon as the storm clears.
MINER 2 [on viewscreen]: Well, how long will that be
DALA: Captain Janeway out.
(Transmission ends in a shower of static.)
DALA: Let's go.

[Janeway's quarters]

JANEWAY: Computer, activate the sonic shower.
(It is audible.)
JANEWAY: Oh, adjust the frequency. 
(The pitch rises to painful levels.)
JANEWAY: Computer, deactivate the sonic shower!
(Her bathroom mirror shatters)

[Engineering]

JANEWAY: Report.
TORRES: We've got systems failures on eight decks, Captain.
JANEWAY: That explains why my sonic shower was a little louder than usual.
TORRES: Make that nine decks. I've run every diagnostic I know and I can't seem to isolate the problem.
JANEWAY: Gremlins.
TORRES: Excuse me?
JANEWAY: In the early days of aviation, engineers blamed imaginary little creatures called gremlins for malfunctions they could not explain.
TORRES: Well, one of your gremlins just paid a visit to the replicator system.

[Mess hall]

(Neelix is serving a meal. I think steamed cabbage is involved.)
KIM: Tuvok, we saved you a seat.
PARIS: What's wrong?
TUVOK: Someone has altered one of my holodeck programs. Again.
PARIS: Are you sure it isn't just one of these malfunctions?
KIM: Everything on the ship's been affected, including the holodecks.
TUVOK: The Oracle of K'Tal isn't programmed to wear pyjamas.
PARIS: Well, maybe he overslept.
TUVOK: I am not amused by your practical jokes, Mister Paris.
PARIS: Why do you always think it's me?
TUVOK: Mister Kim?
KIM: I'd like to claim credit, but I'm innocent.
TUVOK: The next time I visit the holodeck, I expect to find my programme restored to its original parameters.
PARIS: I'm telling you, Tuvok, we didn't do it.
KIM: I wonder how the Oracle would look in a sombrero.
(Janeway and Torres enter.)
TORRES: Everybody stop eating!
NEELIX: Captain, what's wrong?
JANEWAY: If I could have everyone's attention for a moment. We found a contaminant in the replicator system. It's nothing serious, but if any of you start to feel a little queasy, report to Sickbay immediately. In the meantime the galley is closed.
KIM: I wish I hadn't had seconds. 

[Galley]

JANEWAY: Here.
(One of the heating areas on the 'stove'.
TORRES: Well, that explains it.
(The heating unit is a very nasty colour.)
NEELIX: Don't tell me a simple heating coil in the stove is responsible for everything that's gone wrong this morning.
JANEWAY: Any component connected to the integrated circuitry can spread a contaminant.
TORRES: This isn't Starfleet issue.
JANEWAY: Where did it come from?
NEELIX: I obtained it during a trade.
JANEWAY: With whom?
NEELIX: Sister Dala.
JANEWAY: Sister?
NEELIX: One of the clerics on Selnia Prime. Tom and I met her during our away mission. She was the one trying to help all those poor orphans. It's all in our report.
TORRES: Did you run a diagnostic before you installed it?
CHAKOTAY [OC]: Captain to the bridge.
JANEWAY: I'm a little busy now. Can it wait?
CHAKOTAY [OC]: I'm afraid not.
JANEWAY: I'll be right back.

[Bridge]

OREK [on viewscreen]: One excuse after another. You're stalling, and I don't have time for it.
CHAKOTAY: Captain, this is Mister Orek. He's chief of mining operations on Telsius Prime.
JANEWAY: A problem, Mister Orek?
OREK [on viewscreen]: Not if you deliver our dilithium.
JANEWAY: Dilithium?
OREK [on viewscreen]: It's all clearly documented. Ten kilotons of bolomite ore in exchange for ten kilotons of dilithium.
JANEWAY: I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding.
OREK [on viewscreen]: One way or another, I intend to collect what you owe me.

[Briefing room]

DALA [on monitor]: We've enjoyed meeting you, gentlemen.
MINER 1 [OC]: Captain, we haven't received the dilithium yet
DALA [on monitor]: Oh, the neutronic storm seems to be interfering with our transporters. If we don't leave orbit immediately, we will sustain heavy damage.
MINER 2 [OC]: What about our dilithium?
DALA [on monitor]: We'll be back to deliver it as soon as the storm clears.
OREK: Do you still deny you made the trade?
JANEWAY: That woman isn't me.
OREK: Who is she then?
JANEWAY: Well, she's obviously an impostor.
OREK: I have transmission logs, transport records, scans of your shuttlecraft.
JANEWAY: I have never been to your planet, Mister Orek, aboard Voyager or any other vessel.
CHAKOTAY: Our ship's logs will confirm what the captain's been telling you.
OREK: And how do I know they're authentic records?
TUVOK: How do we know your records are authentic?
OREK: You think I falsified data? Why would I do that?
TUVOK: Perhaps to extort dilithium from us.
OREK: I'm not the thief here.
JANEWAY: We are not questioning your integrity, Mister Orek. It does appear you've been cheated, but not by me or anyone one on my crew.
OREK: How naive do you think I am? First, you prey upon the sympathy of my miners by telling them stories about poor, orphaned children. Now you try to convince me you're the victims here.
JANEWAY: Did you say orphaned children?
OREK: A despicable tactic.
JANEWAY: Will you excuse me for a minute, please?
(Janeway leaves)
OREK: We are not finished!

[Engineering]

JANEWAY: Neelix.
NEELIX: Captain. We're making real progress.
JANEWAY: Never mind that. Tell me more about this cleric who gave you the heating coil.
NEELIX: Ah. Sister Dala. What do you want to know?
JANEWAY: Everything.
NEELIX: Well, Tom and I met her during our away mission. We were on a small planetoid in the Wyanti system

[Cavern]

NEELIX [OC]: Searching for the spore the Doctor wanted to grow antiviral proteins with.
PARIS: I tell you, Neelix, when I first joined Starfleet I knew it was going to be one glamorous adventure after another, but I never dreamed that I'd have the opportunity to go on a mould-hunting expedition.
NEELIX: I'm detecting traces of glamour in this direction.
(They are stopped by a woman in a long robe, holding a candle.)
DALA: Please, go no further. This is our sanctuary.
PARIS: Our scans didn't detect anyone down here.
MOBAR: Our sect is a solitary one. We dampen our life signs to protect the privacy of our meditations.
NEELIX: We're terribly sorry if we've disturbed you.
DALA: Begin the cleansing.
(Mobar holds out a gizmo he has hanging around his neck. The top glows green in a horseshoe shape.)
MOBAR: Olat mal pri, mal pral, mal prolat. Olate kal mi, kal mal, kal molat.
NEELIX: I hope we haven't committed a serious transgression.
DALA: The transgression was ours. We should have guarded the sanctuary more carefully. The deities will be angry.
PARIS: Come on, Neelix, we'd better get out of the way.
NEELIX: Of course. Our sincere apologies. If there's anything that we can do?
DALA: Forgive me but, you look familiar.
NEELIX: I don't think that we've ever met before.
DALA: Do you see it?
MOBAR: Yes.
DALA: You bear a striking resemblance to our Redeemer of Light.
NEELIX: I'm flattered.
DALA: Each spring we make a pilgrimage to Narva in his honour, to help the orphans.
NEELIX: That's a very worthy cause.
DALA: It is. Unfortunately, we have no food to bring them this year.
PARIS: Why not?
MOBAR: A blight infected our hydroponic pods. The crop was destroyed.
NEELIX: Maybe we could replicate some food for you.
MOBAR: We bestow charity on others. The deities forbid us from accepting it ourselves.
NEELIX: How about a trade?
PARIS: Good idea. You must have something that we can use.
NEELIX: That way you wouldn't be accepting charity, and the deities would have nothing to get angry about.
DALA: Your heart is as kind as your face.
MOBAR: May the deities bless you.

[Engineering]

JANEWAY: That's when they gave you the heating coil?
NEELIX: It was going to take a while to replicate the supplies they needed, so we invited them back to the Flyer.
JANEWAY: That's when they must have gotten access to our systems.
NEELIX: Captain?
JANEWAY: Did you leave either of them alone at any point?
NEELIX: I don't think so. Er, after we ate, Tom took Brother Mobar to see the cockpit, but I stayed in the aft section with Sister Dala, talking.
JANEWAY: About what?
NEELIX: Me, mostly. She wanted to know all about my role on Voyager.

[Delta Flyer - aft compartment]

DALA: Ambassador, morale officer, head chef. It sounds as though you're invaluable.
NEELIX: I do what I can.
DALA: Where is your Voyager now?
NEELIX: About three light years from here.
DALA: Your crew is alone in this region?
NEELIX: We are the only Federation Starship within thirty thousand light years.
DALA: That must be difficult.
NEELIX: Sometimes it is, but we manage. We've single-handedly taken on the Borg, the Hirogen, Species 8472.
DALA: I'm impressed.
NEELIX: Captain Janeway deserves most of the credit. She's an extraordinary woman.
DALA: Your Captain is a woman?
NEELIX: The finest one I've ever known.
DALA: Tell me about her.
NEELIX: Well, she's commanded Voyager for almost six years now. Before that, she was a science officer on the Al-Batani.
DALA: Where does she come from?
NEELIX: Earth. It's in the Alpha Quadrant. She grew up on a little farm in a place called Indiana. You'd like her.
DALA: I'm sure I would.
MOBAR: Sister Dala.
DALA: Yes, Brother Mobar.
MOBAR: It's late. We must return to the sanctuary.
NEELIX: So soon?
DALA: It's time for the evening meditation. We can't thank you enough for all you've done.
NEELIX: We're just glad that we could help.
DALA: The blessing.
MOBAR: Certainly.
(He holds out his gizmo. Neelix and Paris are obliged to close their eyes and lower their heads in prayer.)
MOBAR: May the deities bless these travellers. Tala ot val. Tala ot relina. Sen tala. Sen relina. Val golina. Su ketran. Tala otval. Tala ot relina.

[Engineering]

NEELIX: Then we transported them back to their sanctuary.
JANEWAY: How long did this blessing last?
NEELIX: No more than a minute or two.
JANEWAY: That's probably all they needed.
NEELIX: For what?

[Delta Flyer - aft compartment]

(Janeway finishes her tricorder scans.)
JANEWAY: Just what I thought. The entire database was downloaded eighteen days ago.
NEELIX: Brother Mobar. The talisman.
JANEWAY: It was obviously some sort of scanner.
PARIS: What would a couple of religious clerics want with our database?
JANEWAY: It might help if they wanted to pose as Federation officers. Gentlemen, I believe you've been had.

[Briefing room]

JANEWAY: The way I see it, we're both victims. Your bolomite was stolen, and our reputation has been damaged.
OREK: What are you proposing?
JANEWAY: You said you had scanned the vessel that visited your mining colony. If you allow us to analyse them we might be able to derive the impostor's warp signature.
CHAKOTAY: We could find them and recover your property before they cheat someone else.
OREK: This is all difficult for me to believe. Two of your crewmen deceived by clerics? Huh. Could they really have been so naive?
TUVOK: A legitimate question.
JANEWAY: It's obvious we're dealing with clever adversaries. They fooled both of us, but I'm confident we can stop them.
OREK: Perhaps I should contact Telsian security. They have persuasive methods for determining the truth.
JANEWAY: In the meantime, the real thieves could be halfway across the sector, with your bolomite in their cargo hold.
(Orek slides a triangular PADD across the briefing room desk.)

[Dala's ship]

(The faux Starfleet captain is escorting a very tall reptilian.)
DALA: And finally, our bridge.
VARN: Is this a typical Federation vessel?
DALA: Well, the Delta Flyer may look a little worn, that's only because she's been through so much. This ship has helped fend off the Borg, the Hirogen, Species 8472.
VARN: Most of your technology is outdated.
DALA: Show him the mothership, Mister Chakotay.
ZAR: USS Voyager. Intrepid class, fifteen decks of the most advanced technology you'll find anywhere. Dilithium powered warp engines, integrated bioneural circuitry, holodecks.
VARN: Is this a typical Federation vessel?
DALA: Every ship in the fleet is built to exacting standards, but I'd be lying if I told you I didn't think Voyager was exceptional. As her captain, I'm not entirely objective. I'm sure you feel the same way about your ship.
VARN: It is my home.
DALA: I'm glad to hear you say that Mister Varn, because that's exactly what the Federation is. A home for an extended family who share resources and come to one another's aid in time of need.
VARN: So if my ship joins your Federation, Voyager will help me fight my enemies?
MOBAR: The primary goal of the Federation is exploration. Military objectives are
DALA: There's no need to bore our guest with Starfleet protocol, Tuvok.
VARN: My enemies have sophisticated weaponry.
ZAR: As do we. Photon torpedoes, optronically targeted phasers, multi-spectral shielding.
DALA: All of which we would not hesitate to share with a fellow member of the Federation.
VARN: What will I have to do to join?
MOBAR: In order to be considered, a candidate must make formal application. An extensive review is conducted by a committee composed of
ZAR: The process is complicated, but Captain Janeway has influence with the Federation Council.
VARN: And you would use that influence on my behalf?
DALA: I'd be foolish not to. You are just the type of candidate we're looking for.
VARN: I'll have to discuss this with my shipmates.
DALA: Well, joining the Federation is a serious commitment. Take all the time you need.
ZAR: Captain, our latest orders from Starfleet Command. We won't be back here for at least six months.
DALA: Perhaps we can discuss your application then.
VARN: If we were to apply now, could you assure us we'd be accepted?
DALA: You realise you'll have to commit considerable resources.
VARN: I'll do whatever is necessary.
DALA: Well, let me be the first to say, welcome to the Federation.

[Mess hall]

NEELIX: You look like you could use a cup of coffee.
PARIS: I've been flying concentric search patterns for the last twelve hours.
NEELIX: Any sign of the impostors?
PARIS: Neelix, what has happened to us?
NEELIX: I know exactly what you mean. I've been over it a thousand times.
PARIS: Why didn't we see this coming?
NEELIX: Orphans. It's the oldest gambit in the book.
PARIS: I mean, if it'd been Harry, I could understand it. He trusts everybody. But you and me?
NEELIX: We've dealt with our share of shady characters.
PARIS: I think maybe, maybe we've lost our edge.
NEELIX: Hand me one of those terra nuts.
PARIS: What are you doing?
NEELIX: Proving you wrong.
PARIS: Ah, the old shell game. All we need now is a mark.
(The EMH enters.)
NEELIX: I think I see one coming.
PARIS: You go ahead. I'll follow your lead.
NEELIX: Now watch carefully. I place the terra nut under the cup. Then I shuffle them. Round and round they go. Keep your eye on the nut, but be careful, the hand is faster than the eye. Now, for three hours of holodeck time, can you tell me where is the terra nut?
PARIS: There. No, no, no, that one.
(He picks the middle then swaps to the left hand cup.)
NEELIX: Oh. I really thought I had you this time.
(Neelix lifts the cup to reveal the nut.)
PARIS: Oh, keep trying, Neelix. You'll fool me one of these days.
EMH: This looks like an interesting game. May I have a turn?
PARIS: Oh, be my guest. But you'll have to wager something.
EMH: If I win, you take three duty shifts in Sickbay.
NEELIX: And if I win, you take three shifts in the kitchen.
EMH: Done.
NEELIX: Ready? Now, watch carefully. Round and round they go. Follow the terra nut if you can, but be careful, the hand is faster than the eye.
PARIS: Careful, Doc. Try not to blink.
EMH: Don't you worry, Mister Paris. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool my optical subroutines.
NEELIX: Where is it, then?
EMH: In your left palm.
PARIS: How did you?
EMH: Superior visual acuity. See you in Sickbay.

[Bridge]

TUVOK: I'm detecting a vessel on long range scans. The warp signature matches the impostor's ship.
JANEWAY: Harry, tell Tom his coffee break is over. Set a pursuit course.
KIM: Yes, ma'am.

[Dala's ship]

VARN [on viewscreen]: The photon torpedoes you gave me are worthless. No better than plasma flares.
DALA: Perhaps you didn't arm them properly.
VARN [on viewscreen]: And in the middle of the battle, the Polonians warned me to cease hostilities or face destruction at the hands of your Federation. You allowed my enemies to join.
MOBAR: Evidently, the Federation Council decided that
VARN [on viewscreen]: Your Federation is a fraud. I demand reparations.
MOBAR: You will have to submit a formal report to Starfleet.
VARN [on viewscreen]: Enough! If you will not reimburse me, I'll seize your ship.
(Varn's bigger ship grabs Dala's in a tractor beam.)
DALA: Disable the beam.
MOBAR: I can't.
ZAR: We have an additional problem. Voyager.

[Bridge]

(Paris enters.)
SEVEN: There's another ship alongside the impostors. It's got them in a tractor beam.
JANEWAY: Hail both vessels.
KIM: No response from either one.
JANEWAY: Well, let's try to get their attention. Mister Tuvok.

[Dala's ship]

ZAR: Voyager's charging weapons.
MOBAR: Perhaps we should surrender to them. The Federation has an extremely humane policy regarding the treatment of prisoners
(Their looks shut him up.)
DALA: Hail Varn again. Do it. Look on your scanners, Varn. Our mothership's arrived. She's armed and ready to defend us.
VARN [on viewscreen]: Tell them to stand down.
DALA: Release us, or Voyager will destroy you.

[Bridge]

KIM: The other ship is hailing.
JANEWAY: On screen.
VARN [on viewscreen]: Stand down, Voyager.
JANEWAY: I have no argument with you. However, the vessel you're tractoring
VARN [on viewscreen]: I paid for my Federation membership. The Delta Flyer belongs to me now.
JANEWAY: Sir, I think you've been misled.
VARN [on viewscreen]: Yes. I have.
(Varn shoots at Voyager.)
TUVOK: Three direct hits. Shields down to sixty percent.
JANEWAY: Target his tractor beam. Nobody is taking possession of the Delta Flyer today except us.
(The tractor beam is disabled, and Dala starts to fly away.)
JANEWAY: Lock onto them.
CHAKOTAY: Yes, ma'am.
(Big Whumph! and consoles explode.)
CHAKOTAY: Now our tractor generator's offline.
TUVOK: Shields down to forty one percent.
PARIS: The impostor's ship is powering engines.
JANEWAY: Seven, transport everyone on that vessel directly to the Brig.
SEVEN: Establishing a lock on three life signs. That impact damaged the transporters. I'm losing annular confinement.
JANEWAY: Harry, reroute additional power.
CHAKOTAY: They're gone.
JANEWAY: Seven?
SEVEN: I only got one of them.
JANEWAY: Get us out of here, Mister Paris.
PARIS: Aye, Captain.

[Brig]

(Janeway and Tuvok visit their new prisoner.)
JANEWAY: Nice hair.
DALA: It's not really my taste.
JANEWAY: Posing as a Starfleet captain, selling memberships to the Federation. Too bad we didn't think of it, Tuvok. Imagine the resources we could have acquired over the past six years.
TUVOK: Indeed.
JANEWAY: I have to admit, I'm impressed.
DALA: I wish I could say the same. The great Captain Janeway. Somehow I expected you to be taller. I make a better you than you.
JANEWAY: Oh I don't know, I'd say we're very much alike. Resourceful, intelligent, ambitious. But with just one tiny difference.
DALA: And what is that?
JANEWAY: I'm not a liar and a thief. You're going to give me a detailed account of everyone you cheated, and exactly what you did with their property.
DALA: Why would I do that?
JANEWAY: Because if you don't, I'm turning you over to Telsian security.
DALA: Oh, is that supposed to frighten me?
JANEWAY: How much do you know about the Telsians?
DALA: Just that they're a more gullible species than most.
JANEWAY: Tell her about your research, Mister Tuvok.
TUVOK: I beg your pardon, Captain?
JANEWAY: On Telsian law. I think it's only fair that we let our guest know what to expect.
TUVOK: The Telsian criminal justice system is rather barbaric.
JANEWAY: Tell her about the prisons.
TUVOK: Barely habitable. Inmates often die of malnutrition before they are brought to trial. Torture is commonplace, as is disease, including several incurable forms of psoriasis.
JANEWAY: I think she gets the general idea.
DALA: Suppose I do tell you. How do I know you won't turn me over to the Telsians anyway?
JANEWAY: If you make full restitution to your victims, I'll give you safe passage out of this area.
DALA: Is that a promise, Captain?
JANEWAY: I know it's hard for you to believe, but occasionally some of us tell the truth.
DALA: Give me the Delta Flyer and three days to get as far away from here as I can, and then I'll send you the information you want.
JANEWAY: How naive do you think I am?
DALA: As far as the victims are concerned, you're the one who cheated them. Without my help, you'll be the one who has a problem leaving this sector.
JANEWAY: Tuvok, contact Telsian security. Tell them we have a prisoner to turn over.

[Corridor]

JANEWAY: Psoriasis?
TUVOK: Improvisation is not foremost among my talents.
JANEWAY: Considering I caught you off guard, I thought your performance was exemplary.
TUVOK: Thank you, Captain. Was your order to call the Telsians part of the deception or did you actually want me to contact them?
JANEWAY: Not yet. Let's give Dala some time to think about those barbaric prisons.
TUVOK: Do you believe she'll relent?
JANEWAY: I'm not sure. Something tells me she's just as stubborn as I am.
TUVOK: Then am I to assume you have an alternative plan?
JANEWAY: I'm like you, Tuvok. Making it up as I go along.

[Brig]    

(Neelix enters with a tray of food.)
NEELIX: The Captain said bread and water, but I didn't see any harm.
DALA: I'm not hungry.
(The forcefield is taken down and he goes into the cell.)
NEELIX:  I'll just leave it here in case you change your mind. May I ask you something?
DALA: You want to know if you really resemble the Redeemer of Light?
NEELIX: I'm not that gullible.
DALA: Then what?
NEELIX: Do you ever feel guilty? Taking advantage of people who actually think that you care about them?
DALA: You seem like a good person. I'm sorry I lied to you.
NEELIX: Actually, I think you're just sorry you got caught.
DALA: Probably.
NEELIX: There. Now you're being honest. I knew it was possible. If you don't mind my asking, why do you do what you do?
DALA: My father taught me most people will exploit you if they can. So, it's best to exploit them first.
NEELIX: You know, I used to be a lot like you. Living by my wits. Never trusting anyone. Always trying to end up on the more profitable side of a transaction.
DALA: And now you don't hesitate to help starving orphans.
NEELIX: I changed. When Captain Janeway made me part of the crew.
DALA: I suppose you suddenly reformed.
NEELIX: No, no. Not right away.
(He sits next to Dala.)
NEELIX: At first I was just exploiting an opportunity to get a warm bed, food, protection. I kept waiting to find out what the captain wanted in return.
DALA: But she never asked for a thing.
NEELIX: On the contrary. She expected a great deal from me. Honesty, loyalty, hard work.
DALA: I should've guessed.
NEELIX: But I discovered that those were commodities I had in abundance. And it was much more profitable to share them than it was to be self-serving and cynical all the time. I'm happier than I've ever been.
DALA: I suppose that you think I could change too.
NEELIX: Stranger things have happened.
DALA: Do you really think that she'll give me safe passage if I make restitution?
NEELIX: If that's what she promised you.
DALA: Then what? I have never done anything else.
NEELIX: Captain Janeway let Seven of Nine remain on board, and she was Borg.
DALA: Are you saying she'd do the same thing for me?
NEELIX: I'd be willing to talk to her.
DALA: I cheated you. Why are you being so kind to me?
NEELIX: Like my great grandmother used to say, it's nice to be nice.
DALA: Is that tea still warm?
(Neelix stands and pours her a cup.
She drops it.)
DALA: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so clumsy!
(Neelix bends to mop up the liquid. She hits him on the back of the neck, grabs his phaser and shoots the guard.)
NEELIX: Security to the brig!
(Dala shoots Neelix and runs. Despite the Red alert, she gets to the real Delta Flyer and takes off.)

[Bridge]

KIM: She's gone.

[Dala's ship]

MOBAR: It's not right to abandon her.
ZAR: Going back is too dangerous.
MOBAR: She's our captain.
ZAR: No, she's not. And even if she were, we wouldn't be able to rescue her. We'd be captured ourselves.
MOBAR: Without Captain Janeway it will be difficult to continue our activities.
ZAR: It's too late for that.
MOBAR: There must be a logical way
ZAR: What's logical is to get as far away as we can.
MOBAR: There's a vessel approaching. It's the Delta Flyer.
ZAR: Activate the shields.
MOBAR: They're hailing. It's Captain Janeway.
ZAR: Our Janeway or theirs?
DALA [on viewscreen]: Which one did you expect?
MOBAR: I'm pleased to see you, Captain.

[Delta Flyer]

DALA: Lower the shields so I can transport aboard.
ZAR [on viewscreen]: How were you able to escape?
DALA: I'll tell you once I'm aboard.
ZAR: [on viewscreen]: It's difficult to believe you weren't detected.
DALA: Are you accusing me of something?

[Delta Flyer - aft compartment]

(Paris climbs out of the retractable biobed.)
ZAR [OC]: Being cautious. How do we know this isn't a deception?
DALA [OC]: Why would I try to deceive you?
(Paris activates the mobile emitter.)
ZAR [OC]: You could be helping Voyager capture us in exchange for your own freedom.
EMH: Are we in position?
DALA [OC]: I don't have time for this. Lower your shields and beam me aboard.
PARIS: Ready?

[Dala's ship]

MOBAR: Captain on the bridge.
DALA: As you were. Now, what about the bolomite and the rest of our earnings?
ZAR: They're exactly where we left them.
DALA: Well, it's time to collect them and leave the region. Set a course before Voyager finds us.
ZAR: You're not in command here.
DALA: I just spent the last twenty four hours in Voyager's brig. I have no intention of going back.
MOBAR: I'm picking up lifesigns on the Delta Flyer.
DALA: That can't be.
ZAR: I was right. You brought them here.
DALA: Don't be ridiculous. Whoever it is must've stowed away.
MOBAR: They're hailing.
DALA: On screen.
PARIS [on viewscreen]: This is Tom Paris of the Starship Voyager. Prepare to be boarded.
MOBAR: He's charging weapons.
DALA: Evasive manoeuvres.
(They shoot at the Flyer and go to warp. Later, at a planet.)
DALA: Let's get everything on board as quickly as we can.
MOBAR: How many transport enhancers do you recommend, Captain?
DALA: Do I have to think of everything?
ZAR: We'll need at least ten if we're going to beam all that bolomite through the geostrata.
DALA: Maybe we should take twelve.
ZAR: We?
DALA: Is there a problem?
ZAR: In six years I've never known you to dirty your hands with menial labour.
DALA: Well, there's a first time for everything.
ZAR: You don't trust us.
DALA: Who knows what the two of you planned while I was in Voyager's Brig?
MOBAR: As Chief of Security, I would never
ZAR: It's all right. We'll all go together.
DALA: After you.

[Cavern]

DALA: The next populated sector is thirteen days from here. When we arrive, we'll trade the Delta Flyer for a new ship. Voyager will never find us. Are all the transport enhancers in place?
ZAR: That's the last of them. We can go now. If that's acceptable to you, Captain.
DALA: I'm afraid there's been a change of plans.
(Dala puts a real Voyager comm. badge on.)
DALA: I've found the stolen items, Captain. You can lock onto my coordinates.
ZAR: I told you she couldn't be trusted.
MOBAR: How could you bring yourself to deceive your fellow officers?
DALA: Voyager, I repeat, I am in position.

[Bridge]

JANEWAY: Can you get a lock?
SEVEN: Negative. The geostratum is too dense.
JANEWAY: Keep trying. Tuvok.
DALA [OC]: I'm outnumbered. Captain, I need assistance.

[Cavern]

DALA: Voyager, now would be an excellent time to initiate transport.
ZAR: You're not transporting anything.
(Zar tries to draw his weapon, and gets shot first. Mobar's phaser beam goes straight through Dala.)
MOBAR: Captain?
(Dala runs into a side tunnel.)
DALA: Voyager, please respond.
(A figure approaches.)
DALA: You're a sight for sore eyes.
MOBAR: Commander Tuvok?
DALA: The one and only.
MOBAR: Logic would indicate that neither of us has the advantage.
TUVOK: Your logic is flawed.
(Tuvok blinds Mobar with his flashlight, then stuns him. He turns to Zar.)
TUVOK: Stay where you are.
ZAR: What did they promise you for betraying us?
DALA: I believe you've mistaken me for someone else.
(She adjusts the mobile emitter.)
ZAR: Where's Dala?
EMH: I'm afraid she's indisposed at the moment.

[Delta Flyer - aft compartment]

(Wigless Dala is lying on the biobed.)
PARIS: I wouldn't get up too fast if I were you, Captain. It's going to take another few minutes for the ambazine to wear off.

Captain's log, stardate 53849.2. The stolen property has been returned to the Telsian miners, as well as vessels from seven different worlds. I'm hoping that the reputation of the real Federation will survive the events of the last several days.

[Mess hall]

NEELIX: Round and round they go. Follow the terra nut if you can, but remember, the hand is sharper than your visual acuity.
EMH: I thought we'd already disproved that theory.
NEELIX: You tell me.
EMH: The terra nut is firmly entrenched up your right sleeve.
NEELIX: Sorry.
EMH: That's impossible.
PARIS: The old hand-off.
(Paris reaches behind the EMH's ear and produces the nut.)
NEELIX: Ooh.
EMH: That's cheating!
NEELIX: We've still got it.

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